老友万岁

For the past 2 weeks I have met up with various 老友s, particularly a couple of times with Ms Nomad...

And just on Friday, I met Mr. D for lunch.
As we sat down to lunch, we realise how long it has been since we last had lunch together.

Not only that, we are now both parents of kids.. it was an amazing change, given that the topics we used to talk about include office gossips and career grouses, our golf and other interests... and all these were done over teh and kopi-O, and even the occasional Tiger Beer at the Kopi-tiam.. Now we talk about our kids, the future of our kids and what we do on weekends with our kids, and how our attitudes have changed with kids..

Time really flew - we attended each other's wedding, visited each other at the hospital during our first born and attended birthday parties of our first born.. It had been an amazing journey.. and something which we would not have been able to imagine years back..

As he went to buy my usual teh-si and his usual Kopi-O, Mr D said it felt like seeing the 老朋友 again.. I can't help but agree, bringing to mind this cheery song of Ekin Cheng..

老友万岁嘿我陪你乾一杯
你说的对嘿做人挺累
不管多困难别放走机会
牢记那一句话要打死不退
嘿老友万岁嘿不可以掉眼泪
放胆去追爱太可贵
光阴拉著流水命运伴著风水
其中那些滋味风吹雨飞一起去面对

Here's a tribute to all the 老友s who have been there and now here!!!

Manly Bond

The little boy misses his dad real BAD.
On the surface, it doesn't seem like En care nor is even aware that PaPa is not here.

So it came as a surprise to us that day - 2 days after Papa has left.
Beneath our coffee table were 2 photo albums of our trip to France, one where I was 5 months pregnant with En.

We never know that En knows that those are photo albums. The albums had been in the same spot since before he was born and he had never taken them out to see them. Neither have we ever showed him those photos.

We also never know that En knows those albums held the most recent photos of his Papa.

But now we know all of that - 2 days after Papa left.

He lugged those albums which were too heavy for him. Struggling, lugging them onto the floor, En began to flip through the pictures. And pointing to every photo that has Papa in it, and saying aloud Papa to every photo.

That is how En misses his Papa. On some days, he can visit the albums up to 5 times.
That is some bond indeed.

A taste of being Single Mum

It's been a long time since I last blog.. Yes, now MIA and back.
Cuz since hubby been overseas, and he is still overseas now, I have my taste of what life as a single mum is like..

It is tough to be both a mum and dad..
On the emotional front, the guilt is a lot more.. so i try to wake up early and bring the boys for walk. And i try to go home early so I can play with the boys before they go to bed. And that means I work after they sleep to make up the hours.

I even feed En milk (for the longest time he refused to be fed by us) and put him to bed, something I have not done for the longest time.. and between my maid and me, we each have to tend to a boy who will wake up at night..

Still, the bonding is great.. it is an opportunity to bond exclusively with the boys..
But it also got me thinking about how important it really is to share the load of parenting.

I dunno.. is this a chicken and egg problem.. who says a family has to be made up of 2 parents to be complete? If babies are born to single parent and single parent is the norm, the family can still be complete right? However, having more people care for a kid is good - cuz it ensures that the child get adequate attention. That must be why in the primitive era, kids are brought up by the village or the clan. It is a number's game - kids just need attention a lot, and having more people means more chances of the kid's needs being met.

It can be tough to shoulder the load alone. Physically its exhausting. Emotionally, sometimes it can be just too much. Then again, the rewards can make one feel its all worth it.

Xuan Xuan is my "happy apple" .. he has suddenly become a big boy overnight, very animated and increasingly showing his naughty side. And he has started the tug of war with his brother.. refusing to let go of the ring toys when En tried to force it away from it. Definitely not one to be bullied.

As for En, he learnt how to climb up the slide and slide down the slide in the basketball court. He is babbling a lot more, although most of the terms revolve around the different types of bears (papa bear, po-po bear, ki-ki bear - which he meant his brother, ye-ye bear). He still refuses to call me mummy... but maybe he has a good reason... like save the best for last? Still, the little boy is missing his father real bad.. more on that in the next entry la..

海的孩子

Finally had some time to clean up this video - with minimal editing to preserve the "natural-ness" of the clip...

反朴归真的Good Friday

I think my wish for a little magic in our lives came through on Good Friday.

We had an outing with NJ's cousins and their kids to an place (which does not have a formal name) as it was just a deserted stretch of beach with sea waters on both sides. The raw and unspoilt (read minimal human intervention) quality of the place took my breathe away. And when my mobile registered Maxis connection instd of M1, I know while I am physically on SIngapore land, my spirit had soared somewhere else!

It was an amazing adventure.

The ride to the place was a thrill. I was always a fan of SUV and its off road power - ever since the I attended a Michelin trade event years back when each of the invitee was given first hand experience of a variety of driving on the road. From the racetrack renault (ala GrandPrix at a whizzing speed of 100miles per hr) to off road adventure up the incline and down into the waters on the SUV, I fell in love with the tough SUV.

