En in Action

I have not taken any new photos this week. Cuz I am back to work.

I miss the kids when I am at work. Am thinking of getting some cameras of I can just tune in and watch them when I have some time, like at lunch or something.

Meanwhile, I captured the following last week before I went back to work.

En was trying to get into Xuan Xuan's rocker when Xuan Xuan went to sleep in his cot. He was trying to stuff himself in, which was quite hilarious.

Then he finally fell asleep for his nap in his own cot.

Happening happening Happening...

Think I must be trying to maximise my time with the kids before I gotta start work on Monday, so we did soo many things this weekend..

First we brought En with us when we went bowling on Saturday, and we all have fun. He is now at the age where it is much easier to bring him with us everywhere we go. A bottle of water, a change of diaper and clothes and off we go - assuming we have fed him his main meals at home already. So En first clung onto us while we bowl with our friends, and then devoted a lot of time munching the fries away - he is really into adult food, this little boy.

On Sunday bright and early, we brought the 2 babies to the Botanic Gardens for a Mac-nic (tabao MacD breakfast for us along with our picnic mat and tiny chairs)- En wearing his fireman hat and Xuan Xuan wearing his brother's hand me down. It was great! We saw a corgi and miss Momo so much. We will being Momo there along with the kids the next time.

Then after En had his noon nap, we brought him out to The Better Toy Store again, to buy him and and Xuan Xuan a toy each. And we saw Ivy Lee (ya, the Mediacorp actress) with her daughter and the twins browsing and buying stuff in the store too. She looks really good, slender and pretty - my inspiration as a Fashionista mum!

I am feeling a tad sad to be returning to work - I think I will miss the kids lots, esp. Xuan Xuan. Drastically different from the last time - when I was looking forward to go back to work - now I felt apprehensive about going back to work. Maybe cuz the time with them these 3mths had really bonded us together, maybe it's a new job, maybe i just started to have more maternal instinct? Sigh.. But is different when one is at home hearing the baby giggles, watch the new antic that En is up to, hear the new words that En has articulated, see the new expressions that Xuan Xuan has, and I will really miss all that..

Then I have to figure out the logistics of expressing Breastmilk while at work. Quite some hassle lugging the stuff there and storage etc etc... not to mention the embarrassment -- yweks!

For the remaining few hours before I resume my role as working mum, I just want to relish these photos of my 2 precious babies.. sob sob...

Missing Xuan Xuan

I was just telling hubby the other day, that Xuan Xuan is just SO sweet.

Sweet is an adjective which I have never used to describe En En. En is cute, amusing, funny, exuberant, energetic and vibrant.

But Xuan Xuan is just sweet, lovely and sweet.
He has this quality about him which just brings a big smile to my face when I look at him.

En makes me laugh a lot, and makes me happy.
But Xuan xuan brings me quiet joy, and lots of it.

Maybe it is the horoscope compatibility thing, but I don't think that is the only reason.

Xuan Xuan never demands, but he always captivates.
In his own quiet way, he draws one to him, and the enchantment begins.
When he flashes you a smile and begin to babbles to you, it just makes me feel lucky and blessed to be in his presence.

I will miss him so much when I return to work..
Missing him in a different way from which I will miss En..

En More Fries

Took this clip when En was at KFC at the zoo the other day.

First trip to the zoo.
First time eating a french fries on his own.
First time stretching for more fries.



I just love these candid moments, and I hope he will enjoy it next time too...

Weekend At the Zoo

Thanks to Ah Si's corporate card for the Zoo, we were able to bring the kids to the zoo for 2 days straight over the past weekend! Yes, on both Sat and Sun. Free mah, coupled with the fact that if you are bringing kids, chances are you can't finish the zoo in one day.

So on day 1, we brought Xuan xuan along too.. He slept on most of the trip, only waking up for a while when we were about to go home..


En went on both days, and he seems enamored with the Polar bear - cuz he kept saying "bear" and the Kangaroo that can "Jump".. He was also enchanted by the Jaguar which could swim and jump and leap. He was a tad stunned that the animals are so much larger than those he had seen in the book..such as his giraffe and elephants.

So we roamed the western part of the zoo on Day 1, and then the eastern part of the zoo on Day 2. And we manage to see most of the animals in the zoo.

