Farewell

It seems to be lots of farewells around.

Not cuz we are leaving for China, but many colleagues left at work.

And I feel like we also have to say farewell to College Green, our home, farewell to Momo for somemonths, friends here and plan farewell party for the boys with their classsmates as they will not be going to school for a few months...

So in the sense of compressed time it is a LOT of Farewells. And I even said farewell to my wedding ring, since I seem to have lost it. argh. Dun wanna think about that.

And lots of packing - at home, at work and our luggages.

The boys have their on flight trolley bags out to pack their toys and books on board.

En is seasoned. He went to his book shelf andlook and walkedaround the toyroom...

Xuan onlyhas all theThomas items in his thomas bag, the trains, the waterbottle and thomas books. sigh. Recently He deteriorated to only wearing Thomas tees -we have only 3 of them, so gotta wash them fast enuf for him to change. I wonder if it ever ends?

Only 5 more days to go..

Here is a pic of Rui that I snapped today, the cutiepie is really interactive these days.

Always cooing when I speak to him.

Smiling. Started grabbing things and putting them in his mouth to explore.

Sigh. It is fun to watch him develop.

And to watch him watch me.

Lots more pics to come, i only manage to get his,before my camera ran out its "energy".

And Oh, I may need to do a farewell entry, as apparently, China has blocked blogspot again!!!

Oh, sigh.

So i will continue with facebooknote then.

If that is the case, feel free to add me in your facebook for updates from China if you find myblog stagnant for a while after Sunday..



Adieu friends!!

Catch..

1. Catch Up



It has been almost a month since I blogged, a real cold turkey month for me.
Well, much of it is attributed to my lousy computer, which has a bad "scar" on its screen which inhibits me from reading anything or writing anything properly I have to resize the screen again and again to read simple news properly. Too much effort. I wished I can get a new laptop...

It has also been hectic, as there are a lot of ups and downs. And the kids are sick.. the usual potent flu bug which gave the kids the full works of cough, runny nose, fever and even rash on Xuan.

so I ran a pharmacy again for 2 weeks, and Xuan got so bad that he had to be on the nebuliser. And we had a screaming, kicking and violent kid in the house everytime he has to be put on the nebuliser. Thankfully by the 3rd day, he got used to the machine and the treat of sweets after that, so he was much calmer thru the process. But his fear is apparent as he kept saying "scared" and he labelled the machine "bad". sigh..

2. Catch-er..


The 2 boys drive me kinda nuts with their perpetual game of catcher.. screaming as they run through the house. While i should be happy with their bonding, but whentheir screams woke Rui up fromthe nap and I have a screaming and angry baby (who is usually most peaceful and jovial), my urge to scream and have a meltdown myself is imminent.

These are days of much self control.. kinda prepping for days of me as a stay at home month for the coming half a year. While i am glad to have the opportunity to be a stay at home mum for the 3 kids (thanks to my office arrangement for granting me the no pay leave), i recognise that it is a real challange to me...

3. Caught by..

I am always caught by how cute the boys are - I admit.
I know all parents feel pride in how their kids have grown, and it is natural.
But when I see their photos, or have a glimpse of their antics.. i find them really adorable sometime. The 3 boys all look so different, and have such different temperament, it makes parenting them a real experience in human nature.

En - always engrossed in his books, drawing or practising his numbers or alphabets.. This little boy seem to have acquired an innate love for the "bookish". He loves to read and do his exercises and it is a a joy to read to him, and huture his love for learning.

Xuan - always gibberish, dancing with a cheeky smile full of exuberance and never failing to charm his way with everyone. While he is definitely not bookish, it is a joy to just go along with what he wants to do. Just to see his dimpled smile.. but this boy does need to start to learn and speak properly soon - he is like 25 mths already but he is still mono-syllabic and behaves like a PG kid rather than the N1 kid that he is...

Rui - always cooing, swinging his arms and legs and smiling at ayone who looks at him... He is joy to hold and smell. At 3 mths, he is wearing clothes of 9-12 mths, really large for his size... but he has recently started developing the bad habit of not wanting to finish his milk. Other than this, he is a real joy to be around. Of all the 3 kids, I have to say i enjoy time with him as a baby most (no screaming like En, and more interactive than Xn as a baby), this one lights me up like nothing can, even if I only have 3 hours of sleep a day after tending to his sick brothers and in between the regular pump schedule.

Sigh... so my life goes on... ad here are the backdated and recent pics..

Vulgar...

I have been too busy busy busy since coming back..
But I want to record the following:

1. En showed me his vulgar sign on 16 April, rather innocently, of which I told him if I ever see him do that ever again, I will put him on the naughty seat as it is a bad sign which will offend others.
He seemed shocked at my response, and would not tell me where he learnt the vulgar sign from...

2. On the positive sign, while I was coming back and stuck at the China customs (that is another colourful story), I learnt that En was crying and crying, seated on his sofa when He heard that, worried sick over whether Rui and I will be able to come home.

3 On the same evening that he was worried if i was able to return, he sat on his sofa and thought for a while, and asked my mum..
"Mummy's birthday over already?"
Yes, mu mum answered, though my next birthday will come next year.
En thought for a while and said, "I want to buy flowers, make nice nice in paper and send to mummy."
My mum was puzzled why he would want to send, when i am around but he insisted that the flowers have to be sent. When my mum told him that if he will behave himself and fight less with Di-di, I will be very happy even without the flowers, En apparently pondered for a while, then asked my mum seriously, "You sure?" hhahahaha, that makes me laugh more than anything else.

4. Xuan has been babbling lots and seemed to have grown up suddenly. at 27 month, he just started articulating comprehensible words, but many of which are still just... babble. however, he is a most funny child, ever ready to dance to music and make funny expressions, such as putting both hands on his cheek and make funny faces at me.

His cognitive skill seemed to also bemore developed than we anticipated, because when the confinement aunty returned to Singapore ahead of me, when Xuan first saw her, he went to her and asked, "where, baby?". he shocked everyone as no one really think that he would understand what is happening in the house, much less recognise the fatc that aunties looks after baby and has gone to china with baby...

5. We realise we may have been depriving Xuan of new toys as I noticed that he treated a cheap SGD 2 dollar bear pencil case we got for him from china really preciously. He hugged it everywhere he goes, like his Thomas trains that are only his, and when I saw him take the bear and point to the sofa seat, and proceeded to bring the bear there to seat the bear on the seat, arranging the body of the bear nicely so that the bear sits nicely and squarely on the seat, my heart went out to him..

This little bear, which was a whim purchase by the by and not even intended originally for him (but brought back to Singapore with the intention to avoid having him fight with En whom we bought a similar rabbit pencil case and who really needed a pencil case more than Xuan), was just a 2 dollar cheap purchase for me.
But for Xuan, the little boy who mostly had hand me downs and not much new toys (since we have aroomful of toys), to him, the bear is a precious and cherished gift from us.

6. Both Xuan and En were caring towards Rui most of the times, eager to play with him by making funny faces, or gently touching Rui's hands. BUt Xuan surprised us most, when he gave up his "royal sofa seat" which he always sits on for his TV shows for Rui to lie. He pointed to his seat and said "Didi" and he promptly went to sit on the seat next to it, willng to give up his seat (Which apparently no adult could sit on without being chased away by him) to baby Rui.

7. En is also caring and loving towards Xuan. When grandparents bought Xuan his new precious crocs with Thomas add ons, En kept Xuan's shoes in the house, claiming that "because Didi's shoes are new". When Popo asked him what aout his own shoes, why are they left outside the house, he replied that "his shoes are old, so can leave outside" O_O

8. baby Rui is hefty 7 plus kg at 3 months (for the record, En is over 15 kg at 40 plus mths), and a very swet baby who has learnt to sleep thru the night from 8 pm - 4 or 5 am. and when awake, he is always cooing and babbling and never fails to give us a smile when we play with him..

A month away, I come back filled with stories as well as little observations of how much the kids have grown. and how each of them brings me a different kind of joy. I am really savouring it, as I am forever worried that these moments slipped by too fast for me to catch them and hold them in my palms for just a tiny little while...

Days of Madness in beijing..

I have not been blogging cuz I was/ am sick sick with Mastitis..

And had the experience of my life "experimenting" with the different hospitals in China...

It started mild enough, some pain and fever, and we went AnE in the evening 2 Sundays ago when my fever went up to 40 and i was having both the fever and the chills (yes, never knew tat's possible!)

And at the hospital, a public but specialist hospital for Maternity, females and kids, the system was chaotic. I thought that is typical of the Chinese chaos anyway, until we went to the expat hospital and you realised the difference. 

Well but we are trying to acclimatise here right, and to be fair, this is the only hospital where they specialise in lactation services. No other hospitals I went to subsequently has massage/ laser light therapy or even daily consult with the doctors specialising in mastitis.. (yes they have that, apparently so common in China that every hospital i go to, I see fellow females seeking treatment for the

 same ailment.. I blame the winter.. which probably made our milk ducts contract or something...  though NJ say I am crazy to think this way since he says our body temperature remains the same and we not cold blooded - well maybe I am leh... doctor verify pls..)

In the hospital, they make u pay for EVERY minor procedure.. at every point. Supreme division of labor if some sociologists want to study the system.. no collation of payment at the end of the day.. and u run around this like 4 tower building for all the difference processes - payment, blood test, labs, Q for consult, the Consult, meds, therapy, masage, photoray etc..

it is rather exhausting. When my condition deteriorated, cuz the doctor only prescribed like 3 days of anti biotics since I refused to be warded, the condition worsened when the antibiotics stopped. 

So i have to go back and succumed to the drip.

And that was another nightmare, they dun ve beds to ward me, so i have to be on day drips.

I go into an open area, i mean really open ok... with different stations for pumps, photo ray and massage all in the same tiny room with no demarcation and you are supposed to just take off your tops for the treatment (china apparently has no respect much for urm.. privacy? - thank god I am Hungary trained when it comes to public baths, if all females, i am not that bothered seriously, but still it seemed a bit crazy to me)

then I went for day trips where the nurse, while efficient, just abuse the patients..

Ok, how so? Check out the conversations I overhear while seated in an uncomfortable chair bearing out the 3 bottles of drip on a 5 hr period..

Incident 1: "you scared of pain?" said the nurse to the patient who came in for an injection of some sort in her tummy. "Then you want kids or not? want to deliver babies or not? If you want, then scared of pain for what..." DUH DUH... for info, until my surgery, My previous 2 births are pain free ok. Even when the nurses draw blood at the hospital, they are v careful when I told them I am totally non pain tolerant...

Incident 2: A fellow mastitis mum had allergic reactions to the drip and was taken off the same drip that i am going thru quickly. she had shortness of breathe and was rescued by the nurses and doc - at her seat. OK.. then she was asked to go home as she could not take the drip treatment anymore. However, she was very weak from the reaction she had to the drip and could not get up. 2 hours later, while she was still resting there, the nurse walked by and said "you are still here? Still cannot get up and walk yet?" In a loud and "why are you still here kinda tone" - DUH! People pay to be on the treatment, now cannot go thru treatment, just got rescued and this is your bedside manner? DUH DUH DUH..

Incident 3: Husband overheard this conversation... 

A pregnant lady on drip was really feeling uncomfortable, retching into a bag, and accompanied by her mother in law.

The nurse went over to chat, found out she is pregnant and said to the mother in law that some months back, there was also another pregnant lady, and she lost her baby after that... DUH!!!!

It is simply atrocious. and very RIDICULOUS lor.

The next day, I dreaded going back, but had to as there was some reduction in the pain and I thought, perhaps the drip was working..

However, when I went in at 10, the same nurse was not around, she strolled in leisurely some couple of minutes later, but with a crowd at her heels all awaiting to be put on drip as well.

She got hassled and started complaining about patients who come all at once, at 10 am (she is due for lunch at 1130) who should have come earlier.. (duh, is it not her job?!!!) 

I sat down, wanted to give her my meds (3 huge drip bottles lor), she chased NJ out of the room, and I waited. I waited and waited, while she put all the other patients who came after me on drip first. I asked for assistance and she asked me to wait. So i i still waited while watching the minutes go by, acutely aware that she will go for lunch and if I finish the drip by 1, and she is not around, I dunno who will help me. 

NJ came in the room 3 times to make sure I was ok, but was appalled to see me still waiting. 

And the stupid nurse had to cheek to complain about spouse who keep coming in 3 times. I wanted to scream at her and said, given he came in 3 times, you still have yet to put me on drip despite me coming here first, and knowing I am a foreigner!! I tried to stay cool, and waited.. increasingly impatient and frustrated.

I saw her blame a patient for having thick veins or something which led to her not being able to insert the drip. And she had to poke the other hand twice. I think she was just taking out her harrasssment and frustration on the patients.

When the clock showed 10:30 and I am still not served, I got up, stormed to the door and turned around and said, "If you are not helping me, I am getting out of here."

I saw all the patients looking shocked, but none as shocked as her. 

I stalked out of the room., slammed the door and dumped all the meds in the dustbin and stormed off.

We went off to the Sino-Japanese Hospital after that and it was a DRAMATICALLY nicer experience. The bed sheets looked cleaner, registration was prompt, and I did not have to wait, the nurses who are competent and conversant in various languages including Japanese will ask about the condition, and assign a relevant doctor who will come down to a central comfortable waiting area and look for the patient. WIN!!! I no longer had to run around different buildings as I just wait in the same place.

This is the hospital assigned to Olympics Atheletes and I do think they know how to serve international patients who are really sick and lost. Imagine me at the earlier hospital in AnE running at 40 degree fever and still asked to run around to pay, different building for different diagnosis (if NJ was not with me and I had to do that alone, i would have collapsed with exhaustion and killed by watever ailment I had)

But wait, the best part was this - when the doctor at the Sino- Japanese hospital saw my medical and treatment history, he actually said the drip i was given was not "safe"... sigh.. it was a nightmare which I am too glad to be out of..

I went back subsequently for treatment, drip on 1 day and insisted on anti-biotics later and saw an specialist who diagnosed other problems on me quite accurately which I will have to follow up in SG, I am glad to be well again. Seriously. 

I had to sign on papers to say i do not want a IV drip treatment, but other than that, all was well, the nurses were especially attentive. And the best part was, my entire treatment is CHEAPER here at the better grade hospital (cuz I recovered faster) than at the disasterous one!!

A lesson i learnt is once we reach certain standards for fundamentals like healthcare, education etc, there is simply NO TURNING BACK. I tried to acclimatise, but it is a backward system which I simply find NOT acceptable!

hence, well, in health and in education, money pays and buys the best we can afford. It is a true fact and I have learnt my lesson well.

Am happy to out the saga behind me, with much colourful stories to tell back in Sg and ppl coming to China, and well, we do have happy moments after I recovered. More on that later, but for now, pics of Rui in China!!!

A stressful week II

And so the saga continues..

I have rested for some time now in BJ, and feel slightly better today to continue.. 

Maybe it is the sunlight, maybe its cuz I have a good 5 hr sleep yesterday, at the expense of missing my pump at 5 am ($%^&@)

12 March

7am - Making the Move..

Piles of bags lying around..

Auntie and my bags to KL, Aunties' bag packed with Rui's playpen, Drypers (cuz the quality of economy diapers in China is questionable, so while we can get Mammy Poko for the nights and outings, the usual day use diapers are lacking ...), some clothes and cold wear from us and parents and parents in law..

My bag is filled with lactation supplements, 1 change of clothes, and pumps and bottles..

Rui, while going on a 2D1N trip, has like a cooler tub piled with ice and frozen BM, his bag of clothes, mittens, booties, bath time items, rocker for his day time naps, a cooler bag of freshly pumped BM, his book of feeds and poo with timings in them for Nanny's ref, and my list of cautions and notes for his G6PD condition, how to thaw BM and feed chilled BM (though nanny must know but I am taking extra pre-caution as I want to make sure the milk are served properly.. ), and a list of habits and no-no, like no 'Yaolan', not carrying for long, his noises at night which does not warrant much attention when he stretches etc..

And then we are ready to depart..

8:am - saying good bye to the Tods..

Xuan is easy enough.. hugs and kisses and he sems most happy/ oblivious..

En is a much trickier.. 

So i told him mummy is going to work, and Auntie is going home, and I will be back the next night, promising to call him from KL often.

It is a bit heart wrenching to hear him ask if I am going to China - but that I will have to deal with later..

 8:30 - 2:30 pm - Arriving in KL

So we dropped off Rui at the nanny, and checked in at the airport to fly to KL.

Interestingly, we met Michelle Chong and Adam Chen checking in behind us, and in the end, seated right behind us on Air Asia (think they are shooting an Air Asia Sponsored program), and right before getting off, we heard that they are also staying at Mid Valley Mall  - but at Bolovard hotel, the other hotel attached to the mall..

On the way and in between times slots, I pumped and throw my BM away (wastage, wastage, wastage), continue my calls with the tour agencies in both SG and MY to confirm tickets, visa etc and by the time, I arrived in KL, I was exhausted. 

But elated that things are going well, agent picked up auntie's passport, with an arrangement to meet at 530 pm the next day with an approved visa and air ticket for boarding.

For the rest of the day, I slept, pumped, ate and shopped..

Am glad we chose Mid Valley Mall, and to stay at Citatel, the mall is totally self sufficient, with baby and travel shops that meet all our needs, extensive eateries to choose from, and I even bought lactation supplements from GNC to stock up for my 1 mth in China.

And the best part is, we do not have to leave the hotel/ Mall!! Savings on time as we avoid the bad traffic jams in KL, and saving $$ on transport. Me feel so right abt the choice of stay!!

13 March

9am - 4pm

Continued the usual pump, and shop and eat routine, while making sure tickets and visas are cliche free..

5pm : Getting ready to depart

Auntie is all packed and ready for China, she picked up some bb items that China do not have or are of questionable quality and helped us bring them along. Her visa and ticket came, we paid for everything in cash, and got the nice cab uncle to pick us up to both the international airport for auntie and the domestic airport for me.. 

I am getting ready to return to SG with long list of packing items to pack for Rui and Myself to China. 

7 - 11pm

I sent auntie to KLIA to take her international flight, making sure she is checked in alright with a crew assistant to bring her to the boarding gate. I must say, in this aspect, the KLIA is efficient and great as the counter staff asked me if we require such a service before I even have to asked, when he saw that auntie is travelling alone, and I am trying to manage her documents and explained to her where the boarding gates are.

Then I hurriedly leave once auntie is in good hands to catch my domestic flight home.

By the time I arrived at Changi, I am quite exhausted, not to mention wth a day of erractic milk pumps which stressed me quite a bit mentally.

11:30 pm - Home sweet Home but dreading the leaving again.. Still have not figured out what to tell En for my long disappearance.. If he knows I go China with Rui without him, am real scared he will be upset and angry with us, since we made an earlier promise that once Rui is big enough to travel, we will bring him. Nj kept saying that we cannot tell him, as he will be heart broken... so it seems that white lie we must much as I hate it.. 

***********************************************************************

14 march - A day of Prep and Dread

8am - 1 pm: The rapid shopping mode..