And we had the "safer" version of that on our ride to that magical beach. We were all packed into Wee's Rover, and En was laughing and giggling everytime there was a huge bump. On our ride there, we saw the aeroplanes land and take off, and En was fascinated. Then as the vehicle turn into a beaten track, with wild dogs chasing us along the way, i was reminded of the days when I was young and we took taxi to visit my grandma's house in the kampung.

The beach was amazing. To me, it is like Bali but better...No one else was around, and no discernible building in sight, the breeeze was wonderful, the water was clear, and the sand was good. There were sea shells to be picked and one could walked along this narrow strip of beach that had water on both sides.

The kids built sandcastles, played in the sad (that was En's first play of the sand) and in the end, all the kids ended up in the water with their PaPas.

That was En's first experience at swimming/ playing in the sea.The 2 hrs sped away and before we know it, the kids are hungry and tired, and the sun was setting. En was grabbing at the food when we went back to the mat, and there was no need to fight or cajole the kids into having more food. And then En sang his way home. While he was previously shy with Wee, when we came back, he actually smiled at Wee even though Wee was making his usual faces at him. Maybe that was what socialising was all about haha!
Maybe having boys (or more boys since cousin's family has 2 boys and a really athletic gal) is a tad different from having girls. The activities will be more active and adventuresome. At least I can imagibe when we travel the next time, we will be doing all the gung ho stuff and they will love it.

Meaningful Quotes..

I read that Zhang Ziyi has the following motto, of which now I am an ardent fan too.
And for my boys, the same goes:

人,
不可以有傲气.
但,
人要有傲骨.

How true! One should not be arrogant, but one must not be without pride. I love it! HOw aptly put, once again, I am impressed with the Chinese syntax! I wonder if she think that up or she had it from somewhere.

****************************************************

On the same day, Barbie's boyfriend has this on his MSN:

"All we need is a little magic"

It is like a refreshing balm to my tired soul.
Yes, in life, in love, in all,
All we need, and want, is perhaps, a little magic.

Is that so hard?

Signs Signs Signs (From Letters Without Stamps)

For a person who believe quite a bit in signs, destiny and fate, I think the sign-ology is trying to tell me something. Cuz just last week, I blogged when I heard abt X living the last days of her life, and this week, I was told that an ex-colleague whom i respect and like greatly are suffering through the worst, and yes, the LAST days of hers too. and Alone...

I have never met AT, cuz she was my overseas counterpart.
We talked quite a fair bit, and we worked on a couple of projects together. I greatly admired her work ethic and like her as a person: sincere, unassuming, and genuine.

Now i heard she has a disease which makes her brain cells grow smaller, and it is messing up her memory. Today she will remember how to go to the toilet, tomorrow she may have no recollection of how to do such a deed at all. Yes, such disease do exist. And debilitating it is, particularly if one used to be a bright and wholesome person. Such stuff happened to 1 in dunno how many million, so yes, the doctors do not have the cure for it too.

But it is extra painful because the memory comes and goes. It reminds me of the Korean movie "A Moment to Remember", where the actress had a failing memory.. and had to give up her love of her life, as it will be very painful for both whenever she forgets him.. tragic and beautiful, I cried buckets over it, and Nomad was just telling me a few weeks ago her sis kept watching it over and over again, and she recommended me to me not knowing I had seen it (that could be a sign too - all pointing to something). And back then I wonder if such disease really happened to anyone, and now it is happening to someone I know.

The worst for AT is - her husband is seeing someone as young as perhaps, their daughter. AT's mum just passed away recently too. In face of all these, AT tried to end her life - unsuccessfully. And now, she can't continue to stay in SG for treatment cuz her permit does not allow her to or something, but her daughter is pregnant so not advisable to travel probably, so AT has to go back alone to her country.

And she has only about 3 months more to live..

Can you imagine the pain of something like that happening? What kind of choices is there in such situation ... if I put myself in her shoes..

I will not see my grandchild born..
The man I devoted nearly half my life to left me when I needed him most.
The close kin has left me too, an emotional upheaval I do not have the energy to cope with..

Maybe, in face of that, I can understand why suicide may be an option.
My 口头缠 whenever I imagine a bad scenario, or when something bad had happened, I will say "去死了算了".
I think, this situation that AT is in may well really make that statement valid.

And with all these people facing such pain and tough decisions in their lives as X and now AT, with me hearing about them one week after another, I dunno if they are a sign to me..

If they are, I want to say that,

I know there are bigger things in life - my kids have shown me that.
I know I have to show humility and grace and gratitude for what I have, and what I am so far.
I know life is not about work, nor money nor status.. living a life is bigger than that. So I have changed my approach to work. I am still going to work hard, but not at the expense of anything.
I also know that joy is being in the now, in the present..