Although, personally, I am a bit disturbed by the various qualifiers we saw in the zoo along the way - such as why the Polar Bear is not snowy white (and almost bald as there were huge patches of grey skin on Inuka) and why the camels seem thinner than they should be (with signs assuring us that they were well fed). Hmm..

And I realised why I enjoyed the reserves that we visited in Australia and in the US more, cuz the weather was a lot better and walking was less tedious at 20plus degree instead of the sizzling 30 degrees Celsius! But the Zoo had improved much over the years - they actually have huts labelled CoolZone for visitors to rest and to enjoy the aircon before heading out into the sun again at the various strategic spots. So we figured that we will bring En to the reserve in Australia in the cooler months so that it will really be an enjoyable trip without the heat!

En's Outing Part 1

Recently I brought En out alone, took a bus to town and brought him to a toy shop and then to the library - satisfying both of us in one trip.

The problem was, En and I were not dressed exactly in the height of fashion.. We just packed and went, and unfortunately the nearest mall happens to be Orchard Road and so En ended up strolling down Orchard Road dressed in home clothes, clutching his toy truck.

It was a fun outing, with En hesitant at first in the crowded bus, and once he warmed up, he was gesturing and saying "There! There!" everywhere we went.

I brought him to The Better Toy Store in Takashimaya, and we simply love the toys there. It is a great place to shop for gifts for all ages, and their wood stuff are the best! If you are looking for unique toys as gifts you just have to check it out! They have anther outlet at Tanglin Mall.

The Price Of Parenthood - Or Lack of..

I thought very long about whether I should write this..

I read through again and again to make sure I am not prejudiced or extreme in my opinion.. though I am sure it is and people will say I am only blogging all these cuz I don't share the same problems. Perhaps, but I am also highly aware, everyday of it, every minute of it, of the price I had paid for having my 2 cute little boys. I used to begrudge it. I am still sometimes angry about it. But with this, I remind myself everyday that we have a price to pay for every choice we make. In economic terms, it is the opportunity cost.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well.. what started me thinking was a conversation with a friend who was telling me about her friend who was lamenting to her for some time now, and increasingly all the time, that her friend was trying for a baby but to no avail..

So I asked my friend about the profile of her friend, think this is a professional hazard of me, I need to know more about a person before I can begin to understand where his/ her thoughts are coming from - kinda like putting a person in context.

So the female in question is: 35 yrs old, a high flyer, go-getter career woman, doing extremely well in the marketing sector... and started trying for a baby when she was 33 cuz she decided that now that she is financially stable and established in career, she is now ready to take on parenthood. But parenthood is eluding her. And now she is desperate enough to consider IVF if nothing comes on the radar soon..

And she was lamenting non stop how UNFAIR life was. That she had planned her life such that when she is financially ready and well established in her career and ready to take on parenthood, parenthood is not happening.

This point of view of her got my mind churning. I HEARD tat there are a lot of successful people trying unsuccessfully to have kids... Someone told me that in her office, most women have problems trying to conceive and it is apparently such a high stressed environment that women have to take sabbatical leave to try for a baby (Seriously what is this world coming to?)

There are several ways of looking at this issue of unsuccessfully trying to have kids:

1. Chemical way - blame it on the processed, unhealthy, un-organic food - leading to bad sperm and egg etc

2. Social way - woman more educated, delayed birth, bad work environment and social stress etc

But I will like to offer my thoughts - which probably fall under the category of "Values".

I think we belong to a selfish, greedy and want-it-all generation. It sounds ugly. It IS ugly. It is the ugly faces we wear. And this assessment applies to myself and many people around me. We are it, JUST it.

We come from a generation where many of our parents had bent their backs working- tolling the Protestant Ethic of work to provide a chance for us to excel in life. I see so many of my peers rising from lower income to becoming middle income or even high income earners. We owe that to our parents' hardship. We had that chance because our parents believed in educating us so we have a better chance in this world.

But what happened to us? We think that we have been given are our due and entitlement. I am not saying that we are unfilial. Most of us are, and probably very grateful to our parents for giving us that chance and making who we are today possible.

But it is what we did with our lives and the values that we are corrupted with that had gone wrong. Very Wrong.

Did we inherit the self-sacrificial spirit of our parents?
Did we learn their aptitude and tolerance for hardship and pain?
Did we emulate their sense of stoicism when life is going wrong?

