我们都很心粹。。
Sunday, September 06, 2009
Friday, September 04, 2009
童年心语
This afternoon En and I had this conversation before his afternoon nap.
Me: "En en, do you think Papa love you more or does Papa love mummy more?"
En: "Papa love you more.."
Me: "Why do you say that?"
En: " If I say Papa love me more, I scared you have no friends wat.."
Me: o_O (speechless) and hohohoho...
Me: "En en, do you think Papa love you more or does Papa love mummy more?"
En: "Papa love you more.."
Me: "Why do you say that?"
En: " If I say Papa love me more, I scared you have no friends wat.."
Me: o_O (speechless) and hohohoho...
What a holiday!! Part I
We are back from a rather exhausting but highly satisfying holiday with En and Xuan (thousands of apologies to Rui Rui.. and we all miss you sooo much!!!).
I have always wondered about the Yangtze cruise and as we were debating on where to bring the boy (the Pandas in Chengdu, the Children's musuem in Shanghai etc etc), Husband eventually did the logistic planning for the cruise to the Three Gorges.
It as an eye opener for me personally, and now, I am a total cruise convert. I used to think cruises are boring etc.. but well, now I am convinced that the sights from the vessel and from the shore excursions are worth the "cooped up" feeling on board the vessel. It is a more than worthwhile trade off !
The boys enjoyed themselves lots and have been real troopers in terms of energy to walk and keeping up with the rather militant and rigorous cruise schedule. The only thing that stressed me out were over meal times, when they really gave us a hard time, making me wonder and worried over whether they are eating enough and getting enough nourishment etc etc.
But all in all, there are more happy times as seen from the ever cheeky Xuan and the occupied En.
Not a great start with flight delay to Yichang. think it is common for flights going into the various smaller cities to be delayed.
Waiting for papa to buy Burger King.. hungry - way past lunch time, We just realised Xuan has motion sickness as he has a tendency to puke in taxi rides.. so we dun feed him a lot prior to any car rides.
A long wait at the airport.. must be like 3-4 hours. Thankfully we are prepped with tools to entertain them.. En and his sketch pad and Xuan and his security bolster.
Arriving in Yichang late at night.. and only manage to get a view of the ship the next daylight.. President 1 is indeed luxurious in terms of amenities and aesthetics. The only drawback is the militant schedule to be followed.. with intrusive music blasted daily at 6:30 without fail as wake up call..
President 1
We were definitely impressed by the room, and its decent size balcony. It is just enough to laze in the room as we watch the magnificent sights sail past the windows.. When Xuan first got into the room, he said "I like this room". Subsequently, everyday we will hear him say "I like this room". :) He really looked like he enjoyed himself lazing around the various pars of the vessel.
The boys really enjoyed the room. Either by the balcony, or "swimming in the swimming pool" or simply fooling around in their respective dates.
I have always wondered about the Yangtze cruise and as we were debating on where to bring the boy (the Pandas in Chengdu, the Children's musuem in Shanghai etc etc), Husband eventually did the logistic planning for the cruise to the Three Gorges.
It as an eye opener for me personally, and now, I am a total cruise convert. I used to think cruises are boring etc.. but well, now I am convinced that the sights from the vessel and from the shore excursions are worth the "cooped up" feeling on board the vessel. It is a more than worthwhile trade off !
The boys enjoyed themselves lots and have been real troopers in terms of energy to walk and keeping up with the rather militant and rigorous cruise schedule. The only thing that stressed me out were over meal times, when they really gave us a hard time, making me wonder and worried over whether they are eating enough and getting enough nourishment etc etc.
But all in all, there are more happy times as seen from the ever cheeky Xuan and the occupied En.
Not a great start with flight delay to Yichang. think it is common for flights going into the various smaller cities to be delayed.
Waiting for papa to buy Burger King.. hungry - way past lunch time, We just realised Xuan has motion sickness as he has a tendency to puke in taxi rides.. so we dun feed him a lot prior to any car rides.Car ride to the Vessel - the 2 boys patiently waiting..
We were definitely impressed by the room, and its decent size balcony. It is just enough to laze in the room as we watch the magnificent sights sail past the windows.. When Xuan first got into the room, he said "I like this room". Subsequently, everyday we will hear him say "I like this room". :) He really looked like he enjoyed himself lazing around the various pars of the vessel.The sights were spectacular, and I must say, the camera does not capture them well. I was often in awe of the sights that greeted us as we sail by, or when we were out on the shore excursion. Well, I have seen those videos and postcards of the Gorges, and they always seem a tad "Ching Chiong" to me. However, when one is there looking at it through our own eyes, it was breathtaking. It was how I felt on the Great Wall as well, that no camera nor video and do them justice.
Despite a rainy start when we visited the Dam project, the sky cleared up for the subsequent days and I simply love the blue clear sky with fluffy clouds contrasting with the grand greenery.
This photo collage is courtesy of Bao En, I did not realised he took a series of photos of all our shoes lying around - it definitely has a holiday feel to it.
The kiddies enjoying themselves during the rest times. They were the youngest kids on board the cruise, not a lot of kids to begin with, only 4 in all including them. The crew were exceptionally nice to them, asking for photos with them and highly accommodating to our requests. One of the staff actually bought us mini buns when he had time to go on shore to shop while we were on our shore excursion, as he was worried that the food served/ the timing of the meals were not suitable for them. Special touches such as passing us umbrellas to shield the kids when we visited the Dam in the rainy morning really impressed me. While the cruise is not totally catered to the kids (limited high chair, no kid utensils etc), the staff really made a
difference y going out of their way to help us settle the kids comfortably.
Day 1: A rainy morning to learn about the Dam Project but thankfully Papa checked the weather report and knew about the likely rain and packed the boys' raincoats!
The boys are more impressed with the toy in the basin than looking at the Dam. :)
Misty view of the dam. The theory part of understanding the dam did little for me. However, when we were back onto the cruise ship later that afternoon and we saw how the vessels were elevated in the various chambers, I was impressed by the mechanics of it.
Vessel going through the various chambers of the ship elevator.
Bao En - the emerging Photographer. He takes really decent photos for us.
Then a fellow tourist from the cruise offered to take a pic of all of us..
To be continued...
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
Been Cruising..
Watch this space for updates :)
Friday, August 21, 2009
About Learning..
Some of the things that I am concerned about revolve around the kids - their Growth and Meals; Stimulation and Learning, Morals and Ethics.. For now, these are key areas that occupy my thoughts often.
The tods, En and Xuan are in the school here. I often wonder what they learn in schol, and wonder whether they will lag in their phonics and maths and have to do catch up when they return to SG. However, I am also convinced that the boys are learning different things now, some more desirable - such as adaptability, Chinese language, and being more street wise to a certain extent. Other less desirable traits include the more active/ violent gun play (from the pervasive military culture here in China and imitated and aspired towards by kids in school), the guggling, or even the spitting..
One thing that we managed to implement is to "Use the ears" rather than " Use the eyes" moments. I have been trying to undo the TV addict habits of the tods, and now manage to do music time rather than Tv time during meals. While I do think it is OK for some amount of TV, but I think the boys have exceeded the healthy amounts of TV since papa is always on the computer showing them all sorts of Youtube clips. I really frown on that - just cuz papa adores silly contents on Youtube does not mean those clips are suitable for the kids.
Therefore, we have tried exposing the kids to different music genres instead, from classical, to Disney movie's theme songs (the kids love the songs from Lion King), and surprisingly, when I bought the Korean OST for Boys Over Flowers, the boys love it. En and Xuan will sing "Almost paradise" when the song comes on and En will say that he like various songs from the OST.
Hence, we also started playing Oldies for the kids as well, such as "Only you", "Moon River", "Smoke gets in your eyes".. Rather unorthodox I guess, but I did read somewhere that exposing the kids to different music genre from young is good. In any case, En has a v rhythmic body and will move his body according to the beat for songs he like. Well, according to NJ, today's pop will become tomorrow's oldies/ classic :)
In addition, En has become very interested in animals and have started asking us to read to him about the animals. It started with a Chinese encyclopedia that he picked up at the bookstore and since then, he has been reading facts about animals before he goes to bed. So when we were on the topic of dragonflies, I googled for the song 红蜻蜓 by 小虎队 and he was really amused. From the same website, we also found out that they have another song 蝴蝶飞呀 and we listened to that as well and read up on the butterflies as the next topic. Come to think of it, 小虎队 has some really nice inspiring songs much as they are from the bygone era!
Well, the problem with reading Chinese encyclopedia for me is I do now know many of the nouns that are used - e.g. the specific variants of various animals species (dinosaurs, whales, sharks etc). En wants us to translate it while reading, so that is a chore too. Hence, on the recent trip, I bought him an imported English encyclopedia instead and it is a joy reading it t both En and Xuan.
One of En's favourite activity here (besides drawing, and he can draw pretty well, one day i ought to do an online art exhibition for the boy here..), is to play with his Logico. We were first introduced to to it by Nj's fellow Singaporean friend here whose wife is a Primary school teacher. I saw it at the bookshop before and had thought that En will be interested, Little did I know that it was actually a German system of developing kids' brain with the various activities sheets and that it costs half the price cheaper in China (probably due to lower cost of production etc). The only drawback in buying it in China is that the worksheets are in Mandarin. However, as NJ's fren said, and we observed, over time, En actually know the "system" and will be able to do on his own sometimes, without us always having to give him too much instruction. It is a good way to keep En occupied when we go out for dinners, as he will always want to bring his Logico along.
The Nikulin Circus was in town last weekend, and we brought the kids to the matinee show. It was an experience for the kids, En loved the tiger show, which was the highlight of the show, while Xuan was captivated by the acrobats flying and falling (yes, falling. Not sure why, the acrobats actually fell and it was rather heart stopping to watch, even though there is the catchment net below). Later, when I asked Xuan which part of the circus did he like best, he replied "the flying one". I was surprisingly impressed by the juggler, it was a highly energetic performance by a single juggler, and the skill and the rhythm of the segment enchanted me. I was much saddened by the performances of the bears though, as it seem v sad for a large bear to be looped and then asked to perform all the various dances etc.
A packed matinee on a Saturday. The boys in their seats!
Xuan learning to use the binoculars (it only cost SGD 2!)
After the circus...
Why the bears, and not the tigers etc? Check out the bear doing the hoola hoop here..
Well, I can see from the tigers that they have the ability to rebel, as seen in the various tigers refusing to sit on more than one occasion and the performers have to "threaten" them with a long rod. I feel that the tigers held the power in the relationship with humans, at least more so than the bears. the bears seemed really helpless. One of the bears kept moving left and right, and left and right, and Nj told me that that is a sign of potential madness/ an expression of stress. I feel very much saddened by the whole performance after that. Of course there are other animals, but e.g the dogs and the horses, their performances are in line with what they typically do anyway, e.g. horses carrying the riders who performed various stunts on the horsebacks, while the dogs run through obstacles etc which is much like a game to them. Hence, in my view, the bears probably got the worst deal. it is my first circus, I doubt I would ever go to another one, frankly. My heart feels bad. The kids love it though.. so as an experience for the kids, it has its value.
Rui is now learning to crawl, and eat biscuit on his own. Check him out on his first biscuit!
He is one tough kid.. It is quite heart stopping to see him try to get on his knees, but it is a real experience for me. In the past, as a working mum, I hardly get much of the first moments. Now that I stay at home with the boys, I do see so much of their different aspects, it is a very enriching experience. There is really nothing compared to watching them grow.. and well, in Rui's case, learning to crawl, sit up, balance etc..
So while the boys learn, so do I. Leanr to cook and plan nutritious meals for them..
Xuan enjoying his watermelon, strawberry shake
The "vege-saur" Dip Dip party
In addition to the variety of purees that I have been making for Rui, we started him on Chicken, and I use Annabel Karmel's recipes and they are yummy, even for adults. While browsing for recipes, I also came across the tods' recipes for dips. So I started making tomato puree from scratch, and the Summer Picnic Dip is fantastic (try the Chicken on the Griddle is yummy and healthy too!). The boys love it and we had a vegetable party for their lunch snack after they came home from school. It was a good way to get Xuan to eat his veges, as he love to "dip dip: :)
Staying with the boys for bulk of the time, is also a constant learning journey for me. Learning about their likes and dislikes, their individual character differences, and how to read their emotions and needs. The last has to be the toughest I guess. Although En has learnt to articulate his emotions, e.g. I am sad/ I am scared etc, but most of the times, his emotions will overwhelm him which lead to the whining, cryings and wailings.
Xuan needs to be managed carefully and if his needs are met, many a times, we can prevent a tantrum eruption. I read from a forum that some kids do not have the ability to calm themselves down after tantrums as there is some hormones that are missing. And these kids tend to be hyper-active and intense. As such, it is recommended that such kids should be engaged in more active activities to build up that specific hormone which is needed when the kid is in tantrum, for them to be able to calm down. I thought that seems to fit Xuan well.
Since we moved here, he has been missing his quota of outdoor play, and when in College Green, he has always been able to sooth himself by crying in front of his book shelf, but here, somehow his tantrums just seemed very out of control. And he did behave much better when he started school here and we do a daily outdoor play in the estate. So the various active activities may indeed help to give him some form of self control.
More importantly, I think trust helps. Over time, I think Xuan has learnt to trust me and we have arrived at an understanding for some tasks without having to wrestle and fight.
As the time for home going approaches, I do feel time slipping away. I will so miss all this when I go back to work I guess. I guess we always want what we did not have, when I first started out on this journey, I really dreaded the endless noise at home etc etc.. Now guess I will soon miss it!