Woke up bright and early, (without much sleep actually since Rui was waking up for his feeds and was a bit cranky..) to make sure I have mentallly run thru all the missing items and have them noted down to be purchased.

Have checked on the internet that all the shops I need can be located centrally at Jurong point, so i went there early to get started for a One Stop shop.

Came back home after getting most items to prepare for the major Packing..

12pm - 3 am

I packed like crazy in between my pumps..

Interviewed a potential Philippino maid in between since this is my last day and the agent was nice enough to try and arranged it. 

And in between this episode with En ensued..

8pm: Dealing with En

For some time now, En saw me putting things in and the tonnes of clothes piled on the sofa etc since he came back from his nanny's place (we deposited him there again, so we can all cope with the madness of packing).

He asked me where I am going, and I answered with Rui's milk bottles in my hands, that I am going to work and will be away for some time.

The very astute En, looked at the bottles in my hand, and asked 

"Why you bring that to work?" 

And i was stunned, and I said I am preparing things for Rui when I am away.

He seemed pacified, but it seemed more like he knew something was up and suspected that we are going to China without him.

I felt very torn, as I felt that if he had known I am going China without him, and he just accepted it without telling me, He would know I was lying to him. And I do not want to lie to him.

So I sms NJ that I will tell him some of the truth, even though it is still lying by omission, but there is some truth in it.

So I sat En down, and told him that I am bringing Rui to let Auntie look after.

Because Auntie can't stay in Singapore anymore, Auntie has to go and stay with Papa.

So I am bringing Rui to Auntie and after that I am back.

With this, it wouldn't seem like I am bringing Ru

i to China, to See Papa. But that Rui is going to Auntie. 

En is quite quick to piece the pieces together though, after hearing me out, he looked at me and asked if Rui and Auntie will sleep in Papa's bed, and that I will also sleep in Papa's Bed, and that Papa need to sleep somewhere else.

So, in the end, he still knows that Rui is going China, and will see Papa, but he figured that out himself. On our end, it is not for Rui to see Papa so much as Rui is going to see Auntie.

He seemed to accept it fine, but I feel that He felt sad. But he did not asked to go. I thought that is very sensible and brave of him..

And the next day before we left, I spoke to him as well, and while he seemed on the verge of crying, he did not, and did not ask to go. It was difficult leaving him like that, But i promised to skype him when I arrived. 

15 march: Leaving Singapore and Arriving in Beijing 

Rui and I took a tiring flight to Beijing. Thankfully, he slept through most of it, and was OK with the take off and the landing. Does not seem to affect his ears too much, as I let him suck on his pacifier.

I was able to bring on board the EBM I expressed, so I fed him that on board. I also latched him to feed as well as some forumla when he refused to latch sometimes.

All in all, Rui seems fine on the flight, and I am thankful that he is so cooperative and angelic. Minimal crying. The airline is definitely not what I will fly again, and flying alone is definitely a bit more challenging.

However, i must say if prep is done well, and timing is calculated properly to anticipate BB's needs, it an really be quite easy. My toughest was to carry the pram, bags and Rui - as I was always conscious that I am not supposed to carry anything heavier than Rui. For that, and the less than helpful crew, my wound pained a bit more

 than usual.. 

Anyways, so that ends the traumatic 3 days and I was exhilarated when we arrived. It was quite worth it when Rui smiles upon hearing auntie's voice. The 2 month old Rui is very good at recognising voices and differentiating who does what. That skill of his made it possible for me to latch him even though he is already close to 2 months back then. While he does not drink fully when latched, but i is really good enough to help stimulate the milk flow.

Some pics of Rui on flight and here.. and well, if anyone wants to know how I pack for both Rui and En to keep them peaceful on flight, let me know. I have the list ready - for travel again when we are all moving here.. sigh.. :)

Surviving a stressful week..

It has been a stressful week.. 

or I should day a stressful midweek..

I am now in Beijing with Rui and Nanny... The confinement auntie is taking refuge as the Singapore customs "kicked" her out of Singapore.. 

I want to share this chronologically so as to better appreciate the chaos and madness of the week..

The week started off well enough.. My BM supply reached 120ml per pump and i have extra to store for my impending trip to BJ in late March... The freezer is full with 2 boxes of frozen BM for Rui while I am not around..

11 March - The "bad news" hit

It is time for Nanny to go JB and have her passport stamped. It is her second month in Singapore thus far, and she is staying for a third. Since I still have yet to find a maid to either add on or replace my current one..

Time: 11 am. 

When Ye ye and nanny returned.. She said the customs can only give her 2 days stay as she has maxed out her 60 days days in Singapore.. !!!! The customs person then only said that she could get her extension at ICA. I went online to check and I tot she would qualify for Visit pass - turn out that is only for immediate family members. 

Time: 2pm at ICA

So when I went ICA, turned out they explained the 60/90 days rule to me briefly. I never knew there is a 60 out of 90 days rule for Malaysian. That they can only stay a max of 60 days in SG within the 90 days period. 

So auntie has to get out of singapore and away for a mth before she is allowed back!!

I was horrified and petrified, literally. Initially I could not understand what happened, cuz when auntie was employed by our neighbor, she employed her for 3 mths.. Turn out their situation may have been a result of a loophole in the cmputer's reading of 90 days or 3 mths.. It took NJ's friend some time to explain to me.. 

So we need to figure out what to do.

Time: 2:30 pm - the brains starts panicking

So auntie has to leave. And auntie has to stay out for a month to be safe, as we cannot bluff the computer since its middle fo the month. Minimally we need to stay 2 weeks but we cannot take the chance that we go somewhere and return only to find out that auntie is still barred from entering SG. 

I need auntie's help still, or be faced with option of looking after 3 kids, pumping 7-8 times a day and managing all these with my mum and the rather incompetent current maid. Not to mention I am supposed to be resting since the surgical wound still hurts on and off esp on days when i exert myself by running to too many places or not sleep enuf sometimes..

3:30pm - Deciding that we should go China.

I thought I might as well bring auntie with me to China, and bring forward my trip instead. 

I was naive, a call to the agency reminded me that 

1. Auntie needs a visa to China

2. My trip cannot be changed without penalties

3. Auntie needs to get out of Sg by 12 March and the china visa's fastest processing time is 3 days in SG

4. NJ and yeye  reminded me that China embassy only allows for visa application to be made in the morning.. and that means auntie has to apply and have visa approved the next day and leave the next day

The barriers seem insurmountable. 

4pm - idea struck

I thought the easiest way for auntie to leave is to go back Malaysia and we make plans from there. So KL is a start as that is where the embassy is.

So, I called my tour agent to explore options of changing my dates earlier and to buy Rui's ticket. Turn out Ru's ticket is v expensive under the same promo and not worth it. Husband asked me to buy a one way ticket, ut that turned out to be expensive too.. we rationalised that the cheapest option is to abandon my current ticket and buy a fresh one for rui and me under another promo..

The I called my Malaysia office for help on a tour agent in KL that can help auntie process her China visa in KL. Turned out my colleague was a great help as he said that all Malaysians need visa to china, so over there, they have express option of visa within a day.

And he gave me the office's tour agent which is super efficient and reliable. Except that the airport tax of MAS to china is ridiculously expensive, so even though the ticket is cheap, the total cost is 70% of rui and my ticket cost!

I called the tour agency in Malaysia and they advised me that the express within the day is the only option in order for auntie to go China this weekend. Or else, even with a 2 day express option which is cheaper, the application does not take into account Sat and Sun.

Finally, I went online to book my ticket to accompany auntie to go KL to help her manage the purchase of air ticket and the visa stuff. 

I also had to book hotel since we are leaving right early morning the next day, and I decided to stay at Citatel n Mid Valley mall, which will allow us to shop for all the prep stuff needed for China, since Auntie leave for China on Friday night, and I leave on Sunday, while waiting for tour agent to contact us there for application and purchase of air ticket. 

i next called Bao en's nanny to help look after Rui for a day and night while I stay with auntie in KL to see her off to China before I come home.

6pm - all Set and ready for action!!

So in 2 hours.. the following is set.

1. We leave for KL early morning next day, 12 march (the dateline for Auntie to leave SG) on Air Asia and immediately pass Auntie's passport to agent for visa application.

2. We stay in KL to wait for visa approval so as to confirm the CHina ticket for auntie to leave on 13 march midnight.

3. Rui goes to En's nanny for 2 days 1 night while I was in KL,  and we have to prep his bag as well as he frozen BM to be used (thank god I started freezing them earlier)

4. I forfeit my ticket to BJ later in the month, with new ticket with Rui to leave for BJ on 15 March

Time: 7 - 12 am - Packing for Rui, and processing the booking of tickets, hotels etc etc...

Gee.. all these actions in the space of 1 afternoon, and I feel tired writing abut it..

The actions for the next 3 days to follow..

I just came to BJ with Rui today, tired but happy and proud that Rui did well on the flight and I did doubly well with all the prepping and packing.

But my wound has been hurting a bit more than usual and i had only 2 hrs of sleep each night with all the things to be done and the 3 hrly pumping.. 

So i stop here for now..  watch this space for more action!! :P

*I am superwoman or what.... *

 

Tods and Babe

Sometimes I think 3 boys are too much for me..
The 2 tods are quite energy sapping, much as they are fun and lovely to be around.

They grow so fast sometimes I wish, I have the time/ energy to just blog their antics down, the conversations... the joys and pain on a day to day basis..

Xuan is sure learning very fast, and he called me Mummy already, albeit at the bribe of an apple.. sigh.. He knows everyone by their names, even di-di and ge-ge.. his fav is ye-ye who fetches him and En to school every morning. I observe that whoever controls the wheels wins the favor of the kids.. Hmm..

Xuan has also learnt to let go of his toys, and gives in to En. A really enormous feat. I sometimes think it is the backlash of the school.. since going to school he has learnt to let go of toys, so much so that when he is home now, he gives in to En no matter how unwilling he is, or regardless of whether he needs to give in or not. When En just mentions something is his, even though it is not the item that Xuan is holding, Xuan will put it down quickly and then run off to cry at what we call his "sobbing corner" - in front of the toy shelf. And after soothing himself this way, he will find some other toys to play. I am so amazed.. sadly En is still rather possessive of his toys, well I ll leave the boys to work that out between themselves..

Recently Xuan broke out in rashes, hives apparently though we could not put a handle on the trigger.. sigh, i wish they clear soon so he looks cute again and not awful..

En has been asking and talking a lot.. Nanny brought him to the bowling centre last Sunday and he really enjoyed it. These new experiences made him grow a lot i think.. and sometimes i really think he matures too fast for my liking, due to his sensitive nature..
Due to his fights with Xuan over "his" toys, he had been for a while saying "I do not like di-di" and that created a bit of a problem for me to work it out..
Slowly, by talking to him and listening to him more, these days he is no longer saying that anymore. And sometimes he will say "I like di-di" and hugs Xuan. I appreciate these moments, even though i sometimes think he is doing it to please the adults.

His insecurity comes through whenever he asks me "Do you love me, mummy?" so I know deep inside him the issue has not been resolved.

Xuan's flambouyant and carefree nature easily garners him lots of attention and positive affinity from grandparents and us.. naturally, without even trying. In face of that, En's more passive and sensitive demeanor usually get neglected without ill intent from the grandparents. And that feeds his inscurity at these times I think..

En is a kid who needs a lot of attention and time, he is so sensitive that most times, I am afraid that casual comments from grandparents or others affect him, even though sometimes it seems as if he does not understands but i observed that it always comes through to him as I will see some behavior that stems from the comments he overheard.

As for Rui, he is growing big and well.. and has cut down his milk at night from 3 or 4 feeds to 2 feeds, i am keeping fingers crossed that he keeps up the good wk!!

While his favorite pass time is still sleeping, we are seeing more of him awake these days as well.
And here are the pictures for you to see for yourself how he is doing :)

Wii Kids - backdated photos of the tods dancing away playing Wii















Wide awake and looking stern.. his usual expression..



















Check out his girlish eye lashes!!




















Blissfully in ZZzzzz Land- smiling in his sleep!!

Nostalgia

The boys raced with each other in the beautiful setting sun.
The leaves rustled
The breeze blew..

Soon we will bid goodbye to this place, College Green.
And goodbye to my once cherished hopes and dreams of kids growing up amidst the lush greenery
Of husband and I enjoying our morning coffee out in the deck
Of grass massage for momo
These are all gone now with goodbye to college green.

I will miss the sounds of crickets in the evening.
The dripping sound of rain on the roof outside my bedroom window
I miss the smell of fallen leaves and windy breeze.
the sight of dappled sunlight on the old tall tree outside our house..

I will always remember this place, a place which i built our dreams and hopes for the future.
remembering it with fondness, sadness and much nostalgia.

The Artist

En has always been interested in drawing.
He loves his art class, and since Papa went away, we ended his weekly art class.

Hence, when his school launched a series of enrichment classes after school, I was glad to see Art classes offered, amidst other classes such as swimming, speech and drama, Mandarin etc.

Half of me wanted to sign him up for swimming, as it is an essential skill, but Xuan seems too young for it and I will prefer the boys to learn it together. Nonetheless, I asked En, whether he wanted to do the Art class or swimming class, and sure enough Art class excites him more, much as we try to persuade him to consider swimming.

Thus far, En has attended 4 classes and I must say he has shown significant progress.
Not sure whether it is due to husband's influence these weeks or the classes, but he has been experimenting with different doodle and even did a rather good drawing of the cow and lion now.

I am impressed with the art class teacher, as he never fails to post emails to parents of kids attending his class on the weekly art class activity, and with pictures!

Here is what he wrote the week before CNY, and I was very impressed as I really feel involved with the classes.

"Dear Parents,

Last week we did crayon drawing with the theme ‘Fireworks’. We imagined how fireworks were shot up into the sky and explode like flowers. Although you may find the pictures ‘messy’, if you listen to the little artist’s explanation, you would be impressed by their great imagination. We enjoyed the time talking, imagining, acting, and drawing about fireworks together. I hope you enjoyed sharing the joy from your children at home. You children will be confident and proud of their achievements by your support and encouragement. Attached photos are for your reference.

Wish you and your family a prosperous year of ox!"

En's Calendar for 2009!

Fireworks to welcome the New Year

A Work in Progress Treasure Box these 2 weeks!

And just the other night, En asked me to draw an elephant. So I did on his doodle pad.

And he said: "Mummy, you draw wrong! Not like that."

And told me that the elephant that Papa drew is not like that. And he then proceeded to ask Papa to draw him an elephant. *Roll eyes*

Of course, Papa is a better artist than me la, that may be where the genes came from, but who is to say my elephant is not right?! Sigh.

The battle of wits has begun..

New faces of Bao Rui

Rui is coming to 1 month this Saturday.
Time flies!!!







This time round it seems to just whizz past..
Maybe it is more hectic this time round.

And I envisage a hard time coping with 3 boys and my pumping once confinement auntie goes home in another 2 months' time... Which raise the question if I will be able to cope in China if we move over.

Now, the move is a big if..
Mainly because the C section has made me so weak, and also inconvenient to move a bit faster, bend a bit more, carry a heavier load etc..

Everything will really be less complex if it had been a natural delivery.
Maybe it is really BM's "Sum Zero" manifesting itself - Nature claiming back what it should have been and forcing me to slow down.

Sometimes I think maybe it is all the stress during the pregnancy that resulted in the emergency C section, leading to a distressed baby. That on its own is Sum Zero. And now, the C section leaves a scar for life, to remind me that one cannot cheat Nature, it knows when you are not taking care of yourself and is greedy in wanting too much.

So I am really thinking and trying to slow down whenever I can now.
I think it is my right, i still ve a long journey ahead, and if taking it slowly now means I have a more fruitful journey later, pause I must.

Thinking about Love and Someone

I dreamt of someone last night.
Someone who is probably lost to me, and whom I am always indebted to, for this whole of my lifetime.

I do not know why I dreamt of him, but i think it is a sign. Again, in the darkest moments of my life, you came to me. And your words, they come to me again.
And I read a note of a fellow Aquarian in facebook today, and again, it seems to echo the same message. Another sign.

Well, those who have been reading the previous entries or FB-ing me probably know I have been very troubled the past weeks. It is as if I have been living in the shadows and trying to come out of the shadows. My mind has been battling with the heart with equal wins and lossses.

And I am trying to seek a way to walk out of the dark.
And everyday, I ask for help. For strength to overcome the difficulties that my heart cannot accept. And I know i needed it to resolve this tough patch or it will haunt me, and those around me for life.

And I know, if given time, and I still can't get over "the incident", then it may be a sign that I need to move on in a more drastic manner.

I was hoping for signs, and for cues. Last night, in the dream, and today in the note I found them.

Yes. Love is about forgiveness.
You reminded me that I need to learn forgiveness and tolerance.
For myself. And today, for others.

And these words from the note reminded me to treasure the love we have and find "because it took hard work to find, and as we move along it will take hard work to keep it."

I canot forget.
But I shall try to forgive.

For now, that - that should be enough for now.
If I should lapsed in my resolution, this entry serves as a reminder.

This is the reason to keep fighting - because real love is so hard to find it in the first place.
That is the reason to stay. And to keep.
Thou shall not have doubts nor hopes to ever find another like it.

And given time, I hope I forget. Because, like you say, love heals.

Another year older..

Today, I am a year older, but everything still feels the same.
It had to be one of the most boring birthdays I ever had as I can't do lots of stuff, so it was spent innocuously at home most of the time, but at least I spent it with the kids, and the boys were ecstatic over the cake and the candles.

And En is becoming very good at serving the cake to others before eating it himself.
I look forward to Bao Rui joining the chorus next year.

There is something about celebrating birthday with the boys, they are quite contagious and make me smile. Was trying to recall what I did for birthday last year, took me a while and finally remembered husband and I went away for a short holiday. So this is like the first time the boys sang me a birthday song, it feels different, definitely making me feel older for sure.. sigh.

But sometimes, I think i like to keep my own life separate from the kids.
Just like I try to keep couple life separate from the kids as well.

Some people may wonder at this strange tot.
Is it like trying to delude myself? No. I don't think so.

i love the kids, and they are a permanent fixture in my life.
However, I need my own space, and I need space for husband and me.

So sometimes, events like birthdays, anniversaries etc, I prefer to celebrate them separately.

Sometimes, i think the kids are so much a part of my life, I worry about losing myself completely. And being who I am is important.

Sure, I am a mum.
But I am first myself first. It sounds really selfish I know, but in my mind, it is like I have these different spheres of life. My kids are involved in my life, even an important part of my life, but my life does not revolve around them. Rather, I hope my life does not, just as my life does not revolve around husband's, because I feel that the moment it does, then we are dependent on others for our survival and well-being.

Of course, these I hope I achieve and maintain, since it is easy to be insidiously revolving around other people, esp when it comes to love of others. Hence, sometimes, I just want a separate space for events that are just about me...

Miewsing...

The Reunion

In less than 3 weeks, NJ will return to China.
This reunion has been busy, chaotic, unexpected and really busy.

Many things had happened.
Emotions have been raw.
And sometimes I feel we hardly have time for ourselves. Too much to do, too much to accomplish. It is like a perpetual game of catch up with the macro world. There is hardly time to really introspect and think through some issues.