We did not. Not many of us did. I see it everyday around me.
We are mostly a bunch of SELF centered, greedy, take-it-all, want-it-all and self indulgent pigs.

One of the core reasons, I feel, why birth rate is not increasing is because we are selfish. Our generation is selfish and self centered and self obsessed. We do not want to sacrifice whatever good life we have now for interruptions such as having kids.

How many times have you heard friends complain that having kids will cramp their style - less money for themselves, less pampering, less holidays. That is often our first thoughts associated with kids.

How many people do you know work hard to grab more money because they want to ensure that when they have kids, they will still want the same lifestyle as before they have kids?

This mode of working hard is NOT the same as our parents', who worked hard for adequacy and providing what they could for us. Many of the rather high income people I know only have 1 kid or none simply because they claim to have "not enough money to bring up kids". It is not because they have no money, they just do not have ENOUGH money to keep to their preferred lifestyle. That is self-centered-ness and greed!

So we ended up with many people who want to be financially ready and established before kids.
Then the bad news hits.

Some people have the problem that my friend's friend was facing.
Then they blame everyone and everything, except themselves.

We have to recognise that we will have some sacrifices to make for the kids. Is that not the essence of kinship? Why is our generation so against sacrificing for our kids - sacrificing personal time, sacrificing money for self pampering treats, sacrificing ourselves for the betterment of our kids. Why do we want to make sure our needs and wants are met first?

Do we so lack that moral backbone that we only and always think of ME ME ME first?

So, I felt that there is a price for parenthood that we have to pay. And for those who have been trying to have all the money and the career AND then parenthood, then there is a price to pay for that as well.

Greediness is the bane of our existence today. In this flagrant consume it all society we have evolved to, we do not see it. We are being greedy when we want that perfect pay scale, that awesome career and still be parents. Women, especially, are faced with this pressure!

So if we are less greedy, more contented, perhaps, we will have less problems and be happier.
Franky, like my friend and I concluded, we are a bit tired of hearing all those reports of people struggling to have kids, especially if their profile are those of high career achievers who have stalled to have kids. It may sound ugly and nasty and unsympathetic to say it, and a bitter pill to swallow, but it is a choice they have made some years back. Some people step down on career to have kids. Others take sabbatical leave. Then there are stupid people ppl like me who will quit my job to ensure the pregnancy works out well in a stress free environment. These are all choices we make for what is important in our lives.

One cannot want it all - or to accord the same importance to money, career and parenthood. Something's got to give. And unfortunately for those hankering after parenthood after they have satisfied the money and career bit, they have chosen to potentially give away parenthood. To claim unfair-ness and to expect parenthood to smoothly fall into their laps is just greed. And the reality is - these people have to wake up. They simply made the bed that they should lie in, no matter how thorny that bed is.

The Ideal Age Gap

Someone asked my view on the idea age gap between kids now that I have 2.

I dun really have an answer, although I feel that the age gap of 15 mths between En and Xuan is as good as it gets. Though I must qualify that once we get used to the ease of having En when he was 1 year, if I was not already pregnant with Xuan, it will really take a lot of courage to get back into the grind of babyhood again...

And according to Gina Ford, there are distinct advantages + dis-advantages of having kids close to each other, but her most compelling reason, which I never really thought of, was that with 2 kids aged 10-15 mths apart, one can get out of the baby-parenthood in only 3 years, and get back to a wider range of social activities and holidays!! So, there won't be any more night feeds/ waking up in the middle of the night, no need to lug loads of baby stuff whenever we go out, no special baby food to prepare etc etc. And the prospects of being more free in only 3 years is just great! I just kinda need to be chained to the current lifestyle for 3 years!

Of course, the greatest challenge is the the tough hectic life with 2 babies, endless rounds of diapering, feeding, playing etc, but my point is since it will be tough with one kid anyway, having another baby around won't add much of an incremental load, at least the way I look at it. Especially if one already has the logistics worked out, such as having a helper, or a mum/ MIL to help out. The "system" can be maximised with 2 kids.

