Sunday, July 29, 2007

The Dark Mark


I want to blog about Baby Xuan's "Dark Mark" for the longest time..
Yet somehow, it just always slips my mind.

And for those Harry Potter fans like me, you will notice the various Harry Potter signs that I have used and been using, such as "Torture clients with the Cruciatus Curse or the Imperious Curse" as my MSN tagline, and now talking about the Dark Mark... well, I am trying to keep the story alive for myself.

Now about Xuan Xuan's Dark Mark, it is this thing that he has on him.
We never know he has this mark till we shave off all his hair at 4 mths.
Then this rectangular mark appears at the back of his head, right smack in the centre at the back of his head, a blackish rectangular shape thing - much like a flag.

Then the strangest thing is that, now, 3 months after the hair cut, when all the hair has grown out, and sticking out and upright on his head, that little patch, and ONLY that little patch, remains hair-less.

I am now a bit worried that that patch will not grow any hair.
And Xuan looks a bit odd with this hair-less dark mark.

And my mum has the strangest theory about it:

She recalled that when I was pregnant with Xuan, that we all went to a chalet for a birthday party. To get in and out of the chalet at Pasir Ris, we have to get stamped on the back of our hands so as to be able to return to the chalets without paying the entrance fees again.

And my mum thinks that that little stamp kinda got transferred to the back of Xuan Xuan's head, when I was pregnant with him back then.

Do not ask me how and whys..it baffles and bewilders me. And my mum says that is also the reason why, the Chinese have so many traditions/ superstitions governing the pregnant ladies, such as not sewing on the bed, not moving the bed during the pregnancy, not hammering anything within the house etc etc.

I am now wondering about this dark mark, i guess so long as Xuan Xuan's hair grows out soon to cover it, I won't be too concerned. Except that during his NS next time, Xuan will probably offer his camp mates some entertainment with his botak head that has a dark mark on the back.

Will upload photo shortly to illustrate the point...

Friday, July 27, 2007

NS and SMS + En's artwork

People complain about experiencing PMS, and I complain about experiencing S-M-S: Single Mum Syndrome.

I SMS for the whole of this week.. as NJ is away doing his due duty to the nation. And i am beginning to think all these long weeks away from home is also training for the mum and kids to adapt to life without daddy. This must be the manifestation of "Country before Famaily, and then Family before self". I feel like I am under a Cruciatus Curse the whole of this week - YES painful.. painful.. and I miss NJ for functional and of course emotional reasons la.. and once again, I pronounce, SMS is HARD!!!

And of all weeks, it has to be these 2 weeks when work is really really bad, with my mega 6 country project cumulating in a 2 day workshop in which the report presentation must take place for all the MDs of the markets.. and colleagues are on leave and suddenly all the briefs came in wanting an urgent response...

BAD timing, which caused me to think that the only law in this world that rules is Murphy's Law - anything that can go wrong WILL go wrong.

I mean, how heng must a person be in order to be in a situation where I SMS, reports due, and having to ear the guilt of rushing off the work and coming home late from work not seeing either of the kids right?

This is such a long week, and I am so glad tomorrow is friday, but it is the day of dateline for report as well as a mega multi country multi everything proposal.. argh!!!

Anyway, so I have been missing a few of the morning walks in the mornings..
and I feel bad.. but I get to feed Xuan in the middle of the night, so it is not so bad..

Here is an output of En's weekend class at Julia Gabriel's. He is beginning to enjoy himself now, and of course, he most enjoys the snacks, and has learnt to Q up for his plate of snacks already..
Our little friend does not really like the art session cuz he is afraid of grime, must have gotten the cleanliness gene from his Papa along with pro TV genes.

While it is tedious sometimes to bring him there every saturday and spend 2 hours in class with him, when we just want to nap, it is still an worthwhile effort to start easing him into a school environment. And I must say I think school has done him quite a lot of good, from the initial reluctance and lack of concentration span for long time, we can see his improvement as he becomes more sociable and involved in class, and jumping and dancing when it comes to his fav singing times. Until he starts formal school, this should be adequate stimulation for him I hope!