And what should have been familiar seems unfamiliar.
What should have been seems faraway.
What should not be seems to stay.

And now I feel going to China seems a big step for me.
What i was so sure of, I am not sure now.
Something has changed. Maybe something is missing or lacking. But there are a lot more doubts. I am not sure I want to face what I will find there.

Maybe I have been too tired lately. And too much has happened too fast in a seemingly time compressed manner.

I was chatting with one of NJ's friends on FB the other morning and was given the advise to watch out for "Sum Zero", that we cannot cheat Nature, one day Nature will come back and bite us if we are not careful.

So I was cautioned to slow down and not try to TRY too hard to do everything.
It is true, I believe that too, and how often we forget to stay in the present.

There are too much going on in my life now.
Too much stuff in my mind too..
And too much burden on the heart.

And all these led to some thoughts.. are they realisations? or am I still in the process of searching?

The Search /Realisation

Sometimes I think one is better off being blissfully ignorant.
Some things, once lost, are hard to recover.
Such as faith. Such as trust. Such as love.

I think faith and love provide one with great strength to overcome the odds.
However, the lack of them instill much doubts, which insidious as they are, once planted, grow and are a force to reckon with as they are hard to stop.

And I think doubts do not necessarily only require betrayal to sprout and grow.
They can follow when one's faith is shaken - in oneself's ability to fight, in the future, in the greater world out there and in the other people.

To try and recover the faith or to take a leap is a painful process.
Because of the doubts. And the fear - fear of pain. Fear of disappointment. Fear of the tears.

If you have shed tears, the wrenching kind that cannot be stopped no matter how hard you try, you may be afraid. To go through that - again.

Someone told me that many people strive to fight for things that they think are worth fighting for. I wonder what gives these people the will to fight, if they have already experience the pain and disappointment.

Many times, I think it is easier to give up and walk away.
People are always asking me to stay and fight.
So as to hold dear what is worth fighting for.
To give what was - what had been - another chance.

To do that, I need an balm to achieve amnesia.
I need to be able to forget.
Maybe with time I will since I am always really forgetful.
I hardly remember the reason for quarrel many a time.
Maybe eventually I will.

Until then, I need patience and understanding I guess.
For my doubts. For my ambivalence. For my lack of faith.

你不是真正的快乐

Have been hearing and watching this MV a lot on TV.
And each time, I feel a lot of resonance with it.
Some of the lyrics are scary... in its simplicity and yet with it, the ability to convey the feelings for some people at certain point in time.

03 你不是真正的快樂.mp3 - 五月天

五月天-你不是真正的快乐

人群中哭着
你只想变成透明的颜色
你再也不会
梦或痛或心动了
你已经决定了
你已经决定了

你静静忍着
紧紧把昨天在拳心握着
而回忆越是甜
就是越伤人了
越是在手心留下
密密麻麻深深浅浅的刀割

你不是真正的快乐
你的笑只是
你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了
也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂
关在永远锁上的躯壳

这世界笑了
於是你合群的一起笑了
当生存是规则
不是你的选择
於是你含着眼泪
飘飘荡荡跌跌撞撞的走着

你不是真正的快乐
你的笑只是
你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了
也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂
关在永远锁上的躯壳

你不是真正的快乐
你的伤从不肯
完全的愈合
我站在你左侧
却像隔着银河
难道就真的抱着遗憾
一直到老了
然后才后悔着

你不是真正的快乐
你的笑只是
你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了
也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂
关在永远锁上的躯壳

你不是真正的快乐
你的伤从不肯
完全的愈合
我站在你左侧
却像隔着银河
难道就真的抱着遗憾
一直到老了

你值得真正的快乐
你应该脱下
你穿的保护色
为什麽失去了
还要被惩罚呢
能不能就让悲伤
全部结束在此刻
重新开始活着


I particularly like this part -

这世界笑了 於是你合群的一起笑了
当生存是规则 不是你的选择
於是你含着眼泪 飘飘荡荡跌跌撞撞的走着

Sometimes, indeed, we are caught in situation where we do things, or made certain decisions not by choice, but because it is required or most expedient. sigh.

A winning Eve and a Quiet Chu Yi.

We had a nice reunion dinner last 2 nights, and ending lunar RAT 2008 with my final Mahjong win before Lunar Ox 2009 starts! FIL cooked on Saturday for the family, goodies which I can't eat except for the honey pork ribs, and we had BBQ and steamboat DIY on Sunday with my family. Much also which I cannot eat. However, I have my rather usual confinement food instead and had to be contented with that. Since my new year resolution this year is to be happy with simple pleasures...

Changed the boys to their new PJS to welcome the Ox year, and slept in late on the first day of lunar new year.

The 2 Baos then changed into their respective Bao-shirts to go visiting with Papa while I stayed home with Rui and confinement auntie.

It is a strange new year like that. But a peaceful one without the boys and for once, I caught the whole Count down program.

Nj said that En knows how to "ask" for Ang Bao on behalf of his brothers.. since many relatives do not know that we have a No. 3 or that no 3 has arrived!!

Apparently when relatives give him ang baos for him and di- di , he will say he has 2 di-di, and the relative will find hubby to verify the truth. A very thoughtful brother indeed, always looking out for his brothers..

As for the 2-ge, he is not interested in anything except for food, and trains.. apparently rather oblivious to everything else..

Here are some pics of the 2 rowdy boys, and Prince Rui.

Happy nuzzling after his feed, sleepy through his first new year! He was supposed to only arrived on the first day of Lunar New year, but am kinda glad he came early..

The playful brothers - one of whom is appropriately dressed to welcome the MOo year!

Cheeky Xuan - Check out the "Bao" word on his cool shirt!! Apparently many thought he is a gal, is it the pink top or the baggy pants or the shaggy hair?!!!

11 Days of Edric Yap Bao Rui

Thanks to all the well wishes for baby and our family. Appreciate all of it.
While the delivery has not been exactly a bundle of joy, but baby is a joy to be around for sure.. !!

Today just went to the Doc to check on the wound again and to tie up the loose ends by snipping off the knots.. and Doc prescribed this over 100 bucks cream meant to prevent the scar from becoming "nobbly" (i.e. not have skin folding across/ leaving a deep imprint) - in short, to make the scar looks nicer lah.

Think Doc Yeoh really feels very bad about the C-sect, and was really concerned with how I was coping with the C Sect.

You know I believe in signs, and while it was written in the horoscope that this delivery will be a difficult one (I am supposed to avoid the hospital this month according to the Fengshui book or I will have health related issues..).

When I delivered En and Xuan, everything was the same, from the inducement, to even the same midwife who helped. Even the delivery suite faced the same direction. And of course we had the same confinement auntie for En and Xuan then.

This time, we were ushered to a delivery suite that faced the opposite way, a different midwife, a different confinement auntie, a different cot, etc.. oh well.. it sounds a bit silly but we kinda know this baby is gonna be different.

Of course the costs incurred for him is extraordinarily different as well.. the emerg C Sect, the last minute decision to be in a single ward which amounts close to a 5 figure sum (while it was a good move ultimately since I needed help to do every little thing and needed NJ to be around round the clock), and CNY period which made confinement nanny's fees close to 5 figure for 3 mths of wk..

Well, but looking at Baby Bao Rui, one will smile at his cuteness.
He seems a relaxed baby, sleeping without a care in the world with hands stretched above his head or beside his head (very adult like), and even when awake, will be quietly observing the surroundings with his dark eyes.

He makes lots of little sounds when sleeping, but we learnt that he is usually not awake, just sounds accompanying his movements as he turns or moved his arms. And i love his little smiles when you speak to him, his assessing look when he tries to locate the sound of voices, and how he will purse his lips like a gal!

Weighing 3040g when delivered, he was down to 2915 when discharged. But a wek later he was weighting 3205g when he went to the PD to be cleared for his jaundice!! With his huge appetite, drinking a mightly 90ML at barely 2 weeks old, it is no wonder!!

And here I am with a hard time trying to catch up on his consumption.
My only regret is really the time he spent in NICU, and me in my bed due to the severe C sect pain. That delayed the latching for a good 3 days. That is my greatest regret. As Bao Rui is a patient baby, unlike En, and he suckled very well, much like Xuan, so it will have been really easy to feed him. however, with his jaundice that was so high, he was given formula to help flush out the bilirubins. And that made latching him challenging, especially with his huge appetite.

However, I have not given up, i am slowly building on the volume through pumping, and as of today I manage to pump half of his feed each time. If he is not such a big eater, it might have been quite adequate.. however with time, i am sure I will catch up.

I just regret not being able to latch.. with him, I miss that closeness when I am not latching him..
Maybe cuz he is so sweet.. yeah, I am partial to sweet guys!!

As for how the brothers are coping, many have asked..
Well, En is really affectionate with baby, stroking his head, patting and holding Bao Rui's hand, and telling visitors about Bao Rui who is his brother. He is well aware he has 2 brothers now and enjoys calling baby Bao Rui.

As for Xuan, he calls Bao Rui "bb" and will say "cry" even when Bao Rui is not crying. think he associate Baby with crying since he first heard the baby through the baby monitor. And in his usual rowdy rambuctiousness, sometimes we are worried that he will accidentally hurt baby, so we will usually restrain Xuan or keep an extra close eye when he is nearby.

So far so good.. it is a bit tiring with the regualr pumping and the middle of night alarms to wake and pump, but the post birth this time has been much better, if not for some other issues I had to grapple with.. sigh.

Changed?

"Females are made of water" - it was said. For the past week, I have to agree.
For the past week, it seems that tears flow easily like a loose tap.

It has only been a short week, but it has been a week of much self realisation and discovery.

Delivering Bao Rui has been life changing to some extent to me. Of course a series of post birth incidents and events also heightened the awareness.

I have always thought I am a female of strength, and with fortitude in matters of the heart, and unbearably weak in matters of the flesh, being totally non pain tolerant at all.
I never thought of myself as weak. And especially not dependent on others.
I also thought I am the kind who can cut the strings and just walk away when I put my mind to it. I thought I can be selfish and self centered when I want to.

But perhaps, motherhood has softened me. Or maybe my priorities have changed...

Things that I thought I will not be able to tolerate, I swallowed.
Pain that thought I could not withstand, I bear with it (not that I am given much choice to begin with).
And when it comes to the kids, I am unbearably weak. I can't bring myself to be selfish, or think for myself more..

Before I even saw Bao Rui, i was already attached to him. Of course, him being diagnosed with G6PD deficiency only make me feel more protective of him.

When faced with a choice of taking good care of myself by consuming all the confinement food/ herbs or to breastfeed Bao Rui, whom with his G6PD meant that I can't take the herbal stuff that are better for me, I wish i can be more selfish to care for myself. Especially the toll that the Cesarean that had taken on me.

When I should have just walked away from certain issues, which I would have in the past, I find myself wanting to give excuses and rationalising myself into accepting those issues which were unacceptable before.

It was a bitter pill to swallow. As that means I am no longer a free agent, free to act as per what my will dictates.

It means I am compromising myself. And I hate that feeling of compromising my beliefs.

Sometimes I feel very "wei 3 Qu 1".

If one is no longer happy, or faith is no longer there, can one still continue the journey for the sake of others?

是我想太多?

是我想太多
你总这样说但你却没有真的心疼我
是我想太多我也这样说
这是唯一能安慰我的理由

他霸占了你的心中属于我的角落

Yap Bao Rui

Finally.. Bao Rui arrived.
Unexpected and in a totally different manner from his brothers.

I gave birth to Bao Rui on 10 Jan, when my water bag burst around noon. Bao Rui was not delivered till 17:25 pm eventually via an emergency Cesarean.

The day before, I just had a doc's appt and did the ECG which indicated some labor contractions, and Doc said that while baby may decide to come any time, we still have an appointment for the subsequent Thursday when we decide on the day in inducing baby on the 38 week.

But Bao Rui took matters into his own hands.
My water bag burst, and thinking it will be a speedy delivery, i was much dismayed and distressed to learn that baby was in distress, with rapid heartbeats.
Hence I could not be induced nor let labor take its own course; a C section was the safest option.

Not wanting to be further distressed by an epidural C sect, I opted for GA, which turned out to be what caused me the greatest pain in my life.

When i woke up, it was only to find Baby in ICU and it was another 2 days before I saw him, before that all my impression of him was through a video clip and photos that NJ took.

And i was in such pain that it was impossible to get out of bed.
Despite the painkillers, turned out I was allergic to the ones they usually prescribed for C section patients, so the mix of the rest did not do much pain relief for me.

It was a 3 days later that Bao Rui was discharged from the ICU, but instead of rooming with us as anticipated, he continued his brothers' tradition of super high jaundice level (at 290) and had to be in nursery all the time for phototherapy.

HE could only be discharged on the 5th day, so we spent another day in hospital with him so that I can try to catch up on feeding him..

We even had to rent the photo therapy home , as his jaundice only came down slightly and in order to come home, he has to complete his light therapy. By the time i was writing this entry, his level has come down significantly and can be off his phototherapy for the first time!!

It was an immensely tramatising event for me to go through C section and the level of pain I was subjected to.
I was in physical pain all the time for the 1st 3 days, and always crying because of the pain.
By the time I wrote this entry, I just visited the doctor to discover i had various inflammation - both of the wound as well as the area surrounding the wound because of my sensitivity towards the dressing.

And this is probably because I was taken off antibiotic while I was in hospital as that gave me diarrhea for the first 2 days, in addition to the pain. So today i was prescribed antibiotic cream as well as some more antibiotics.

In any case, here are the pics..

Watching the End of Little Nonya and thinking about True Love

This morning I was reading Blinkymummy's blog entry about True Love - how scientists have discovered what true love is - "couples who demonstrated the same mental 'love maps' to animals who mate for life, the likes of swans and grey foxes" (? - that is new to me).

The only question I have after going through the article is what leads to these "mental maps"? Are some people more capable than others or does it depend on meeting the right person? Like if we meet the right person, then we will have true love..???

Then tonight i spent 2 hours watching a disappointing ending to the Little Nonya .. and what struck me most of the entire 2 hour episode is the following advise Yueniang gave to her grand daughter on love and choice..

"The one whom you love may not treat you well.
The one who treats you right may not be the one you love.
However, happiness lies in your own hands ( or choices)..."

(the above is translated cuz my Chinese software [dunno why] dun wk, have to correct that when I go back to wk, that is if i remember the words by then still..)

So the message seems to be - you can choose to love or be loved. Either way, happiness is in your own hands, so there is no such thing as an "objective" true love?

Hm.. that is why sometimes, I think SOME relationships are full of passion. Some are full of ration-ale. Unless the passion is guaranteed like for the swans, to last a lifetime, then more often than not, the rational relationship (based on assessment of compatibility, one's expectations and needs in life etc) may have more chances of succeeding.

I have observed that not all people marry the person they love most.
They marry the most suitable person whom they meet at the "stage" or period of time when they are thinking of marriage.

Maybe this is a uniquely Singaporean mentality, that by a certain age, you marry, instead of, I meet this person and it is the person I will marry, no mater what age I am at (cuz other things like studies, NS, ability to afford a flat etc etc are considerations).

So more often than not, when a person starts work, can afford a HDB or something then they think of marrying the person they are with. However, sometimes, that person may not THE love of his/ her life..

Sad is it not, if it is the case?
Maybe pragmatic Singaporeans do not value passion a lot?

In the Little Nonya, the ending seems to depict Felicia Chin choosing the guy who loves her more/ treats her right..

Maybe it is always safer to love a person who loves you more.
However, the romantic in me also feel that to not have experience grand passion will be regrettable. Yet, one must have confidence that the passion is sustainable over time to allow the relationship to withstand changes in both parties, difficulties that emerge, life stage or priority changes ..

Will Passion be more apt to sustain a relationship through that, or will Rationale be more suitable to carry the relationship through?

I believe more men choose their spouse based on rationale. More females choose their spouse based on passion. and in that, do we have a fine balance or a mis-match of expectations? Hard to tell..

If one is not greatest love in the partner's life at that point of time, if the relationship sustains over time, can one then BECOME the passion/ greatest love for that partner?

I dunno.. I am just thinking..
And still thinking..
But definitely intriguing.
Do we ever analyse our motivations when dealing with matters in love?
Should we?
hmmm...

Back Dated Photos and Mood Swings..

Well.. here are some back dated pics of the kids at Botanic gardens last. As promised.








































Some are asking why I abandon blogging once hubby is back..
Eh..

1. too busy with the festive gatherings esp. since NJ is back 2. nothing interesting has happened except for the gathering and some simple pleasures.. 3. had been thru a cycle of mood swings in like 5 days.. too much to blog about..
All in all, it has been a hectic start to the new year.
Spent some time with hubby and kids, and its the whole cycle of sweets and fights .. i guess its a universal patterns of ups and downs..

I am a tad tired.
And now a bit panicky cuz last visit to doc revealed that we may have to deliver baby on the 12 Jan or thereabouts.. cuz my sugar levels are really bad, and instead of having insulin jabs during the 38 weeks, doc much prefer to deliver the baby if we have gotta do the insulin jabs.

Hence, I am also a very gd gal, trying to keep to small small meals and cut out the sugar so hopefully we can deliver baby a bit later?

It is like i have not done up the nursery and prep all the baby stuff yet.
So super stressed. Not to mention all the hand over for work and stuff.. I gotta clear out my desk!

Hubby is stressed too since he has 2 more papers to submit. Until then, he also can't do anything for the baby.. too busy mugging! argh!!

And we have not really decided on the baby name yet...
Likely to be Bao-Rui (4) but dunno which character to use yet! and also, the english name is not fixed yet..
So we are not prepared.. Not keen to have a nameless baby..
Argh...

Let's see.. living by the day now, but the D-Day stress is getting to me.
Coupled with problems with THE maid, life is turning more chaotic than ever.
I just want THE current maid OUTTA the house ASAP.
She is aggravating my mood swings.

I really tried to remember that some ppl cannot help being what they are.
But in my current state, I have almost zero tolerance for senseless people.
It is easier for me to do the tasks, like feeding etc. It also just means i ll be more tired.

But i figured better tired than to have to scream and bring about contractions, right?
Especially when i suspect the screaming will not help the mentally challenged much. Seriously.
sigh.

Such is the story if my pathetic life. Argh!
me hope this is not the start of something blues....

2 more nights to go!!!

ONLY 2 more nights to go!
And 1 more day to go!!!

En is just as excited. He told me just now he likes Papa, i ask him who he likes more, he says he likes Papa more.. Sigh. Our little friend is a staunch Papa's man. That is the Zhen-1 Xin-1 Hua-4.
(pardon the english phonics, i dunno why my language script does not work anymore on this laptop - which is breaking apart anyway).

Although it is only 2 nites, did not have a gd phone conversation with hubby just now..
got a bit quarrelsome over some ba-kwa business..

Well.. but like en will say, only 2 nites, only 2 nites, ONLY 2 nites
*and WAVING the fingers in your face*

A long weekend... of activities, thoughts and longings

Back dated Xmas Entry..

This year, without Papa, we spent a quiet but joyful Xmas at home.