I find that having 2 babies close together have the following perks:

1. High recycling value of all the baby stuff (and think - f you house needs to be "baby-fied", it will only be about 3 yrs before you can change it around)
2. Recent knowledge of how to handle and feed baby, no need to re-learn everything
3. Almost no sibling rivalry (sibling rivalry supposedly hit worst with the age gap of 18mths - 3 yrs)
4. Common activities catered for kids - reading to both, flash cards activity for both, the same kind of music and TV programs

Of course, the downside is fatigue, fatigue and more fatigue. But with even only En, we are just as tired anyway, so I don't find Xuan much of an additional burden. In fact, I find it much more efficient this time round when we have him.

So if you asked me, yes, a shorter age gap is quite ideal. Although if you ask me some time back, I will be full of apprehension. This is hingsight speaking lah! haha!

That is the thing about parenthood. It is about unchartered territory, which one really has to just do it!!! No one has the right answer for everyone, that is the thing about parenthood!

Mum's Buys and Finds: Parenting Books

As a first time parent some time back, and with virtually none of our friends with kids, I find myself somewhat alone with Baby En. Of course there is husband la, but he is also as clueless as I was about how to manage the baby.

So I turn towards books for information and to make sense of the new world I found myself in. Incidentally, Husband is not a great fan of parenting books, so I ended up reading them myself, and then summarising it for him as we or I talked about the ideas/ concepts proposed by the books. And it helps that for both pregnancies, I had scaled down work such that I have ample time to just read and internalise some of the ideas shared by the books.

I have not read all that there is out there, but here are some that is worth checking out if anyone is keen to read.

But before that, a bit on the mentality of reading parenting books. Parenting books are not bibles. They do not have all the answers and no one book works for all. Parenting books often follow a certain school of thought, e.g. some books are against nursery and childcare from young, others are pro-structured training for kids while others are against structured training for kids. Hence, it follows that some parents end up adopting certain schools of thought or ideas. But it helps to diversify what one is reading so that one gets different ideas and different choices, depending on which fits better with one's circumstances.

I find that some books offer hard facts information, while others provide information on the softer/ the more emotional aspects of parenting. As such, I have categorised them as such:

***************************************************************************

Books which offer facts and the various functional aspects of parenting:

1. The Baby Book - William Sears M.D and Martha Sears R.N. This provides a week by week information on how baby is growing, aspects of caring for the baby, illnesses to watch out for and suggested activities for baby's development. I used it as my guide to monitor baby's progress and development. A worth while buy if you asked me cuz I still consult the book now whenever I have a question on babies.

2. Bright Start: Understand and Stimulate Your Child's Development from Birth to 5 Years - Richard C Woolfson. This again provides a month by month milestone on the various aspects of a child's development, including motor skills, social skills, language, emotional development etc. There is also suggested activities at each stage to stimulate your kid appropriately at the relevant point in time.I found it immensely useful to plan for activities and toys for the kids.

3. Super Foods For Babies & Children -Michael van Straten & Barbara Griggs. Useful when planning meals for babies that is moving onto the stage of weaning.

********************************************************************************
Books which provide information on the emotional aspects of parenting

1. Raising Boys - Steve Biddulph
2. Complete Secrets of Happy Children - Steve Biddulph
3. The Secrets of Happy Parents - Steve Biddulph

I am a great fan of Steve Biddulph and his ideas on parenting. And it helps that his books are very easy to read, and that I personally agree with most of his ideas on parenting. The great thing about his books is that he recognises the parents and the role of parents very well, and is not purely kid centric. Some parenting books focus so much on what you can do for the kids that they kinda forget that it might be an overkill on the parents.

4. The Contented Toddler Years - Gina Ford. Many parents in Singapore are ardent fans of Gina's books and there are a lot of books of hers offering solutions to parents who have problems with their babies such as sleeping, weaning etc. Gina teaches parents the importance of instilling routine for babies and kids which many parents found useful in managing life with a kid. I consult her book on ways to transit En's routine from baby to toddlerhood.

5. Secrets of the Baby Whisperer - Tracy Hoggs. Recently I started on her books upon reading some reviews on the net, and her book is useful in guiding parents in the art of observation and connecting with your child. Great for men especially I think, and for those who want to learn more about observing and hence harnessing the power of observation in one's interactions with kids.

Recently, I have started to read up on the Montessori education and training for kids in deliberating the kind of education for En's pre-school years, and will share more once I have anything to share.