Monday, July 23, 2007

Mindful Parenting - a solution for time starved parents

I have been busy.. kinda..
Work has been more than overwhelming, I actually lost 2 kgs in a week over a beauty report I was working on... The ultimate irony.. as I was typing all those things which contribute to beauty - such as adequate rest, having a relaxed mind, no eye bags, watch your diet etc etc.. I was physically so NOT doing all those things lor..

So the long and short of it was, I am rather ugly right now.. haha!

Then there is the huge lure of the entertainment aspect of it.
1. Barbie's Boyfriend lent me his PSP game 'Lord of the Rings Tactic' - and i was like - where am I gonna borrow a PSP console to play! and usually ppl borrow games, not consoles.. And so, well, Hubby has been hankering after a mobile console of his own since he got me the DS Lite, as he realise what fun it could be to be continually entertained (think it certainly shut me up when he is driving, no more nosy, pointed remarks abt the route taken or the long time it takes to drive from A to B). So he got a PSP instead, and that got me hooked. I was so torn wanting to play the game, versus reading Harry Potter versus working on my report..

2. Finishing Harry Potter.. For the whole of last week, my highlight of the week was to await the release of the book.. well no spoilers here in case some are still poring over theirs, well I finished, and had most of my guesses confirmed, and my deepest sympathy lies with the most unlikely person.. some time later.. I will write about that and how I think this last book shed the most about family and human nature...

Then, in between times, I was trying to finish my 'Buddhism for Mothers'. I have always propagated the idea of mindful parenting - how i think it is important that when you spend time with your kids, you are REALLY spending time with them, not half heartedly with oyur mind elsewhere. My verdict always been - 1 hr of mindful soulful parenting, beats 18 hours of being around the kids exhaustively. It all boils down to quality, not quantity. and I have been tasting the fruit of my scant but solid time with En..

But here is a passage extract of wonder and importance of Mindfulness in Parenting: (for those who are not familiar with Buddhism, mindfulness is one of the propagated practices in Buddhism allowing one to be disciplined mentally.)

"Susan Murphy is a Zen teacher and mother of two who speaks of mindfulness as 'the gateway out of the steel teeth of time':

The child offers a constant invitation into presence and into play. And you can't play with a child unless you're prepared to be completely present. A creative energy of playfulness grows in us as we grow into our practice. Think of going for a walk with a young child, how incredibly long it takes to cover a block-so many things you have to look at, to comment on and ask questions about. Looking down into a puddle, you discover it's actually a mirror. Is it a mirror or is it a window? Is that us we see in that puddle or is it another world? It looks different to this world. I remember when my daughter was five or six we had to stop every time we moss and we had to walk our fingers through the fairy world like fairies - this little tiny clumps of moss were like fair trees. So walks were very long, and time was very long. It's like the child elongates time till it starts to dissolve. They don't live in our tick-tock time. They force you to put aside for a while your usual goal-oriented behavior. And that's an extraordinary gift and teaching.' "

I find great resonance with the last 3 lines, especially. Without really realising it, I have been trying to practise mindful parenting..

Every morning, I try to go for a walk with En around the estate, before I go to work. The route is routine, the milestones we stop at are routine, but the things we talk about and feel about are different everyday.

Sometimes, I feel tense because I have an important presentation or meeting later in the day. But these walks never feel to calm me, or uplift me, because when I step out of the house with him, I try to put the work out of my mind, because these are our special time together.

It is a small investment of my time, no more than half an our every day, but I am already tasting the rewards.

For those who do not know, En is "Papa-crazy". He shares the strongest affinity from babyhood with My husband. I always attribute it to the fact that they are soulmates (and my aquarian traits generally dun go well with En's Scorpion traits). Of course, hubby spent loads of quality time with Baby En when he was barely months old, and En stuck to him like a glue.

En used to be able to go anywhere so long as Papa is around. I am secondary and I am peripheral - so long as Papa is there.