We ended up having Xmas lunch as my dad worked a full day on the Eve and I also had Xmas Eve invite at Ah Kim's place (where I tasted the most Heavenly Chocolate Peanut Brownie from Cicada's along with other of Ah Kim's fantastic cooking) , so end up had to do Xmas lunch with our own families instead.

Did not have as luxurious a spread as I imagined in my mind, but not too bad I thought.

We ordered a turkey, opened one of our numerous bottles of Rose that we bought from Perth earlier this year (and before I can enjoy it I am pregnant and off liquor, how can?!!!) and FIL did his magic cooking!

The kids loved the turkey, with Xuan throwing a tantrum when we told him that the Turkey was finished (was so worried he would overeat, as he had his usual healthy kiddy lunch before joining us for the adult feast, part II). He loitered by the kitchen while we were clearing up and hiding the remains of the turkey, and when we tried to force him from the kitchen, he let out a loud wail and ran from the kitchen to his usual (What I call) "sobbing place" in front of the bookshelf in the play room and cried and cried. Took a while to pacify him..





























Then we opened all the presents, although the present that i most wanted to have was not under the Xmas tree leh.. Mummy outdid herself this year, she bought me birds' nest.. woohoo.. well I been having birds' nest for like months already lah, but still her stock is high quality one mah, and it is a gift that requires her effort to prepare for me too. She is v thoughtful, as it is also a gift that Bao X can enjoy!!

Yiyi and boyfriend got the kids musical instruments (drum and guitar) for the boys to form a Superband, and the 2 little boys were indeed v happy, playing and interchaging their instruments. Xuan was most happy to dance to the tunes from the guitar - this little boy really seem to have a love for dancing..








It is a quiet but satisfying affair.. esp. since i am not up to the big parties anyway. Too taxing.
















Botanic gardens Again..

Brought the boys to the Botanic Gardens again today, as yeye was around to drive the short distance. Boy it is a bit tiring but we brought along the straw mat to sit down for a while besides the usual feeding of the fishes and tortoises.

Xuan accidentally dropped one of his new engines into the pond while feeding the fishes and playing with the train along the edge, and he was really really upset. Cried for a good while before he.. forgot about it (hopefully..)?

The weather is simply beautiful today, lots of sunlight and I managed to grab some really nice pics.. to be uploaded.. SMS-ed papa that when he is back next week, we will spend the next weekend picnic -ing at Botanic Gardens with the boys. It is not as crowded as usual, lots of car park lots, since I figured the expats who usually patronise the place have gone home for the long year end break.

When we passed by a cafe on the way to the car park, En kept wanting to eat there.. an option to be explored in the coming weekends. I remember the times when Papa, Momo and I always hang out at the same cafe in the weekend mornings, reading newspapers and walking Momo. How time flies!!
Of thoughts..

The numerous rounds of social activities around the festives inevitably got me thinking.. and hubby and I had a conversation last night about what he loved about me since we are so different. Hubby loves socialising and being with friends. He is genuine to all people and always extends a helping hand to those who need it. These are qualities i appreciate and admire in him .. maybe because they are so lacking in me? He is the Me Nice guy who is nice to everyone.

I will be a recluse and a hermit if I have a choice.. not that I do not enjoy socialising.. I do, but I kinda am a bit more "discerning" or selective with who I hang out and socialise with.. I can count who those ppl are with like a few fingers .. I do enjoy hearing stories of people and their experiences but more often than not, I prefer to hang out with ppl who know me as I am for which I do not need to exert too much of myself to socialise with. In summary, I am kinda the bitchy and the meanie gal who is not too much fun to be around.

So when hubby and I first got together, there were lots of opportunities for conflicts. And our differing views of level of socialities caused quite a strain around festive period. Over the years, I accomodated and he accepted (I hope).

However, I still maintain that I do not need to be "nice" or be popular amongst everyone. Why bother? To me, i can like a lot of people, and enjoy their company on and off (thanks to my talkative nature if the chemistry is right, or when the ambience is right), but it does not mean these ppl automatically become part of my life. It is my life, so i get to choose who gets to be in it right?!

I have a close narrow perception of my life. I do not want a lot of ppl in it. Maybe I also do not need a lot of ppl in it. and i especially do not need the fly by night kinda ppl in it.. you know, people who drifts in and outta your life at various points.. and make u feel disappointed with their drifting..
But hubby is the opposite of me. His life cannot be complete without friends, and its a very many friends.

So we have a discussion last night on the real meaning of genuinity and hypocrisy when it comes to socialising. No one is right or wrong, we are just different. VERY different. but we co-exist, and accommodate where we can. But it makes me wonder what he loves about me if we share such different views in life, about people and about how we socialise (which is a large part of being human right?!)

And his answer is always the same. And which, till now, i don't completely understand how it is possible, that he just loves me. Like hello, there must be reasons for loving someone right? Loving without reasons seems strange and implausible!! In any case, this is probably a question i need to carry to my grave, but I sure hope I am more enlightened about how this is possible when I am like...older???

Of Long-ings..

It is only a few more days before hubby is back, I can count the days using 1 hand now!
And I am excited.. It has been a long time since i last "saw" husband.. i can't believe I survived the months, days, nights, hours, minutes and seconds without him!! It is a long-ing which seems forever..

And i wonder how much time we have before baby arrives and we are caught up in the post-natal madness again.. and I do not want to think about his imminent leaving..

I sure hope we have time to "catch up" good and proper before baby arrives.. sigh. Hopefully spend some quality time doing the usual couple stuff like late night supper, movies and all..

And of course I cant wait to see what Papa got me for Christmas!! In this respect, I am forever like a little girl.. always more bubbling excited over the "thought" of opening the gift than the gift if you know what I mean.. and my wish list has been a bit long this year.. so Let's see..

All these distractions made working on 29 and 30 Dec seem like a huge chore.. Can't even properly focus on my report that is due on 29 Dec already.. sigh.

I am counting.. and counting. soon. I more night down once i sleep through tonight..
yes, tat's how precise it is! :)

A quiet and peaceful Xmas Eve...

The kids are asleep..
I am ready for bed but feeling wide awake.. with a tummy full of ham, turkey, yummy cake and all - thanks to Ah Kim's fabulous cooking and hospitality...
Listening to classical music and blogging..

With the snowy bear that arrived this evening to keep me company on this "silent" night..

Everything is peaceful, and I am glad that the torrential rain that has been going on for this whole day has stopped..

The after smell of rain is calming and nostalgic..
exactly like autumn...

Anxious Xuan?

This morning I drop the kids off at school for their Xmas party, and while I was chatting with teacher on Xuan's adjustment, I saw Xuan loitering behind, fingering with the buttons on his tee, as if he was feeling as bit anxious, looking at teacher and I as we conversed, as if knowing that teacher and I are discussing about him.

That is a lovely image in my mind.. this little boy looking insecure for the first time..
Teacher mentioned that he was doing fine, some days better than others but overall no issue with the concept of coming to school..

He really loves going to school. And since he started with the 3 hourly session,he has been talking alot more, much of which are still gibberish, but more single words are emerging, so that is progress I think..

Conneisseur En?

My mum related this highly interesing account for me earlier.
He said that En was watching the Little Nonya trailer on getting viewers to visit its webpage - the one which had Jeanette Aw, Joanne Peh and Qi Yi Wu.

My mum said that En told her that "She (Jeanette Aw) looked like mummy, so pretty."
:O

then my mum teased him and asked him about Joanne Peh when she appeared, whether she look like mummy, he said "No, not pretty"

Fwah.. he very discerning hor for his age. Still can say who is pretty..
Is that the Scorpio charm or what... Ho Ho Ho..
I think kids are so adorable when they are young and start to speak, they talk about the most amusing things lor! All these little anecdotes I must write down, and perhaps one day I can publish a little book of laughs!

MERRY XMAS TO ALL!! May Peace and Joy be With all!!

Xuan is 2!!

It is been some time since I last blog.
Been busy as En was down with stomach flu after his flu and cough, Xuan started school and I was watching groups for like 2 weeks..

And also stressed with Xmas shopping and baby's imminent arrival.
Lots of stuff Happening!

Xuan's Birthday

And today, we did a mini celebration for Xuan for his 2 year old Birthday!

















Papa joined the cake and candle blowing via Skype.
We kept it amongst our family, and invited nanny's family along as well. Well, they are like En's extended family anyway.

Xuan's gifts were mostly Thomas and Thomas and thomas ... since everyone knows his fond love for the engines.





I got him a small Thomas the train cake and he was sqealingly excited when he saw the cake. And he seems to know it was his birthday, calmly standing near the cake with his expanded collection of Thomas and gang engines.





En was a sweet boy, highly excited for his brother.. and we prep him not to fight with Xuan for the exciting toys Xuan received. Here you see hime posing sweetly for pictures while Xuan does not really care a hoot about him, with all his focus on the cake..

While Xuan did not really know how to sing the birthday song, he managed a (happy birthday) "to you" well enuf, and also already know how to blow the candles. Very adorable.

We got him a Thomas the train laptop and he was excitedly dancing to the tunes. Nanny's family got him a complicated Thomas railset, with many engines that run on the track. My sis came with a big box of another Thomas assembled toys.

Thankfully the grandparents did not emerge with anything further thomases that we need to fix or assemble.. but Xuan is immensely happy. Yeye cooked us all a yummy dinner which impressed nanny a lot.

Well, another milestone for baby Xuan, and hope this little boy learns to control his anger better. the other day in his tantrum, he actually pulled down the entire Xmas tree. Luckily he was not hurt, but that was how angry he was and his urge to vent his anger.. and it all started because he was snatching toys from En En.

Xuan at School..
Sigh.. and while his transition to school is very smooth, well, the teachers seem to be having a bit of problem getting used to him..

I sensed something was wrong when the teacher asked me on the 3rd day whether he was capable of understanding and which language we speak to him in. I said he understand both English ad Chinese, stronger in his English probably, but whether he obeys or follows what was communicated is another thing.

And sure enough, by the 5th day of school.. we have the first mini feedback.
Teacher feedback to Ye Ye that when Xuan wants something, he cannot be persuaded or distracted. He would single mindedly want it. In this case, namely the toys in school.

It is not hard for me to imagine what happened actually. sigh.
Well.. as I do not know if his anger/ tantrum is a "out of normal" problem, or if it falls into any behavioral problem, it is a bit hard for me to look for books to tackle it. Meanwhile, we will continue disciplining him with a firm hand, and monitor the situation. And perhaps to look for a way to get thru to him and teach him alternative ways of venting anger, such as drawing or something.

He is a really lovable boy since most of the times he is happily dancing, playing with his engines and eating, sleeping talking gibberish. the once in a while tantrum is his only major drawback.. and for that, i guess it takes time to manage and for him to learn as well, since our little boy just turned 2 right? :)

All back.. & Xuan's First 3 Days in School

First of all, BIG thanks to all advise, help, words of concerns, text messages ... the full works. Have not necessarily been responding as I have been busy all round, work, home, kids.. so forgive me, but I am really very appreciative of the help and support! :)

Xuan in the end did not have HFMD, but he did have a major outbreak of eczema that made his whole back look hideous. He had all the dots.. and so Doc had recommended to quarantine him for a week, much like HFMD.

So En went to Nanny's place for a week, and when I was thinking it was finally over, he came back with cold and cough which continued the medical saga.

In any case, the kids are quite good now, with mild sniffs and all, and I am glad it is the weekend.

Xuan started his first day of school the past tuesday. I went with him and it was a really different experience. Our little friend was happily wandering around the classroom or engrossed in play or tasks, so much so that he does not notice me most of the time.

And it helped that the theme for these 2 weeks in school is cooking, and he had a lot of fun making moulds out of buttered bread sprinkled with colourful candy rice or chocolate flaks.. lots of fun doing it and eating as well.

Predictably, he loves the snack time, and happily finished his own snack and had 2 more waffer biscuits for good measure. He was the last kid at the table, again, predictably.

Instead, En was the one who was crying for me to stay with him and be near him all the while. He also went around telling all the teachers and his friends that Xuan is his brother, introducing him all around, that is very sweet and cute.

While the little one did not even seem to need me around. So i decided to let him go to school on his own subsequently.

And true enuf, Xuan was eager to head off to school the next day, and my mum said he went in alone by himself to the classroom. He already knew where the classroom was upon alighting from the car. While En was still bidding goodbye to grandpa and my mum, Xuan was already somewhere in the classroom.

And on Day 3 of school, he actually cried when he was fetched to come home. And by the 3rd day, he alreay knew the routine of sitting on the little stools outside the classroom to remove his shoes, I am really impressed at his adapatability - all the while i tot he can be a bit clueles about what is hapening and I was worried he would be lost and clueless in school. but no, he surprised me much.. i think the little boy really loves school. He likes looking at other kids, and was happy to wander around the classroom exploring or playing with the toys. I am quite confident he will have fun with the montessori tools once actual term starts next year and I hope he has time to pick up sufficient skills of independence before we head off to china.

And the feedback on the 3rd day was he was trying to feed soup to himself and refused help from the auntie, even though more than half the time, he was spilling the soup on himself and the floor.

I am relieved he is so easily settled into school. That means he may be the stablising force next year when both of them go to the new school in China, and he can be there to reassure the older brother....

He has....

He stays at home..
He plays alone..
His lone companion is his Kor- kor..
.... who is healthy and happy at Nanny's resort..

He does not have many "live" playmates...

SO WHERE &HOW DID XUAN XUAN GET HFMD?!!!!!!
Why the little dots on the top of his hand?!!!!

Of newborn babies and prep for Bao X

Welcome to Baby Le Xuan

My cousin delivered her daughter yesterday! I am full of envy when I saw the baby pics on Facebook, so chubby and cute and impossibly SWEET!!! Congrats to Nancy and family with the addition of a really beautiful looking baby! And I don’t say that for all babies k, so it is a BIG compliment... (most babies need time to blossom anyway..but all babies smell so wonderful, I miss that smell… haha!)

I love my boys, and I think parenting boys may be easier, less of worries at some life stage perhaps, but I will dearly love a daughter.

However, during bouts of sour grape times like this, I will recall how En (and I am sure Xuan will be like that too) is impossibly sweet and sensitive now, and remind myself that not only baby gals are capable of that and I am contented.

Yesterday, suddenly in the middle of his Scrabble after my dinner, En went to the kitchen and told my helper he needed the step up ladder.. turned out he was trying to reach the basket of fruits on the table to help choose an apple for me. He never forgets this routine, something that I don’t even expect from him, but he seems to have observed that I have a fruit after dinner, and one day after I allowed him to choose an apple for me, he has taken it upon himself to do it for me since. Unfailingly.

And I am touched. I wonder if I have ever been so sweet to my mum when I was young, must remember to ask my mum!

Second Hand Goodies

I am addicted to online shopping. I have purchased lots of things online during the past weeks from fellow mummies/ sprees in a motherhood forum, all in very good condition and with significant discounts:

• New Boys pants and tops for CNY
• Lightly used Bjorn Baby carrier (anticipating that China will not be very pram friendly) – it looks almost new and I am happy as I got a fantastic discount
• Lightly used Ameda dual pump
• Brand new valves and bellows for Ameda pump for hygiene reasons
• Almost new Avent manual pump – you can tell I am serious abt breastfeeding given that I do not need to return to stressful work! And mainly cuz I anticipate I can’t lug the dual pump around in China if I am out – dun ask me why I don’t latch cuz I find that in general, it is hard to latch boys who are more impatient.. so I practice pumping to feed
• Brand new nursing bras
• Desitin Creamy and First Teeth toothpaste
• More baby clothes as present for friends
• Tickets to great seats “The very hungry caterpillar and other stories
  

I am happy with my great finds, and all done in the comfort of my bed! No jostling, no long queues, no hassle!

Many of our baby items are hand me downs anyway, not because I stinge on the kids but I find we can find v good bargains and great condition stuff if we look carefully and patiently online And all these stuff are kinda premium stuff that I buy at a fraction of the original price. Way before this, hubby and I scouted for bargains and second hand items from BabyTown which used to sell second hand items but they have stopped that some time back. So I move online instead.

As Bao X is our 3rd, he already has a lot of hand me downs, and as I am pretty sure we are not gonna have another baby, I feel bad spending money on brand new stuff (and now recession right, so must save $$$ right?!). For like 3 yrs now, we wanted to pass on our brand new baby items to our friends but none of them have kids, so I end up keeping them, or passing them to NJ’s cousins or my cousins who are more prolific.

Of course, some items need to be new, like his bed set and bed sheets, mattress protector etc, and I have also bought him some new clothes, PJs and wraps, but a lot of the “hardware” items, I feel the second hand items function pretty well. After all, many baby items are very stage specific and babies outgrow them very fast, so it is really not necessary to buy new ones. E.g. the rocker, bumbo seat, even the sling as they have a limited lifespan. For items that are more essential and used longer, like sterilizer, pram, cot, baby monitor etc, then we invest in new ones to ensure durability.

For Baby En and Xuan, we have already invested in various new hardware items that last us well through the years, e.g. the pram system, the baby monitor, the exersaucer, the cot, the playpens.. and we are still using all these items till today, which will be passed on to Baby X.

Planning for Bao X’s arrival

I bought Gina Ford’s “The contented Baby book” to get acquainted with the initial months of babyhood again and to learn how to prep for baby’s arrival.

I seriously cannot recall what kind of things we prepare etc, and felt a bit insecure. Upon reading the book, it is all coming back to me, the setting up of nursery, the time table for feeds, the breast feeding etc.

And I realize without actually knowing it, when Hubby and I first have En and Xuan, we are, or I am, quite Gina Ford in our own way.

E.g. Many of the items we deemed essential, such as the Baby monitor, the nigh light for feeding etc to us are listed as essential in the book..

I also believe in spending the initial time with baby, without the stress of social obligations, i.e. limit the visits from relatives etc etc, so that we can focus on feeding the baby and knowing the baby. I believe in not being disturbed at the hospital so I can rest and also feed baby regularly.

Waking up the baby to ensure baby drinks on time and hence, not wake up erratically at night was also what we practice instinctively, and it is what GF strongly recommended to have a flexible routine that is catered to baby’s needs as well as ensuring sanity of the parents.

So now that it is all coming back to me, I feel a bit more confident.. And with cousin delivering Le Xuan, I am looking forward to arrival of Bao X! (seriously - the last trimester is very trying lor.. )

But Bao X, don't come too early OK - some weeks into Jan will be the perfect time, no sooner than that ok!

I still need time to sort out the nursery!!!

Of Caterpillar, Fish and Sparrows

Candid Shots.. of the 2 little boys and updates of them..




















The Very Hungry Caterpillar

Some of my friends without kids are appalled at En's Eric Carle books, when they realise that each copy costs like 15 bucks or more, when they saw the price tag on one of En's books during dinner one day.

Well, we do not really understand the appeal of Eric Carle as well, though we feel that the books are always beautifully illustrated. I think that is supposed to spark the imagination in little kids, with the vibrant colours and the creative painting style.

And also, the repetitive lines used in the story help to reinforce the message and kids love to say the lines again and again for each story. At least En never gets tired of repeating "Hey you, want to fight?"