The tods, En and Xuan are in the school here. I often wonder what they learn in schol, and wonder whether they will lag in their phonics and maths and have to do catch up when they return to SG. However, I am also convinced that the boys are learning different things now, some more desirable - such as adaptability, Chinese language, and being more street wise to a certain extent. Other less desirable traits include the more active/ violent gun play (from the pervasive military culture here in China and imitated and aspired towards by kids in school), the guggling, or even the spitting..
One thing that we managed to implement is to "Use the ears" rather than " Use the eyes" moments. I have been trying to undo the TV addict habits of the tods, and now manage to do music time rather than Tv time during meals. While I do think it is OK for some amount of TV, but I think the boys have exceeded the healthy amounts of TV since papa is always on the computer showing them all sorts of Youtube clips. I really frown on that - just cuz papa adores silly contents on Youtube does not mean those clips are suitable for the kids.
Therefore, we have tried exposing the kids to different music genres instead, from classical, to Disney movie's theme songs (the kids love the songs from Lion King), and surprisingly, when I bought the Korean OST for Boys Over Flowers, the boys love it. En and Xuan will sing "Almost paradise" when the song comes on and En will say that he like various songs from the OST.
Hence, we also started playing Oldies for the kids as well, such as "Only you", "Moon River", "Smoke gets in your eyes".. Rather unorthodox I guess, but I did read somewhere that exposing the kids to different music genre from young is good. In any case, En has a v rhythmic body and will move his body according to the beat for songs he like. Well, according to NJ, today's pop will become tomorrow's oldies/ classic :)
In addition, En has become very interested in animals and have started asking us to read to him about the animals. It started with a Chinese encyclopedia that he picked up at the bookstore and since then, he has been reading facts about animals before he goes to bed. So when we were on the topic of dragonflies, I googled for the song 红蜻蜓 by 小虎队 and he was really amused. From the same website, we also found out that they have another song 蝴蝶飞呀 and we listened to that as well and read up on the butterflies as the next topic. Come to think of it, 小虎队 has some really nice inspiring songs much as they are from the bygone era!
Well, the problem with reading Chinese encyclopedia for me is I do now know many of the nouns that are used - e.g. the specific variants of various animals species (dinosaurs, whales, sharks etc). En wants us to translate it while reading, so that is a chore too. Hence, on the recent trip, I bought him an imported English encyclopedia instead and it is a joy reading it t both En and Xuan.
One of En's favourite activity here (besides drawing, and he can draw pretty well, one day i ought to do an online art exhibition for the boy here..), is to play with his Logico. We were first introduced to to it by Nj's fellow Singaporean friend here whose wife is a Primary school teacher. I saw it at the bookshop before and had thought that En will be interested, Little did I know that it was actually a German system of developing kids' brain with the various activities sheets and that it costs half the price cheaper in China (probably due to lower cost of production etc). The only drawback in buying it in China is that the worksheets are in Mandarin. However, as NJ's fren said, and we observed, over time, En actually know the "system" and will be able to do on his own sometimes, without us always having to give him too much instruction. It is a good way to keep En occupied when we go out for dinners, as he will always want to bring his Logico along.
The Nikulin Circus was in town last weekend, and we brought the kids to the matinee show. It was an experience for the kids, En loved the tiger show, which was the highlight of the show, while Xuan was captivated by the acrobats flying and falling (yes, falling. Not sure why, the acrobats actually fell and it was rather heart stopping to watch, even though there is the catchment net below). Later, when I asked Xuan which part of the circus did he like best, he replied "the flying one". I was surprisingly impressed by the juggler, it was a highly energetic performance by a single juggler, and the skill and the rhythm of the segment enchanted me. I was much saddened by the performances of the bears though, as it seem v sad for a large bear to be looped and then asked to perform all the various dances etc.
A packed matinee on a Saturday. The boys in their seats!
Xuan learning to use the binoculars (it only cost SGD 2!)
After the circus...
Why the bears, and not the tigers etc? Check out the bear doing the hoola hoop here..
Well, I can see from the tigers that they have the ability to rebel, as seen in the various tigers refusing to sit on more than one occasion and the performers have to "threaten" them with a long rod. I feel that the tigers held the power in the relationship with humans, at least more so than the bears. the bears seemed really helpless. One of the bears kept moving left and right, and left and right, and Nj told me that that is a sign of potential madness/ an expression of stress. I feel very much saddened by the whole performance after that. Of course there are other animals, but e.g the dogs and the horses, their performances are in line with what they typically do anyway, e.g. horses carrying the riders who performed various stunts on the horsebacks, while the dogs run through obstacles etc which is much like a game to them. Hence, in my view, the bears probably got the worst deal. it is my first circus, I doubt I would ever go to another one, frankly. My heart feels bad. The kids love it though.. so as an experience for the kids, it has its value.
Rui is now learning to crawl, and eat biscuit on his own. Check him out on his first biscuit!
He is one tough kid.. It is quite heart stopping to see him try to get on his knees, but it is a real experience for me. In the past, as a working mum, I hardly get much of the first moments. Now that I stay at home with the boys, I do see so much of their different aspects, it is a very enriching experience. There is really nothing compared to watching them grow.. and well, in Rui's case, learning to crawl, sit up, balance etc..
So while the boys learn, so do I. Leanr to cook and plan nutritious meals for them..
Xuan enjoying his watermelon, strawberry shake
The "vege-saur" Dip Dip party
In addition to the variety of purees that I have been making for Rui, we started him on Chicken, and I use Annabel Karmel's recipes and they are yummy, even for adults. While browsing for recipes, I also came across the tods' recipes for dips. So I started making tomato puree from scratch, and the Summer Picnic Dip is fantastic (try the Chicken on the Griddle is yummy and healthy too!). The boys love it and we had a vegetable party for their lunch snack after they came home from school. It was a good way to get Xuan to eat his veges, as he love to "dip dip: :)
Staying with the boys for bulk of the time, is also a constant learning journey for me. Learning about their likes and dislikes, their individual character differences, and how to read their emotions and needs. The last has to be the toughest I guess. Although En has learnt to articulate his emotions, e.g. I am sad/ I am scared etc, but most of the times, his emotions will overwhelm him which lead to the whining, cryings and wailings.
Xuan needs to be managed carefully and if his needs are met, many a times, we can prevent a tantrum eruption. I read from a forum that some kids do not have the ability to calm themselves down after tantrums as there is some hormones that are missing. And these kids tend to be hyper-active and intense. As such, it is recommended that such kids should be engaged in more active activities to build up that specific hormone which is needed when the kid is in tantrum, for them to be able to calm down. I thought that seems to fit Xuan well.
Since we moved here, he has been missing his quota of outdoor play, and when in College Green, he has always been able to sooth himself by crying in front of his book shelf, but here, somehow his tantrums just seemed very out of control. And he did behave much better when he started school here and we do a daily outdoor play in the estate. So the various active activities may indeed help to give him some form of self control.
More importantly, I think trust helps. Over time, I think Xuan has learnt to trust me and we have arrived at an understanding for some tasks without having to wrestle and fight.
As the time for home going approaches, I do feel time slipping away. I will so miss all this when I go back to work I guess. I guess we always want what we did not have, when I first started out on this journey, I really dreaded the endless noise at home etc etc.. Now guess I will soon miss it!
Sunday, August 09, 2009
National Day in Beijing..
Today is National Day.. and we did various stuff to feel the National Day spirit here in Beijing..
First, we went in search of Singaporean foods! NJ and I went to check out the Nonya Restaurant while the boys nap. Feel like having some local food.. Been missing the spicy SG food quite a bit. And while I was enjoying my Laksa, while Nj had Nasi lemark, we wondered if we should join the other singaporeans in the National Day celebration. There are various events, and eventually hubby decided that we will join his friends at the Singapore Embassy which is broadcasting the National Day Parade live.
We figured the boys will be excited and boy they were!! Check out the pics and the videos!
Live broadcast at the Singapore embassy
Captivated by the soldiers, planes, choppers and fireworks!!
Marching Boys..
Yummy Hainanese Chicken rice for the boys.. Yum! That is the one of the few non spicy dishes served!
Holding the boys up high for the Grand Finale photoshoot for CNA..
Enthusiastic cheerleader..
And I feel that when one lives overseas, one do feel more emotionally for one's nation. It could be pride, or nostalgia.. Whatever it is, it makes one feel very much Singaporean. I mean, while we were in singapore, we probably never really think or feel very much about being Singaporeans. However, when away, I do miss Singapore quite a lot.. from the tangibles to the intangibles. Well, before I depart, I will summarise what I really miss about Singapore and what I will miss about Beijing in another entry..
In any case, I remarked to Hubby that perhaps, nations which have a siginificant population diaspora may have a greater sense of national pride, as their overseas citizens seek the emotional connection with their nations. Something not unlike the old adage "Absence makes the heart fonder". Perhaps distance magnifies the good stuff, and diminishes the bad stuff? Well, i sure had a great time at the Singapore Embassy, as did the boys! And i do miss home much when I look at the live broadcast with all the rest of the Singaporeans and enjoying the Singapore cuisine provided!!
The boys sure enjoy the soldiers marching, the planes and choppers, the fireworks and the songs and dances. I was dreading that I will have to hover over them, but surprisingly, they were entertained by the various other Singaporeans there, and not once did various people approach us for permission to take pics withe the 2 boys.. *very weird I thought..* I mean we are getting used to being stared at by the Chinese whenever we go out with the boys, either cuz we have 2 boys which is envied in the One child policy China, or we will overhear people remarking that the boys are twins - another rarity, or having them mistake Xuan or both as gals.. But I did not expect them to be poster boys amidst Singaporeans too..
One of the students taking pic with Xuan.
Boys playing with the fellow Singaporeans there..
Xuan was a natural with strangers. He has no qualms playing with the others in the crowd, or went around the hall and returning to find us in front of the large screen.. En was a tad more cautious but had a great time playing with Xuan and joining Xuan in playing with the fellow Singaporeans.. By the end of the day, the boys were exhausted but happy on the way home.
Despite the thunderous rain this afternoon, I am glad we went. It is a real experience indeed!
First, we went in search of Singaporean foods! NJ and I went to check out the Nonya Restaurant while the boys nap. Feel like having some local food.. Been missing the spicy SG food quite a bit. And while I was enjoying my Laksa, while Nj had Nasi lemark, we wondered if we should join the other singaporeans in the National Day celebration. There are various events, and eventually hubby decided that we will join his friends at the Singapore Embassy which is broadcasting the National Day Parade live.
We figured the boys will be excited and boy they were!! Check out the pics and the videos!
Live broadcast at the Singapore embassy
Captivated by the soldiers, planes, choppers and fireworks!!
Marching Boys..
Yummy Hainanese Chicken rice for the boys.. Yum! That is the one of the few non spicy dishes served!
Holding the boys up high for the Grand Finale photoshoot for CNA..
Enthusiastic cheerleader..
And I feel that when one lives overseas, one do feel more emotionally for one's nation. It could be pride, or nostalgia.. Whatever it is, it makes one feel very much Singaporean. I mean, while we were in singapore, we probably never really think or feel very much about being Singaporeans. However, when away, I do miss Singapore quite a lot.. from the tangibles to the intangibles. Well, before I depart, I will summarise what I really miss about Singapore and what I will miss about Beijing in another entry..
In any case, I remarked to Hubby that perhaps, nations which have a siginificant population diaspora may have a greater sense of national pride, as their overseas citizens seek the emotional connection with their nations. Something not unlike the old adage "Absence makes the heart fonder". Perhaps distance magnifies the good stuff, and diminishes the bad stuff? Well, i sure had a great time at the Singapore Embassy, as did the boys! And i do miss home much when I look at the live broadcast with all the rest of the Singaporeans and enjoying the Singapore cuisine provided!!
The boys sure enjoy the soldiers marching, the planes and choppers, the fireworks and the songs and dances. I was dreading that I will have to hover over them, but surprisingly, they were entertained by the various other Singaporeans there, and not once did various people approach us for permission to take pics withe the 2 boys.. *very weird I thought..* I mean we are getting used to being stared at by the Chinese whenever we go out with the boys, either cuz we have 2 boys which is envied in the One child policy China, or we will overhear people remarking that the boys are twins - another rarity, or having them mistake Xuan or both as gals.. But I did not expect them to be poster boys amidst Singaporeans too..
One of the students taking pic with Xuan.
Boys playing with the fellow Singaporeans there..
Xuan was a natural with strangers. He has no qualms playing with the others in the crowd, or went around the hall and returning to find us in front of the large screen.. En was a tad more cautious but had a great time playing with Xuan and joining Xuan in playing with the fellow Singaporeans.. By the end of the day, the boys were exhausted but happy on the way home.
Despite the thunderous rain this afternoon, I am glad we went. It is a real experience indeed!
Monday, August 03, 2009
我不说。。。
最近， 领悟了一种情感。。
我不说 并不代表 我不懂
我不说 并不代表我不在乎
我不说 并不代表 我没感觉
因为 安静的带过 也是一种 感觉
若你没看见
那也是一种缘分
我不想说 因为你也该知道了
Recently, in many incidents, with the kids and the people around me, I find myself being more passive. Maybe I need a pause. Maybe I am really getting older..
But it is a clear departure of some of my older ways..
I was always of the stand that if we want something, or to be the agent of change, we need to be active.
Active participation, active confrontation, active assertion...
So I always state my views and my thoughts, as clearly as I can. Even if it does not get through all the time, it is a platform of communication, which leads to understanding..
But recently I realise that Passivity and Time, are agents of change too..
Time, if you allow it to do its magic, brings about changes too..
And let time play out the consequences.
Believe that Time will bring about the same realisation that you want in others..
Particularly in kids, I think this is important.
Some things just need Time to nurture and come to fruition.
Forcing the issue do not always help.
When it comes to relationships, giving time and space may also help to open up a clearer field of vision. And it is a also a test of how the different parties understand the other parties intuitively.
