Amazing.. Xuan

We brought Xuan Xuan to the doctor yesterday to take his MMR and chicken pox vaccines - finally!

and we were prepared that he will hate us, hate the doctor and the nurse, much like his brother when he took his. Not to mention the ear-wrecking, piercing wails we have to put up with..

And he astonished us.
there was not even a protest after the first jab..

Ok... we thought with relief.. at least we only have to put up with the wailing after the second jab..and we waited, holding our breath..
But the second jab went through again without any protest..

He did not even seem to be aware of the injection taking place...!!!
So while all the nurses were exclaiming how brave he was.. i was worried if there was anything wrong with his pain nerve..

I have never seen a baby not crying during injections, and to go through 2 at one go without even a whimper? It is simply amazing.

It perhaps, explains his boldness, because even when he fell or knocked into something, most of the times, he was not too bothered about it.

Talk about Iron Man.. hm...

I watch 投名状

Ok ok.. I know I am tres tres tres late ok.
And many people probably reviewed this show already.. and either love it or hate it.

I happen to really love it.
I caught this film on the flight in and out of Ho Chi Min and I came back to rent the flick and finished watching it with hubby this week..


One of the better Chinese films recently..
Throughout the show.. I cannot decide where my sympathies lie, who is right and who is wrong..
And I love this ambiguity. It is disturbing, thought provoking and brings me outta my comfort zone..

I feel it reflects life, like it is in the real world.
Is there a real truth out there? Is there a real right way of doing things?

Jin Chen Wu repeated "大哥(Jet li) 是对的.." twice to Any Lau.
He is an idealist. But he has strong faith in his ideals. Which should be good,.. right?
But what happens if the ideals/ the person you have such faith in are wrong/ are corrupted?
What determines the right and the wrong? Is there an absolute right or wrong?

Jet Li says "有一天, 你会明白我这样做是对的" to Andy Lau.
To have such a powerful vision that one strives towards, it should be admirable, ... right?
But what if the actions one needs to do to contribute to the end goal or vision, are wrong?
Does the merit and grandeur of the vision make the wrong deeds right?
What vision is so great that it makes one susceptible to greed, to corruption?

And, Andy Lau - he believes in ethics and humanity and in loyalty - "言而无信连畜生都不如" . In living up to one's promise, in peoples' right to live and to repent, he believes in those he love and trust, not once thinking that they will betray him.

The crux is all three great men exhibited admirable traits which are all "correct", on their own merits.

However, when they all come together, it is a challenge to decide who is right, who is the one who deserves our pity - the Disillusioned? The Blinded? or the Betrayed?

There is no one dimensional answer and to even begin to sort it out is impossibly hard.

And I feel life is exactly like that.
This film reminds me that..

Even if we are very sure we are right, we could be wrong. Others could feel we are wrong. Others have a right to believe we are wrong.

Yet, we need a point of view, without so, we are nothing. We do not have a belief that will sustain us, a cause worth fighting for, a meaning to our lives.

Yet, by taking a point of view, we may have chosen to forsake many others - the opportunity costs. We have chosen a path with consequences we need to live with.

I hope my 2 boys will grow up capable of handling the complexities of life such as these.

I am not confident I can teach them to make the right choice all the times.
I cannot assure them that there is even a right choice, sometimes.
But those should not deter, nor make us fearful to have a point of view, to fight for what we truly believe in, and to embrace our beliefs with passion and yet to moderate it with an open mind for alternatives.

It is one of the toughest challenge in parenting..
But it is a battle we have to win.
Because we, and our loved ones have a lot to lose if we lose this battle.

This is one film i will watch time and again, as I am sure I learn more of myself and the world each time I watch it...
And i need the reminder of how grey this world can be...

For One More Day - Part 2 on Marriage

So.. the other aspect which was really thought provoking for me was the relationship aspect from the book "For One More Day".. I find strong resonance with the following passages from the book..

"In college, I had a course in Latin, and one day the word 'divorce' came up. I always figured it came from some root word that meant 'divide'. In truth, it comes from 'divertere', which means 'to divert'."

"Here is what you are going to find out about marriage: you have to work at it together. And you have to love three things. You have to love

1) Each other
2) Your children
3) Your marriage

What I mean by that is , there may be times that you fight, and sometimes you won't even like each other. But those are the times you have to love your marriage. It's like a third party. Look at your wedding photos. Look at any memories you 've made. And if you believe in those memories, they will pull you back together."

The second passage is extracted from a letter to a son on his wedding day.
I think it is the best advice any parent can give..

I, too, always thought that the word 'divorce' stem from the roots of divide..
But to know that it stems from the root of 'to divert' makes a lot of sense to me..

I once read somewhere that relationships fall apart because of the presence of distractions - which diverts one's attention.

- when you are working too hard, you are distracted from your relationship
- when kids come on the scene, you are distracted from the love of your spouse
- when you meet someone interesting, even if you do not have the feelings, you may have been distracted in your attention to your spouse..