So when we heard that Act 3 is presenting the puppet play, "The Very Hungry Caterpillar and other stories", I had wanted to get tickets. I thought that En would enjoy it. But when I was going thru the tickets available, all the good seats were taken. And coupled with my erratic schedule, not knowing when I will have to run groups or work late, I gave up.

However, these days i am an addict of online shopping and also reading the various online forum threads, and it so turned out that a fellow mum was letting go of 2 seats last Friday for a good price and the seats were fantastic.

So I bought the tickets from her (and I bought a whole lot of baby prep stuff online as well, but on that next time), and brought en to the play.

He was thoroughly fascinated and really engaged in the play, even though he has never read any of the presented stories. It was a play in which children were allowed to "participate" in the sense that they did not have to be quiet and were free to say and narrate the stories as they unfolded.

So whenever a puppet character came on stage, En will, along with the other kids, exclaimed the name of the object, enthusiastically.

That was not the most surprising, after all, even I, find the entire production of the play really well executed and the puppets very professionally and well made. And I have brought en to a couple of his school plays where I have observed that he tends to be quite well engaged with stage plays (provided they are not scary)..

What surprised me was the following incident during the play..
A girl in front got a tad restless and was standing up midway through the show.
En was frustrated that he can't see some of the actions, (by this time, we have already swopped seats as the adult in front of En's original seat kept moving left and right to tend to the restless girl, so i swopped seats with En so that he will be seated behind the girl who is shorter..)

So when the girl stood up and blocked him again, a frustrated En said the following in a stern, matter of fact voice:
"I cannot see! Sit down!" :-o

The girl sat down after that, but not without her grandma and her turning around to look at the source of the voice. I dunno what to say so I let it be. Did not feel compelled to apologise..
But at the same time wondering about my son.
The usual shy and afraid of strangers En does have a "bite" in him.. hm... another facet which I do not usually see..

Wats happening on weekend?

I have been trying to train my helper not to resort to tele-sit my kids. i.e. there are lot of things that they can do when at home.

And for the past week, En brought home 2 pieces of "shredded" art.. think he really enjoyed doing that and we have proudly pasted that on the "wall of art".

So yesterday, with all the glossy shopping brochures sent to our house, I got the 2 boys to do their own shredded art.. and some peace time for us all as each of them was engrossed in the shredding and pasting.

And these days, they are playing a lot with each other, albeit in a very noisy manner by running around the house and laughing loudly together. I can't figure out what they are playing, but well, it is very nice to see them bond with lots of laughter with each other.

Sometimes, they are also capable of playing together without erupting into fights and tears.
En has also been showing that he is capable of giving in to Xuan or creatively offering options whenever he wants something that Xuan Xuan has.

My problem now is that Xuan does not give in or collaborate. And I am trying hard, even though I know his age and language grasp may be hindering that for now.. Still I do need to try and work around Xuan's really stubborn nature..

Of fish and sparrows

Today, despite the little fatigue, I felt I need to bring the boys out.. so that they are not always cooped at home since Papa left, and I also can do with a bit of more nature and fresh air..

So we all went to the Botanic gardens to feed fishes..

The 2 boys as usual are really enthusiastic.. and En attracted a lot of sparrows to come and eat his bread too.. We all managed to come home before the thunderstorm hits.. So I am feeling very "accomplished". The boys were exhausted from their outing, and Xuan started clamoring for his milk and pacifier at 730 pm. He is one real sleepyhead. And as usual, I love taking pics of them at the gardens.. i believe that is where they should be more often!!

Birthday and Halloween - Back dated

Almost a month has passed, and En is still waking up in the middle of the night, wailing sometimes. The aftermath of Halloween is apparently still "haunting" him.

It was probably one of the most scary night for him. Poor thing.

The Birthday
It started off rather well, with him enjoying himself with his "friends" - Godma, Nanny and family, his cousins, aunt and generally a family affair.

As usual, we never have a proper family shot during such occasion. It has been 3 years, but we never managed to "pose" for a proper family pic. I am immensely frustrated sometimes and I wonder why.


Maybe it is because it is always such a mayhem, with kids excited about the candles and the cake, and can't wait to dig into the cake. Maybe we are also not the "posey" type, a bit shy to pose for pics in front of so many ppl.. and a tad rude for others to wait just for the pic..

Sigh, still some great shots from the various sources, at least we have one proper shot of the cake - En's favourite Bob the builder cake.

En and his happy frens - cousin and brother














The 3 strippy boys in my life - not planned for sure!
















Xuan clearly enjoyed the party the most. Most eagerly awaiting for the cake, taking multiple stabs at the cake with his fork. It was really hard to keep him away from the cake as we served the guests first!

Check out his eager expression!



















And his state of intoxication. i do not know who passed him this first drink.



















The Halloween

This is our last Halloween in College Green, with what few of the tenants left. However we are determined to make it memorable for the kids nonetheless. And old tenants also came back to set up make shift scary stations, finishing with a wild water bomb session typical of the estate..

True to the birthday theme, we dressed En up as Bob the builder and Xuan as the adorable pumpkin. We wanted a knight costume for Xuan but the remaning ones at Toy R Us are not very hygenic with some rusted parts.. So pumpkin he is, and a very adprable on at that.

En got really scared with the Tick-or- Treating, and was crying non stop .. Xuan however was cool as a cucumber, and even went up the various wandering spirits and monsters, curiously looking them over. maybe the idea of fear has not seethed itself in his cognition yet, but En was clearly aware of that!

Check out the pics..
Bob and the Pumpkin














The monster mum..



















Our scary guest to dispense the treats!



















The water ammunition for adults and kids Mayhem all around..

Sweetness and Toughness

The rain is mood dampening...

But at home, the 2 kids are sunny as ever, chasing each other screaming around the house.. The 2 boys started to play with each other more now, while that is a good sign, it also meant that we have to put up with a lot more noise and screams. They like to chase each other around the house, not sure who is chasing or running away, but the 2 of them are running about the house quite a lot.

Xuan has been having some bouts of tantrums recently, aggravated probably with his molar teething, but I really think he needs to speak soon. But this little boy really has one strong will, compared to En who will quiet down generally when we put him on the "naughty seat", Xuan has the tenacity to keep screaming and the stubbornness to keep crying and wailing for an hour or so. Even when he is clearly exhausted, or when he probably have forgotten what got him walking in the first place, he will stop for breathe, then continue his banshee act.

Lucky, Mummy is equally stubborn, and I refuse to give in. It is a way of disciplining and he has to learn to quiet down. My greatest nightmare is about managing a wailing kid in the mall, and I think Xuan has that potential if he is not curbed from young.

Most of the times, he is the most easy and amicable and cheerful baby. But in those tantrum times, they are quite explosive. I am still learning how to manage.. he does not really listen during these meltdowns, I wonder if there are any other ways besides letting him scream it out.. Hmm.. Even if I acknowledge his anger and frustration, he does not seem to feel better.. sigh.

Well, I think Xuan currently is developing all his physical skills rather well, I do hope he starts to speak soon, that will perhaps make it easier for him to communicate and express. He recently learnt to drink from a straw, another little milestone for the little boy.

On the other hand, En has been a real sweetie pie these days.
These days, when I go to the toilets, he will want to come along.
When I asked him why, he said “Later you fall down, so I help you ok?”
He still remembers that I fell in the toilet some weeks back, he never fails to amaze me sometimes.

And after dinner everyday, he will choose a fruit for me . The other evening, when we were sharing the apple he picked, he suddenly touched my tummy and asked “Baby like apple too?” I wonder how he will feel about the baby brother when he sees the baby finally

En is also into quiet play when Xuan is asleep (Xuan sleeps 1 hr earlier than him) and 2 of us will do either of the following for about an hour:

• Use the Magnetic shapes to make up the shape of different animals
• Toddler Scrabble where he will sing his phonic songs as he identify the alphabets and learn the spelling of simple words lile CAT/ PIG etc.
• Piece the wooden jigsaw of the alphabet numbers, from A-Z or 1- 10.

I feel bad sometimes that I do not seem to spend as much time developing Xuan, mainly cuz Xuan loves to sleep and eat and hence, his bedtime is much earlier. And also when we try to engage him with books, or other toys such a bricks, cooking set etc, he is always more interested in cars, so we have been indulging him and his Thomas-es, trains, railway lines which leave less room for any “education” play.

Each to his own, I believe, eventually Xuan will catch on, and I do need to figure out how to make his night time reading more regular and engaging for Xuan.

Then again, not all babies like to read, so well let’s see..

Mummies with kids who are as car obsessed like Xuan, let me know if you have tips on how to engage him more in quiet play/ other toys!

The First Time En Stood Up for Me

I want to note this down today - The day history was made with Obama elected as the President in the US (Woohooo!!) , and the day En stood up for me.

For the First time.

I was reminded of the book 'For One More Day" by Mitch Albom and how I was touched by the protagonist's regrets over the times that he did not stand up for his mum, versus the number of times his mother stood up for him.

And knowingly or not, today, little En En stood up for me.

My mum related this short incident to me, which took place over today's dinner, which so melted my heart.

En apparently has been feeding himself since the new helper Pui Pui came. Today over dinner, as Pui Pui sat down for her dinner and started scooping the green vegtables onto her plate, En said the following to her:
"Do not take so much vegetables. Must keep for mummy. Cuz mummy has baby."

Everyone was taken aback - Nai Nai, Po Po and Pui Pui.

And i am very touched.
By this first time my son "stood up" for me.
It is a little gesture.
But it shows us the depth of his big heart.
Not only for mummy, but for baby brother - something that I am still not sure whether he has strong cognition of yet.

And today I also know that I have a place in his heart.
A space signnificant enough for him to think of my interests and speak up for me.
Especially from this little boy whom I always thought adores Papa more than me.

It is a small gesture.
It is even a rather impolite gesture.
But it made my day.
Making me smile while wanting to weep.
And in such times when I sometimes feel alone, and in need of pampering.

Thank you En En. Not only because you stood up for me, but because with all these little episodes, you have made me enjoy these little precious moments of motherhood.

You have made my experience of motherhood a journey full of little surprises and grand amazements; it is a wonderful journey because you are with me.
For this, I Thank you.

En's First Concert - Another Milestone

25 oct is an eventful day for En.
It started with his concert, which gave him his stage fright, then his birthday party in the afternoon which he kinda enjoyed and ended with a Halloween party which gave him a ghostly fright..

MGS concert Hall
So all in all, he cried quite a bit that day, poor boy.
For now, I just want to share his concert experience.

Some time back, we got an invite from school about the K2 graduation concert.
And that all kids are encouraged to participate.
I thought it will be a learning experience for the kids.

So gamely, we signed En En up.. even though we know he will be a scary cat.
But we thought it will be a fun process.

And it seems fun to him, as he will come home singing the little frog song in Chinese, accompanied with actions and lots of jumping.

Must get that video off my mum's handphone that had him jumping around as a frog.
So all along i thought he was a frog.

And he seemed to enjoyed the rehearsals - very serious stuff, we will get memos on how to dress the kid ofr rehearsals, the time, the things to prep and bring..

Then, on the day of the concert, we realised he was actually a tree!
One crying tree who was valiantly trying to wipe his tears away while still swaying the leaf.
It was hilarious. And both hubby and I thought he did very well.

Knowing En, when the curtains opened, he must had a bad fright seeing all the audience.
But he did not run off the stage, or stone.
He sat there (as the tree was supposed to) and sway his leaf vigorously, while using one hand to wipe his face of tears.
His favourite friend Gwen Gwen was seated next to him on stage as a flower, and she would also mimic his face of wiping off the tears, as if comforting him. It was indeed hilarious!

At the grand finale, he was still crying and we got a good quick video of how it went. Classic.

The concert made me recalled my K2 graduation ceremony at the old Cathay cinema.
And I had to go stage to collect the prize as I was top in class.

Fast forward to now, where the principal started the concert with the K2 graduation and said that the names are in alphbetical order (so not in order of merit) and that the performance is to let the kids enjoy themselves and not meant as a showcase of what the schools can do.

I like that. I grew up trying to be number 1 to stay ahead. At least that is what the worksheets and assignments are all about even when I was in kindergarten.

My sons grow up, trying their best in different situations knowing that their efforts will be appreciated... like in this case!

The Classic - Tale of a Brave Boy!




Xuan Xuan thoroughly enjoyed himself at the concert! When we played the classic video for him, he imitated En wiping his face, and tried to say 'cry, Cry'. That was funny too! We all have a good laugh, even En.

The 72 hours rendezvous...

I am blogging while hubby has probably just boarded his plane and started snoring?
Yes, over the past 3 days, I feel I have lived a week since Hubby is back, even thought it is only for a limited 72 hours rendezvous.

It is a very short trip, but one made triggered by the following
1. very cheap SQ ticket
2. an events filled weekend - En's school concert, En's birthday party, estate Halloween Party cum water bomb session
3. Changing maid and logistics

So here he was back on Thursday night.. and everyone who knows he is back here thinks he is an amazing man (not a lot of people knows he is back, given it is a trip with a jam-packed with lots of task and things to sort out). Yes, I am married to an amazing man...

But now i am back, alone, and more lonely than ever.

Like I said, it is like an addiction.
and Short term affairs like these never have any good ending (hao-3 xia-4 chang-3)
Cuz it makes the leaving harder and the missing worst and it augments the loneliness.

It is like living an illusion. Wishing it will never end.
But the time spent together is sweet. Or even sweeter because it is so precious, cuz it is stolen, cuz it is something that did not come by easily.

So I imagine it to be similar to an affair.
One of those intense, short-lived episode.
And the end, when it comes, it is often painful.

But like I said in an earlier posit, it is an addiction.
You just get hooked to the idea of seeing each other again, that the pain that comes with the departure did not seem to matter ... at least until the point of departure...

Then the withdrawal symptoms set in.
Like now.
Each leaving makes me feel lonelier and more vacant, if it is even more possible to feel lonelier.
Each departure always seems imperfect..
because of the unspoken. which can be expressed more.
because of the deeds undone. all the things which I could have done more..

And each departure brings greater apprehension of the time alone.
and this departure brings that more than ever...

His company is addictive. After having 3 short days together, it has made me reliant on him again.

When hubby is around, I feel shielded and sheltered from all the negative tasks and vibes. At least i do not need to take the direct hit.
When hubby is around, I have luxury of efficiently running tasks, without worrying about timing and transport and hassle.
When hubby is around, I get to enjoy local, delightful food - the Tiong Bahru baos, which I never knew I so missed, the particular Bryani, the Pork Organ Soup.. all the local delights across the island, he made me remember how I miss them, there are so many others that I miss...simply cuz it is not so easy to get them if we are not driving..

So now, the apprehension is even greater.
Cuz i am thrust into being alone again.
this is a vicious cycle, this longing, reunion, departing, and longing.
And this time, really, this time, it will be along time before we are together again.

Sometimes i think it hurts.
To be together and apart like that.
It upsets the balance, the sanity..
At least for me..
It is like I insulated myself in order to cope, and then the insulation is made redundant when Hubby is around, and then when he is gone, I have to go back to building the layer of insulation again.

And the process hurts.
But still, I crave for it despite the pain.
After all reunion is sweet..

The night before the first time I left you.. I told you this childhood story I read which made a deep impression on me:

About a fairy who met and fell in love with a mortal prince; the fairy will visit the prince each night, and has to depart each day before the first lights of dawn (can't remember why but probably cuz she has to return to the heavens).

As time passes, the prince wishes that the fairy will always stay with him and not have to depart.
So one day, the prince decides to keep the fairy from leaving by covering every wall, every window, every tiny creak of his tent (think he is an Indian prince - one of those folk fable thinggi..) with thick thick fabric, so that sunlight will not be able to penetrate. and with this, the prince thinks that he will be able to keep his fairy with him forever and they do not need to be separated again.

So when the fairy visited the next night, the prince was exceptionally happy.
And when dawn strikes, the prince looked on with apprehension, but thinking that it has pulled off... until one tiny seam of line broke through a tiny seam in the tent.

The fairy was horrified at what the prince had done. And she vanished along with the light and never returned again. The prince lived with regret for the rest of his life (or something like that..)

Must try to find that story, though I can't even recall the name. But a beautifully water-coloured illustrated book I remembered cuz i recall the vivid splashes of blues and orange.

So I am like the prince who wishes to stop time with every means possible, yet knowing that I can never outwit time..

So here I wait, impatiently, endless for your next return. Just don't vanish for too long..
And when dawn breaks tomorrow, I have to face the loneliness and the challenges that the daylight brings.
AND wishing every minute that you are still with me...

可不可以不勇敢

It has been a hectic week at work, and an even more hectic weekend with social commitments.
These days, finding a breather time for myself seems impossible!

The number of tasks to complete seems endless, add in the frustration of dealing with people, it augments the problems and the issues. It generates a lot of negative energy, and sometimes, the going seems tougher than what I can bear. If I list all the episodes, I think Mediacorp probably can use it as a drama script.. That is the amount of drama I have to deal with. Though I doubt throwing in the towel is an option.

In times like this, it reminds me of the following song "可不可以不勇敢"



我们可不可以不勇敢?
当伤太重心太酸无力承担
就算现在女人很流行释然
好像什么困境都知道该怎么办

Bad patch...

While I am back slightly more than 24 hours, endless bout of bad luck seemed to have followed me.

First I fell in the bathroom last night, it is like been eons since I last ht the floor like that - literally. Now my back aches and feel bad. Thankfully doc says baby is fine, from the scan, bb seems fine, but he seems tiny to me small still.. While I am relieved that my weight gain this time round has been rather mild and steady, I wonder if that means BB is not growing as big. And while Doc think bb will be insulated from the smoke I inhaled in the Beijing restaurants, she also cautioned that the effects on smoke on babies is that it leads to smaller babies.. *shudder*

By the time I was this 6 mths in the last 2 preg, I was already like over 60 kgs and counting. This time round, i barely reach it yet.. which probably means I am healthier.. No? Dunno.
But I am just glad that baby is fine and I fervently hope I did not do any damage to baby.

And I crashed a glass panel which holds all my toiletries while in the bathroom this morning. Thankfully the glass held up or I would have cut myself badly.

Then i have to grapple with the logistics of looking for a new maid.. as Mel will like to go home. She decided not to renew her contract after all. So now it is back to square one again.. sigh.

And the events seem endless on the Oct weekends.

I have a wedding to attend, and then there is En's concert to attend.
Then the estate has one of its last Halloween Party with kids treat-or-tricking followed by a water bomb session on the last week of Oct, so I am determined to dress En and Xuan up so they can enjoy themselves. And the next day on Sunday itself, I have to organise En's birthday party.
Argh, so many things to do, so little time!!!

About the leaving and last days in Beijing...

We had an uneventful flight back, as we had to wake up really early to catch the flight and all. Despite the tedium, I am ever impressed with En. He listens to me, and will allow me rest time. Which makes me put up with his whining and demands better, cuz I know he is really trying.

En was happy to be home as he missed all his toys. He went to play with each of his toy at least once on the afternoon he was back.