And if the understanding is not there, even speaking it, will not being it about.
I am beginning to understand this.
Slowly.
Ultimately, if it is not to be.. it may never be.
我不说 并不代表 我不懂
我不说 并不代表我不在乎
我不说 并不代表 我没感觉
因为 安静的带过 也是一种 感觉
若你没看见
那也是一种缘分
我不想说 因为你也该知道了
Recently, in many incidents, with the kids and the people around me, I find myself being more passive. Maybe I need a pause. Maybe I am really getting older..
But it is a clear departure of some of my older ways..
I was always of the stand that if we want something, or to be the agent of change, we need to be active.
Active participation, active confrontation, active assertion...
So I always state my views and my thoughts, as clearly as I can. Even if it does not get through all the time, it is a platform of communication, which leads to understanding..
But recently I realise that Passivity and Time, are agents of change too..
Time, if you allow it to do its magic, brings about changes too..
And let time play out the consequences.
Believe that Time will bring about the same realisation that you want in others..
Particularly in kids, I think this is important.
Some things just need Time to nurture and come to fruition.
Forcing the issue do not always help.
When it comes to relationships, giving time and space may also help to open up a clearer field of vision. And it is a also a test of how the different parties understand the other parties intuitively.
And if the understanding is not there, even speaking it, will not being it about.
I am beginning to understand this.
Slowly.
Ultimately, if it is not to be.. it may never be.
Monday, July 27, 2009
变脸 and updates..
Over the weekend, we brought En and Xuan to the nearby Mac for a "fries" session.
And hubby brought a happy kids meal which came long with this 小丸子变脸 freebie.
It was a normal toy till.. i found a way to use it.
I read the Babycentre emailer just this morning that silliness is good for kids and it helps diffuse the tension off situation.
So as En was stalling over his milk earlier as usual, and I was fiddling with 小丸子 next to him.. I showed him this face with me mimicking the face..
and I told him that when he finished his milk, I can be the smiley face again..
That tickled him no end and he started laughing non stop.. and in a short while, he finished his milk, in between his hilarious laughter looking at the face. So, I thought to myself, humor is quite key to relationships indeed. Be it between parents and kids, or between spouses or even friends..
***********************************
Many asked what do the kids and I do in our lives here, and it is very hard to answer as there is just overwhelming amount of things to do..
I shall just attempt to litter bits of them here along the way..
-The Confectionary-
Papa brought this set of toys for the boys on one of his trips to the baby store.
It is a really nice playset for a gal, but I guess, boys will play it their own way. Not too bad yah?
Anyway, I also believe at this age, kids's toys should not be limited by gender.. so En and Xuan do enjoy playing with it other than their train sets and building blocks.
En operates a confectionary store with this, and I will call for orders while he prepares and send them to my place. Along the way, he learns to remember where our address is as well as to remember the specific orders that I have. Perhaps in the future, I should get him a cashier as well and teach him entrepreneurship!!
Xuan loves to sing the birthday song when he sees the cake and loves to imagine himelf eating the cake. He would cut the cake and serve it to the others and ultimately himself! He is really a cookie monster!
- Houhai -
*Pic Taken by Bao En* - Photography seems really natural to Bao En..
We brought the boys to the Houhai area for a walk over the mild weathered weekend and En was really excited over the ducks he saw. He kept singing the duck song which I find really amusing.
Xuan as usual - with food, the trip is good I guess :)
The place is littered with pubs with interesting decor mix of East and Weat and is really more of an expats' or tourists' watering hole than for the family, but I am glad there are the boats and the ducks to entertain the kids..
- Rui's toys and food -
Rui is really sitting up quite well now, and can't wait to put everything he can grab into his mouth. And I am busy reading up on how to manage and tweak his feeding schedule with the introduction of solids.. in addition to the weaning recipe book for purees to make him.. Thus far, he has tried most of the stuff that he is supposed to at 6 mths and moving on to more variety each day.. (banana, apples, carrot, papapya, broccoli, peaches, cauliflower, pear, pumpkins of various varients, sweet tapocia of various varients). I am gonna work on peas for tomorrow, that is really an effort as I hate shelling the peas but I guessed he better start eating start eating his greens early.
We got a blender here for Rui's puree but I am happily making use of the juicing function to make juice for the tods as well.
The weather here is just too sweathering hot and it is a good way to have them drink more liquids as well as making sure they are getting the Vits.
*********************************
I also got myself these handy books with recipes of food for kids through the various seasons. The section on summer is particularly useful as it teaches us how to boil the various soups and use the various ingredients to combat the heat.
The best part? Each of these books costs less than 5 SGD bucks!! Books are really affordable here, the Chinese ones anyway, so I really enjoyed going to the bookstore 2 streets away to buy books for myself and the kids. The street stalls at WuDaoKou (the hangout area for students) also have "pirated" English books going for as cheap as 2 SGD dollars, with covers so authentic that you would not have tot they are fake!
Hence, I am like reading 5-6 books all at the same time, depending on what interests I have or the mood I am in. I have..
1. Marketing for Rainmakers - Phil Fragasso
2. 100 details to bring up magical boys (Chinese)
3. The Leader in You - Dale Carnegie
4. 3 岁决定孩子的一身
5. The Baby Healthy eating planner
Where do I find the time to read? When I am pumping, before I sleep, while I get the boys to do their own stuff in peace (though these moments are really rare!).. Well, if I dun accomplish anything during these long period away of work, I guess I see it as a retreat to recharge and brush up the knowledge on parenting and work. There are always tons of books that I wanted to read but just no time when I was working, so I am really indulging myself here. And reading keeps me sane. It is an adult world, and it reminds me of who I am. Being a SAHM sometimes makes me forget that there is a very much sane world out there, with meaningful adult conversations and stuff that trigger my interests!
Of course, there are really many many interesting kid moments too, but for me, I can only take so much of the kids in any given day. Any more of the quota and I go a bit crazy, seriously. And there are always the parenting books to make me think and re-think about our ways of approaching the kids..
Are we stifling them? Am I mis-understanding them? Am i decoding their signals and emotions correctly? Are we engaging in meaningless power struggles... etc etc.
Life has never been more challenging, but at the end of the day, I tell myself I may never have such a time with the boys again. The present is now, with them at these ages, and we can never do this again. So for this one chance, for the good and the bad, I must do the best I can and make the best of it. Carp Diem..
And hubby brought a happy kids meal which came long with this 小丸子变脸 freebie.
It was a normal toy till.. i found a way to use it.
I read the Babycentre emailer just this morning that silliness is good for kids and it helps diffuse the tension off situation.
So as En was stalling over his milk earlier as usual, and I was fiddling with 小丸子 next to him.. I showed him this face with me mimicking the face..
and I told him that when he finished his milk, I can be the smiley face again..
That tickled him no end and he started laughing non stop.. and in a short while, he finished his milk, in between his hilarious laughter looking at the face. So, I thought to myself, humor is quite key to relationships indeed. Be it between parents and kids, or between spouses or even friends..
***********************************
Many asked what do the kids and I do in our lives here, and it is very hard to answer as there is just overwhelming amount of things to do..
I shall just attempt to litter bits of them here along the way..
-The Confectionary-
Papa brought this set of toys for the boys on one of his trips to the baby store.
It is a really nice playset for a gal, but I guess, boys will play it their own way. Not too bad yah?
Anyway, I also believe at this age, kids's toys should not be limited by gender.. so En and Xuan do enjoy playing with it other than their train sets and building blocks.
En operates a confectionary store with this, and I will call for orders while he prepares and send them to my place. Along the way, he learns to remember where our address is as well as to remember the specific orders that I have. Perhaps in the future, I should get him a cashier as well and teach him entrepreneurship!!
Xuan loves to sing the birthday song when he sees the cake and loves to imagine himelf eating the cake. He would cut the cake and serve it to the others and ultimately himself! He is really a cookie monster!
- Houhai -
*Pic Taken by Bao En* - Photography seems really natural to Bao En..
We brought the boys to the Houhai area for a walk over the mild weathered weekend and En was really excited over the ducks he saw. He kept singing the duck song which I find really amusing.
Xuan as usual - with food, the trip is good I guess :)
The place is littered with pubs with interesting decor mix of East and Weat and is really more of an expats' or tourists' watering hole than for the family, but I am glad there are the boats and the ducks to entertain the kids..
- Rui's toys and food -
Rui is really sitting up quite well now, and can't wait to put everything he can grab into his mouth. And I am busy reading up on how to manage and tweak his feeding schedule with the introduction of solids.. in addition to the weaning recipe book for purees to make him.. Thus far, he has tried most of the stuff that he is supposed to at 6 mths and moving on to more variety each day.. (banana, apples, carrot, papapya, broccoli, peaches, cauliflower, pear, pumpkins of various varients, sweet tapocia of various varients). I am gonna work on peas for tomorrow, that is really an effort as I hate shelling the peas but I guessed he better start eating start eating his greens early.
We got a blender here for Rui's puree but I am happily making use of the juicing function to make juice for the tods as well.
The weather here is just too sweathering hot and it is a good way to have them drink more liquids as well as making sure they are getting the Vits.
*********************************
I also got myself these handy books with recipes of food for kids through the various seasons. The section on summer is particularly useful as it teaches us how to boil the various soups and use the various ingredients to combat the heat.
The best part? Each of these books costs less than 5 SGD bucks!! Books are really affordable here, the Chinese ones anyway, so I really enjoyed going to the bookstore 2 streets away to buy books for myself and the kids. The street stalls at WuDaoKou (the hangout area for students) also have "pirated" English books going for as cheap as 2 SGD dollars, with covers so authentic that you would not have tot they are fake!
Hence, I am like reading 5-6 books all at the same time, depending on what interests I have or the mood I am in. I have..
1. Marketing for Rainmakers - Phil Fragasso
2. 100 details to bring up magical boys (Chinese)
3. The Leader in You - Dale Carnegie
4. 3 岁决定孩子的一身
5. The Baby Healthy eating planner
Where do I find the time to read? When I am pumping, before I sleep, while I get the boys to do their own stuff in peace (though these moments are really rare!).. Well, if I dun accomplish anything during these long period away of work, I guess I see it as a retreat to recharge and brush up the knowledge on parenting and work. There are always tons of books that I wanted to read but just no time when I was working, so I am really indulging myself here. And reading keeps me sane. It is an adult world, and it reminds me of who I am. Being a SAHM sometimes makes me forget that there is a very much sane world out there, with meaningful adult conversations and stuff that trigger my interests!
Of course, there are really many many interesting kid moments too, but for me, I can only take so much of the kids in any given day. Any more of the quota and I go a bit crazy, seriously. And there are always the parenting books to make me think and re-think about our ways of approaching the kids..
Are we stifling them? Am I mis-understanding them? Am i decoding their signals and emotions correctly? Are we engaging in meaningless power struggles... etc etc.
Life has never been more challenging, but at the end of the day, I tell myself I may never have such a time with the boys again. The present is now, with them at these ages, and we can never do this again. So for this one chance, for the good and the bad, I must do the best I can and make the best of it. Carp Diem..
Friday, July 24, 2009
6 month milestone
Time flies..Bao Rui was 6 months 2 weeks back.
It was an amazing 6 months.
The time just seemed to whizz by with endless rounds of tasks to do..
In this 6 months some things stayed poignantly the same...Rui still has very fine, little hair, almost like a botak boy. His hair has not changed.
Rui's love for sleeping remains the same as he zzz from 7-5 ish and then dozing to 7 am again..
Rui still rubs his eyes when he is sleepy, lays his hand over his eyes as if to warn off those who dare to disturb his beauty sleep.
Rui's impish sparkling smile remains the same, always lighting up the day in the morning and then dwindling off into a stubborn frown that cannot be teased or coaxed away towards the end of the day..
While other minor changes have taken place too..He is starting to enjoy eating, his lips always gnawing excitedly when he sees us eating
He is starting to grab at everything and putting everything he grabs into this mouth..
He has learnt to flip over and sit up, and these days trying to heave himself forwards..
He learnt to laugh out loud and squeal, and he did that the first time I place a stack of stacking cups in front of him, seeming to know those as his toys instinctively..
And he has 2 cute teeth on his lower jaw, always peering out cutely when he smiles..
And I have been breastfeeding him for 6 months plus.. while I keep telling myself I will soon stop.. It is a record for me to perservere for so long, but I keep telling myself that I am not working, I feel very guilty if I do not continue. After all, it is kinda a luxury to be able to stay home with the kids for this amount of time. Much as I sometimes doubt the "power" of breastmilk, I find it very hard to stop.
As it took a lot of effort to build the milk volume to what it is now, particularly in this case when I did not latch him for the initial 3 days when he was first born. it was a perpetual game of catch up and mindgame to will the milk to come. I really worked hard to arrive at what it is today, not to mention all the travel and the mastitis sagas disrupting the schedule.
But at the end of the day, it is immensely tiring esp when there are 3 kids in all.
Pumpin takes up a lot of time. And I feel very tired all the time actually.
Many times I wonder if I am making use of this period of stay at home mum time optimally..
- Have I rested well?
- Have I spent enough quality time with all the kids?
- Have i done something for myself - those long list of things that I been wanting to do..
There are a lot of questions, but the answer remains the same .. if I can breastfeed as long as it is good for Rui, why not?
Coupled with the paranoia with the medical system here, I am really fearful of Rui falling ill, especially when the 2 brothers are now in school and hence more vulnerable to illnesses.
Still, at some point I will have to stop.. and kinda rest..
I dunno when it will be yet, but it has to be sometime soon..
While my mind and heart battle over when to stop, I am happy just to see Rui grow and smile!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Not all mummies are the same..
I read with much envy and disbelief at the report, or more precisely the photo, of Kelly Chen leaving the hospital post birth!
And I conclude that indeed, not all mummies are made equal well if you know what I mean.
