Kia - Si

I did something totally outta character the other day.

I thought the Rooster (Baby En's Chinese horoscope) clash with the 太岁 this year (i.e. all the bad things will happen), and went to temple to pray for the evil things to go away.

End up the rooster never clash with 太岁 this year! Wrong info feed. But the Chinese chart instead, indicated that there are a lot of bad stars for the Rooster this year. So the lady suggested I pray for each of the bad star to drive them away.

So 30 bucks flew outta my wallet. Now, we practise a religion that believe strongly in Karma and the importance of working oneself to reach the state of Nirvana. And a lot of such superstitions do not apply to us, after all, half are determined by one's Karma and the other by one's efforts in practicing the religion.

So I did the totally irrational thing by doing this in the temple for Baby En. For one, it is not our religion. For another, I already know the importance of Karma in our lives, well that is our faith and I strongly believe in it.

So why would i do such a thing - I concluded that I Kia- si (afraid of death). Fear is a powerful thing, and in this case, I rather play it safe for the kids. Now I can't imagine my life without my kids.

And it made me think how I will need to rationalise my relationship with the kids. It is like I always thought we should be prepared that the boys will leave us for other things one day. It is only a matter of time. But it seems that I may end up a clingy mum still.. which I will hate myself to be.

Kids are really strange stuff.. I am not a very maternal person, but still kids motivate me to do quite a fair bit of things. It is almost like having kids make you want to be a better person for them. Something like when one first started falling in love, stretching oneself with the desire to do all kinds of stuff for the babies.

So I find myself falling in love again, with my babies, but with this comes fear as well. Much like in a relationship, the fear of loss. And I need to know how to cope with such feelings. I am still searching.. this month's Simply Her has an article on Strong Women who cope with loss of their kids, I am stalling to read it, cuz these days, such articles made me weep. I was reading about how a mum cope with her Down kid some time back and ended up crying, it is almost as if I can feel the pain and anguish.

Again, I think parenthood and a parent's love for his/ her child is universal and it transcends all the boundaries that divide the human race. And until one becomes a parent, one cannot empathise with some of those feelings. It is almost as of becoming parents opens up another world, one which we will have much to learn about and to adjust to. Parenthood is challenging, but I think we will all come out stronger for that. This, I believe.

I HATE Breastfeeding...

So Here Goes, as Promised. And even if I get flamed for this entry, so be it. Flame me!
There are so many evangelists of breastmilk mums out there. I cannot fight them all, but I just want to share my experience and perspective.

So Breastmilk (BM) is the best and Formula Milk (FM) is the ultra low second class substitute.
But in a sense, i wonder if it is all a matter of marketing and hype.

The Social Historical context

In the 70s, FM was touted as the best, it was recommended and endorsed by doctors. Beyond that, it was also a symbol of wealth, only those who cannot afford it will drink breastmilk. So drinking free BM is like not being able to afford the best for your kid.

Fast forward now to the millennium - Breastmilk is touted as THE BEST. It has all those stuff that FM dun have, some research showing that Breastfed kids are more intelligent, BM helps prevent numerous allergies and illnesses etc etc. All the laurels that are heaped on BM these days are endless, leaving all mums in distress if our babies do not drink BM.

So did the goodness of milk change over time? Or has the definition of good milk changed?

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The Paradox in The Production of BM

In order to produce more BM, one has to feed or express every 2 hours, in order to stimulate the milk flow and to tell our brain the amount of BM we need. It is a demand and supply issue, the lesser times you latch the baby on or pump, your brain will decode it as no need to work so hard to produce breastmilk.

Yet, there are other factors affecting the production of breastmilk, most critically, having adequate rest and not to be stressed.

New mum, with a new baby - how not to be stressed?
And if you can't sleep more than 2 hours for day and night, or even if the feed is 3 hours apart, can get enough rest meh? Not enuf rest and highly stressed, then how?!

If i think rest is important, and I sleep through the night from 12 - 6, then I will have missed 3 feeds, and BM supply will drop = not enough milk to meet baby'e need, then how?

If I pump every 2 hrs, but no rest, also end up not enough milk to feed baby!! How!!

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Conveniences of BreastFeeding - A myth

Many conveniences were attributed to Breastfeeding as opposed to bottle feeding.
E.g. Save $$ on bottles, no need to wash and sterilize bottles.

But my 2/3/4 hour apart feeding and pumping experience was total inconvenience.
Short of being chained to the baby 24/7, I can't do much else as I am always in a rush home to feed or to pump. And stress is no good (see earlier point).