But I can still feel the tragic-ness for these people I know.. the debilitating effects I may never know, but the loss, or the pain of loss, I can empathise..

My thoughts are with you, even though you may not already remember who I am...

To all the people still out there chasing.. Stop it, Stop it, Stop it pls, before it is too late.

Pa-pa

Baby en has a v unique way of calling his Papa – he says it in a very sing-song and uplifted pitch which sounds really adorable and lovely.

So all of us have been brainwashed into his form of “Pa-pa”. Words simply cannot describe what he said, so it will be up to all of you to witness it yourself. Haha!

P/S: his Mummy is a babble of mumbo-jumbo still – but he is trying, and that is good enough for me..

New Toys

Over the weekend, En, Xuan and me all had new toys!
The kids toys are courtesy of Mummy and Papa, and my new toy is courtesy of Hubby.

En has a new pair of shoes - which were huge because his feet were wide and fleshy. So he needed a pair that had a wide flap to accommodate the front part of his feet. He seemed keen to put on the sandals himself - funny boy!

Xuan Xuan had a new knit bear! Lucky En is crazy over Elmo now, and seemed contented to leave the bear to Xuan Xuan.

and I got a new game console. Something I have been thinking about for 6 mths, cuz I was not really convinced I would be able to find time to play. My ex colleagues were strong advocates of the console months ago - in hopes that we would all be able to play together.

Happy lor! So now, I am looking for this "something" to reward doting daddy and hubby, for his generosity. Papa, you wait huh! heehee! I am a very particular gifter, and only the best will be fitting for the best mah!

Adults and Kids

I love watching kids, AND their parents.
Because I feel that one can always see the similarities between the 2.

Just recently, Hubby remarked to me that he had figured out where his niece, Shin, "inherited" her questioning demeanor from - the wise and adult way with which she poses her question never fails to make us take her questions very seriously and compelled to give her the right answer. Hubby was saying that Shin must have internalised that stance from her mum as his recent trip to the market with Von had Von asking him numerous questions, which was highly reminiscent of the way Shin asked hers.

Last night Bing Bing celebrated his 2 yr old birthday. It was a small affair with 30+ relatives. Lots of cousins, and of course all of the kids were there. As I was playing MJ, I was "interrupted" by a conversation between 2 boys. One was trying to navigate his way in an apparently complex computer game & expressing immense frustration with the obstacles he was facing with the game. And I heard a calming voice beside him, talking him through the various ways that he could get on with the game.

At one point when the frustration was really intense, I heard the calm voice saying, "Can I help you with that?" and subsequently, when the player refused his help, he was still supportively trying to talk him through the game, with various attempts of "Will you like me to help you with that?". I looked up from my game to see who the boy was, and it was Jet, 8 yrs old, (and the player was an older boy). And I can't thinking how similar he is to his dad - I can just imagine his dad helping him the way he was trying to help the boy now.

And I was reaffirmed in my strong belief of the power of the sub-conscious minds.

Then there was Baby En crying, as usual, with the huge crowd. And again, we have to do the usual of distracting him, easing him in with the crowd slowly.

As usual, we heard lots of remarks of needing to socialise him with strangers etc etc. But the point was the bulk of the crowd were people living across the estate, people whom he had spent numerous weekends with. And En was no different when he was a baby. He was just a Spirited Baby with a touch of Touchiness in him. After reading Tracy Hogg's Baby Whisperer, I found that EN fits that profile completely. She advocated knowing who your kid is so that you can cope better with him, in accordance to what he needs.

So En has been a consistently Spirted and touchy baby from birth. And w have perfected the art of coping with him in such situations, albeit the really bad ones had been really trying.

So I believe En will grow out of that phase of being touchy around large crowds. And I wont compared him with other kids, cuz other kids may belong to the profile of Angel kids, Grumpy Kids, Textbook Baby which all require different ways of coping. And to me, En has a very strong character, which was what I always said I appreciated in a kid. So we just have to channel that energy into something else.

But it does get trying when one encounters people who do not understand, people who are apt to compare kids, people who try to judge and mould kids according to a certain benchmark. And seriously, I will have fitted into the profile of a Spirited mum, which is no surprise why En ended up that way. So I have learnt not to be defensive, but I will be around to make sure my kid does not get moulded into a certain mould to meet others' expectations.

In time, I am sure En will be ready to socialise. At present, he is just very selective about who he likes. So he does socialise very well with certain people, and he is learning to cope with the kid dynamics.

When he fought with Bing Bing over Bing Bing's new toy, and I asked him to return it to Bing Bing because it was Bing Bing's birthday - he promptly went to find Bing Bing to return the toy to him. For me, that is good enough. That was great!

At the end of the day, if En is really different, outta the norm, he is all the more special, dun you think? I, for one, will hate the conformity. I don't need a model baby, I just want my kids to be happy with who they are. And maximise whatever potential they have at that moment. That will be more important than having them follow the rules of the norm.