On our last days in Beijing, we actually went to the Great wall - which was fantastic for me as I want to go again. I think it is one of those places that defined photos and videos, one really has to be there on the pile of stones to appreciate its beauty and majestic proportion. There is cable car ride up the Great wall, and En is enchanted with his first cable car ride.















If not for the pregnancy, and not wanting to try En out too much (though I must say he is a very good trekker for his age), I would have wanted to walk further. As it is, we only managed like 2 blocks of towers or something...

When we were coming back down to catch the cable car, another tourist commented that "you are great, and your kid too", that we actually attempt to walk the Great Wall between En and me.











En and Papa






































On the last day, We went to the arty district called 798, which was transformed from what used to be industrial factories making top secret weapons. The buildings were left intact, and i love the contrasts. I just love the place. Did the most shopping all in one day and place efficiently, and had a wonderful time. Me want to go back again.














































































In the evening, we went to Pan Jia Yuan, which is like an antique market. As we went late (cuz we waited for En to take his nap in the restaurant - and he amazed me by suddenly wiping his hands after eating some fries - while there were still lots more, and lie down to nap!), we did not manage to see much of the stuff sold by the stores but I think the place has potential to have lots of the antique and nick nacks stuff which i love.

It was tough packing to leave again. Leaving the second time is tougher still cuz i know I won't be going back for at least 5 mths. If hubby cannot find time (or money for that matter now that we ought to save instead of spend in such times) to visit us in SG, then I won't see him till Baby is born.

The journey
It is a long journey alone.
Objectively speaking, it is a wonderful journey, as I explored and learnt of facets of myself. But it is also a lonely journey.

I think I am quite an attention needing kinda person, at least with regard to the spouse.
For 2 months now, I visited my gynae alone. As I made my way there, waited, and looked at other females with husand, i guess I must look strange.
After all, NJ never missed any of En or Xuan's gynae appts, except for once for Xuan when he is on reservist.

So even that in itself, going for check up alone, is a lonely experience. And this time round, I also like don't see much of baby as the scans were quicker..

Sometimes i feel like I am living surreally. Like in a movie..
I watched Wong Kar Wai' 花样年华 (In the mood for love) on my flight into China when En was taking his nap, and wasstruck by a few things. Of course Maggie's dazzling cheongsams got me drooling.. and wondering when I can wear back those I buy in China soon. But more importantly, I am awed at the loneliness that is experienced by both Maggie Cheung and Tony Leung, even when they are surrounded by so many others, even when they are married to their own partners. I feel so like that sometimes now.

And Maggie's following dialogue triggered something which I read earlier in an article as well - (sometimes I come across similar messages numerous times, in different context, and I see them as signs. it is like omnipotence speaking, signalling. Like trouble does not come alone, sometimes, I think signs layer on each other to form a cohesive message too... but more on that another time, on this omnipotent message and serendipity thinggi).

Maggie told Tony Leung following, which made my eyes wet..

"我以为我做得好就够了, 原来不是一个人努力就可以" or something like that, when eexpressing her resignation at her failed marriage. The helplessness in it manifested tore at me.

It echoes and contradicts something i read in a magazine a few days before I left, that
"It is not about marrying the right one, it is about behaving like the right one"

So that is kinda like my surreal existence, like my life is playing out like a movie. Then of course, I am quite a drama queen. Still, the emotions sometimes are too overwhelming.

I know, deep down, looking back, it will be a wonderful journey.
A journey which involved many acts of love and episodes of sacrifices.
One which the players grow and really know what they are made of.

it is just that.. on every such journey, there are obstacles. And there is pain.
After all, without the pain, how do we grow - where will the momentum for growth and the determination to forge forwards stem from?

It is just like the pheonix rising from the ashes, renew, reborn and reaffirmed.

Behold the acts of love inspired
Born of stength and dreams desired.

En's adventures in Beijing..

En is taking his nap.. despite his numerous attempts to defeat the Zzz monster with his "I not tired" ..

And I am reviewing the pics of sights in Beijing the

 past 3 days, and listening to Faye Wong..  How everything Beijing is that!

Hubby is back to studying, and has been out since morning till evening for the past 2 days. So I am rendered to manage En alone. I must say, I thought of it as a challenge.

Back in Singapore, with Melanie, my mum and MIL, I always have support with the kids.

Faced with an active, and possibly temperamental kid alone can be daunting, especially in my current preggie state. Yes, I see this as a challenge.

As with most challenges, I find that when thrust into the situation, I will just do what is needed. And the strength of mum/ parent can be amazing, I find.  I am usually a very impatient person, highly irritable myself. En is sometimes a mini replicate of me perhaps. He can be highly temperamental as well and requires a lot of patience in coaxing him for some stuff to be accomplished. However, I find, it takes one to deal with one effectively. 

En has always been curious and easily fascinated and stimulated by the new and novel. So the carrot of some new adventure or sights or events can motivate him into action.

He is a determined little boy too. I must say these 2 days of walking around has been tough, but since we ditched the stroller when he started walking steadily, he has been "trained" to walk and stroll with us.. So that training has kinda paid off. The most resistance he put up was to say "My legs are tired".. and I will sit down on a bench with with and distract him with some snacks.. :)

The Beijing Zoo, Aquarium and NanLuoGuXiang (南锣故乡）

On Monday, early morning, I brought En to the Aqua

rium. I only intended to visit the aquarium, but turned out that on

 Monday, combined tickets for the Aquarium and Zoo are sold, with the Zoo only going for a nominal price.

Well, i have some pics of the zoo, but let's just say that I don't find it great - in terms of animal treatment, layout and collection of animals. This is not the Singaporean superiority/ complacency ok, even the guide book in Beijing says so. Still the giant pandas are worth the incremental price, after all, even I have never seen a panda up close.  Otherwise, I can now finally understand why the Singapore Zoo is given such fantastic ratings, in comparison. 

The aquarium is another story though. While it is not big, the collection is awesome. En much enjoyed the sea lion and dolphin show. The only funny thing was he had to grapple with the Chinese commentary with the show.

With this trip to China, it has much sharpened his awareness of different languages. He will now ask, for everything, "is it English or Chinese?". He asked that for restaurants, places of interests, and even taxis - he wanted to know if they belong to English or Chinese. I find that rather amusing. He understand the Chinese quite well, but his spoken Chinese still has the English accent to it, which is appalling, but I guess with the 6 months immersion here next year, it will become better!

Outside the aquarium, I saw these absolutely hilarious kiddy rides - the automated rickshaw rides to entertain the kids. This my absolute favourite -  猪八戒抬轿子. It really made me laugh non stop. We should have these in Chinatown!

In the evening, Hubby came home, and we went to 南锣故乡。 I love it, the shops there are fascinating, just right up my alley with all sorts of what I call neo-antique stuff (antique stuff which are added with the modernist touches). However, with En around, i was not in the mood to shop or else I am sure I will have spent quite a bit of money there. A must go again I think. We had dinner there in an Italian place, and in this picture here, you see En's little panda which cost like SGD 10 bucks. Well.. papa started it by asking if he wanted one, and after that there is no turning back.

Well, our policy is, "Dun ask the kid if you have no intention of buying it for them" - it is like asking for trouble. It is a policy of honesty and integrity. No point getting the kid all ex

cited only to disappoint them. So Papa has to live up to this and buy it even though it is a darn expensive panda! But En was quite enamored of it for a day. he reads to the Panda that night and even put him to bed, his first I think at playing imaginary friend. 

The Domestic Goddess

On Tuesday, I played domestic goddess. and I finally have the true taste of a SAHM that day. 

I cooked, and went to do grocery shopping in preparation for dinner. 

And I had a taste of lugging heavy grocery bags along with a kid. In the past, with hubby around, we were lucky to have a chauffeur and a helping hand. Yesterday, thankfully En behaved himself and was amicable even though he was really sleepy. He almost fell asleep in the cab!

I cooked En's dinner, here on the left, a colourful mixture of broccoli, pumpkin and chicken. 

For ourselves I cooked  chicken curry with baguette. Not too bad. Except I realise that stay at home mums hardly have any time to themselves at all! Hm, next year with 3 kids, I think it will be real tough and crazy for me!

But I think I can be a very good domestic house woman if I want to. And i do like to cook, except, I hate the washing and the prepping. But i like to experiment with the taste, so i quite enjoy the process of planning and doing the cooking..

Of course, En can be trying at times, but i really swear by letting him adhere to a schedule. After his nap, he is always refreshed and more amenable. And we can do things together. During his nap, I get the dinner prep and some housework done. So it all works well, I am a holy evangelist of scheduling kids on a comfortable routine. It makes the kids more manageable too and allows breathing space and time for us as well, instead of the ad hoc-ness which create some chaos.

圆明园

This morning, En and I set off to the old Summer Palace. 

En still wants to go aquarium, he keeps talking about it, so I thought I will bring him to the scenic palace to watch some fish in the ponds. Turned out not much fishes in the pond (more lotus flowers and all) but we took great pics!

 

Sometimes, I think En is really boyish looking. Over here in northern China, he has a distinctly Southern look, with his double eyelids and long lashes. A lot of salespeople always ask if he is a boy or gal, I think because even the gals have very short hair or are botak here, so they will always ask and not take the gender for granted. And over here, they always say En looks like Papa.. hm, I wonder if it is the truth or it is the male superiority thing, like males must take after Papa as a compliment to the male superiority.

But the little boy is very cute, he has started to ask me to take picture so can show Papa. That is how I manage to get him to standing properly for these lovely pics.. the weather is cold but from these sunny, bright colourful pics, you wouldn't know it!

A lovely time to bond between En and me I guess. I treasure such times, tiring and trying on my patience sometimes it may be, but I am looking forward to doing it with Xuan, which I am sure is a different game altogether. I miss Xuan Xuan sooo much!

I really think traveling helps to broaden the kids' perspective.. and En is fast becoming a savvy traveller. I am constantly impressed by his memory. The other day, we walked past the porridge place where we had our dinner the first night we were here. And En actually said, we had dinner here, right Papa?

Other places that we drive past, he will point out and said if he had gone there before. I never recalled having that kind of cognition in my tender years. Kids these days are amazing, really cannot underestimate what they can recall...

Here it is, 2 of us tracing our shadows across the gardens this morning, with En holding on to his small map and saying that he will bring me to see the boat. So I just trudge along, till his tired legs and hungry stomach dictate that we should go for spaghetti lunch and he forgot all about the boats that he wanted to see. Oh.. the price of tired-ness for such little gems. The choice is clear.. :)

Half a week in Beijing already!!!!!

So fast and it is Sunday already. NJ is out to see the doc, as he has sore throat and a flu, which he claims to be passed on by me (which I think definitely not - more likely cuz he did not wear his jacket when we were out one evening and the temperature took to a dip!)

En has been a happy boy... As you can see in his photos with Papa, the glowing smiles can't lie .  

He has been like a sticky - stuck to Papa, and wants Papa to be with him for everything, from patting him to bed to holding his hand etc. And he will utter comments like 

"I very like Papa's house, you know" or "I very like Papa you know".

Sigh.

Every day, we have 2 slots to go out, before lunch and after lunch. As En needs to take his noon nap, and so far we have managed rather well. 

We have done various rounds of grocery shopping, so I can cook for the boys when NJ is in school next week.

We have also done a fair share of sight-seeing. The weather is beautiful till Friday, not too cold and really quite 风和日丽. However, as it is the Golden week, tonnes of people everywhere. You have not seen 人山人海, believe me.. unless you are in China. 

We went to the Summer Palace, and it seems like we are looking at the people more than the sights.. I could not really see the much touted beauty, cuz there are so many ppl to see!

En enjoyed the Dragon boat rides, and that much is probably the highlight for him from the Summer Palace.

I challenged myself to climb this huge flights of stairs to get to the paranomic view from the top of the temple in the Summer Palace.. 

I think this Baby is gonna be a determined baby, cuz Mummy has done various brave and resilient attempts while carrying Baby! We actually climbed all this way up!

En is happiest when he is posing with Papa. Contrast with his reluctance to be with Mummy :(

So I feel like I am their photographer!

 

We also walked to Papa's school, both the scenic part and the functional part of the school, so that En and I have a glimpse of how Papa's life is like in China.

This scenic part of Bei-da, the 未名湖 reminds me of a mix of the Chinese gardens, the Botanic Gardens and the Haw Paw Villa in the 80s. The greens, the stone, the temple.. all very nostalgic.

It is really beautiful, and i can imagine college couples hanging out here, dating..

Food has been great so far, easy to find healthy balanced meal for En to eat. 

This is my favourite restaurant, except for the fact that while it has lots of non-smoking signs, the non-smoking part is not enforced.

We have had lunch there, and also dinner with NJ's friends there one night.

It serves great Cantonese soup that is nourishing and flavorful. 

The dishes are all quite fine and palatable. 

If only it is truly non smoking, I will eat there more often!

Of course, I have never been more domesticated..

I washed countless dishes in these 4 days, cleaned up the table, cooked the morning eggs for En.

Made En his fruits.. 

And of course.. as the weather turned cooler, we also bought En his new Winter wear ..

I think kids look utterly adorable in winter clothing.. all bundled up save for the face. 

Here are snapshots of En.. Happy as always in Papa's house!

En in his new army green jacket, which really goes well with the Khaki pants.

Papa also bought En his play dough set which kept En satisfied and occupied.

One more week to go.. where Papa will have to go school while I tend to En alone..

Let's see how it goes.. 

But I am ever conscious of the time ticking away...

Standing up For Baby...

One of the things that drives me mad in Beijing is the lack of a non-smoking area in restaurants. Of course, Singapore has spoilt us, but then in my current pregnancy state, I am really conscious and particular about this.

Makes me wonder how pregnant mums in China cope when they eat out or go out, especially in winter.

In restaurants, there are signs that say Non smoking, However, the area is not demarcated from the smoking area most of the time. Hence, technically, still a lot of smoke going around.

But today, I really could not take it anymore.

We stopped for lunch in a nice Cantonese restaurant that serves rather good boiled soup and familiar cantonese dishes. Cuz En says he wanted to have duck with rice, so we opted to go for  this Chinese place.

We requested for a non smoking table and were advised to go up to the second floor. 

After we were seated for a while, a man started to smoke at the non smoking area, 2 tables away. 

I spoke to the waitress and asked her "Is this not a non smoking area?"

Her reply was so long as the rest of the customers do not mind, patrons are allowed to smoke in non smoking area.

So I put my foot down and said that I mind, as I am pregnant.

So the waitress nicely went to remind the gentleman that it is a non smoking area.

Then a father and son pair were seated behind us.

They asked if they are allowed to smoke, and the waiters told them no, that the entire restaurant is non smoking.

Then I saw them nonchalently took out their ciggies and lighter and the son started lighting up, but keeping the cigarette hidden beneath the table.

I asked Hubby to go ask the waitress for a non smoking table, seriously, as the gentleman who was smoking earlier on also started smoking again (probably seeing this guy behind us light up) 

Hubby came back and said something like there is nothing much they can do.

I stood up and was determined to leave, heck the food that we ordered if they cannot find me a table away from the smoke that is poisoning En and the Baby. 

Thankfully, we were able to get a corner seat at the opposite end of the restaurant, free from any tangible proof of smoke.

And I feel that in this respect, some things in China are still very unsophisticated.

With the huge restaurant, the servers ought to be able to seat the patrons based on their smoking preferences to avoid such instance, especially if the restaurant has non smoking signs pasted all over it. 

Then again, it is perhaps just the Chinese system of apparent lawlessness in some situations, especially those when the culture is so deeply embedded in the system. I have nothing against smoking, being a social smoker long time ago and all. 

However, I put my foot down when it comes to the health of the baby.

pregnancy is a heavy responsibility. 

While we go on our daily lives as usual, a life is forming in the womb, every single minute. 

The formation of skin cells and organs, the becoming of a live form, and the babies in the womb are absorbing all that we are taking in to morph into a human being. 

It is a huge responsibility. I feel bad if I do not eat well, if I do not rest well.

And I absolutely will not subject my kids to an unsafe environment, especially the toxic smoke, which is known to be damaging for formation of organs and brain cells.

it is one thing for me to smoke if I want to. After all it is my life.

But when it comes to baby, I want to make sure from inception, the baby has a fair starting point, and not to deliberately subject baby to an unfair start by compromising his development for him when he is inside me.

I am responsible for him the moment he is detected, from the embryo to the development of his foetus and eventually to a full grown baby to be delivered.

hence, I will stand up for baby (literally).. 

and we will struggle to find a smoke free environment for meals from now on.

The surprise...

It has been agonising for the past weeks not being able to blog about the surprise.

I am now in Beijing with En..

The Surprise

Yes, 

the decision was tough. And yes, we decided not to bring the kids.

But 2 thing

s made me change my mind when I eventually click the 'Payment' button on the SQ website..

1. The removal of the Visa requirement, that means I can bring En as a surprise for Papa who misses him a lot

2. En's unflagging enthusiasm and strong insistence that he wants to "Go china visit Papa and see Papa's new house"

The combination of both made me change my mind.. 

More importantly, En promised me that he will behave himself on flight, that he

 will not cry, make loud noise, run about, will eat his lunch and listen to me.

A lot of things to promise me for a soon to be 3 year old. But he did it today, and more.

Before I get to what happened today.. I must share En's sentiments about the trip. Once I told him he is going, he has been going on and on about the trip.

• He started putting away his "stamping drawing" for Papa.
  
• 3 days before the trip, he woke up in the middle of the night, or early in the morning thinking it is D-Day for the trip. One night, he asked me at 4 am "why the sun not come out faster?". Partly my fault since I told him casually that he needs to wake up early at 6am to catch the very early morning flight. So the backlash was him waking up in the night 2 days before D-Day.
  
• He started fearing that I will disappear on him, when we chatted on the phone, he would ask me if I am coming home.. 
  
• He talked about pilot, airplanes and airport to anyone who is willing to listen

All in all, I felt that if I have really not brought him along, I will feel immensely guilty as he probably will feel that I betrayed him. And I am glad I brought him along. I know it is the right choice, the moment he jumped into NJ's arms and kissed him numerous times. 

Hence, all the planning, last minute shopping for stuff and making sure we are self sufficient (since Papa does not know he is coming) is worth it. I feel that it seems more important for him to see Papa, than for Papa in the end, despite the surprise being planned for Papa. 

D-Day

En has been a great travel companion today. He outdid himself and really impressed me.

Many friends had rightly cautioned the toll it 

will be on me, a preggie, to being a young tod travelling alone. And aggravated by the 35 kg of baggage... 

I think prepping En really worked. From young, En needs to know what to expect, so that he is not overwhelmed by the situation. So I took pains to prep him weeks before, with a little more details as we get closer to the date. 

And I made him promise me that he will behave, in all the little things that will help.I bought him his own Bob the Builder lugguage bag, so he started packing that with his 'in-flight entertainment stuff" - books, crayon, surprise new books for him, cookies, diaper, wipes etc.

And I made him promise that he will pull that with him all the way, that I am not going to be responsible as I have this huge bag to look after. He solemnly promised that he will, and I added a threat for good measure, that if he does not handle it on his own, we will leave his bag of favourite things at the airport. *evil mum I am*

Today.. En has been cooperative from the morning.