So all of one's activities have to include baby then or else cannot do anything. Die lah.
But yet, all the psychologists will counsel stressed and depressed mum the importance of ME-time. And that it is important for couple to have time away from baby - how to do that when you are on a 2-3 hour curfew? So rushed and scared that not in time to go home feed baby, where got mood to do what?!!!

So contradicting right!! So in the real world, breastfed mummies are just chained to the baby, period. How convenient is that really!

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Quality of BreastMilk - Questionable

While many laurels are piled on BM, sometimes we seem to forget that quality BM needs certain conditions to be in place.

Studies have shown that a mum's emotions can affect the babies through Breastfeeding and breastmilk. The diet of the mum is also instrumental in ensuring quality breastmilk.

So, if the emotional condition of the mum is not ideal, e.g. stressed, frustrated, esp. when the mum returns to work, can the BM still be superior? Won't all the bad vibes go into the milk at all?

And if the mum does not monitor the diet closely, again when she goes back to work and eat junk (as we all are apt to do), then how can the BM be superior?

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Hence my conclusion is - DO your best and then supplement if need be. Especially for babies with jaundice, pls do not forcefeed the issue of breastfeeding, there are dire consequences, see my personal experience and others.

As in all things, we know when we have tried our best. If I have woken up every 2 hours to pump and feed and my supply is still not enough to stock the fridge, not enough it will be.

Do not undermine my formula fed baby. BECAUSE the effort that I spent pumping is no less than other mothers. I recently watched a program on parenthood on Channel 8, where the mum featured has a fridge full of breastmilk, I was watching that while I was expressing my pathetic 90ml per pump BM, I felt really demoralised and depressed. I told Hubby seated beside me that by virtue of that show, I should stop.

Cuz the same efforts that I put in to pump yielded so much less output. Such programs make breastfeeding seem so easy. And they cast unrealistic expectations and pressure on the mums. But i know I am smarter than to fall for such marketing gimmicks / propaganda

But I am continuing to feed and pump till now still, because on the day that I stop breastfeeding or pumping totally, I want to be able to say with a clear conscience that, "Baby, Mummy has really tried my best to provide you with the best". And baby will just have to live with that and be happy with or even be proud of that. Because he will also learn that in this world, the effort to try and persevere, is a greater virtue than just looking at results and outputs. Let's not be that shallow.

With this, I rest my case, and in the near future, rest my pump.

My Kind of Man - Revised Edition

I dunno since when, but I think my definition of my kind of man and what is a sexy man, has changed.。。

Now of course, I am not talking about the physical looks of men - what is a good looking man for me has always been quite consistent, I mean, physical looks is something that can be objectively defined, the heart/ my heart is not involved.

There is such a thing as a good looking man that most people will agree with - for me, that is the Orlando Bloom lookalike, chiselled jawline, wavy hair and with a quiet sexy scholarly kinda air/ aura about him, much like Ken Watanabe.. that has never changed.

But, beyond physical looks, I think my definition of my kind of man has changed...

Some time back, I saw Hubby scolding Baby En for his mischief - stern, uncompromising, and firm.. gosh, I was really awed and impressed. I like that quality of firmness in a man. And I find the way he scolded Baby was darn sexy lor..

And then recently, I saw NJ's cousin diapering his son - again very impressed lor. A successful man at work diapering his son, and I mean, the way he did it quite manly lor.

So I think I like what the men have liked for ages: the illusive 出得了厅堂， 进得了厨房的女人。

I like the male version of that: 出得了厅堂， 进得了儿房的男人。 The sensitive, sexy family man. Wow, I likez man!

男人啊， 你们要加油哦！

Smiley Xuan & The Ang Baos Aftermath

王见王 - here we have a cute Xuan Xuan smiling at our friend who is holding him for the first time. Somehow the phrase "王见王" came into my mind when I saw this pic.




















And what happened to All the angbaos the babies received?En and I have a fun time cutting out the pictures that he like and paste them into a picture. Talk about recycling - not too bad as a first attempt yah?!

Obselete-ness

Last night, our friends dropped by for a gathering, and it took quite a bit of preparation and cooperation on all fronts to ensure that En did not cry too much nor create too much chaos with his wails..

All in all, if we ease him in with the visitors slowly and gradually, he is quite fine. Think we just have to let him practice more so that he will warm up to strangers more easily.

There were some very interesting conversations between the adults and Baby En, but the best has to be the following:

Scenario 1:

Baby En peering into Aunt Robee's laptop and pressing the keys while Mummy was trying to crack the WEP code for our wireless access for Aunt Robee to log on.

