A Castle in Our Hearts

My Hubby and I are travel-addicts, we take joy in long endless holidays roaming the streets and learning the transport systems of the foreign countries..

So while we recognise that some of these long travels will be compromised with the arrival of Baby En, we did not feel that it will be too much of an impact - or at least i thought as we will still be able to travel on our own, and leave bb in the very good hands of his nanny and Juliet, our helper. But perhaps, we will not travel as long as we used to, 3 weeks to a mth of holiday is a long time to be away from baby!

So when En was at the tail end of his major illness, we were due to leave for a well deserved break in Bangkok.. after all i am really suffering from withdrawal symptoms from being grounded - literally - since birth of En.

So in addition to the madness of last minute packing, we had to make long list of phone no., instructions for Baby En, when we used to only make LONG list of instructiosn for Momo, our corgi..

While the flight was taking off, bizarre thoughts ran thru my head - i ve been stalling on my CPF nomination for the longest time, what was my arrangment for the insurance and stufff again.. if anything were to happen to me.. have i left adequate instructions for the care of En?

I never had such worries before.. and it was dis-concerting.. En's godma used to tell me how she missed her kids when travelling and how the sight of kids on the travel reminded her of her own kids.. now we know how that feels..

When hubby & i saw a blind lady holding on to a sick baby - with a cloth spread over the kid's forehead as if the kid was having a fever, we felt the pain that the mum must feel and remembered how we felt when En was seriously sick.. it was a cold, wet night in Bangkok and the vibes of despair, helplessness coming from this woman tore at our hearts, so much so that my hubby went forward to give her some money - and she seemed genuinely surprised cuz she was not begging for money, she and the sickly baby was seeking shelter from the rain? or were they not able to return homes..

at that moment i realise parenthood is universal, it transcends nationality, class differences and all the other parameters that divide us human.. and i did not know when En has held such an important place in our hearts, i always maintain that we should not cling on to our kids nor should our life revolve all around our kids.. kids are an extension of our lives, but not ALL or the ONLY of our lives.. yet at some point in time, between En's birth and his major illness, this little baby of ours has wormed his way into our hearts and has built a stronghold there...
It leaves a warm glow in me, but yet at the same time.. i feel so strange.. this feeling seems so foreign to me... will i get over it? More to explore and discover I suppose..it's a long journey ahead..