She looks fab lor, I mean how to have a figure like that in the first place post birth in less than a month.
And how to have the effort to dress up like that to leave hospital leh?
I mean even if I have an army of nannies at my command, I will find it tough to look like that..
Maybe that explains why we are not celebrities bah..
It is just well, incredible to me.
Even now, as I am a SAHM, I feel really bad being a slob.
Just the other day, as we went out for dinner and I dress a tad better, it made En said "Mummy, you look nice".
So on all the other days, well, I dun look nice lah! sigh...
What, seriously, is the incentive for looking nice for a SAHM?
Or are we, SIngaporean, more pragmatic than other girls of other nations???
And I conclude that indeed, not all mummies are made equal well if you know what I mean.
She looks fab lor, I mean how to have a figure like that in the first place post birth in less than a month.
And how to have the effort to dress up like that to leave hospital leh?
I mean even if I have an army of nannies at my command, I will find it tough to look like that..
Maybe that explains why we are not celebrities bah..
It is just well, incredible to me.
Even now, as I am a SAHM, I feel really bad being a slob.
Just the other day, as we went out for dinner and I dress a tad better, it made En said "Mummy, you look nice".
So on all the other days, well, I dun look nice lah! sigh...
What, seriously, is the incentive for looking nice for a SAHM?
Or are we, SIngaporean, more pragmatic than other girls of other nations???
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Finally!!
Hooray!! Finally I found a way to access blogspot and wordpress.. beyond the great Firewall of China. However, it seems to be a trade off for the lack of access to Facebook (which was formerly accessible).
This epitomises life in China. To a very large extent, change is constant.
Building appear everyday; shops literally spring up overnight. Steps get built in the middle of the night and the next day you have shiny new steps to climb.
Regulations are evolving, what is possible today get changed and becomes impossible in a matter of weeks. That is how I end up in Hong Kong for visa extension but that is another story..
It also epitomises our life in China, it is all about coping with changes.
As Rui move into the weaning stage, his routine changes, even his looks seem to change. The extent of his mobility changes rapidly as well.
As Xuan continues to cope insecurely with all the changes, he continues to find means to adapt to the new environment.
And En continues to grow up rapidly into a mini adult - bossing over his brothers and us, playing teacer to Xuan and me and learning from the new environment along the way.
It IS overwhelming and many times I cannot believe I am living this life. Frankly.
What was planned did not necessarily turn out the same, e.g. we do not manage to find a suitable and capable nanny, and I learnt that it is simply chaotic to live a life without assumptions.
When you are in a familiar environment, you have a set of assumptions to work with, which most people will concur with and thereby they also make similiar sets of assumptions. Hence, people are able to understand and get along reasonably amicably.
In this world, I find that our old assumptions are contiually being challenged. We have to pick up new assmptions quickly or risk being immensely frustrated.
For now, I am just happily relishing my new found freedom online. I learn to really appreciate many litte thngs that we have taken for granted in our world in Singapore. And I am glad we have this chance to learn and see things that we have taken for granted in new light.
*_*
This epitomises life in China. To a very large extent, change is constant.
Building appear everyday; shops literally spring up overnight. Steps get built in the middle of the night and the next day you have shiny new steps to climb.
Regulations are evolving, what is possible today get changed and becomes impossible in a matter of weeks. That is how I end up in Hong Kong for visa extension but that is another story..
It also epitomises our life in China, it is all about coping with changes.
As Rui move into the weaning stage, his routine changes, even his looks seem to change. The extent of his mobility changes rapidly as well.
As Xuan continues to cope insecurely with all the changes, he continues to find means to adapt to the new environment.
And En continues to grow up rapidly into a mini adult - bossing over his brothers and us, playing teacer to Xuan and me and learning from the new environment along the way.
It IS overwhelming and many times I cannot believe I am living this life. Frankly.
What was planned did not necessarily turn out the same, e.g. we do not manage to find a suitable and capable nanny, and I learnt that it is simply chaotic to live a life without assumptions.
When you are in a familiar environment, you have a set of assumptions to work with, which most people will concur with and thereby they also make similiar sets of assumptions. Hence, people are able to understand and get along reasonably amicably.
In this world, I find that our old assumptions are contiually being challenged. We have to pick up new assmptions quickly or risk being immensely frustrated.
For now, I am just happily relishing my new found freedom online. I learn to really appreciate many litte thngs that we have taken for granted in our world in Singapore. And I am glad we have this chance to learn and see things that we have taken for granted in new light.
*_*
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Farewell
It seems to be lots of farewells around.
Not cuz we are leaving for China, but many colleagues left at work.
And I feel like we also have to say farewell to College Green, our home, farewell to Momo for somemonths, friends here and plan farewell party for the boys with their classsmates as they will not be going to school for a few months...
So in the sense of compressed time it is a LOT of Farewells. And I even said farewell to my wedding ring, since I seem to have lost it. argh. Dun wanna think about that.
And lots of packing - at home, at work and our luggages.
The boys have their on flight trolley bags out to pack their toys and books on board.
En is seasoned. He went to his book shelf andlook and walkedaround the toyroom...
Xuan onlyhas all theThomas items in his thomas bag, the trains, the waterbottle and thomas books. sigh. Recently He deteriorated to only wearing Thomas tees -we have only 3 of them, so gotta wash them fast enuf for him to change. I wonder if it ever ends?
Only 5 more days to go..
Here is a pic of Rui that I snapped today, the cutiepie is really interactive these days.
Always cooing when I speak to him.
Smiling. Started grabbing things and putting them in his mouth to explore.
Sigh. It is fun to watch him develop.
And to watch him watch me.
Lots more pics to come, i only manage to get his,before my camera ran out its "energy".
And Oh, I may need to do a farewell entry, as apparently, China has blocked blogspot again!!!
Oh, sigh.
So i will continue with facebooknote then.
If that is the case, feel free to add me in your facebook for updates from China if you find myblog stagnant for a while after Sunday..
Adieu friends!!
Not cuz we are leaving for China, but many colleagues left at work.
And I feel like we also have to say farewell to College Green, our home, farewell to Momo for somemonths, friends here and plan farewell party for the boys with their classsmates as they will not be going to school for a few months...
So in the sense of compressed time it is a LOT of Farewells. And I even said farewell to my wedding ring, since I seem to have lost it. argh. Dun wanna think about that.
And lots of packing - at home, at work and our luggages.
The boys have their on flight trolley bags out to pack their toys and books on board.
En is seasoned. He went to his book shelf andlook and walkedaround the toyroom...
Xuan onlyhas all theThomas items in his thomas bag, the trains, the waterbottle and thomas books. sigh. Recently He deteriorated to only wearing Thomas tees -we have only 3 of them, so gotta wash them fast enuf for him to change. I wonder if it ever ends?
Only 5 more days to go..
Here is a pic of Rui that I snapped today, the cutiepie is really interactive these days.Always cooing when I speak to him.
Smiling. Started grabbing things and putting them in his mouth to explore.
Sigh. It is fun to watch him develop.
And to watch him watch me.
Lots more pics to come, i only manage to get his,before my camera ran out its "energy".
And Oh, I may need to do a farewell entry, as apparently, China has blocked blogspot again!!!
Oh, sigh.
So i will continue with facebooknote then.
If that is the case, feel free to add me in your facebook for updates from China if you find myblog stagnant for a while after Sunday..
Adieu friends!!
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Catch..
1. Catch Up
It has been almost a month since I blogged, a real cold turkey month for me.
Well, much of it is attributed to my lousy computer, which has a bad "scar" on its screen which inhibits me from reading anything or writing anything properly I have to resize the screen again and again to read simple news properly. Too much effort. I wished I can get a new laptop...
It has also been hectic, as there are a lot of ups and downs. And the kids are sick.. the usual potent flu bug which gave the kids the full works of cough, runny nose, fever and even rash on Xuan.
so I ran a pharmacy again for 2 weeks, and Xuan got so bad that he had to be on the nebuliser. And we had a screaming, kicking and violent kid in the house everytime he has to be put on the nebuliser. Thankfully by the 3rd day, he got used to the machine and the treat of sweets after that, so he was much calmer thru the process. But his fear is apparent as he kept saying "scared" and he labelled the machine "bad". sigh..
2. Catch-er..
The 2 boys drive me kinda nuts with their perpetual game of catcher.. screaming as they run through the house. While i should be happy with their bonding, but whentheir screams woke Rui up fromthe nap and I have a screaming and angry baby (who is usually most peaceful and jovial), my urge to scream and have a meltdown myself is imminent.
These are days of much self control.. kinda prepping for days of me as a stay at home month for the coming half a year. While i am glad to have the opportunity to be a stay at home mum for the 3 kids (thanks to my office arrangement for granting me the no pay leave), i recognise that it is a real challange to me...
3. Caught by..
I am always caught by how cute the boys are - I admit.
I know all parents feel pride in how their kids have grown, and it is natural.
But when I see their photos, or have a glimpse of their antics.. i find them really adorable sometime. The 3 boys all look so different, and have such different temperament, it makes parenting them a real experience in human nature.
En - always engrossed in his books, drawing or practising his numbers or alphabets.. This little boy seem to have acquired an innate love for the "bookish". He loves to read and do his exercises and it is a a joy to read to him, and huture his love for learning.
Xuan - always gibberish, dancing with a cheeky smile full of exuberance and never failing to charm his way with everyone. While he is definitely not bookish, it is a joy to just go along with what he wants to do. Just to see his dimpled smile.. but this boy does need to start to learn and speak properly soon - he is like 25 mths already but he is still mono-syllabic and behaves like a PG kid rather than the N1 kid that he is...
Rui - always cooing, swinging his arms and legs and smiling at ayone who looks at him... He is joy to hold and smell. At 3 mths, he is wearing clothes of 9-12 mths, really large for his size... but he has recently started developing the bad habit of not wanting to finish his milk. Other than this, he is a real joy to be around. Of all the 3 kids, I have to say i enjoy time with him as a baby most (no screaming like En, and more interactive than Xn as a baby), this one lights me up like nothing can, even if I only have 3 hours of sleep a day after tending to his sick brothers and in between the regular pump schedule.
Sigh... so my life goes on... ad here are the backdated and recent pics..
It has been almost a month since I blogged, a real cold turkey month for me.Well, much of it is attributed to my lousy computer, which has a bad "scar" on its screen which inhibits me from reading anything or writing anything properly I have to resize the screen again and again to read simple news properly. Too much effort. I wished I can get a new laptop...
It has also been hectic, as there are a lot of ups and downs. And the kids are sick.. the usual potent flu bug which gave the kids the full works of cough, runny nose, fever and even rash on Xuan.
so I ran a pharmacy again for 2 weeks, and Xuan got so bad that he had to be on the nebuliser. And we had a screaming, kicking and violent kid in the house everytime he has to be put on the nebuliser. Thankfully by the 3rd day, he got used to the machine and the treat of sweets after that, so he was much calmer thru the process. But his fear is apparent as he kept saying "scared" and he labelled the machine "bad". sigh..
2. Catch-er..
The 2 boys drive me kinda nuts with their perpetual game of catcher.. screaming as they run through the house. While i should be happy with their bonding, but whentheir screams woke Rui up fromthe nap and I have a screaming and angry baby (who is usually most peaceful and jovial), my urge to scream and have a meltdown myself is imminent.
These are days of much self control.. kinda prepping for days of me as a stay at home month for the coming half a year. While i am glad to have the opportunity to be a stay at home mum for the 3 kids (thanks to my office arrangement for granting me the no pay leave), i recognise that it is a real challange to me...
3. Caught by..
I am always caught by how cute the boys are - I admit.
I know all parents feel pride in how their kids have grown, and it is natural.
But when I see their photos, or have a glimpse of their antics.. i find them really adorable sometime. The 3 boys all look so different, and have such different temperament, it makes parenting them a real experience in human nature.
En - always engrossed in his books, drawing or practising his numbers or alphabets.. This little boy seem to have acquired an innate love for the "bookish". He loves to read and do his exercises and it is a a joy to read to him, and huture his love for learning.
Xuan - always gibberish, dancing with a cheeky smile full of exuberance and never failing to charm his way with everyone. While he is definitely not bookish, it is a joy to just go along with what he wants to do. Just to see his dimpled smile.. but this boy does need to start to learn and speak properly soon - he is like 25 mths already but he is still mono-syllabic and behaves like a PG kid rather than the N1 kid that he is...
Rui - always cooing, swinging his arms and legs and smiling at ayone who looks at him... He is joy to hold and smell. At 3 mths, he is wearing clothes of 9-12 mths, really large for his size... but he has recently started developing the bad habit of not wanting to finish his milk. Other than this, he is a real joy to be around. Of all the 3 kids, I have to say i enjoy time with him as a baby most (no screaming like En, and more interactive than Xn as a baby), this one lights me up like nothing can, even if I only have 3 hours of sleep a day after tending to his sick brothers and in between the regular pump schedule.Sigh... so my life goes on... ad here are the backdated and recent pics..
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Vulgar...
I have been too busy busy busy since coming back..
But I want to record the following:
1. En showed me his vulgar sign on 16 April, rather innocently, of which I told him if I ever see him do that ever again, I will put him on the naughty seat as it is a bad sign which will offend others.
He seemed shocked at my response, and would not tell me where he learnt the vulgar sign from...
2. On the positive sign, while I was coming back and stuck at the China customs (that is another colourful story), I learnt that En was crying and crying, seated on his sofa when He heard that, worried sick over whether Rui and I will be able to come home.
3 On the same evening that he was worried if i was able to return, he sat on his sofa and thought for a while, and asked my mum..
"Mummy's birthday over already?"
Yes, mu mum answered, though my next birthday will come next year.
En thought for a while and said, "I want to buy flowers, make nice nice in paper and send to mummy."