Hope the list is a useful start for those keen to read on parenting philosophy.

Our Precious

Here is a clip on Xuan Xuan.. and dubbed with many celebrity's favourite lullaby "宝贝" for their kids.

We have been searching and searching for the album, and are so glad when we finally found it.
So I have been playing and singing it to Xuan Xuan often now.

Toga and En's Hair Cut

Well, for a sneak preview of how nice Togas can be for graduation, I have En dressed in an old cloth much like the toga... though I forgot that I should have allowed it to slant over one bare shoulder to make it more toga like!

Although, in reality, I am just preparing En for his haircut. I am practising cutting kids' hair in preparation for my retirement job, hek hek! So here is En in an old pillow case, cut open to resemble a robe. Looks cools right?

But not so cool after his hair cut, when En started crying a bit when he realised I am snipping his hair off!!

En's Initation to College Green - Rudolph in Spring

My niece and nephews growing up in College Green often have "badges" of bruises here and there, a testimony of the active lifestyle they lead, and the amount of mischief they are up to.

Just some months back, Bing Bing (who is 6 months older than En) had hurt his nose when he fell, resulting in a bruised red nose. It was a rather cute bruise which I could not help smiling at whenever I saw him.

And barely 2 months after we move into College Green, En was finally "initiated" into the falling culture of College Green too. He fell on the basketball court while chasing after a ball.

It started innocently enough, faint red bruises on his nose, barely discernible - but still, we immediately took photos of this first bruises of his, and in College Green - aside from the huge mosquitoes bites. He looked a bit like Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, arriving in Spring haha! And we all have a good laugh.

















And then, on the next day, we were surprised that the bruises got a bit darker, really obvious now.

















And on the 3rd Day, the bruises looked downright nasty. And I brought him out shopping along Orchard road looking like that - quite funny actually. Oh, and on that note, he was really well behaved when I brought him to the library, he even helped me picked up my fallen books and put them back on the shelf - that is the power of Montessori training I think. More on that next time. Been doing my reading and research on Montessori education.

















Of course, it must have been painful when he fell. But in a crazy sense, I am very proud of this little mark on his nose (Of course, I don't think it will be permanent la!). And the photos are valuable, I mean no point all photos of him looking cute right? Photos like these have greater meaning and value I feel. And I am proud of the bruises because it kinda show that he is one tough active boy, and undaunted by the falls and trouble he occasionally gets into. ...

See his cheeky look in the photo below - You think he looked scared meh?! I am sure there are more mischief to come lor!! I just love his spirit man!

小猪猪 and Bimbo Mum

Here is Xuan Xuan in his usual sleeping post... peacefully sleeping away in la-la-land. If you go near and peer at him, sometimes he will open his eyes, shocking you into thinking you have awaken him, but he will then close his eyes, and give you an enchanting smile, and snuggle back to dreamland again (now you know why he inspires me to compose Odes about his smiles).

That is what I call real SWEEeeeeT! And the opening eye bit has something to do with REM sleep, which is supposed to be good for developing short-term memory, and the Non-REM sleep is useful in helping babies to grow their brains, to grow in general, and develop long term memory.

So I think Hubby and I need to learn REM sleep to enhance our short term memory.
**************************************************************************

More on choosing a school for En. Choosing a school is like buying a flat these days, dozen of questions to ask, from the content, to the environment, to the teachers, the other students, and even the meals if you want.

But I have some bimbo considerations:

1. What is the uniform of the school? Back in our days, not much choice, PAP kindergarten kids all look the same.. boring blue pinafore with red tie, though that is nostalgic to me. But if given a choice, i think En looks good in red or green.. any school with those colours?

2. How many school trips do they take a year? I think school trips are such fun, so it will be good if school offers more school trips.

3. Can wear own shoes or not? I dunno if childcare centre offer shoes as part of their uniform?

4. What toys does the school have? Then En can enjoy himself like he does at home too!

Think I a bit bimbo. While I was looking for other centres, I keep finding myself wondering what types of school uniform are offered by the various centres. Then again, for boys, what else can they wear besides shirt and pants? Maybe they can wear toga - ala the Greek philosophers. Cool right? Little boys and gals running around in white togas - which allows maximum freedom of movement, and the little gals can have tiaras of flower on their heads to differentiate them.