Uncle BH: "You do not need to learn that (the laptop), by the time you grow up, it will be obsolete..."

Baby En: *bo chap*

Scenario 2:

Baby En eating the bits of BBQ chicken that mummy is feeding him...

Uncle BH walked by and remarked: "You do not need to learn that (referring to the chicken), by the time you grow up, it will also be obsolete!" ...
And BH later explained that with the bird flu and the killing of the infected chicken, when En grows up, "there will be no more chickens left"

Baby En: *happily eating his chicken*

Scenario 3:

Later in the evening, the adults were getting ready for some BlackJack Action, and Daddy took out the stack of erotic poker cards that Aunt Robee and Uncle BH got us from Greece.. as Baby En looked on in anticipation..

Uncle BH: "This (referring to the erotic poses printed on the cards), you must learn, as it will NOT be obsolete when you grow up'
Baby En: *looking excited*

While it seemed really funny at that point, later upon reflection, I find that what I thought was pure-corniness, actually has a lot of sense in it.

By the time En grows up, a lot of things will be obsolete - the laptop will be evolved to a more powerful gadget probably; the chickens may be extinct (very valid point with the bird flu)..

But some age old things will remain - and ironically, yes, nudity and eroticism will remain highly relevant still - see how the Karma Sutra has survived the test of time, and given new lease of life with interpretation in countless languages and even updated with visuals.. as I recalled seeing some version in bookstore with images..

So I am very impressed with how BH's seemingly off-handed and corny remarks seem to make a lot of sense actually.. Really quite a refreshing perspective!!

CNY photos Galore

Just realised that CNY is a good time to take photos - babies are best dressed and "well coiffed up", otherwise most photos are taken in their home clothes, a bit dak glam (i.e.unglam)!

En recently started posing for the camera, in a very funny way. He would come up very close to the camera, and looked up into the lens grinning cheekily. If the photographer is fast enough, it is possible to take a very nice picture of him grinning, albeit with a rather large head as he was peering very closely into the lens. Like the one below...

So here is En and Me - many said En looks at me, now you can decide for yourself..

As for Xuan Xuan, he is a charmer alright with his very infectious smiles..
We have never really been able to capture him smiling and finally manage to do so at CNY, but not very glamorous either, with his handkerchief featuring prominently as daddy was trying to burp him. Can you spot his dimples?!!

And I just love his adoring gaze.. simply charming...

Dionysus Versus Apollo

I was quite looking forward to CNY and visiting with my 2 boys..
Now, 1 day into CNY and we are all shagged out and dreading all the future visits already.

Why? Cuz on day 1, for the entire day, in addition to seeing relatives that we have not seen for the longest time, we also witnessed the staging of Dionysus versus Apollo.

Make a guess who is who..

En was the one inciting all the chaos, hence, playing the role of Dionysus.

He cried and wailed whenever he visited a relative's place, and would not let any relatives near him. It was almost like there is a circle insulating him from the rest of the world. Step beyond that threshold and his wails began. He was really the drama boy, and we are all v shagged from carrying him, pacifying him, distracting him; all in all, creating quite a bit of chaos wherever he went. Thankfully after the 1st visit, we figured out the strategy (see my earlier post on the importance of strategy) - to bring his toys along and to get him settled into a place playing before having too many relatives crowd around him. So he was a tad better at my aunt's place, and with cousin Skyy to play with him and all. But still wailing away whenever someone approached.

In contrast, Xuan seemed so like the paragon of virtue. Almost like the golden boy, hence, Apollo.

He mostly slept, laid on the bed and moved his arms and legs, cooed to people who spoke to him, occasionally flashing his dimples when he bestow a smile on the adoring audience.

The 2 cannot be anymore different. Gee.

Anyway.. the start of CNY was a good one.
My family and us have an outdoor steamboat dinner at College Green.

And the weather helped by raining heavily for the whole evening, and then stopping just before we start our dinner.

So we have steaming hot steamboat in the drafty outdoors. Shiok. It is like eating 麻辣 hotpot in winter, or Korean Kao-Bi (Barbeque pork) in winter...

Too bad the first day of CNY turned out much more than we expected. Well, at least it is memorable, for everyone. Leave a lasting impression? I am sure Baby En did.

One of My Best Friends Wants To...

MARRY BABY XUAN!!

Yes! So Mag said, when she came over to visit... that when Xuan grows up, she wants to marry him. WAh!!

She said she likes Xuan's eyes (the long slitted double eyelids which look like single eyelids), and his high nose, which helped her to conclude that he will grow up to be one handsome boy...