My mum was puzzled why he would want to send, when i am around but he insisted that the flowers have to be sent. When my mum told him that if he will behave himself and fight less with Di-di, I will be very happy even without the flowers, En apparently pondered for a while, then asked my mum seriously, "You sure?" hhahahaha, that makes me laugh more than anything else.
4. Xuan has been babbling lots and seemed to have grown up suddenly. at 27 month, he just started articulating comprehensible words, but many of which are still just... babble. however, he is a most funny child, ever ready to dance to music and make funny expressions, such as putting both hands on his cheek and make funny faces at me.
His cognitive skill seemed to also bemore developed than we anticipated, because when the confinement aunty returned to Singapore ahead of me, when Xuan first saw her, he went to her and asked, "where, baby?". he shocked everyone as no one really think that he would understand what is happening in the house, much less recognise the fatc that aunties looks after baby and has gone to china with baby...
5. We realise we may have been depriving Xuan of new toys as I noticed that he treated a cheap SGD 2 dollar bear pencil case we got for him from china really preciously. He hugged it everywhere he goes, like his Thomas trains that are only his, and when I saw him take the bear and point to the sofa seat, and proceeded to bring the bear there to seat the bear on the seat, arranging the body of the bear nicely so that the bear sits nicely and squarely on the seat, my heart went out to him..
This little bear, which was a whim purchase by the by and not even intended originally for him (but brought back to Singapore with the intention to avoid having him fight with En whom we bought a similar rabbit pencil case and who really needed a pencil case more than Xuan), was just a 2 dollar cheap purchase for me.
But for Xuan, the little boy who mostly had hand me downs and not much new toys (since we have aroomful of toys), to him, the bear is a precious and cherished gift from us.
6. Both Xuan and En were caring towards Rui most of the times, eager to play with him by making funny faces, or gently touching Rui's hands. BUt Xuan surprised us most, when he gave up his "royal sofa seat" which he always sits on for his TV shows for Rui to lie. He pointed to his seat and said "Didi" and he promptly went to sit on the seat next to it, willng to give up his seat (Which apparently no adult could sit on without being chased away by him) to baby Rui.
7. En is also caring and loving towards Xuan. When grandparents bought Xuan his new precious crocs with Thomas add ons, En kept Xuan's shoes in the house, claiming that "because Didi's shoes are new". When Popo asked him what aout his own shoes, why are they left outside the house, he replied that "his shoes are old, so can leave outside" O_O
8. baby Rui is hefty 7 plus kg at 3 months (for the record, En is over 15 kg at 40 plus mths), and a very swet baby who has learnt to sleep thru the night from 8 pm - 4 or 5 am. and when awake, he is always cooing and babbling and never fails to give us a smile when we play with him..
A month away, I come back filled with stories as well as little observations of how much the kids have grown. and how each of them brings me a different kind of joy. I am really savouring it, as I am forever worried that these moments slipped by too fast for me to catch them and hold them in my palms for just a tiny little while...
But I want to record the following:
1. En showed me his vulgar sign on 16 April, rather innocently, of which I told him if I ever see him do that ever again, I will put him on the naughty seat as it is a bad sign which will offend others.
He seemed shocked at my response, and would not tell me where he learnt the vulgar sign from...
2. On the positive sign, while I was coming back and stuck at the China customs (that is another colourful story), I learnt that En was crying and crying, seated on his sofa when He heard that, worried sick over whether Rui and I will be able to come home.
3 On the same evening that he was worried if i was able to return, he sat on his sofa and thought for a while, and asked my mum..
"Mummy's birthday over already?"
Yes, mu mum answered, though my next birthday will come next year.
En thought for a while and said, "I want to buy flowers, make nice nice in paper and send to mummy."
My mum was puzzled why he would want to send, when i am around but he insisted that the flowers have to be sent. When my mum told him that if he will behave himself and fight less with Di-di, I will be very happy even without the flowers, En apparently pondered for a while, then asked my mum seriously, "You sure?" hhahahaha, that makes me laugh more than anything else.
4. Xuan has been babbling lots and seemed to have grown up suddenly. at 27 month, he just started articulating comprehensible words, but many of which are still just... babble. however, he is a most funny child, ever ready to dance to music and make funny expressions, such as putting both hands on his cheek and make funny faces at me.
His cognitive skill seemed to also bemore developed than we anticipated, because when the confinement aunty returned to Singapore ahead of me, when Xuan first saw her, he went to her and asked, "where, baby?". he shocked everyone as no one really think that he would understand what is happening in the house, much less recognise the fatc that aunties looks after baby and has gone to china with baby...
5. We realise we may have been depriving Xuan of new toys as I noticed that he treated a cheap SGD 2 dollar bear pencil case we got for him from china really preciously. He hugged it everywhere he goes, like his Thomas trains that are only his, and when I saw him take the bear and point to the sofa seat, and proceeded to bring the bear there to seat the bear on the seat, arranging the body of the bear nicely so that the bear sits nicely and squarely on the seat, my heart went out to him..
This little bear, which was a whim purchase by the by and not even intended originally for him (but brought back to Singapore with the intention to avoid having him fight with En whom we bought a similar rabbit pencil case and who really needed a pencil case more than Xuan), was just a 2 dollar cheap purchase for me.
But for Xuan, the little boy who mostly had hand me downs and not much new toys (since we have aroomful of toys), to him, the bear is a precious and cherished gift from us.
6. Both Xuan and En were caring towards Rui most of the times, eager to play with him by making funny faces, or gently touching Rui's hands. BUt Xuan surprised us most, when he gave up his "royal sofa seat" which he always sits on for his TV shows for Rui to lie. He pointed to his seat and said "Didi" and he promptly went to sit on the seat next to it, willng to give up his seat (Which apparently no adult could sit on without being chased away by him) to baby Rui.
7. En is also caring and loving towards Xuan. When grandparents bought Xuan his new precious crocs with Thomas add ons, En kept Xuan's shoes in the house, claiming that "because Didi's shoes are new". When Popo asked him what aout his own shoes, why are they left outside the house, he replied that "his shoes are old, so can leave outside" O_O
8. baby Rui is hefty 7 plus kg at 3 months (for the record, En is over 15 kg at 40 plus mths), and a very swet baby who has learnt to sleep thru the night from 8 pm - 4 or 5 am. and when awake, he is always cooing and babbling and never fails to give us a smile when we play with him..
A month away, I come back filled with stories as well as little observations of how much the kids have grown. and how each of them brings me a different kind of joy. I am really savouring it, as I am forever worried that these moments slipped by too fast for me to catch them and hold them in my palms for just a tiny little while...
Thursday, April 02, 2009
Days of Madness in beijing..
I have not been blogging cuz I was/ am sick sick with Mastitis..
And had the experience of my life "experimenting" with the different hospitals in China...
It started mild enough, some pain and fever, and we went AnE in the evening 2 Sundays ago when my fever went up to 40 and i was having both the fever and the chills (yes, never knew tat's possible!)
And at the hospital, a public but specialist hospital for Maternity, females and kids, the system was chaotic. I thought that is typical of the Chinese chaos anyway, until we went to the expat hospital and you realised the difference.
Well but we are trying to acclimatise here right, and to be fair, this is the only hospital where they specialise in lactation services. No other hospitals I went to subsequently has massage/ laser light therapy or even daily consult with the doctors specialising in mastitis.. (yes they have that, apparently so common in China that every hospital i go to, I see fellow females seeking treatment for the
same ailment.. I blame the winter.. which probably made our milk ducts contract or something... though NJ say I am crazy to think this way since he says our body temperature remains the same and we not cold blooded - well maybe I am leh... doctor verify pls..)
In the hospital, they make u pay for EVERY minor procedure.. at every point. Supreme division of labor if some sociologists want to study the system.. no collation of payment at the end of the day.. and u run around this like 4 tower building for all the difference processes - payment, blood test, labs, Q for consult, the Consult, meds, therapy, masage, photoray etc..
it is rather exhausting. When my condition deteriorated, cuz the doctor only prescribed like 3 days of anti biotics since I refused to be warded, the condition worsened when the antibiotics stopped.
So i have to go back and succumed to the drip.
And that was another nightmare, they dun ve beds to ward me, so i have to be on day drips.
I go into an open area, i mean really open ok... with different stations for pumps, photo ray and massage all in the same tiny room with no demarcation and you are supposed to just take off your tops for the treatment (china apparently has no respect much for urm.. privacy? - thank god I am Hungary trained when it comes to public baths, if all females, i am not that bothered seriously, but still it seemed a bit crazy to me)
then I went for day trips where the nurse, while efficient, just abuse the patients..
Ok, how so? Check out the conversations I overhear while seated in an uncomfortable chair bearing out the 3 bottles of drip on a 5 hr period..
Incident 1: "you scared of pain?" said the nurse to the patient who came in for an injection of some sort in her tummy. "Then you want kids or not? want to deliver babies or not? If you want, then scared of pain for what..." DUH DUH... for info, until my surgery, My previous 2 births are pain free ok. Even when the nurses draw blood at the hospital, they are v careful when I told them I am totally non pain tolerant...
Incident 2: A fellow mastitis mum had allergic reactions to the drip and was taken off the same drip that i am going thru quickly. she had shortness of breathe and was rescued by the nurses and doc - at her seat. OK.. then she was asked to go home as she could not take the drip treatment anymore. However, she was very weak from the reaction she had to the drip and could not get up. 2 hours later, while she was still resting there, the nurse walked by and said "you are still here? Still cannot get up and walk yet?" In a loud and "why are you still here kinda tone" - DUH! People pay to be on the treatment, now cannot go thru treatment, just got rescued and this is your bedside manner? DUH DUH DUH..
Incident 3: Husband overheard this conversation...
A pregnant lady on drip was really feeling uncomfortable, retching into a bag, and accompanied by her mother in law.
The nurse went over to chat, found out she is pregnant and said to the mother in law that some months back, there was also another pregnant lady, and she lost her baby after that... DUH!!!!
It is simply atrocious. and very RIDICULOUS lor.
The next day, I dreaded going back, but had to as there was some reduction in the pain and I thought, perhaps the drip was working..
However, when I went in at 10, the same nurse was not around, she strolled in leisurely some couple of minutes later, but with a crowd at her heels all awaiting to be put on drip as well.
She got hassled and started complaining about patients who come all at once, at 10 am (she is due for lunch at 1130) who should have come earlier.. (duh, is it not her job?!!!)
I sat down, wanted to give her my meds (3 huge drip bottles lor), she chased NJ out of the room, and I waited. I waited and waited, while she put all the other patients who came after me on drip first. I asked for assistance and she asked me to wait. So i i still waited while watching the minutes go by, acutely aware that she will go for lunch and if I finish the drip by 1, and she is not around, I dunno who will help me.
NJ came in the room 3 times to make sure I was ok, but was appalled to see me still waiting.
And the stupid nurse had to cheek to complain about spouse who keep coming in 3 times. I wanted to scream at her and said, given he came in 3 times, you still have yet to put me on drip despite me coming here first, and knowing I am a foreigner!! I tried to stay cool, and waited.. increasingly impatient and frustrated.
I saw her blame a patient for having thick veins or something which led to her not being able to insert the drip. And she had to poke the other hand twice. I think she was just taking out her harrasssment and frustration on the patients.
When the clock showed 10:30 and I am still not served, I got up, stormed to the door and turned around and said, "If you are not helping me, I am getting out of here."
I saw all the patients looking shocked, but none as shocked as her.
I stalked out of the room., slammed the door and dumped all the meds in the dustbin and stormed off.
We went off to the Sino-Japanese Hospital after that and it was a DRAMATICALLY nicer experience. The bed sheets looked cleaner, registration was prompt, and I did not have to wait, the nurses who are competent and conversant in various languages including Japanese will ask about the condition, and assign a relevant doctor who will come down to a central comfortable waiting area and look for the patient. WIN!!! I no longer had to run around different buildings as I just wait in the same place.
This is the hospital assigned to Olympics Atheletes and I do think they know how to serve international patients who are really sick and lost. Imagine me at the earlier hospital in AnE running at 40 degree fever and still asked to run around to pay, different building for different diagnosis (if NJ was not with me and I had to do that alone, i would have collapsed with exhaustion and killed by watever ailment I had)
But wait, the best part was this - when the doctor at the Sino- Japanese hospital saw my medical and treatment history, he actually said the drip i was given was not "safe"... sigh.. it was a nightmare which I am too glad to be out of..
I went back subsequently for treatment, drip on 1 day and insisted on anti-biotics later and saw an specialist who diagnosed other problems on me quite accurately which I will have to follow up in SG, I am glad to be well again. Seriously.
I had to sign on papers to say i do not want a IV drip treatment, but other than that, all was well, the nurses were especially attentive. And the best part was, my entire treatment is CHEAPER here at the better grade hospital (cuz I recovered faster) than at the disasterous one!!
A lesson i learnt is once we reach certain standards for fundamentals like healthcare, education etc, there is simply NO TURNING BACK. I tried to acclimatise, but it is a backward system which I simply find NOT acceptable!
hence, well, in health and in education, money pays and buys the best we can afford. It is a true fact and I have learnt my lesson well.
Am happy to out the saga behind me, with much colourful stories to tell back in Sg and ppl coming to China, and well, we do have happy moments after I recovered. More on that later, but for now, pics of Rui in China!!!
Friday, March 20, 2009
A stressful week II
And so the saga continues..
I have rested for some time now in BJ, and feel slightly better today to continue..
Maybe it is the sunlight, maybe its cuz I have a good 5 hr sleep yesterday, at the expense of missing my pump at 5 am ($%^&@)
12 March
7am - Making the Move..
Piles of bags lying around..