But eversince moving to College Green, a subtle change seems to be taking place.. and I really attribute it to our daily morning walks. En started insisting I am around, he will not go anyway with Papa without me. And he starts giving me equal share of his attention between me and Papa. and He does not like to go anywhere without both Papa and Mummy.

And even more amazingly, on days when I go on walks with him, he will come back, take off is shoes and bid me goodbye very sweetly. No tears, no tantrum. But on days when I have early morning meetings and have to rush to work without going with him for walks, he wails and cried non stop. So he is not clingy to me, so long as we do our morning routine of walk, he will in fact, very matter of factly, bid me to go work - telling me "mummy go work. Bye bye" and wave me off.

For the past week, on 2 occasions I skip out on our morning walks, and I have to hard-heartedly bear his cries, as he keeps wailing "Mummy go walk, mummyyy" as he sought to put on his shoes and come after me. On those days, i feel really bad.

But day by day, with every half an our walk of pure and total attention on him and his interests, he is contented to spend other times with other people or doing his own things and leaving us alone. That is the power of mindful parenting.

I figured every kid needs some form of attention. Once fulfilled, they need other forms of stimulation which may not require us to be constantly around and engaged with him.

this seems just like a great solution for time starved mums like us. Over weekends, of course, we ought to spend even more mindful times with the kids... to strengthen the bonds and feelings.

So, try it. It does not need to be lengthy period of time - cuz it takes immense skill to be mindful, to notice every little bit of what the id is saying or feeling, and to respond to each of those feelings, and thoughts.. i can't do it for more than half an hour at a time.. try it, and see if that dun make both your kid and you feel better!

lastly, quick updates:

Baby Xuan is getting talkative and screamy - he babbles lots of mumbo jumbo, and screams a lot when he does not gets what he wants. A mighty voice he really have.

En En been expanding his vocab through food. We make it a point to have dinner with him, me and Hubby. We go to different place and try out different dishes, and through that, he learnt prawn (his fav), beef, soup, egg, chicken, "cai" for veg, fries etc.. and he managed to piece together a 4 word sentence yesterday as I was poring over my Harry Potter. He told our maid that "mummy read big book". So my conclusion is he is rather observant for his tender age.. as opposed to Xuan who seems more brawny at present.. :)

Friday, July 13, 2007

Break downs?

Things seem to be breaking down in our house.
The lights are out, the fridge is breaking down..
Relationships break down, and people break down too, I think..

And I am back with Jay Chou..


不能说的秘密

冷咖啡离开了杯垫
我忍住的情绪在很后面

拼命想挽回的从前

在我脸上依旧清晰可见

最美的不是下雨天

是曾与你躲过雨的屋檐 回忆的画面

在荡着秋千 梦开始不甜



你说把爱渐渐放下会走更远

又何必去改变你走过的世界

你用你的指尖

阻止我说再见

想象你在身边

在完全失去之前



你说把爱渐渐放下会走更远

或许命运的签只让我们遇见

只让我们相恋

这一季的秋天

飘落后才发现

这幸福的碎片

要我怎么捡

Thursday, July 12, 2007

1177 - THE SPECIAL DAY

MIA a while - because...

1. I been busy chasing Harry Potter - counting down to the book release, chasing the movie
2. I have been chasing Jay Chou's latest song, since Ms. Nomad sent me the file, I been listening to it non stop since Last Friday.
3. Cuz work has been a bit overwhelming...

Now, announcement first - i heard my cousin is also pregnant - WOO HOO, welcome to the club. She is expecting a lovely girl.. cool!

And now, THE BIG NEWS!!!!

BABY EN CALLED ME MUMMY!!!!!

It happened on 11 July, in the morning.
When I came down, my mum told me that En told her that I bought him the ham to eat (He knew how to say "No more ham", so I told him previously that I will buy him more ham) - that he knew how to say "Mummy".

Then when i was going to work, he said "Mummy" twice!!
Cool stuff!

These days,the little boy is babbling lots.. Just now, he was trying to put Momo's leash on himself to go walk-walk.