And I also read somewhere, that when a couple is encountered with problems, should one party chooses to divert the attention elsewhere instead of working hard at the relationship, it puts the relationship at risk..

Hence, to know that divorce stems from divert makes sense.. since a relationship starts to break down when one or two parties are diverted from the shared goal of marriage.

I happen to think that loving the marriage is really important.. There is no guarantee that you will always love your spouse, in disputes, in arguements, on the really bad days..

But the shared memories, the blissful days of courtship, the honeymoon phase of marriage, all these are easy to love and they form the building blocks of the marriage. Cumulative memories are powerful - they give us the reason to believe in something even when the moment seems contrary to the belief.

The interesting someone, the new challenges and satisfaction at job, the kids or any new distraction may seem overpowering and overwhelmingly interesting in the present, maybe even the future, but they did not have a role to play in part of your shared past.. the years that went into the relationship and marriage before this new distraction occurs.

Hence, I believe in cumulative memories. They provide me with the strength to have faith.

And at this moment, more than ever, i feel i need to believe in it more than ever.
In face of a long distance relationship for half a year to come.. it seems a long time even though I am sure time will fly. Still the uncertainty bothers me..

I can only hope and pray.. that papa is not diverted..
And I am not distracted..
We remembered why we are together in the first place..

Mother's Day Posting..

This posting is backdated.. as I have intended for this to be a Mother's Day posting..

I wanted to do it but have been bothered by various things.. but today, I am determined to pen it down..

I finally bought the book "For One More Day" by Mitch Albom, and co-incidently, I was reading it the week leading up to Mother's Day.. and I find various passages from the book very apt as a tribute for Mother's Day, to all the mothers, and also the fathers out there..

In line with the Mother's Day theme, I will blog about the parent-child relationship for now.. (watch this space for excerpts on relatinship.."

Some of the poignant passages I can relate to so much it hurts. And it made me think very much about my mum as well..

"If my mother said it, I believe it.
She wasn't easy on me, don't get me wrong. She smacked me. She scolded me. She punished me. But she loved me. Se really did. She loved me falling off a swing set. She loved me stepping on her floors with muddy shoes. Se loved me through vomit and snot and bloody knees. She loved me coming and going, at my worst and at my best. She has a bottomless well of love for me.."

Some of the toughest passages that struck me rather hard..

"Years later, after her (mother's) death, I made a list of Times My Mother Stood Up for ME, and Times I Did Not Stand Up for My Mother. It was sad, the imbalance of it all.."

"Children get embarrassed by their parents... " Someone remarked in the book..
"But usually they are just in some kind of pain. They need to work it out" - the mum replies.. "Sometimes, kids want you to hurt the way they hurt..."
"A child embarrassed by his mother is just a child who hasn't lived long enough"

How very true.. I can't help thinking back to my teenage years and shudder on the things I say, the thoughts I have.. Time - Time allows one to learn and move on..

And lastly, what I resonated most with..

"I believe my mother saved my life. I also believe that parents, if they love you, will hold you up safely, above their swirling waters, and sometimes that means you will never know what they endured, and you may treat them unkindly, in a way you otherwise wouldn't"

I was full of remorse when I read these lines.. The countless times in which our parents stood up for us, which are not visible to us. The endless times we have thoughtlessly said the stupidiest things or done the silliest gestures, and inadvertently hurting them.. and through it all, the bottomless wealth of love that keeps them hovering around us, nagging at us, loving us in their own ways...

Parents, endure all kinds of things for their kids.
And Kids, inflict all kinds of hurt thoughtlessly on their parents.

For that and much much more, we are indebted to our parents.
I do not expect our kids to be indebted to us.. But I hope, the growing up years are kind to them.. so that when maturity and the time of realisation come for them to be parents, they do not feel the overwhelming guilt as I sometimes do..

For the last few days, when I have been reading about parents' despair over their kids buried beneath the rubbles in China, and viewing the horrific pictures splashed over the papers.. tears been pricking my eyes endlessly. My heart and everything in me went out to all the parents..

Parents of teenagers, parents on toddlers, parents of kids..

As a mum now, it is not just empathising, the intensity which I feel for them, with them, and almost an extension of them, cannot be described.

And what Mitch wrote in the book is very true..

"Behind all your stories is always your mother's story, because hers is where yours begin"..

A tribute to all great mothers I know.. May we all have the strength to endure the numerous pains that will come, open our arms to reveal in the little joys that come our way and persist in loving our kids, and all the kids, the way they all deserve to be loved..

The other little boy - Xuan

Our other little boy has taken a huge step forward..
He is finally walking.. so we no longer have to carry a close to 12 kg load around when we go for walks..

Recently, he has fake measles, from the Rosealla virus, which led to high fever for a few days..
Given is febrile fit history, it is really worrying and I am so glad it is finally over..!!

The little boy... En

Some mentioned that En looks like me..
Maybe..

Let's see.. you think so?