Auntie and my bags to KL, Aunties' bag packed with Rui's playpen, Drypers (cuz the quality of economy diapers in China is questionable, so while we can get Mammy Poko for the nights and outings, the usual day use diapers are lacking ...), some clothes and cold wear from us and parents and parents in law..
My bag is filled with lactation supplements, 1 change of clothes, and pumps and bottles..
Rui, while going on a 2D1N trip, has like a cooler tub piled with ice and frozen BM, his bag of clothes, mittens, booties, bath time items, rocker for his day time naps, a cooler bag of freshly pumped BM, his book of feeds and poo with timings in them for Nanny's ref, and my list of cautions and notes for his G6PD condition, how to thaw BM and feed chilled BM (though nanny must know but I am taking extra pre-caution as I want to make sure the milk are served properly.. ), and a list of habits and no-no, like no 'Yaolan', not carrying for long, his noises at night which does not warrant much attention when he stretches etc..
And then we are ready to depart..
8:am - saying good bye to the Tods..
Xuan is easy enough.. hugs and kisses and he sems most happy/ oblivious..
En is a much trickier..
So i told him mummy is going to work, and Auntie is going home, and I will be back the next night, promising to call him from KL often.
It is a bit heart wrenching to hear him ask if I am going to China - but that I will have to deal with later..
8:30 - 2:30 pm - Arriving in KL
So we dropped off Rui at the nanny, and checked in at the airport to fly to KL.
Interestingly, we met Michelle Chong and Adam Chen checking in behind us, and in the end, seated right behind us on Air Asia (think they are shooting an Air Asia Sponsored program), and right before getting off, we heard that they are also staying at Mid Valley Mall - but at Bolovard hotel, the other hotel attached to the mall..
On the way and in between times slots, I pumped and throw my BM away (wastage, wastage, wastage), continue my calls with the tour agencies in both SG and MY to confirm tickets, visa etc and by the time, I arrived in KL, I was exhausted.
But elated that things are going well, agent picked up auntie's passport, with an arrangement to meet at 530 pm the next day with an approved visa and air ticket for boarding.
For the rest of the day, I slept, pumped, ate and shopped..
Am glad we chose Mid Valley Mall, and to stay at Citatel, the mall is totally self sufficient, with baby and travel shops that meet all our needs, extensive eateries to choose from, and I even bought lactation supplements from GNC to stock up for my 1 mth in China.
And the best part is, we do not have to leave the hotel/ Mall!! Savings on time as we avoid the bad traffic jams in KL, and saving $$ on transport. Me feel so right abt the choice of stay!!
13 March
9am - 4pm
Continued the usual pump, and shop and eat routine, while making sure tickets and visas are cliche free..
5pm : Getting ready to depart
Auntie is all packed and ready for China, she picked up some bb items that China do not have or are of questionable quality and helped us bring them along. Her visa and ticket came, we paid for everything in cash, and got the nice cab uncle to pick us up to both the international airport for auntie and the domestic airport for me..
I am getting ready to return to SG with long list of packing items to pack for Rui and Myself to China.
7 - 11pm
I sent auntie to KLIA to take her international flight, making sure she is checked in alright with a crew assistant to bring her to the boarding gate. I must say, in this aspect, the KLIA is efficient and great as the counter staff asked me if we require such a service before I even have to asked, when he saw that auntie is travelling alone, and I am trying to manage her documents and explained to her where the boarding gates are.
Then I hurriedly leave once auntie is in good hands to catch my domestic flight home.
By the time I arrived at Changi, I am quite exhausted, not to mention wth a day of erractic milk pumps which stressed me quite a bit mentally.
11:30 pm - Home sweet Home but dreading the leaving again.. Still have not figured out what to tell En for my long disappearance.. If he knows I go China with Rui without him, am real scared he will be upset and angry with us, since we made an earlier promise that once Rui is big enough to travel, we will bring him. Nj kept saying that we cannot tell him, as he will be heart broken... so it seems that white lie we must much as I hate it..
***********************************************************************
14 march - A day of Prep and Dread
8am - 1 pm: The rapid shopping mode..
Woke up bright and early, (without much sleep actually since Rui was waking up for his feeds and was a bit cranky..) to make sure I have mentallly run thru all the missing items and have them noted down to be purchased.
Have checked on the internet that all the shops I need can be located centrally at Jurong point, so i went there early to get started for a One Stop shop.
Came back home after getting most items to prepare for the major Packing..
12pm - 3 am
I packed like crazy in between my pumps..
Interviewed a potential Philippino maid in between since this is my last day and the agent was nice enough to try and arranged it.
And in between this episode with En ensued..
8pm: Dealing with En
For some time now, En saw me putting things in and the tonnes of clothes piled on the sofa etc since he came back from his nanny's place (we deposited him there again, so we can all cope with the madness of packing).
He asked me where I am going, and I answered with Rui's milk bottles in my hands, that I am going to work and will be away for some time.
The very astute En, looked at the bottles in my hand, and asked
"Why you bring that to work?"
And i was stunned, and I said I am preparing things for Rui when I am away.
He seemed pacified, but it seemed more like he knew something was up and suspected that we are going to China without him.
I felt very torn, as I felt that if he had known I am going China without him, and he just accepted it without telling me, He would know I was lying to him. And I do not want to lie to him.
So I sms NJ that I will tell him some of the truth, even though it is still lying by omission, but there is some truth in it.
So I sat En down, and told him that I am bringing Rui to let Auntie look after.
Because Auntie can't stay in Singapore anymore, Auntie has to go and stay with Papa.
So I am bringing Rui to Auntie and after that I am back.
With this, it wouldn't seem like I am bringing Ru
i to China, to See Papa. But that Rui is going to Auntie.
En is quite quick to piece the pieces together though, after hearing me out, he looked at me and asked if Rui and Auntie will sleep in Papa's bed, and that I will also sleep in Papa's Bed, and that Papa need to sleep somewhere else.
So, in the end, he still knows that Rui is going China, and will see Papa, but he figured that out himself. On our end, it is not for Rui to see Papa so much as Rui is going to see Auntie.
He seemed to accept it fine, but I feel that He felt sad. But he did not asked to go. I thought that is very sensible and brave of him..
And the next day before we left, I spoke to him as well, and while he seemed on the verge of crying, he did not, and did not ask to go. It was difficult leaving him like that, But i promised to skype him when I arrived.
15 march: Leaving Singapore and Arriving in Beijing
Rui and I took a tiring flight to Beijing. Thankfully, he slept through most of it, and was OK with the take off and the landing. Does not seem to affect his ears too much, as I let him suck on his pacifier.
I was able to bring on board the EBM I expressed, so I fed him that on board. I also latched him to feed as well as some forumla when he refused to latch sometimes.
All in all, Rui seems fine on the flight, and I am thankful that he is so cooperative and angelic. Minimal crying. The airline is definitely not what I will fly again, and flying alone is definitely a bit more challenging.
However, i must say if prep is done well, and timing is calculated properly to anticipate BB's needs, it an really be quite easy. My toughest was to carry the pram, bags and Rui - as I was always conscious that I am not supposed to carry anything heavier than Rui. For that, and the less than helpful crew, my wound pained a bit more
than usual..
Anyways, so that ends the traumatic 3 days and I was exhilarated when we arrived. It was quite worth it when Rui smiles upon hearing auntie's voice. The 2 month old Rui is very good at recognising voices and differentiating who does what. That skill of his made it possible for me to latch him even though he is already close to 2 months back then. While he does not drink fully when latched, but i is really good enough to help stimulate the milk flow.
Some pics of Rui on flight and here.. and well, if anyone wants to know how I pack for both Rui and En to keep them peaceful on flight, let me know. I have the list ready - for travel again when we are all moving here.. sigh.. :)
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Surviving a stressful week..
It has been a stressful week..
or I should day a stressful midweek..
I am now in Beijing with Rui and Nanny... The confinement auntie is taking refuge as the Singapore customs "kicked" her out of Singapore..
I want to share this chronologically so as to better appreciate the chaos and madness of the week..
The week started off well enough.. My BM supply reached 120ml per pump and i have extra to store for my impending trip to BJ in late March... The freezer is full with 2 boxes of frozen BM for Rui while I am not around..
11 March - The "bad news" hit
It is time for Nanny to go JB and have her passport stamped. It is her second month in Singapore thus far, and she is staying for a third. Since I still have yet to find a maid to either add on or replace my current one..
Time: 11 am.
When Ye ye and nanny returned.. She said the customs can only give her 2 days stay as she has maxed out her 60 days days in Singapore.. !!!! The customs person then only said that she could get her extension at ICA. I went online to check and I tot she would qualify for Visit pass - turn out that is only for immediate family members.
Time: 2pm at ICA
So when I went ICA, turned out they explained the 60/90 days rule to me briefly. I never knew there is a 60 out of 90 days rule for Malaysian. That they can only stay a max of 60 days in SG within the 90 days period.
So auntie has to get out of singapore and away for a mth before she is allowed back!!
I was horrified and petrified, literally. Initially I could not understand what happened, cuz when auntie was employed by our neighbor, she employed her for 3 mths.. Turn out their situation may have been a result of a loophole in the cmputer's reading of 90 days or 3 mths.. It took NJ's friend some time to explain to me..
So we need to figure out what to do.
Time: 2:30 pm - the brains starts panicking
So auntie has to leave. And auntie has to stay out for a month to be safe, as we cannot bluff the computer since its middle fo the month. Minimally we need to stay 2 weeks but we cannot take the chance that we go somewhere and return only to find out that auntie is still barred from entering SG.
I need auntie's help still, or be faced with option of looking after 3 kids, pumping 7-8 times a day and managing all these with my mum and the rather incompetent current maid. Not to mention I am supposed to be resting since the surgical wound still hurts on and off esp on days when i exert myself by running to too many places or not sleep enuf sometimes..
3:30pm - Deciding that we should go China.
I thought I might as well bring auntie with me to China, and bring forward my trip instead.
I was naive, a call to the agency reminded me that
1. Auntie needs a visa to China
2. My trip cannot be changed without penalties
3. Auntie needs to get out of Sg by 12 March and the china visa's fastest processing time is 3 days in SG
4. NJ and yeye reminded me that China embassy only allows for visa application to be made in the morning.. and that means auntie has to apply and have visa approved the next day and leave the next day
The barriers seem insurmountable.
4pm - idea struck
I thought the easiest way for auntie to leave is to go back Malaysia and we make plans from there. So KL is a start as that is where the embassy is.
So, I called my tour agent to explore options of changing my dates earlier and to buy Rui's ticket. Turn out Ru's ticket is v expensive under the same promo and not worth it. Husband asked me to buy a one way ticket, ut that turned out to be expensive too.. we rationalised that the cheapest option is to abandon my current ticket and buy a fresh one for rui and me under another promo..
The I called my Malaysia office for help on a tour agent in KL that can help auntie process her China visa in KL. Turned out my colleague was a great help as he said that all Malaysians need visa to china, so over there, they have express option of visa within a day.
And he gave me the office's tour agent which is super efficient and reliable. Except that the airport tax of MAS to china is ridiculously expensive, so even though the ticket is cheap, the total cost is 70% of rui and my ticket cost!
I called the tour agency in Malaysia and they advised me that the express within the day is the only option in order for auntie to go China this weekend. Or else, even with a 2 day express option which is cheaper, the application does not take into account Sat and Sun.
Finally, I went online to book my ticket to accompany auntie to go KL to help her manage the purchase of air ticket and the visa stuff.
I also had to book hotel since we are leaving right early morning the next day, and I decided to stay at Citatel n Mid Valley mall, which will allow us to shop for all the prep stuff needed for China, since Auntie leave for China on Friday night, and I leave on Sunday, while waiting for tour agent to contact us there for application and purchase of air ticket.
i next called Bao en's nanny to help look after Rui for a day and night while I stay with auntie in KL to see her off to China before I come home.
6pm - all Set and ready for action!!
So in 2 hours.. the following is set.
1. We leave for KL early morning next day, 12 march (the dateline for Auntie to leave SG) on Air Asia and immediately pass Auntie's passport to agent for visa application.
2. We stay in KL to wait for visa approval so as to confirm the CHina ticket for auntie to leave on 13 march midnight.
3. Rui goes to En's nanny for 2 days 1 night while I was in KL, and we have to prep his bag as well as he frozen BM to be used (thank god I started freezing them earlier)
4. I forfeit my ticket to BJ later in the month, with new ticket with Rui to leave for BJ on 15 March
Time: 7 - 12 am - Packing for Rui, and processing the booking of tickets, hotels etc etc...
Gee.. all these actions in the space of 1 afternoon, and I feel tired writing abut it..
The actions for the next 3 days to follow..
I just came to BJ with Rui today, tired but happy and proud that Rui did well on the flight and I did doubly well with all the prepping and packing.
But my wound has been hurting a bit more than usual and i had only 2 hrs of sleep each night with all the things to be done and the 3 hrly pumping..
So i stop here for now.. watch this space for more action!! :P
*I am superwoman or what.... *
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Tods and Babe
Sometimes I think 3 boys are too much for me..
The 2 tods are quite energy sapping, much as they are fun and lovely to be around.
They grow so fast sometimes I wish, I have the time/ energy to just blog their antics down, the conversations... the joys and pain on a day to day basis..
Xuan is sure learning very fast, and he called me Mummy already, albeit at the bribe of an apple.. sigh.. He knows everyone by their names, even di-di and ge-ge.. his fav is ye-ye who fetches him and En to school every morning. I observe that whoever controls the wheels wins the favor of the kids.. Hmm..