He drank his milk, ate his breakfast and really took care of his trolley bag from Changi to Beijing airport. On the flight, he watched movies, coloured a little, read a little, and ate most of his lunch. Then he even took his noon nap as usual - I was really stretching it with the nap, but guessed the excitement tired him out somewhat. Hence, I even had some quiet time watching movies and catching up on rest on the flight. 

En is really impressive today, and he really made the trip wonderful just by being cooperative and sensitive. 

The only thing that made him cry a little was the toilet in flight, where the sounds made by the flush scared him quite a bit. 

And when we landed, he was eagerly waiting to see Papa. When we walked out of the gates, we did not see Papa. I had to call Papa, only to realise he was standing just in front of me. And Papa is pleasantly surprised to see En. 

For all his enthusiasm, En was very mild when he greeted Papa. The only give-away to his real feelings was in his initiative to kiss Papa several times. 

All in all, it is a well executed surprise. And both En and Papa seem happy to catch up on bonding for the rest of the day. I am now blogging as papa is patting En to sleep, with Papa around, again I am displaced to the second place. 

Lets just hope En will not put up too much resistance to going home.. I ve to start prepping him for that some time next week.

For now, I will let him enjoy his Papa, and the "very nice house" with Papa :)

The Kissing Game

I was reading to Xuan earlier before he goes to sleep, and we ended up playing the kissing game.
I used to wonder how kids know how to show affection, such as kissing, hugging etc

With En, he learnt it at the nanny's place.
So we are probably not the first people he kissed...

With Xuan, earlier, i was hugging him and then kissing him.
Then he giggled, and I kissed him in his lips again.
He started laughing gaily.

And when I say "Kiss kiss Xuan xuan" he will put his face forward and kiss me on the lips.
Sweet...

perhaps, children understand affection at a more spontaneous level than we adults do.
And are less inhibited in expressing their affection, when the are younger.

Enjoy this stage I must, before they become self conscious and learn the rules of behavior in society..

My mum told me that Xuan Xuan was calling "ma-mee" "Ma-mee" in the afternoon.
But so far, I have not heard him call me so...

I will leave tomorrow and not see Xuan for 1.5 weeks. I hope his still remembers this kissing game when I come back...

Lots of hugs and kisses Xuan!

Many faces of Xuan Xuan

Over the weekend, I cut Xuan Xuan's hair, the Do-It-Myself style.
And I realise how big he has grown..
When we took pics of his before and after..

Xuan with his water bottle]



















The outdoor boy
He really loves to be at the outdoors, especially to aggravate Momo..
He would call to Momo and when Momo ran to him, He would run screaming..


























































Xuan in a Box
He likes to seat himself in the ega block box..
]


















Xuan likes to play ball



















And finally, the Hair Cut

Time, you spin it so fast for the kids...

Babies do grow up fast...
It has been a really hectic week, and I have to wk some late nights this week. Just between not seeing the kids for some nights this week, i have one of those moments when I feel as if En has grown overnight in my absence.

My mum told me that En told her that he had not seen me for 2 nights already, that I have not read and pat him to bed for 2 nights..

He can Count!
And i feel bad. I feel that the days of my working career seems short-lived.. In the past when I travel, and work late nights, the kids do not have cognitive understanding of time, and they do not recognise my short absence.

Now, I feel the pressure to be here for them, and a tad guilty that En has to miss me.

Child-ly reminders!
Over dinner tonight, we talked about the upcoming concert on 25 Oct. I was asking him what he will be performing in the graduation concert for the K2s (where the rest of the kids are encouraged to take part and have a role to play).

When I asked him that, he mumbled something..
I asked him again, and the same muffled reply came, but it sounds something like "birthday"... which is hard to fathom how it is related to the concert.
Again, I asked him the question- what he would be doing for the concert, and the reply was still "birthday".

The it struck me, the day after the concert, on 26 Oct is really his birthday! It really slipped my mind - that in a month's time, he will be 3!

I wonder if he really knows that the concert is a day before his birthday, someone probably told him or reminded him. And he reminded me.

And when i absent-mindedly put his spoon for sharing my food resting on a plate of chilli sauce, he told me "Mummy, can you no put my spoon on the chilli, spicy spicy.."

During times like this, I feel that my baby has grown.
Grown almost overnight.
I am constantly astonished by his increasingly cognition of what is happening in this world.
Maybe because I feel that he is still a toddler, who should still be naive and innocent of many things.

His awareness amazed me.. maybe I am not prepared, or I have not really thought about how kids have grown.

And i feel very blessed to witness such moments. To be here for him as he grows more cognizant of the world around him.

It is one of the many rewards of motherhood.

Good to be Home...& Fengshui

I am so happy to be back in Singapore after 2 days in KL.
I was lovesick and homesick in KL. But it allowed me a good night break from the kids where I am able to have a restful sleep.

I also had a productive day today topping up grocery, visiting the banks to sort out the banking matters, and bringing Xuan or his class where he had an enjoyable time doing his water play for this week.

All in all, rather productive, and best of all, I bought my ticket to Beijing.

It was a dilemna to bring the kids or not.
This is probably the last time I can spend quality time alone with hubby, and i am feeling selfish about it. After all, come next yr, I will have 24/7 days of being with the 3 kids.

Yet at the same time, I know hubby miss the kids a lot and will like to see En at least.
It was a tough decision to make, not withstanding the fact whether I can cope with en alone on the way in and out..

I really want to be selfish this time. And it is so hard a decision to make, which accounts for the delay in getting the tickets as I am still not sure if it is the right thing to do.

And I hope the kids understand.
I am sorry, boys.
But I hope you will grow up to understand and appreciate the trade offs that parents make for their kids, for you.

Quality parent times are important I think.. and it is rare that parents have private time away from kids.. It is not that you boys are not important to us. Just as I spend quality each day with each of you, I also need to spend time with papa.. and also with myself..

And because, you are so important to us, we, as parents feel the responsibility to build a strong, resilient and enduring relationship so that we have a wholesome family. 保贝, 对不起

********************************************
On my flight in and out of KL, I also had time to read about the Dragon's outlook for next year from Lilian Too's book. I am a fan ever since a friend gave me a copy in one of my worst down and out year. And i find some truism in her predictions through the years.

In any case, it is good to know that Rabbit hubby is a compatible companion for me, and I just realise the 2 little boys are already the secret friends for hubby and myself.

En, the rooster is my secret friend who will help weather the obstacles and we are good for each other when we come together.

Xuan the dog is good for hubby, both of whom are beneficial for each other.

So rightfully, we are good.. although the rabbit horoscope states that having a kid next year will be beneficial for the Rabbit. And if I have a baby Rat, it will be beneficial for the dragon..

So here it is, extracted from Lillian Too's book. For other Dragon, Rabbit couples!

Dragon with Rabbit
Outstanding Continuity and Success Luck

These two will have few problems building a nest together as they have a natural preference for the same things. They have similar tastes and like the same style. They also have an ability to work well together and although they sometimes see an occasional disagreement, generally, this is a peaceful match which brings happiness to both. The Dragon is a dominating kind of person and the rabbit accepts this, and is in fact attracted to it. Hence, there are few ego problems here. Neither are the seriously competitive type when it comes to their loved ones. In fact they are very supportive of each other and look outside the relationship to assuage their ego. As a couple their aspiration for success is complementary rather than competitive. So this is a relationship that does not get split by egos clashing. Rabbit has no problems creating a stable relationship with dragon as they are both able to see the big picture and instinctively work towards achieving results they both desire. This characteristic makes an excellent basis to create something sound and lasting together.

When it comes to forging an united front to withstand troublemakers from outside trying to upset their equilibrium, this pair is also very on the ball. Their loyalty to one another is admirable, is the secret of their resilience and also their happiness. The Dragon can fly as high or as far as he/ she wishes, and the Rabbit will always be around to offer a helping hand.

Couples in their thirties enjoy a great year where opportunities flourish. Dragon is riding high and the rabbit is the wind beneath dragon's wings. there could also be times during the year when rabbit makes some outstanding sacrifices for dragon.

About Coping, and En's memory

I am happier, transiently, as I am planning another trip to BJ. Before I can't travel any more.
Before I am completely shackled and rendered helpless by the pregnancy.

However, at the back of my mind, i know it will be worst when I come back.
Missing is like an addiction..
You know it is bad for you, but you keep craving it, and finally give in to indulge in it, only to come out suffering worst withdrawal symptoms for it.

However, I am not sure if I should bring En along for this trip, or revel in couple time and to take a break from the kids, probably the last one before Baby 3 arrives and I am completely shackled to them..

En wants to go, and I know hubby is missing the kids a lot.
I have 3 more hrs to book a 2 to go promotion on SQ. I am still undecided. But well, I think it will become clearer later, somehow..

Many people have asked abt how I cope. Without the husband and with another kid.

I think the situation necessitates what needs to be done.
Like now, I am still waking every night to tend to En, but I feel less resentful about it.

I cope by talking to husband for a few times a day.. though I think this will ease off after a while.
Something like having an overdose of something, and then you get sick of it after a while.

I also cope by immersing myself in work while at work, with the kids in the evenings, and I hope in time to come, I will manage to find some time out to be able to do things on my own or with friends in the evening to ease the loneliness.

Most importantly, I cope by relying on others, my mum, melanie, parents in law. In times like this, what i can accomplish is very insignificant. What others can chip in helps a lot.

And i am trying to adapt to imperfection.
There are fundamentals that I can't compromise, like discipline and routine of the kids (with no 3 on the way, these 2 become even more important for sanity of life).

For the rest, I am learning still, and am trying to let go.
I try to be less anxious about how baby is doing in my womb, whether I am resting enough.. whether I am eating balanced meal, absorbing enough minerals etc etc..

In the past when I did not work while I was pregnant, I did all the necessary. I listen to music, I drink lots of water, juices, I watch to make sure i am eating the right food to get all the calcium, etc etc.. Now with work, kids and all, I simply do not have the luxury to monitor all these.
i just have to adapt to the realities of imperfection. And try to eat all the healthy food that my mum prepares and eat lots of fruits and take the awful vitamin pill that will help to fill in all the gaps. And i begun to believe that going forwards, listening to pop may be good for babies too, given all the focus on youth bands, inde music etc. :)

That makes me less guilty, and less anxious and less paranoid. Of course the anxiety attack still strike. In which I will look at the paragraphs in the books which reassure mums that they are doing a good job.

That has to be enough for now..
As for the missing, there are not many ways to cope with that. I can only tell myself tat maybe time will really go very fast and await the surprises that a long distance relationship brings.

En and Apple

Every night, after I read En his stories, I will wait for him to fall asleep in his room.
While waiting, I will surf the web or play online mahjong.

Today, I forgot to being my laptop to my room, and

En asked:"Where is your computer?"
I said: "Oh yes, where is it?"
He said: "The white one, the apple one? That is papa's one?"
And I asked: "Where is mummy's one?"
He said: "The black one? I dunno."

I am just surprised that the little boy knows about Apple product! He recognises hubby's laptop as "the apple one". I really dunno where kids get these information from sometimes.

An on Saturday, when we came home from his hair cut, he suddenly told me that we went in a "blue one" and "come home in a red one", referring to the colours of the taxis. I so did not even notice.

Kids are just amazing.. At least En's memory and cognition always amaze me, especially when a lot of people always tell me that kids at this age do not remember anything.. I really wonder, don't you?

何时团圆 - 但愿人长久

Today is Mooncake Festival, but as usual, it rained again.
Last year, when we first moved in, we had planned on a cosy gathering out by the deck, drinking tea and eating moon cakes, under the bright gleaming moon. And it rained.

This year, our last year here, again, we do not have this opportunity, not only because it rained, but because there is no 团圆.

I dunno since when I have begun associating 中秋节 with reunion of loved ones.
Maybe it is cuz of the moon. 月圆人团圆
Maybe it is cuz of lonely 嫦兒 (dunno why my chinese selection don't ve the right words for this)

And this year, maybe I am the pathetic 嫦兒... alone on my planet.

The past week has been a nightmare..
In the space of 4 days, I have been to 4 clinics
- baby's 5 mth scan
- Xuan's final vaccination for PD
- En's consultation for his coughing and running nose
- En's second consultation for incessant coughing and running nose

Between that, I brought En to cut his hair, and Xuan to his playgroup, and bought mooncakes for families and close ones..
The only thing I failed to do was to get a birthday present for my dad..

En and his battle with sickness
All these were accomplished amidst work, and sleepless nites.
I kid u not, I have had sleepless nites as every night for the past 4 nites, as En would wake me up with either his crying, whining or his coughing.

Before I knew of his condition, which was finally diagnosed as having rhino-allergy/ childhood asthma, triggered by allergens such as dust mites, etc, for the first nite, I was practically screaming at him to stop his nonsense of "coughing, cannot sleep, mosquito bites, something in his ear" etc etc..

I was dying to catch some sleep while En was just as determined not to let me. He refused to sleep unless I stayed in his room to pat him to sleep. And every time that he woke up in the middle of the night, numerous times, I had to repeat the routine. By the 5th time at 4 am, I ran out of patience and was ready to strangle him. Literally. Really. Seriously.

However, when the doc described to me all the symptoms that En displayed for the allergy, i feel guilty as hell. What a monster of a mother En must think I am.

Of course, some of his complaints were for naught, e.g. mozzie bites, something in his ear etc (it was all cuz of his long hair poking into his ear!). Still, the bottom line was he was un-well, and I was too self centered to give more empathy.

Of course, thru it all, I blasted all of my frustration on the far-away Papa.
I have a major problem with going back to sleep once I am awaken. That is why the initial months of hvaing a new baby is pure hell for me with all the breastfeeding etc.

The migraines I suffered were hell. And when I do not get un-interrupted sleep (and it is not the no. of hrs cuz I was trained by my job to function on as little as 3 hrs sleep and still do presentations), I get these tormenting migraines.

Now that I am pregnant, I am emotionally affected as well as I worry that baby is unwell from my lack of smooth sleep. And i can't take too much coffee/ any medication to alleviate those horrible pains.

So i was taking it really badly. And it did not help that Xuan was cranky from his jab, and En was cranky from his medication. It was a perfect, ultimate weekend from hell for me these past few days.

The only saving grace was I took it much better with En when he woke me subsequently, and just resigned to fate that I have to pat him back to sleep and tried to function despite the interrupted sleep.

Xuan and his Heady Falls
And I was really irritated and affected by the 2 major falls on his head that Xuan had, in the space of the same 4 days. It all started when Hubby tried to help by asking Melanie to swap Xuan into our connecting room so I can have uninterrupted sleep, and for Melanie to tend to En.

But our friend refused to be taken out of his comfort zone and resorted to climbing out of his playpen. And ended up falling right on his head over the ledge of his playpen. Since young, poor Xuan has been a chronic victim of head falls. He fell from chair, from sofa, from leaning backwards while he was seated on the floor, from slipping on the floor, from running, and just today, from falling backwards off his truck.

And I am worried that these head knocks, each time, will damage his brain, and we always had to worriedly watch for signs of head damage such as vomiting etc etc. Not to mention the incessant worry that his intellect will be severely impaired, perhaps, accounting for his relatively late speech development.

Me - the psychotic dual parent
So I was immensely frustrated. And i had no 'me-time' for the entire week.
I am also beginning to suspect that I will be shackled to my guilt for needing to play dual-parent to the kids to have any "me time" for bookshops or movies or shopping.

For all my trauma-drama with the kids, illnesses, I get a bouquet of flowers delivered..
It is sweet gesture of support from husband.. but well, like I said, it is very hard to empathise or even to begin to imagine what I am going through despite my very colourful description of how I feel and what happened.

What were communicated remained the highlights, the nuances usually do not come through fully. And i realise parenting for young kids is really best done with 2 parents. I suppose, it did not take 2 to create a life for nothing. The same 2 persons are equally responsible for the kid.

When we planned on hubby being away, we knew the challenges. I know it will be tough for me especially, and lots of inconvenience that will test my impatience and my strive for efficiencies. However, what we really forgot to factor in our forecasting was the kids falling ill.

Any parent can attest to the challenging times when a kid falls ill. And En fell ill, and then got worst despite the medication and the right diagnosis. he was coughing so incessantly that I considered taking him to the A&E today.. if I had not managed to get hold of another PD.

And illness in kids breeds mis-behavior, and En was on the naughty seat for so many, many times during the weekend as he was really difficult. I suppose the fact that he was feeling quite well (except at night when the allergy symptoms set in more) did not make it any easier, for he became a really challenging boy in the day, under the influence of the drugs.

I am physically and emotionally drained from having to carry out the discipline. Hence, I feel that dual parents make the most efficient team. When I am the only one to dish out the discipline, as well as being the nurturing and loving mum (the stories before bedtime, the play time nurturing and all), I feel i was really quite psychotic.

And it takes a while for us to revert from the disciplinarian to the loving mum to the fun and spontaneous mum. It is psychotic really.

In any case.. I can only hope En gets well, though I think the psychotic role play of a single parent will have to continue I am sure.. but at least i will get my un-interrupted sleep that will help me cope better.

And through it all, sometimes I wonder what hubby is doing.
Who is he sharing the lovely moon with? Who is he reunion-ing with?
Is he having an easier time there?
I read Ah Bob's blog, and realised that being away from the kids is tough as well, but being the one who is on this side of the track, it is hard to fathom which is harder really.. especially from the backlash of the last 4 days.

See, we are already divided.. In a space of less than a month, it has become You versus Me across this space..

At times I am resentful and frustrated.
Then many more times, I hate myself for being so small-hearted and less strong.
And in the dark of the night, like now, I feel sadness, lovesickness, insecurity, jealousy all rolled into one.

I supposed it is normal to feel this way.
I just hope all these challenges does not dilute the core. After all, it is really very hard to feel empathy when we are so far apart, living in different worlds. I am quite a empathetic being. And when I say i cannot empathise, then it means I think we are really far away. It is still natural after all I think. The challenge lies in bridging this gap:

You in your novel, intellectual realm of learning and discovery with new people from all walks from life and novel experiences.

and Me in this rut of weekly household routines, errands, and mucking out with the boys day in and out.

At the moment, I just want some peaceful and sane days. Though looking at my calendar schedule for next week, even that hopes seems like reaching out to touch the moon...

都是陌生人

走在黄昏的城市里, 我是寂寞的
看着他人忙碌的步伐, 好象在赶着什么
是急着去见心爱的人, 去会友人, 还是有什么精彩的节目?

我的步伐是缓慢的.
心想回家见孩子, 但又没那么急
因为孩子睡了后, 我又是与寂寞为伴

这几天里, 收了很多简讯, 电邮..
大家寄来的心意都让我感到温馨
约去打牌, 逛街,和茶杯, 玩游戏 都是我爱的
好久没见或联络的朋友, 也如雪中送炭, 又在联络了

我该感恩吧,有亲友, 有小孩
但挥不去的, 是那重重的愁绪
象秋天的迷雾, 笼罩着我

我把自己的一部分, 搁在你那里
你又把什么放在我这里?
时间长了, 就会习惯吗?
我是熬了多久, 还不到一个星期...