Now that i think about it, I think graduation photo should be taken in toga robe - look more scholarly mah. After all, Greeks are known for their ancient language and wealth of knowledge no?

Now that is a thought, I think En will look so very cute in a toga robe. Think I will do my own version of his graduation photo next time, not those stiffy blue robe with square box hat - yawn!

A 2 Year Waiting List?!!

Despite having numerous toys, and having the outdoors to roam, it is still really a handful to manage a rambunctious En at home.. He just seems to have boundless energy which can be sapping to all looking after him.


So once again, I assessed if I should consider sending him to school sometime.. I still don't think he is ready for school yet, but as his cousin Bing Bing will soon be going to school, I thought I will check out the various types of centres available.

So I was in for a shock when I sent my inquiry to L/O Montessori, and the response I got was that they are closed for registration currently, and that they have a 1.5 to 2 years Wait List

What?!!! Why schools for little kids these days have such long waitlist, machiam like people queuing for flats back in the 70s!!! Duh!!

And I am not even thinking about the usual big brand names schools lor. I just heard that L/O is quite good and since it is rather near our place, so I thought it will be good to have that checked out.

And now, I am a tad worried.. how not to be Kia-Su in such environment huh.. and a 2yrs waitlist sound ridiculous, by the time it is En's turn, he will be like 4 / 5 yrs old already lor, quite past the age of what the school can do for him lor.

So while I still do not intend to send En to school for another 6 months, I figured I betta go check out the other centres that I am thinking of.. for all we know, they have as much waitlist or worst.. duh. And I hate this Kia-su Manifestation.. but it seems like 人在江湖, 身不由己.

Still, I resolved not to be a Kia-Su parent. Will just try my best and do what is needed.. I still think the situation in Sg is really quite ridiculous. It makes me feel like Alice, just landed in Wonderland.

Why Have Kids?

Was reading Blinkymummy's recent posts on parenthood, which fired my reflection process on why I/ we have kids... especially when I agree with her point that it is not everyone's innate right to have kids.

Is it my will?
Or did I just go with the flow - ala that is what most married people do anyway?

And I am surrounded by numerous friends who do not want kids.
One person said she is afraid to bring kids to this world because our world is becoming a worst place to stay. Why bring them in to let them suffer a worst fate than us?

Many feel that they are not ready for parenthood.

And I also heard from a close friend who thinks that having kid is a manifestation of how good a wife you are, something that falls under a Good wife portfolio, whether you like it or not.

I love kids, and Hubby loves kids.
Having our kids as part of our married live always seem like a natural thing to do. We did not discuss whether we will be good parents, although I already think that he will be a very good father. Not that sure about myself then and now, but I know I will have MANY adjustments to make with kids around.

So we just kinda went along to have kids. That is, until the mis-carriage occurred.

I think that is the turning point, cuz with the loss, then I became very sure that I want kids.

Kids are one of those "things" (for a lack of better noun), which one won't miss if one does not have it, but once one has committed to having kids, one can never imagine a life without kids. The wonder and joy they bring are not something that the non-kids people can understand. The dynamics that one goes through with kids bring a lot of growth and enrichment to one's life.

I agree with Blinkymummy that some people are just not cut out for parenthood, but I also believe in the will and power to change, and that parenthood is a choice. Once one has made that choice, one also makes a lot of other choices which complement the advent of parenthood. Urm - kinda like if you do not have a kid, then perhaps divorce or walking out is one's personal choice.

But once one has made a choice to have kids, then one has also kinda made the complementing choice that divorce is not one's personal choice anymore. Subtle choices and changes like these.. these are what parents/ parents to be have to be conscious of. I am not saying one then has to be stuck with a louse of a husband if events turn out that way, but that when we become parents, we take on additional commitment and responsibility. We have to recognise that and work that in our lives accordingly.

Still the reason to have kids is still unknown. In an abstract way, it could be a stage development thing for the relationship, kinda the result of relationship evolving. sigh, it is a tough question to answer indeed...

You are Born With a Special Smile

Specially dedicated to my lovely Xuan Xuan,
Who flashes his lovely smile at all times - awake and in sleep, day and night..
Since you were born, you have only bestowed us your lovely smiles
Brightening up our days, cheering up our hearts and lifting up our spirits. When I see your special smile...