So I said I will put her name at the top of the application list and I promise I will not be an evil mother in law! HAHAHA!

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Many have commented, after 1 look at Xuan, that he has high nose.

Which till now I still dunno if that is the same as having a sharp nose?

But apparently, having a high nose is good. So well, good to have I guess.

My problem is how high is considered high. Have they seen babies with "low" nose then? The unanimous comments upon many's first look at Xuan, that he has very high nose, left me very puzzled.

So I spent one afternoon just looking at him from the side and taking pics of his side profile. High meh? You think? I still dunno...

Xuan Xuan's First Fever & 后天的努力

Brought the 2 boys to take their jabs the other day;

En to take his chickenpox jab and his Hep B booster; talking about chickenpox reminded me of Bak Chew's adult chickenpox horror, (read here) -- if kids are immunised against chickenpox now, and then kena chickenpox during adult stage maybe cuz by the the immunisation wore off already, will it be equally bad? Gee, I forgot to ask Doc that!! But Alas the deed is done..

Xuan took his MMR, measles, rubella and dunno what, maybe Mumps?

Even though both babies took their fever medication for preventative measure, Xuan still kena fever. Sigh.

Think Xuan maybe not as strong as En, En did not have fever back then, and Hubby's point was Xuan drink more breastmilk also like not as strong as En. So i can stop breastfeeding liao.

My argument is maybe Xuan's natural body constitution not so good, so must have 后天的补充 and 努力. The nature versus nurture battle, maybe Xuan needs more nurturing (ala through the magical breastmilk lor) to be stronger.

Still he is definitely a bigger baby than En at the same point in time.
Half a kilo heavier, but 1 cm shorter. Considering that Xuan was born half a kilo lighter than En, his progress is then more than En lor - THAT IS WHY MUST HAVE 后天的努力! Maybe this proves that post birth nurturing more important than what nature has provided yeah?!

So continue to breastfeed I must.

I been meaning to write about my battle with breastfeeding, but my 2 hr free time away from breastfeeding block has not allowed me much time to pen it all down, but I promise I will blog my very controversial perspective on breastfeeding, even though I am still a slave to it.

I mean, its like my mind rebels against it, but my heart urged me to go one for fear of consequences. Eh.. in a sense, it like akeen to being religious/ being superstitious, sometimes you know some rites are silly, your mind rebels against it, but the fear of going to hell or purgatory just keep you in line.

I am like that now, and it is a BAD place to be in - exactly - between a rock and the hard place. Darn. It is time to pump again! sigh.

The art of Strategizing is Critical to Parenting

En seems to be adjusting well to our new home, with the exception of the bathrooms. And it really took some strategizing to overcome this tricky new problem..

For some unknown reason to date, En has been kicking up a major tantrum during his bath, refusing to let us bath him at all. And put up a mighty resistance he did. He screamed and wailed all through the bath and continued for quite some time after. That went on for the 2 days when he was home (before that we put him at the nanny's so that we can all focus on unpacking)...

For a boy who loves water and sprinklers, it seems really strange.

Quite spooky actually, and if we have not done our usual religious stuff with the house, I will be quite spooked with his extreme reactions to both bathrooms in the house.
So to eliminate all causes, we asked Super Nanny to come over and see if En really disliked the bathroom or he just started to dislike bathing with the maid (Babies can be so fickle). In any case, Nanny and her family been missing En and came specially to visit the 1st weekday that En did not go over. She chided that we did not give her adequate notice period for her to prepare herself that En is no longer gonna be in her care... Quite upset she really was. So we decided that we will place En with her every Saturday so we can continue to do our marketing at the great Chinatown market, en route from her place. And we think it will be great for En to continue growing amidst her warm and joyous family and her kids..

Back to the bath, so even Super nanny could not get En to bath without crying. Perhaps he was not used to the new place, we all rationalise. He would go into the bathroom to watch Xuan bathing, but when it is his turn to bath, he cried heaven and earth... So its not the bathroom per se. It is Him not wanting to bath in both the bathrooms. Ok, so that is the problem, now the solutioning begins..

So while musing about how to tackle this thorny issue, I walked En over to his cousin's place, thinking to borrow some bubbles solution to lure him into the bathroom as Hubby suggested. While playing with his cousin's toy, he was fascinated with a Bert and Elmo waterwheel. So we borrowed that as well thinking it might come in handy - that is the one sitting in at the end of the bath tub.