Then he told me "Bing Momo go Kai-kai" (presumably to show off his momo to his cousins).
When I brought him there, he kept touching momo, and saying "touch momo" to Kai Kai and Big Bing, to show them that he dared to touch momo as the 2 cousins were more hesitant to come near momo.

It is a real pleasure hearing him speak.. and conversing with him every morning as we take our morning walk is a real fun!

Now, I promised I will talk about Xuan Xuan.. well we bought him his first toy that belongs entirely to him - previously it was all hand me downs, or even new toys meant for him inevitably En will open them up and have a go at it first.

Hence, we bought him this exersaucer - something that En definitely cannot play!
As usual with toys, they were excited for a while and then they grew bored with them.. it is a heavy investment on our end, hoping that Xuan will enjoy it..

Well.. at least the exersaucer offered him entertainment as well as being upright and allowing him to turn around in his seat to see things. It only lacked the mobility that a walker offered!

(ok.. photos to be updated for this blog.. :)

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Books Books Books - Buddhism for Mothers

Just the other night, hubby and I went late night shopping at Borders, and bought over 100 bucks worth of books...

You will think it is a lot right, well, we have 3 physical copies, and 1 ordered copy..
And from my book selections, you will probably find it real odd and eclectic..

I bought the following:

- "Buddhism for Mums" - which I will blog about in a while

- London Eyewitness Travel guide - to plan for the upcoming trip, still some time away but I am trying to see if London is a good place to bring En (Xuan is still too young)

- "Fun Start" book about activities to stimulate babies and toddlers from 0 -5 every day of their lives - relevant still for both En and Xuan

- "Harry Potter 7" - In all the years, this is the first time we are ordering Harry Potter, figured it will be our last chance la.. I can't wait to read this, but am feeling ambivalence too cuz this is the final book and once finished, I will probably have to go through a Cold Turkey phase like I did when I finished all the Dan Brown books... i want to Savor this book.. I am already reading Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince so that I can better connect and continue with the story when 7 is released..

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Now, on Buddhism for Mothers.. I just started and I already feel very deeply about it. I always believe Buddhism is both a philosophy as well as a way of life.

The book starts on the premise that as mothers, we often feel isolated, alienated and seek for solace and help. It is a ripe time to turn spiritual. I remembered the alienation I felt, the helplessness i experienced and at times, the immense guilt and pain I feel... and I cannot hep but agree..

"As mothers, we are particularly ripe to hear about Buddhism because we have an intimate understanding of 2 of its cornerstones: we understand there is suffering in life, and we have experienced a truer love" - Buddhism for Mothers

This is not my first contact with Buddhism. I have been with Buddhism all my life, and my Hubby even shares the Buddhist traditions and values.

I have enjoyed reading and knowing more about Buddhism because I find that its ideas help me cope with everyday life a lot, and that it is possible to practise Buddhism everyday.

In case you are wondering if this is gonna turn into one of those religion preaching blogs, no worries, I do not like to preach, nor am I in a position to preach. I believe when the time is ripe, one will find one's way.. Much like perhaps what Ms. Nomad is doing..

However, I felt this book has helped distill some of the teachings and made it relevant and applicable for motherhood.. the author is also a practising Buddhist and appreciates the thinking and approach to help her cope with her 2 boys...

Well, I am onto the 4 Noble Truths of Buddhism - the first one being "There is Suffering".

"The second reason mothers are ripe to benefit from Buddhism is that we ve' taken an enormous step towards attaining what Buddhists call 'the mind of love'. As we know, motherhood is about far more than suffering; it's also about a mind expanding experience of love"

But best of all, this is the passage from the book that I could empathise with the most, so far...

"As mothers, we discover life is no light experience. We have responsibilities; pitiable amounts of time to ourselves; desperate worries about whether our children are healthy, 'normal' and able to meet the expectations of the judgmental world around them. We suffer guilt that we are not attending to the hundred other things we could be doing. We agonise over our careers, and, in many cases, the loss thereof. In our darker moments we may struggle for self esteem as we watch the worry lines set in and our body parts begin to point down."