Xuan has also learnt to let go of his toys, and gives in to En. A really enormous feat. I sometimes think it is the backlash of the school.. since going to school he has learnt to let go of toys, so much so that when he is home now, he gives in to En no matter how unwilling he is, or regardless of whether he needs to give in or not. When En just mentions something is his, even though it is not the item that Xuan is holding, Xuan will put it down quickly and then run off to cry at what we call his "sobbing corner" - in front of the toy shelf. And after soothing himself this way, he will find some other toys to play. I am so amazed.. sadly En is still rather possessive of his toys, well I ll leave the boys to work that out between themselves..
Recently Xuan broke out in rashes, hives apparently though we could not put a handle on the trigger.. sigh, i wish they clear soon so he looks cute again and not awful..
En has been asking and talking a lot.. Nanny brought him to the bowling centre last Sunday and he really enjoyed it. These new experiences made him grow a lot i think.. and sometimes i really think he matures too fast for my liking, due to his sensitive nature..
Due to his fights with Xuan over "his" toys, he had been for a while saying "I do not like di-di" and that created a bit of a problem for me to work it out..
Slowly, by talking to him and listening to him more, these days he is no longer saying that anymore. And sometimes he will say "I like di-di" and hugs Xuan. I appreciate these moments, even though i sometimes think he is doing it to please the adults.
His insecurity comes through whenever he asks me "Do you love me, mummy?" so I know deep inside him the issue has not been resolved.
Xuan's flambouyant and carefree nature easily garners him lots of attention and positive affinity from grandparents and us.. naturally, without even trying. In face of that, En's more passive and sensitive demeanor usually get neglected without ill intent from the grandparents. And that feeds his inscurity at these times I think..
En is a kid who needs a lot of attention and time, he is so sensitive that most times, I am afraid that casual comments from grandparents or others affect him, even though sometimes it seems as if he does not understands but i observed that it always comes through to him as I will see some behavior that stems from the comments he overheard.
As for Rui, he is growing big and well.. and has cut down his milk at night from 3 or 4 feeds to 2 feeds, i am keeping fingers crossed that he keeps up the good wk!!
While his favorite pass time is still sleeping, we are seeing more of him awake these days as well.
And here are the pictures for you to see for yourself how he is doing :)
Wii Kids - backdated photos of the tods dancing away playing Wii
Wide awake and looking stern.. his usual expression..
Check out his girlish eye lashes!!
Blissfully in ZZzzzz Land
- smiling in his sleep!!
The 2 tods are quite energy sapping, much as they are fun and lovely to be around.
They grow so fast sometimes I wish, I have the time/ energy to just blog their antics down, the conversations... the joys and pain on a day to day basis..
Xuan is sure learning very fast, and he called me Mummy already, albeit at the bribe of an apple.. sigh.. He knows everyone by their names, even di-di and ge-ge.. his fav is ye-ye who fetches him and En to school every morning. I observe that whoever controls the wheels wins the favor of the kids.. Hmm..
Xuan has also learnt to let go of his toys, and gives in to En. A really enormous feat. I sometimes think it is the backlash of the school.. since going to school he has learnt to let go of toys, so much so that when he is home now, he gives in to En no matter how unwilling he is, or regardless of whether he needs to give in or not. When En just mentions something is his, even though it is not the item that Xuan is holding, Xuan will put it down quickly and then run off to cry at what we call his "sobbing corner" - in front of the toy shelf. And after soothing himself this way, he will find some other toys to play. I am so amazed.. sadly En is still rather possessive of his toys, well I ll leave the boys to work that out between themselves..
Recently Xuan broke out in rashes, hives apparently though we could not put a handle on the trigger.. sigh, i wish they clear soon so he looks cute again and not awful..
En has been asking and talking a lot.. Nanny brought him to the bowling centre last Sunday and he really enjoyed it. These new experiences made him grow a lot i think.. and sometimes i really think he matures too fast for my liking, due to his sensitive nature..
Due to his fights with Xuan over "his" toys, he had been for a while saying "I do not like di-di" and that created a bit of a problem for me to work it out..
Slowly, by talking to him and listening to him more, these days he is no longer saying that anymore. And sometimes he will say "I like di-di" and hugs Xuan. I appreciate these moments, even though i sometimes think he is doing it to please the adults.
His insecurity comes through whenever he asks me "Do you love me, mummy?" so I know deep inside him the issue has not been resolved.
Xuan's flambouyant and carefree nature easily garners him lots of attention and positive affinity from grandparents and us.. naturally, without even trying. In face of that, En's more passive and sensitive demeanor usually get neglected without ill intent from the grandparents. And that feeds his inscurity at these times I think..
En is a kid who needs a lot of attention and time, he is so sensitive that most times, I am afraid that casual comments from grandparents or others affect him, even though sometimes it seems as if he does not understands but i observed that it always comes through to him as I will see some behavior that stems from the comments he overheard.
As for Rui, he is growing big and well.. and has cut down his milk at night from 3 or 4 feeds to 2 feeds, i am keeping fingers crossed that he keeps up the good wk!!
While his favorite pass time is still sleeping, we are seeing more of him awake these days as well.
And here are the pictures for you to see for yourself how he is doing :)
Wii Kids - backdated photos of the tods dancing away playing Wii
Wide awake and looking stern.. his usual expression..
Check out his girlish eye lashes!!
Blissfully in ZZzzzz Land
- smiling in his sleep!!
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
Nostalgia
The boys raced with each other in the beautiful setting sun.
The leaves rustled
The breeze blew..
Soon we will bid goodbye to this place, College Green.
And goodbye to my once cherished hopes and dreams of kids growing up amidst the lush greenery
Of husband and I enjoying our morning coffee out in the deck
Of grass massage for momo
These are all gone now with goodbye to college green.
I will miss the sounds of crickets in the evening.
The dripping sound of rain on the roof outside my bedroom window
I miss the smell of fallen leaves and windy breeze.
the sight of dappled sunlight on the old tall tree outside our house..
I will always remember this place, a place which i built our dreams and hopes for the future.
remembering it with fondness, sadness and much nostalgia.
Friday, February 06, 2009
The Artist
En has always been interested in drawing.
He loves his art class, and since Papa went away, we ended his weekly art class.
Hence, when his school launched a series of enrichment classes after school, I was glad to see Art classes offered, amidst other classes such as swimming, speech and drama, Mandarin etc.
Half of me wanted to sign him up for swimming, as it is an essential skill, but Xuan seems too young for it and I will prefer the boys to learn it together. Nonetheless, I asked En, whether he wanted to do the Art class or swimming class, and sure enough Art class excites him more, much as we try to persuade him to consider swimming.
Thus far, En has attended 4 classes and I must say he has shown significant progress.
Not sure whether it is due to husband's influence these weeks or the classes, but he has been experimenting with different doodle and even did a rather good drawing of the cow and lion now.
I am impressed with the art class teacher, as he never fails to post emails to parents of kids attending his class on the weekly art class activity, and with pictures!
Here is what he wrote the week before CNY, and I was very impressed as I really feel involved with the classes.
"Dear Parents,
He loves his art class, and since Papa went away, we ended his weekly art class.
Hence, when his school launched a series of enrichment classes after school, I was glad to see Art classes offered, amidst other classes such as swimming, speech and drama, Mandarin etc.
Half of me wanted to sign him up for swimming, as it is an essential skill, but Xuan seems too young for it and I will prefer the boys to learn it together. Nonetheless, I asked En, whether he wanted to do the Art class or swimming class, and sure enough Art class excites him more, much as we try to persuade him to consider swimming.
Thus far, En has attended 4 classes and I must say he has shown significant progress.
Not sure whether it is due to husband's influence these weeks or the classes, but he has been experimenting with different doodle and even did a rather good drawing of the cow and lion now.
I am impressed with the art class teacher, as he never fails to post emails to parents of kids attending his class on the weekly art class activity, and with pictures!
Here is what he wrote the week before CNY, and I was very impressed as I really feel involved with the classes.
"Dear Parents,
Last week we did crayon drawing with the theme ‘Fireworks’. We imagined how fireworks were shot up into the sky and explode like flowers. Although you may find the pictures ‘messy’, if you listen to the little artist’s explanation, you would be impressed by their great imagination. We enjoyed the time talking, imagining, acting, and drawing about fireworks together. I hope you enjoyed sharing the joy from your children at home. You children will be confident and proud of their achievements by your support and encouragement. Attached photos are for your reference.
Wish you and your family a prosperous year of ox!"
En's Calendar for 2009!
Fireworks to welcome the New Year
A Work in Progress Treasure Box these 2 weeks!
And just the other night, En asked me to draw an elephant. So I did on his doodle pad.
And he said: "Mummy, you draw wrong! Not like that."
And told me that the elephant that Papa drew is not like that. And he then proceeded to ask Papa to draw him an elephant. *Roll eyes*
Of course, Papa is a better artist than me la, that may be where the genes came from, but who is to say my elephant is not right?! Sigh.
The battle of wits has begun..
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
New faces of Bao Rui
Rui is coming to 1 month this Saturday.
Time flies!!!
This time round it seems to just whizz past..
Maybe it is more hectic this time round.
And I envisage a hard time coping with 3 boys and my pumping once confinement auntie goes home in another 2 months' time... Which raise the question if I will be able to cope in China if we move over.
Now, the move is a big if..
Mainly because the C section has made me so weak, and also inconvenient to move a bit faster, bend a bit more, carry a heavier load etc..
Everything will really be less complex if it had been a natural delivery.
Maybe it is really BM's "Sum Zero" manifesting itself - Nature claiming back what it should have been and forcing me to slow down.
Sometimes I think maybe it is all the stress during the pregnancy that resulted in the emergency C section, leading to a distressed baby. That on its own is Sum Zero. And now, the C section leaves a scar for life, to remind me that one cannot cheat Nature, it knows when you are not taking care of yourself and is greedy in wanting too much.
So I am really thinking and trying to slow down whenever I can now.
I think it is my right, i still ve a long journey ahead, and if taking it slowly now means I have a more fruitful journey later, pause I must.
Time flies!!!
This time round it seems to just whizz past..Maybe it is more hectic this time round.
And I envisage a hard time coping with 3 boys and my pumping once confinement auntie goes home in another 2 months' time... Which raise the question if I will be able to cope in China if we move over.
Now, the move is a big if..
Mainly because the C section has made me so weak, and also inconvenient to move a bit faster, bend a bit more, carry a heavier load etc..
Everything will really be less complex if it had been a natural delivery.
Maybe it is really BM's "Sum Zero" manifesting itself - Nature claiming back what it should have been and forcing me to slow down.
Sometimes I think maybe it is all the stress during the pregnancy that resulted in the emergency C section, leading to a distressed baby. That on its own is Sum Zero. And now, the C section leaves a scar for life, to remind me that one cannot cheat Nature, it knows when you are not taking care of yourself and is greedy in wanting too much.
So I am really thinking and trying to slow down whenever I can now.
I think it is my right, i still ve a long journey ahead, and if taking it slowly now means I have a more fruitful journey later, pause I must.
Monday, February 02, 2009
Thinking about Love and Someone
I dreamt of someone last night.
Someone who is probably lost to me, and whom I am always indebted to, for this whole of my lifetime.
I do not know why I dreamt of him, but i think it is a sign. Again, in the darkest moments of my life, you came to me. And your words, they come to me again.
And I read a note of a fellow Aquarian in facebook today, and again, it seems to echo the same message. Another sign.
Well, those who have been reading the previous entries or FB-ing me probably know I have been very troubled the past weeks. It is as if I have been living in the shadows and trying to come out of the shadows. My mind has been battling with the heart with equal wins and lossses.
And I am trying to seek a way to walk out of the dark.
And everyday, I ask for help. For strength to overcome the difficulties that my heart cannot accept. And I know i needed it to resolve this tough patch or it will haunt me, and those around me for life.
And I know, if given time, and I still can't get over "the incident", then it may be a sign that I need to move on in a more drastic manner.
I was hoping for signs, and for cues. Last night, in the dream, and today in the note I found them.
Yes. Love is about forgiveness.
You reminded me that I need to learn forgiveness and tolerance.
For myself. And today, for others.
And these words from the note reminded me to treasure the love we have and find "because it took hard work to find, and as we move along it will take hard work to keep it."
I canot forget.
But I shall try to forgive.
For now, that - that should be enough for now.
If I should lapsed in my resolution, this entry serves as a reminder.
This is the reason to keep fighting - because real love is so hard to find it in the first place.
That is the reason to stay. And to keep.
Thou shall not have doubts nor hopes to ever find another like it.
And given time, I hope I forget. Because, like you say, love heals.
Someone who is probably lost to me, and whom I am always indebted to, for this whole of my lifetime.
I do not know why I dreamt of him, but i think it is a sign. Again, in the darkest moments of my life, you came to me. And your words, they come to me again.
And I read a note of a fellow Aquarian in facebook today, and again, it seems to echo the same message. Another sign.
Well, those who have been reading the previous entries or FB-ing me probably know I have been very troubled the past weeks. It is as if I have been living in the shadows and trying to come out of the shadows. My mind has been battling with the heart with equal wins and lossses.
And I am trying to seek a way to walk out of the dark.
And everyday, I ask for help. For strength to overcome the difficulties that my heart cannot accept. And I know i needed it to resolve this tough patch or it will haunt me, and those around me for life.
And I know, if given time, and I still can't get over "the incident", then it may be a sign that I need to move on in a more drastic manner.
I was hoping for signs, and for cues. Last night, in the dream, and today in the note I found them.
Yes. Love is about forgiveness.
You reminded me that I need to learn forgiveness and tolerance.
For myself. And today, for others.
And these words from the note reminded me to treasure the love we have and find "because it took hard work to find, and as we move along it will take hard work to keep it."
I canot forget.
But I shall try to forgive.
For now, that - that should be enough for now.
If I should lapsed in my resolution, this entry serves as a reminder.
This is the reason to keep fighting - because real love is so hard to find it in the first place.
That is the reason to stay. And to keep.
