Thanks.. & Rights & Wrongs of Parenting..

Many thanks to everyone who have expressed either empathy, or encouragement upon reading my last blog, through the comments or through the SMSes.. it helps to know that I am not the only struggling mum in the universe... it is good to share and receive encouragement..

In any case, it has been a challenging week for us all.. and Hubby and I did a couple of stuff to de-stress..

Went for late night supper yesterday, and met J3 at a restaurant in Holland. Jay -who you may ask - the Superband group who made it to the top 3, remember? Well, the lead singer was wearing his signature hat - in green... hmmm..

Well, so both me and hubby were at various stages of working (him calling and me sms-ing) while trying to have our supper in peace.. one odd moment was when he was holding on to my hand, and talking to another gal on the phone.. kinda a strange feeling..

Today, we went to check out the childcare for En at Faith Montessori.. It was quite a nice place, and NJ's nephews go there as well, so En will have company. The person in charge was telling us that some parents have problem letting go of their kids are childcare -and we had to tell her that that was the least of the problem, the bigger problem for us was how En may traumatose the teachers & the other kids with his tantrums and rage. haha!

Thought of checking out Pat's school house.. but the thing is - it would be like me checking out Tan Yoong back when I was choosing THE wedding dress.. after Tan Yoong there is no way back as Tan Yoong easily beat the rest hands down, at least for my taste la.

So going to check out a big brand school such as Pat's, which came highly recommended by many, i am just concerned that we may just suffer cognitive dissonance after that and have problem reconciling the choice..

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In any case, I want to talk about the rights and wrongs of parenting.. given our recent discovery.

Situation 1: Your kid was playing happily with the dog, with joyous sounds of barks and excited screams sounding, till suddenly your kid started crying. Why? Because the dog had, in its exuberance in chasing after the kid's feet, scared the kid a little.

What does the parent/ caregiver do in this case?

What I saw: The person telling the kid not to play with the dog.

Situation 2: It is known that kids pick up the bad stuff more readily than the good stuff from their peers.

So what does the parent/ care giver do?

What I knew: The person prevents the internalising of bad habits by preventing the kid from playing with other kids in the outdoors.

The above 2 examples are extremely bad parenting to me.
In both cases, the kid is not given a chance to learn from the situations.
In 1, the kid had an excellent chance to learn how to get along with the dog and how to defend and care for himself in face of a playful dog, but by asking the kid not to play with the dog, the kid will never learn this skill. How many times can the parent/ care taker prevent the kid from playing with the dog - all his life?

In 2, instead of teaching or discipling the kid, the easy way of preventing the kid from mixing with other kids is opted. In this case, what have we taught our kids? How can we be so totally protective that we can always prevent/ limit bad influences from influencing our kids?!

If we do not discipline, or teach, the kid will never learn.
Is this such a difficult concept to comprehend?!!

I know grandparents hate to discipline the kid, but is the solution then to limit the exposure of the kid?

In that case, why not just lock the kid up in a cage and preserve the kid. That way, you can be sue the kid will not be "tainted".

I am extremly upset. Because all these gestures of over-protectiveness are SO VERY wrong.

I have 2 boys. I want them to grow up into strong and independent young men who have a mind of their own, and imbued with an integrity strong enough that they will not be easily swayed by the environment.

I despise weakling. I despise men who cannot cope with problems or are so weak willed that they shrink away in fear in face of adversity.

I have absolutely no intention of bringing up my boys in a cloistered and stifling environment where their sense of adventure and exploration and curiosity are killed by over protectiveness.

I have always been rebellious. wanting to try everything at least once. And now i kinda know how i have become that way. When you try to shield the kids too much or have too many parameters for them, the only option you left for them is to rebel and break free from the cage you have cloistered them in.

I refuse to do that for my sons. A healthy dose of exploration, curiosity and dare devil adventurous spirit is good.

At 1.5 yrs, En has been up and down the stairs in our home on his own. Any care taker's nightmare. But kids are not stupid. They also possess a certain survival instinct. We have carefully watched En's attempts up and down the stairs. I do not stop him when he wants to try them. The only rule I have is that he should always let us know. Of course he does not always follow that, so we just keep an extra pair of eyes on him all the time. It is tiring, it is not easy. But eventually, it is better to let him figure out how to navigate the stairs and be confident that he can handle it then to think that he is gonna fall and not let him try at all.

I am SO frustrated. But unless I stay at home, I unfortunately don't have full control over how my kids should be brought up.

And i will hate for my boys to be wimps.
Even En as challenging as his temperament is, I always appreciate his strong sense of likes and dislikes (for people, for situation etc) - give me that anytime, than one who is un- engaged and uninvolved or uninterested in anything.

So right now. I Am thinking of quitting. Maybe. Just maybe!