I am so gripped! Because as she quotes Buddha's

"I teach suffering, and the end of suffering"..

To be continued.... :)

Babble Babble - Me-Mae

En is really a joy to be with..
And I am not biased! It is just that he is not much more articulate, and he says the funniest things all the time.

Yesterday, it was really a highlight to watch him play with his cousin, reinforcing my view that we have made the right choice to move to College green, just across from his cousins.

For some weeks, he refused to play with Bing Bing and Kai Kai, but yesterday, after some warming up, he was playing with them again!

And it is really fun to see Kai Kai holding hands with En, and bringing him to his house.
And the best part, En will micmick whatever Kai was saying.

So inspiration struck, and I asked Kai to teach En to say "Mummy".
Instead of teaching En to say Mummy, Kai taught En to say 'Me-ma". And it stuck - En just keep saying "me-ma".

The consolation is that En does not call me Me-ma (phew). He calls me "me" sometimes and I can see that he is trying. So that is good enough for me.

He can be a very funny boy, as he was running across the court, in his fervour, he ran into the dustbin. And I cannot help laughing, as he fell, it was hilarious. and he bravely did not cry, which was really sweet.

And he mastered the art of climbing the slide and coming down the slide on his own..
Finally.

Oh, and he likes to play with the broom, mainly to terrorise momo around the deck!
However, he loves to show off to his cousins why he is not afraid of Momo!

I really enjoy playing with him now.. as for xuan xuan, that is another story.

Sunday, July 01, 2007

Thinking about Men - Again

I am super tired.. Only 1 night 2 days trip to Bangkok and I am tired.
In the past, I will relish the chance to extend the weekend stay in "City of shopping" instead of rushing back home.. Yes, the rushing bit is making me tired. And also, the fact that knowing when I am home, I play the Mummy role, so I don't feel guilty for being away from them.

Anyways.. on this short trip, I made various observations and and have various thoughts; I think when I am alone, my mind wanders more and I am able to think more without distraction..

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Travelling with kids:

Much as I gripe about SIA often, how I think it is an attas airline and how suay I am whenever I travel on it (such as my Krisworld not working, or headset not working or not being able to order the meal I want), I must say on my recent trip, I observe that it is true that SIA is probably the airline you want to be on when travelling with kids.

Maybe the flight I took was a flight coming in from Osaka, so the crew on board are especially attentive - the Japanese way of attentive.

So this Japanese stewardess and this steward took turns entertaining this kid who cries when he is bored/ scared/ angry/ whatever. Whenever he started wailing, one of them will be there, either distracting the kid, calming the kid, at one point the steward even took the little boy (no more than 2years old) up and down the aisle and showing him the techy things they use to communicate etc (you know all those flat panels).

Cool stuff.. some seats behind me, a foreign family had to battle with 2 kids not agreeing to sit near each other. The crew immediately helped them change seats with other wiling passengers.

All in all i am impressed. After all, I am the one who has this impression that these stewardess all dunno how to handle kids kind, or are superficial or not v sincere. But the crew I was travelling with struck me as sincere and genuine in attending to the comfort of the passengers and I appreciate that.

So for our coming trip to London, I am considering still, if I am bringing En. For sure, I will be on SQ, but well, let me get my Eyewitness and I can check out if London is kid friendly..

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Appreciative of Singapore- in providing an environment of OPPORTUNITIES for our kids

Thailand has been plagued with instability recently, and now, I started seeing those rectangular sensor things in all shopping malls. In the past, I only need to be screened to enter shopping malls in Manila or Jakarta. So in my mind, Thailand is now in that league of "unsafe" states.

I hope it is temporary, but it is a fact that they have heightened the security measures in lieu of the stuff happening in the cities.

In any case, 2 incidents made me think very hard about how we Singaporeans should be more appreciative of our nation, no matter whether we are pro-PAP or not, because the fact is our country leaders have done some good stuff along the way to reach where we are.