很多思念, 是被每日的繁琐掩盖着
不知繁琐久了, 是不是就会变成如陌生朋友一样
泪根也会麻木, 不再唯你而活动

距离让我变成你生活里的陌生人
我努力的探索着你生活的点滴
不想错过里头的精彩
但距离让那变成一种很累的事

我也努力的让你感受这里的动静
但没说的比说了的还多
日子久了,
说的是艘船
但没说的是那个海洋...

我们各自乘坐着船
去认识比此的世界, 那个可能已经很陌生的世界..
在这陌生的世界里, 别的人或事, 是否会比我更重要, 更亲切, 更是你的世界?

Long days...

While it has only been 4 days, it had seemed like a very long time..

Of course it did not helped that En has gone back to is extremely irritable self over the weekend and has been extremely trying on all our nerves, with his constant harassing of Xuan Xuan, and whining and crying.

That kept me rather busy and irritable..
Then there are tonnes of tasks to look into: shopping for grocery, having the leaking tap fixed, getting new mattress for Xuan Xuan etc ..

Over the weekend, in between my bouts of screaming at En and Xuan, I managed to bring the kids to the Botanic Gardens to feed fish and tortoises, which amused the boys much.. I even managed to have a facial while the boys are taking their afternoon nap. So all in all quite efficient, but somehow, it feels empty still.

By yesterday evening, the boys seemed back to normalcy.. even En is back to his amicable self. I think it is the medication for his flu making him sleepy and irritable and difficult.

And as planned, I also started reading to Xuan Xuan before his naptime. Hubby said that we ought to start Xuan on the reading habit –he used to just change into his pyjamas and cuddle up to his milk bottle and will drop off to sleep on his own..

So I started reading to him on Sunday after changing into his pyjamas, and yesterday, he really enjoyed the Sliding Monkey book, it ended up as a bit of over stimulation as he really got into locating the missing monkey, so much so that he was crying out ‘Key- key” in his sleep. We are still trying to get Xuan to speak, but last evening he amazed us when he suddenly held up his water bottle and said “No more”. Really, so much for 一鸣惊人

And after reading to Xuan, En and I watched the Superband contest and then I read him his books and then put him to bed.

Then it is the loneliness again. And it does not help that our laptop adaptor is damaged, so we can’t even skype much. So I need to figure out how to have the adaptor fixed.

We used to enjoy putting the kids to bed early, so that we have time for ourselves. Be it the movies, or watching DVDs, or going to the bookshop, or even walking momo or going out for an ice cream.

I kinda never realize we spend quite a lot of time together, despite all the errands we need to do, and the time spent with the kids. Now that I am alone, then I realize there are a lot of things that we do together, which seems meaningless to be done alone.

Increasingly, it also seemed like we are worlds apart.
One cannot really empathise with what the other is doing miles away.
And when one needs help, the other feels helpless miles away as well..
Complete - is when we are together. I am really beginning to feel it.

Missing the place..

It was an uneventful night.. Not that i am keen on much sleep, but En has been exceptionally difficult and he kept waking up a night, moaning and whining...

A first Saturday without hubby is strange... no one asked me what we are gonna do today..
No one to suggest lunch places or things to do..
I am alone. Reality bites. It feels unreal to be alone..

Of course the 2 boys kept me busy enough.. from breaking up fights, to distracting them from dangerous or irritating deeds..

And I have time to edit the photos we took in BJ.. I did not take a lot of photos.. it was not so much a sight seeing trip.. Most of the pictures I took are about our new place, to show the kids, to reassure our parents that the place we are bringing the baby and the tods is decent and very civilised.

Here it is.. NJ's new home from today, and our home to be in 6 mths time.. 中关村 - 大河庄苑
The neighborhood is 中关村 much like an IT SOHO hub, and the estate is called 大河庄苑.

Here is the estate picture.. We moved to a nearby hotel in day 2 so that we are able to view more units within the estate more intensively. And also to know the neighborhood better.
Manage to find this write up about the area and estate from the net to go with it..

"关村商务精英生活特区"

“紫金长河”位于北京市海淀区苏州街3号中关村科技园区核心位置，上风上水，资源丰沛；项目北临北京大学、清华大学、圆明园，东为苏州街临中 国科学院，与海淀图书城隔街相望，西与颐和园、北京西山风景区遥遥相对。具有良好的人文环境，是工作和生活的理想场所。信步向南，只近千米的位置便是百年 名人辈出的中国最高学府— 北京大学，四季清风，洗去喧嚣污浊。
　　

大河庄苑项目是集居住和办公于一起的综合性小区，整体功能划分合理，包括八栋住宅楼、一栋办公楼。居住区建筑容积率为2.92，小区地下车库为连通形式，地上地下共有停车位千余个。
　　

公寓部分为地下二层，地上十八层，局部为十六层的“城市景观公寓”。首层地下一层为商业、会所部分。面积集中在45平米—70多平米之间，共计503套的精致户型为追求完美的您，提供一个可完全舒展人性与灵魂的舒适空间。　　
　　

本项目周边区域生活配套非常完善，银行、邮局、医院、幼儿园、多所知名大学、家乐福超市等生活必需配套也一应俱全。

The views from the room, and within the estate..
I love the willow trees.. the lush greens is a good contrast with the bright yellow facade..





























There is a bilingual kindergarten within the estate (in faint orange circle in the left), which is really convenient. NJ's peer, who came with his son and wife, has already enrolled his son here to start on Monday. The fees are reasonable (cheaper than what we are paying in Singapore - about SGD 400 for half da school), and they offer both international classes (where the native English teacher teach for more hours) or the bilingual classes (where the native English teacher only teach for 1 hour and the rest but local teachers). I learnt from NJ's friend that the son's curriculum is focused on music, which please them very much. Seems like a good school to immerse the boys in for 6 mths for half a day.

Finally, the apartment... this is the apartment we rented..

Presenting the floor plan.. (the internet is amazing!)



















And some pictures I took..

The spacious living room, with a huge balcony that overlooks the 四合院 （those old old buildings left in China, though they are not hutong.. so I also need to check out what's the difference..)
















The view from the master bedroom, to the walkway connecting the other 2 rooms, kitchen and the other bathroom



















The kids' room.. I love the bay window.. which makes for a nice reading corner, or a jumping corner for Xuan.. The lime green wall paper and the parquet floor makes it cosy and warm for the kids..



















View from the kids's room of the estate..


















A decent, albeit dirty toilet that only need some polishing.



















A quaint kitchen that is clean and with a 3 ring stove. Best part, the cabinets are designed like our previous apartment with smart storage space..



















NJ's friend rented another unit in the same estate as well, so our kids can go to the same school, and they have playmates...

Now, you can probably understand why I am reluctant to come back?

I just need to survive through these months, take good care of my baby to make sure he is a strong and healthy baby, and we will be able to join Papa in our new home soon..

Frankly, I never thought it is easy to survive in china, esp. with kids.
But after this trip, I have hopes that I will cope..
After all, with a very live-able environment, it takes a big load of worry off my mind..

Friends.. You are welcome to visit..
We have 3 rooms, enough to cater for visitors.
We are close by to the train, 20 mins taxi ride from city centre, 40 mins ride by train from city centre, but if you want to visit the summer palace and all, then it is reachable on foot or a very short distance by train. Going to the great wall etc from our location will also half the distance there from the city, I think, if my orientation is not too far off...

I wonder what hubby is doing now..
I miss him..
You know the strangest thing..
I sometimes feel that I am like a visitor in SG, only wanting to go back to BJ with hubby.
It is ridiculous when you articulate it, but it is true.. because
Home is where the heart is.

P/S: For those who want updates from hubby, his blog is beginning to be active again. You can check him out there..

Between a Rock and a Very Hard place.. 1st baby KICK!

Just landed in SG about 3 hrs ago.. and now waiting for En to fall back into sleep, after he was awakened by whatever dream/ things he was thinking of...

Had been dreading coming back since yesterday, and the active tear ducts started since last night.. and I blame the pregnancy hormones.

But for the first time, I am not happy to board a SQ flight, not light hearted and joyful when I landed and cannot appreciate the ride along ECP back home.

I am always happy to be home.. always. I can't remember a time when I am not glad to be flying back. because coming home means seeing hubby again. and recent years, coming home means seeing the kids again. And I always love that anticipation of boarding the plane, collecting my baggage upon landing and walking out of the gates. And i especially appreciate the scenic ride home from the airport, the part of tree-lined ECP that always lifted my spirit.

But not today. I felt empty and hollow having to come back alone.
And also for the first time today, in my entire life of travelling, I actually went through the checkpoint for holders of boarding passes only to come back out again.
Cuz I have to pass the money in my wallet to hubby.. (not the drama of not wanting to say goodbye la, as some of you many be thinking..) and tat means i had to walk away from him twice, as if once is not bad enuf..

And I feel very torn, i want to stay and yet I want to come home to the kids.. i feel so ambivalent..

and while i really tried not to think abt it as leaving, (to avoid stimulating the tear ducts) somehow, for no reason, tears will fall..very strange and awkward for the strangers around me... wondering what is with this pregnant woman..

So my eyes ended up really puffy. I wonder when this - tearing for no reason/ without much apparent stimulation - will stop? The last time I had a stint like this was a couple of years back, after a rather traumatising incident, for weeks after, every night I tear, for no apparent stimulation or reason as well.. till one day it just kinda faded off as Time did its magic..

But very interestingly, from when we landed and on the ride home.. I feel baby moving.. the first kick, and then many tiny movements.

Maybe Baby knows how sad I am and is keeping me company.
maybe Baby knows I am back here so as to deliver him in an environment that we are more familiar with, and is showing empathy.

But it is interesting, because hubby was just saying some 2 days ago why Baby has not started moving yet..
Maybe Baby is reserving his first kick for a special/ much needed occasion - in this case, to offer me much comfort and joy..

Still, I wonder what I am gonna do tomorrow. usually Sat is a hectic day of 1 class with each kid, but this sat, classes are suspended as it is the Sept term break.

So I need to figure out what to do with the boys, without papa to ferry us around..
And I am wondering what Papa is doing..

Of tears and comfort..
Of loneliness and solace..
Of bleakness and anticipation..

They have all finally arrived. This is the start of life alone for a while...

The ideal house and why females are better salesperson..

 

Day 3 in BJ.. and finally saw and found our ideal apartment..

Day 2 was a nightmare..

We walked so much that I in the end, I had to buy new sandals so my feet would not be so sore and bruised. And heck the image.. I am pregnant and entitled to wearing un-glam sandals, with whatever else I have on me. 

Before I go through the house hunting saga, let me share some of our house hunting idiosyncracies.. which explains why it is so hard to find the ideal unit..

- we like clean places (obvious but cannot be taken for granted in China)

- I have shared our view on the locales that are more suitable for acclimatising..  so we figured we will like to be in the more Soho/ IT office district, with lot of tech offices and building like our Sim Lim complex, except newer, classier.. and lots of eateries for the lunch crowd and with Carrefour and Starbucks, McD, KFC, PizzaHut to make us feel like home.. 

-  We wanted greens, lots of them so that the kids can experience the beautiful changing season and for them to work out so we have easier nights!

- I wanted nice toilet bowls in the house, decent kitchen to cook and preferrably parquet flooring so that winter will be warm and it is slip proof and less of a hazard for the falling prone Xuan Xuan.

- I wanted good heating system, and aircon.. to cope with the changing season.

- I wanted a North-south facing unit, so we wont have hot summer months where we have to battle with the killing heat.

And I am ready to compromise the rest.. such as decor, condo facilities etc etc.

The imperfect...

The first unit we went to was the ideal estate. It has security guard, common estate heating which means the whole building will be heated during the winter months and nice building farcade (photos to come). Best part, it is new.. it was TOP in 2005, so it means that the plumbing and pipes are relatively new. There are lots of green, willow trees, plants and stuff, and kids play within the state throughout the day, on their bikes or toddling around.

It is fantastic. But the unit we saw was a bit small, 2 bedrm with only 1 small toilet. It will be a problem in terms of where baby will sleep. We train baby to sleep on their own from young so we technically need 3 rooms. But otherwise the house is perfect. Parquet flooring, clean and new furnishing.. the major drawbacks are the small toilet and the dingy kitchen. And the space, as I won't know where to house melanie if she comes, or if our parents come, much less any other visitor. Dun mistake me, the living room is huge, almost as big as our current one, enough to segment a play area for easel, and toy or bikes. We just need 1 more toilet and 1 more room. 

The nightmare

Then the nightmare began, when we went to the condo near the school town, near lots of cafes, small shops and very near the train station..where they have pool, tennis court etc etc, but all the units we saw were really old.. imagine - masking tape taping windows edge, awful stickers on shelves etc etc... basically it is like a condo rented to students again and again. And the toilets have a strange smell, which we suspect came from the ancient piping.. And we saw SOOO many units.. of different sizes, configuration etc.. cuz it is a 'hot' place for students/ families to stay..

And I told NJ, the estate is just not for kids.. more for teeny booper kids!

More searching

In the evening, we went to see more units at the SOHO estate.. and one was ideal, huge, parquet, bare furnishing but  only drawback for me was that only 1 of the 2 toilets has a toilet bowl, the other was dingy small, dark and has a squatting toilet. I am fearful my kids will fall, slip or play there. And the rent was steep as it was 3 bedroom. But the hall is huge, with a swing on the balcony. And hubby initially had doubts on the trustworthiness of the owners..

And there was a smaller 3 bedroom unit, with with the afternoon sun.. Although that owner is immensely nice, and I find the unit really adequate in all other aspects in terms of meeting our needs.

So we had to battle between the huge 3 room, small 2 room, or one with lots of afternoon sun ..

We did a list of pros and cons when we came back.. and we still cannot decide.

Hubby decided to look for another agent, which is like the wisest decision, on hindsight!

And then the ideal came

With lots of skepticism, and of the view that we will have to compromise some of our expectations and choose between the choices last night, we went to view another 3 bedroom unit.. 

And it was perfect.

Dark parquet floor and warm wallpaper greeted us as we stepped in. Huge living room, 2 toilets with toilet bowls and really decent furnishing. North south facing and the corridor is clean, and less dingy (as China is big on energy saving, so the corridors are all dark and badly lighted, looking scary sometimes)

And also, the agent helped us slashed the price to the a very reasonable with further room to negotiate. 

So it was an ideal unit in an ideal estate. Happy!

Why woman are more POWERFUL salesperson

Then came a bit of problem.. we have to then reject the other units.. and to tell the poor agents, who have all been really helpful that we have accepted another unit.

And there is 1 guy agent and 1 female agent.

And hubby was really apologetic to both, but he really dreaded breaking the news to the lady, as she is very "nice and helpful".. and he felt bad for her. it took him considerable time to finally pick up the phone and say no to the female agent.. hm.. how to leave him in China liddat!???

The intensity of guilt for the poor female is much more than the male agent, who did as much if not more work... (in terms of no. of houses shown)

Hence, I came to the conclusion why female agents/ salespeople are more successful. 

Man apparently have a tougher time saying no to them. And hence, less likely to take the easy way out and go with their offer... 

In any case.. we now have an unit in China, a place I can look forward to bringing the kids.. 

So we went out to have a good Peking duck dinner.. finally heaving a sigh of relief..

Well. anyway, I was enjoying the dinner until Hubby commented that he thinks that one of the people (whose name I can't mention here)  whom I know, who he knows.. has 美色 that is 身藏不"露" until one occasion he saw her wearing short skirt..

that totally spoilt my appetite and the expensive meal that we are having.. I mean, if the gal is objectively a looker, then fine.. this same person that I know, trust me, is not even within my definition of average..

Makes you wonder if the constituents of a male's eye and a female's are really sooo different..  yuk - pui!! (and I am no sour grapes ok..) and that again explains why females really make powerful salesman.. we females have no guilt rejecting a man.. but the man.. always have tonnes of reasons and "guilt" for rejecting or saying no to a female.. 

1st Night in Beijing..

Today, we really scrambled to catch our flight.. 

And are lucky enough to be with Team Singapore travelling for the Para-Olympics..

Yes, there was a Ra-Ra send off at the airport, though we were too harassed to appreciate it...

And I saw Mr. Ang Peng Shiong on the flight, eseated a few rows in front of me..

He looks good man.. fit and atheletic.. 

And I think he likes diet coke a lot.. at least I saw him drink a couple throughout the flight... :)

We did our first Skype with the kids today..

Cuz En En said he wanted "to see Mummy and Papa in the computer.." so we came back to the hotel to Skype before having dinner..

Xuan sees very amused by our voices and images.. and He finally called Papa.. as usual - all my kids call Papa first...

And he said his 'Bye.. see you" with his usual enthusiasm and with gusto.. (Xuan cannot really speak yet, and I am worried whether he will have any problems as I thought second kids are supposed to speak faster as they learnt from other kids! Even up till 2 weeks ago, his vocan consist of 'There!', Chu-chu [sound of thomas the train], and a whole range of mumbo jumbo that I cannot coprehend. he only picked up the 'Bye' recently, and something that sounds very much like 'See you!' as he loves to go out very much and relish bidding bye to others.)

On the flight, hubby said he missed the kids already.. And I think well, I am lucky to be going home to them.. But I have not figure out how i will take the leaving hubby part yet.

Today have been tiring, gone to the bank, visited one prospect house.. and we are too tired to do anything else. Will have to view many more houses tomorrow. 

Checked out Watsons, which has Similac made in Demark.. but at a local supermarket, I cannot find Drypers - only exorbitant Mummy Poko and Pampers. 

And hubby and I came to one conclusion. We know finally why expats congregate in areas like Holland V, or in town in Singapore. Only very recently do we see more expats in local neighborhood.

I think local neighborhood can help save a lot of money, as things are cheaper - the local neighborhood we visited this afternoon is very convenient with market, lots of eateries, hair salons, fruit stores, vegetable stores, supermarket etc... and all at seemingly very affordable prices. But I was thinking where to get the ang-mo ham and sausages, the pasta sauce etc etc.

And hubby wonder where he is gonna hang out after school (ala a a Starbucks or something).

One of the locations we are viewing tomorrow is next to Carrefour and Starbucks, I am thinking that may make me settle in faster.

I mean, if I am single or a couple working in China, I probably will rent the designer couple's unit this afternoon, as the house is fine (need some customisation to be our style) and the neighborhood is very locally- self sufficient.

But I find something is missing. The 'western' flavor seems missing. I mean I am all for localising etc, but with 2 tods and a baby, I think I also need more of homey feeling, assurance and be able to find things etc that makes me feel less home-sick. 

Hence, our conclusion that we will live in areas that have a bit more mixture of China-local-ness and the advent of western, mega brands like StarBucks and Carrefour..

Let's see.. 

Now I am gonna hit the bed.. my legs are sore and I swear I have more spidey veins from all the walking this afternoon..

No chance to take photos yet, but will do definitely.. some really nice sights, and I like Beijing.. 

It is not so commercial like SH - the old architecture and sense of elite, scholarly history intrigues me.. .:)