You are Born With a Special Smile

You are born with your special smile,
Warming the hearts of those around.
I am so glad you are here,
To chase away my fears and tears.

How angelic is your toothless grin,
Into your world I long to sink.
To be embraced in your innocence,
Blessed with the kind of joy I have never known.

Into this complex world you bring,
Your radiant smile, full of sheen.
The magic that only you can cast,
Thugs my heartstrings with a blast!

Please dun ever lose your smile,
It is a precious gift of yours..
Dun let the world rob you of that,
May the glory of your smile never fade

I am not Papa!!

I am amused and upset by Baby En - as usual. He always upset people, but also making one laugh a lot in the process.

According to the developmental stages laid out in the health book, En should be able to articulate several words by now, including Papa and Mummy. Well, we have given En a longer timeline, as we all know that boys develop slower compared to girls, and while En knows who Papa, Mummy, Gong Gong, Ye ye, Po Po, Nai Nai and aunt and a whole host of who these people are, he just refuse to call me Mummy.

An attempt to get him to call me Mummy typically runs like this:

Mummy: Call me Mummy, En en?
En: *Shakes his head* and continues with what he is doing
Mummy: Mummy, call me mummy? I give you cookie?
En: Papa!!!!
Mummy: *DUH!!!!!* *faint*

Why does my son call me Papa?! Other times he may say Mum, but that is more for food!
And for many times, whenever I ask him to call me Mummy, he will shake his head and call me Papa! And yet, he calls my hubby Papa too! DUH!!!

So I have these few theories on why he calls me Papa!

Theory 1: I am always seen with Papa, ala like Papa's woman, so he feels that Papa and me are the same kind of entity. So we are generically known as Papa to him. But the flaw with this theory is that if you ask him where is Mummy, En will come and look for me..

Theory 2: He thinks that Mum-my is too closely associated with food, his mum-mum, so he refuses to call me with a food moniker.

So I am a tad upset with him, though I keep running him through the above conversations, the results are always the same. He will either shake his head, or call me Papa, or both.

I dunno what to make of it. If anyone can, tell me!

The Question of Time

Someone asked me the question of where I find time to do yoga and watch movie.. now with 2 kids in tow..

I don't have time
I am sleep deprived!
And Hey, it all rhymes, hahaha!

Seriously, it is a matter of prioritisation and learning to let go. It is also about self preservation.

I abide by the principle that I must look after myself well in order to look after babies well.

So yoga helps me relieve stress and rejuvenate myself. It is now critical to my sense of well being. So time out for that is essential, especially when I want to just breathe on my own..

Was just watching Supernanny on Arts Central - and from past series, one thing I observed was that parents who are stressed out damaged their kids the most - they end up screaming, losing control of situations and impose their frustrations on their kids. When that happens, they screw up their kids. Really.

This mum in today's episode is clearly stressed out - she has 3 boys, all energetic and more than a handful. In Europe, no such thing as maid, so can you imagine trying to juggle housework, kids and the mess left behind by the kids.

It seems like a suicide mission to me. And no wonder the mum ended up verbally abusive and emotionally harsh to her kids.

So by making sure we take care of ourselves emotionally and physically well, I think, we will be better parents for our kids by being in control of ourselves, our emotions and the situations.

I also believe in quality time with kids. Ever witness kids who were trying to get parents' attention, while the parent may be physically with the kids, but emotionally or mentally they are elsewhere, such as chatting with friends, SMS-ing, emailing, or reading papers etc? In such situation, while one is with kid, the time spent with kid is still zero, as they have not engaged the kid.

So while i cop time out for myself, when I am with En or Xuan, for that period of time, I make sure I am really with them. Either talking to them, reading with them, playing their toys with them, or anything that they want me to do. Even when En is waching VCD while I am with him, we will hold hands while I sing along with the program, or swing him up and down according to the show.

So I dun do the Maths on time. I do the quality on time. And I make sure I do spend time with them.. and hence, no guilt whatsoever when i sneak time out to do my own reading, or spacing out or activities I enjoy. Because in my absence, I know that someone else is spending their quality time with my babies. And that is good enough for me.

It is always a choice, how comfortable and how confident you are to let go, and have some breathing space for yourself. And I think, for long term survival and sanity, the answer is clear :)