Incident 1: Talking to my Thai friend, who is 29 and single, recently broke up with her boyfriend, and she was lamenting to me over dinner about the struggle she felt in looking for a partner. It seems like Thai men (at least the more successful ones) are a tad "promiscuous". And according to her, they seem to lack that "integrity" or strong backbone that she appreciate in men. They seem less responsible and less willing to think about settling down and having a family.

So the search for the responsible family man continues for her.
And I think back to quite the number of Singapore men I know, who though are not really rich and all, but all make good family men material. Maybe that is why a lot of women like Singaporean men, they have that drive to excel at work, are learning or have learnt to be sensitive, and for many, are quite good father material. Our nation probably did something right about the NS i am thinking.. But we also provided an opportunity for men in general here, I feel, which leads me to Incident 2.

Incident 2: I met this non jaded, young and full of enthusiasm taxi driver on my way to airport. It is one of his few trips to the new airport, and he belongs to one of those "newbies" in my mind, not the usual jaded, cynical taxi drivers.. he came across as genuine and sincere, and enjoying what he does, chatting with me along the way about numerous things, struggling with English but determine to learn more about us - the foreigners.

And as we reach the airport, after bidding me good bye, I saw him, standing by his cab, looking in awe and pride at the new Thailand airport (which I personally quite like as well). What struck me was his shoes. He had on this pair of white scuffy canvas shoes (remind of Jack Neo's movie 跑吧, 孩子), with his feet wearing them as if they are slippers.

And the look on his face, as he stood there long after I was almost to the doors of the airport. I cannot stop looking back at him, as he stood next to his taxi, looking around, admiringly. And then he waved goodbye to me as I near the airport doors, almost disappearing into the airport.

On my last look, him and his cab, in the midst of many other can drivers like him, who are either helping the passengers with luggage or stepping into their cabs to drive off - all functional or caught in their tasks, too caught in their tasks to take time to admire what this new airport means to them, my heart felt for this young driver filled with hope and enthusiasm for what he is doing. To him, the new airport probably represent something positive and hopes for his future (maybe its my imagination in overdrive).

Yet, another part of me, the greater part of my heart, ached as I am so scared that some years down the road, his wonder, awe and enthusiasm may be jaded or plagued by his life experiences, when he struggled to fight life's many battles/ one of them the fight against moving upwards or getting more for oneself.

Now that I have kids, I always wonder about the world my kids will grow up in.
As middle class singaporeans, we never really think about poverty. Hardly, to be brutally honest.

And we always know we can excel and make it in our society if we try hard enough - i.e. if accordingly Maslow's hierarchy of needs, we are in a stage where we are past caring for our basic physical functional needs.

We are all looking at more at fulfilling our esteem needs, and for many of us, looking at our self actualization needs (the highest rung of the hierarchy).

And we never really think about how lucky that we can just focus on these. That we do not need to fight against living/ lifehood/ survival itself.

We are just looking for the next better job to fulfill our dreams, to look at the better school for our kids etc. We are confident that our kids will not need to fight poverty - as our society continues to offer opportunities for them so long as we as parents do not screw up (like living beyond our means and not planning ahead for them) and they are willing to put in equal share of hard work.

In a nutshell, as parents, we have laid the foundation for their success, and our society also ensured that our future generation will not need to battle hardships of survival/ daily functional needs.

And many of us took it for granted - this macro evironment which was created to ensure there are always opportunities for everyone to excel if they try hard enough. When I look at these men in Thailand, particularly this young man full of enthusiasm and hopes for the future, I cherish those traits so much - because to me, they seem so fragile, likely to be overridden by the challenges that they have to face in life.

I am SO FEARFUL that this young man will lose them one day, or he will lose them eventually one day, in face of his battle against social upward mobility, in face of the limitations or parameters he faces daily.

I think we have so much to be thankful for. I will feel really sad if my sons have big dreams , but even en route to realising them is a barrier because the society does not really allow for it, because the economic social classes are actual barriers to what you can achieve.

In times like this, I appreciate Singapore, and all the hardwork that had been put into it...
And again, I count my blessings, for my kids.

Followers