And voila it worked. After a stenunous morning bath, where we still have to stuggle with his reluctance to bath, my mum and Melanie were able to bath him without crying in the evening, but that is after going through lots of distraction using a combination of the bubbles, his usual water toys, and leveraging on his fascination with the Bert and Elmo waterwheel. And the key lies in focussing his attention on play rather than on the bath. And so we have kept that toy deliberately in the bathroom so that En could only play with it during bath time.

Sometimes, I think parenting requires a lot of strategizing and the keen ability to know when and how to offer the right props/ incentives. Like I lamented to En after his first wailing bath, I do not have the answer as to why he cries so hard during bath when he loves to take baths! All the baby books could not provide me with that answer. However, we will have to devise strategies how to overcome the problem. There are tonnes of other problems which require strategizing, such as overcoming the night feed so that baby will sleep through he night, getting baby to travel in the car seat, getting babies to differentiate between night and day, getting babies to like food etc..

So now I am beginning to think that parenting trains one to be a brilliant strategist. And related to that is patience, which is the other key to success and victory. One must have the patience to try various strategies and to analyse the next steps should a particular strategy fail. Well, then again, parenting has never been for the weak yeah! haha.

En's Hair Cut

Today En and I had an exciting time - We had our first hair cut out in the deck!

See EN's new hair cut - much as we will like to keep his hair long, like the androgynous Japanese kids, but En had a bit of heat rash since moving here, think he played too much out in the outdoors.

Coupled with En's phobia of washing hair, and his recent antagonistic attitude towards the toilets in the new house (more on that later), we decide to keep his hair short under the advise of his nanny.

So, together with many of En's toys, and my mum and Melanie, who were the distractors, I cut En hair shorter on all fronts. Not too bad ya for a first attempt?

En always cried when he has his hair cut, but today he did not, perhaps it is cuz we are not in a hair salon? or perhaps, my mum and Melanie were very good distractors. Or maybe it is my special signature No More Tears Treatment heehee. All in all, it was a very pleasant and rewarding experience. After the cut, we all have a very good hearty laugh at En as he looked very cute and funny with this new cut..

Ad the best part was, with the hair all over the deck, we just hose the hair away.. no hassle at all! :)

Mum's Buy and Find - The Solution To Hands Free Pumping

Thanks to Jaja, who lent me her Ameda Dual Pump, expressing milk this time round is more time efficient and less frustrating..

Also, well, for mums who are keen to breastfeed for long, I strongly recommend a dual pump, not only because it saves time, but also I feel the stimulation from pumping and generation of milk volume is better. I tried a single pump before and now with the dual pump, I can really see the difference.

But the problem with dual pump is I can't do anything else while pumping, cuz both hands will be occupied. Well, like with mobile phones, I figured there has to be a hands free solution. If not, Jaja suggested we should come up with one and patent it. haks!

And then, I chanced upon these wonderful pump accessories on Mum's Fairy. The Pumpin' Pal Hands Free set now made it possible for me to read, to blog during the half hour of pumping. And when Val (the lady managing the online store) delivered the items to me. she told me that the hands free allowed her to pump while driving! Amazing. And this works with the most pumps from what I read.

Then there is their star Product of the Super Shield, which really helped to alleviate the soreness of pumping.



Great finds, and not pricy at all (about 30 plus per item).

So now, I can blog while I pump.. no more staring into nothing and just doing mental gymnastics while pumping, heee.

A Glowing/ Growing Boy

It is so nice to look at Xuan Xuan..


These days, En is at his nanny's place while we clean up the place, and it also gave me some time to spend quiet moments with Xuan Xuan..

And when En is home he kinda dominates our attention; with our concern over him falling as we see him toddling unsteadily on his feet, and his funny antics getting our attention.

So I appreciate these moments with Xuan. I am trying to find time in between all the feeds and the pumping to exercise and for massage, but it has been tough - I feel I am perpetually in a rush.

Hubby suggest that perhaps I should stop breastfeeding. . and take the time to enoy more time with En and Xuan and also to do things that I like. His argument was that En did not have as much breastmilk back then as he refused to latch around this time and my expressed milk started dwindling when he stopped latching.. And he turns out ok on formula milk...

This time round, I feed Xuan a lot more breastmilk, and the volume was more each time as well.. but it is so hard to stop..

One of those guilt traps - with all the good stuff we know about breastmilk and the hype, are we depriving our kid and being irresponsible when we stop just to make our lives easier? I find it hard to stop.. the last time even with the ever diminishing milk volume, it took me 2 weeks before I can totally harden myself to stop totally... let's see how it goes now.. but more breathing space ll be gd.. I want to do my YOGA!!!