Thou shall not have doubts nor hopes to ever find another like it.
And given time, I hope I forget. Because, like you say, love heals.
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Another year older..
Today, I am a year older, but everything still feels the same.
It had to be one of the most boring birthdays I ever had as I can't do lots of stuff, so it was spent innocuously at home most of the time, but at least I spent it with the kids, and the boys were ecstatic over the cake and the candles.
And En is becoming very good at serving the cake to others before eating it himself.
I look forward to Bao Rui joining the chorus next year.
There is something about celebrating birthday with the boys, they are quite contagious and make me smile. Was trying to recall what I did for birthday last year, took me a while and finally remembered husband and I went away for a short holiday. So this is like the first time the boys sang me a birthday song, it feels different, definitely making me feel older for sure.. sigh.
But sometimes, I think i like to keep my own life separate from the kids.
Just like I try to keep couple life separate from the kids as well.
Some people may wonder at this strange tot.
Is it like trying to delude myself? No. I don't think so.
i love the kids, and they are a permanent fixture in my life.
However, I need my own space, and I need space for husband and me.
So sometimes, events like birthdays, anniversaries etc, I prefer to celebrate them separately.
Sometimes, i think the kids are so much a part of my life, I worry about losing myself completely. And being who I am is important.
Sure, I am a mum.
But I am first myself first. It sounds really selfish I know, but in my mind, it is like I have these different spheres of life. My kids are involved in my life, even an important part of my life, but my life does not revolve around them. Rather, I hope my life does not, just as my life does not revolve around husband's, because I feel that the moment it does, then we are dependent on others for our survival and well-being.
Of course, these I hope I achieve and maintain, since it is easy to be insidiously revolving around other people, esp when it comes to love of others. Hence, sometimes, I just want a separate space for events that are just about me...
It had to be one of the most boring birthdays I ever had as I can't do lots of stuff, so it was spent innocuously at home most of the time, but at least I spent it with the kids, and the boys were ecstatic over the cake and the candles.
And En is becoming very good at serving the cake to others before eating it himself.
I look forward to Bao Rui joining the chorus next year.
There is something about celebrating birthday with the boys, they are quite contagious and make me smile. Was trying to recall what I did for birthday last year, took me a while and finally remembered husband and I went away for a short holiday. So this is like the first time the boys sang me a birthday song, it feels different, definitely making me feel older for sure.. sigh.
But sometimes, I think i like to keep my own life separate from the kids.
Just like I try to keep couple life separate from the kids as well.
Some people may wonder at this strange tot.
Is it like trying to delude myself? No. I don't think so.
i love the kids, and they are a permanent fixture in my life.
However, I need my own space, and I need space for husband and me.
So sometimes, events like birthdays, anniversaries etc, I prefer to celebrate them separately.
Sometimes, i think the kids are so much a part of my life, I worry about losing myself completely. And being who I am is important.
Sure, I am a mum.
But I am first myself first. It sounds really selfish I know, but in my mind, it is like I have these different spheres of life. My kids are involved in my life, even an important part of my life, but my life does not revolve around them. Rather, I hope my life does not, just as my life does not revolve around husband's, because I feel that the moment it does, then we are dependent on others for our survival and well-being.
Of course, these I hope I achieve and maintain, since it is easy to be insidiously revolving around other people, esp when it comes to love of others. Hence, sometimes, I just want a separate space for events that are just about me...
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Miewsing...
The Reunion
In less than 3 weeks, NJ will return to China.
This reunion has been busy, chaotic, unexpected and really busy.
Many things had happened.
Emotions have been raw.
And sometimes I feel we hardly have time for ourselves. Too much to do, too much to accomplish. It is like a perpetual game of catch up with the macro world. There is hardly time to really introspect and think through some issues.
And what should have been familiar seems unfamiliar.
What should have been seems faraway.
What should not be seems to stay.
And now I feel going to China seems a big step for me.
What i was so sure of, I am not sure now.
Something has changed. Maybe something is missing or lacking. But there are a lot more doubts. I am not sure I want to face what I will find there.
Maybe I have been too tired lately. And too much has happened too fast in a seemingly time compressed manner.
I was chatting with one of NJ's friends on FB the other morning and was given the advise to watch out for "Sum Zero", that we cannot cheat Nature, one day Nature will come back and bite us if we are not careful.
So I was cautioned to slow down and not try to TRY too hard to do everything.
It is true, I believe that too, and how often we forget to stay in the present.
There are too much going on in my life now.
Too much stuff in my mind too..
And too much burden on the heart.
And all these led to some thoughts.. are they realisations? or am I still in the process of searching?
The Search /Realisation
Sometimes I think one is better off being blissfully ignorant.
Some things, once lost, are hard to recover.
Such as faith. Such as trust. Such as love.
I think faith and love provide one with great strength to overcome the odds.
However, the lack of them instill much doubts, which insidious as they are, once planted, grow and are a force to reckon with as they are hard to stop.
And I think doubts do not necessarily only require betrayal to sprout and grow.
They can follow when one's faith is shaken - in oneself's ability to fight, in the future, in the greater world out there and in the other people.
To try and recover the faith or to take a leap is a painful process.
Because of the doubts. And the fear - fear of pain. Fear of disappointment. Fear of the tears.
If you have shed tears, the wrenching kind that cannot be stopped no matter how hard you try, you may be afraid. To go through that - again.
Someone told me that many people strive to fight for things that they think are worth fighting for. I wonder what gives these people the will to fight, if they have already experience the pain and disappointment.
Many times, I think it is easier to give up and walk away.
People are always asking me to stay and fight.
So as to hold dear what is worth fighting for.
To give what was - what had been - another chance.
To do that, I need an balm to achieve amnesia.
I need to be able to forget.
Maybe with time I will since I am always really forgetful.
I hardly remember the reason for quarrel many a time.
Maybe eventually I will.
Until then, I need patience and understanding I guess.
For my doubts. For my ambivalence. For my lack of faith.
你不是真正的快乐
Have been hearing and watching this MV a lot on TV.
And each time, I feel a lot of resonance with it.
Some of the lyrics are scary... in its simplicity and yet with it, the ability to convey the feelings for some people at certain point in time.
03 你不是真正的快樂.mp3 - 五月天
五月天-你不是真正的快乐
人群中哭着
你只想变成透明的颜色
你再也不会
梦或痛或心动了
你已经决定了
你已经决定了
你静静忍着
紧紧把昨天在拳心握着
而回忆越是甜
就是越伤人了
越是在手心留下
密密麻麻深深浅浅的刀割
你不是真正的快乐
你的笑只是
你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了
也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂
关在永远锁上的躯壳
这世界笑了
於是你合群的一起笑了
当生存是规则
不是你的选择
於是你含着眼泪
飘飘荡荡跌跌撞撞的走着
你不是真正的快乐
你的笑只是
你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了
也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂
关在永远锁上的躯壳
你不是真正的快乐
你的伤从不肯
完全的愈合
我站在你左侧
却像隔着银河
难道就真的抱着遗憾
一直到老了
然后才后悔着
你不是真正的快乐
你的笑只是
你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了
也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂
关在永远锁上的躯壳
你不是真正的快乐
你的伤从不肯
完全的愈合
我站在你左侧
却像隔着银河
难道就真的抱着遗憾
一直到老了
你值得真正的快乐
你应该脱下
你穿的保护色
为什麽失去了
还要被惩罚呢
能不能就让悲伤
全部结束在此刻
重新开始活着
I particularly like this part -
这世界笑了 於是你合群的一起笑了
当生存是规则 不是你的选择
於是你含着眼泪 飘飘荡荡跌跌撞撞的走着
Sometimes, indeed, we are caught in situation where we do things, or made certain decisions not by choice, but because it is required or most expedient. sigh.
In less than 3 weeks, NJ will return to China.
This reunion has been busy, chaotic, unexpected and really busy.
Many things had happened.
Emotions have been raw.
And sometimes I feel we hardly have time for ourselves. Too much to do, too much to accomplish. It is like a perpetual game of catch up with the macro world. There is hardly time to really introspect and think through some issues.
And what should have been familiar seems unfamiliar.
What should have been seems faraway.
What should not be seems to stay.
And now I feel going to China seems a big step for me.
What i was so sure of, I am not sure now.
Something has changed. Maybe something is missing or lacking. But there are a lot more doubts. I am not sure I want to face what I will find there.
Maybe I have been too tired lately. And too much has happened too fast in a seemingly time compressed manner.
I was chatting with one of NJ's friends on FB the other morning and was given the advise to watch out for "Sum Zero", that we cannot cheat Nature, one day Nature will come back and bite us if we are not careful.
So I was cautioned to slow down and not try to TRY too hard to do everything.
It is true, I believe that too, and how often we forget to stay in the present.
There are too much going on in my life now.
Too much stuff in my mind too..
And too much burden on the heart.
And all these led to some thoughts.. are they realisations? or am I still in the process of searching?
The Search /Realisation
Sometimes I think one is better off being blissfully ignorant.
Some things, once lost, are hard to recover.
Such as faith. Such as trust. Such as love.
I think faith and love provide one with great strength to overcome the odds.
However, the lack of them instill much doubts, which insidious as they are, once planted, grow and are a force to reckon with as they are hard to stop.
And I think doubts do not necessarily only require betrayal to sprout and grow.
They can follow when one's faith is shaken - in oneself's ability to fight, in the future, in the greater world out there and in the other people.
To try and recover the faith or to take a leap is a painful process.
Because of the doubts. And the fear - fear of pain. Fear of disappointment. Fear of the tears.
If you have shed tears, the wrenching kind that cannot be stopped no matter how hard you try, you may be afraid. To go through that - again.
Someone told me that many people strive to fight for things that they think are worth fighting for. I wonder what gives these people the will to fight, if they have already experience the pain and disappointment.
Many times, I think it is easier to give up and walk away.
People are always asking me to stay and fight.
So as to hold dear what is worth fighting for.
To give what was - what had been - another chance.
To do that, I need an balm to achieve amnesia.
I need to be able to forget.
Maybe with time I will since I am always really forgetful.
I hardly remember the reason for quarrel many a time.
Maybe eventually I will.
Until then, I need patience and understanding I guess.
For my doubts. For my ambivalence. For my lack of faith.
你不是真正的快乐
Have been hearing and watching this MV a lot on TV.
And each time, I feel a lot of resonance with it.
Some of the lyrics are scary... in its simplicity and yet with it, the ability to convey the feelings for some people at certain point in time.
03 你不是真正的快樂.mp3 - 五月天
五月天-你不是真正的快乐
人群中哭着
你只想变成透明的颜色
你再也不会
梦或痛或心动了
你已经决定了
你已经决定了
你静静忍着
紧紧把昨天在拳心握着
而回忆越是甜
就是越伤人了
越是在手心留下
密密麻麻深深浅浅的刀割
你不是真正的快乐
你的笑只是
你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了
也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂
关在永远锁上的躯壳
这世界笑了
於是你合群的一起笑了
当生存是规则
不是你的选择
於是你含着眼泪
飘飘荡荡跌跌撞撞的走着
你不是真正的快乐
你的笑只是
你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了
也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂
关在永远锁上的躯壳
你不是真正的快乐
你的伤从不肯
完全的愈合
我站在你左侧
却像隔着银河
难道就真的抱着遗憾
一直到老了
然后才后悔着
你不是真正的快乐
你的笑只是
你穿的保护色
你决定不恨了
也决定不爱了
把你的灵魂
关在永远锁上的躯壳
你不是真正的快乐
你的伤从不肯
完全的愈合
我站在你左侧
却像隔着银河
难道就真的抱着遗憾
一直到老了
你值得真正的快乐
你应该脱下
你穿的保护色
为什麽失去了
还要被惩罚呢
能不能就让悲伤
全部结束在此刻
重新开始活着
I particularly like this part -
这世界笑了 於是你合群的一起笑了
当生存是规则 不是你的选择
於是你含着眼泪 飘飘荡荡跌跌撞撞的走着
Sometimes, indeed, we are caught in situation where we do things, or made certain decisions not by choice, but because it is required or most expedient. sigh.
Monday, January 26, 2009
A winning Eve and a Quiet Chu Yi.
We had a nice reunion dinner last 2 nights, and ending lunar RAT 2008 with my final Mahjong win before Lunar Ox 2009 starts! FIL cooked on Saturday for the family, goodies which I can't eat except for the honey pork ribs, and we had BBQ and steamboat DIY on Sunday with my family. Much also which I cannot eat. However, I have my rather usual confinement food instead and had to be contented with that. Since my new year resolution this year is to be happy with simple pleasures...
Changed the boys to their new PJS to welcome the Ox year, and slept in late on the first day of lunar new year.
The 2 Baos then changed into their respective Bao-shirts to go visiting with Papa while I stayed home with Rui and confinement auntie.
It is a strange new year like that. But a peaceful one without the boys and for once, I caught the whole Count down program.
Nj said that En knows how to "ask" for Ang Bao on behalf of his brothers.. since many relatives do not know that we have a No. 3 or that no 3 has arrived!!
Apparently when relatives give him ang baos for him and di- di , he will say he has 2 di-di, and the relative will find hubby to verify the truth. A very thoughtful brother indeed, always looking out for his brothers..
As for the 2-ge, he is not interested in anything except for food, and trains.. apparently rather oblivious to everything else..
Here are some pics of the 2 rowdy boys, and Prince Rui.
Happy nuzzling after his feed, sleepy through his first new year! He was supposed to only arrived on the first day of Lunar New year, but am kinda glad he came early..
The playful brothers - one of whom is appropriately dressed to welcome the MOo year!
Cheeky Xuan - Check out the "Bao" word on his cool shirt!! Apparently many thought he is a gal, is it the pink top or the baggy pants or the shaggy hair?!!!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
11 Days of Edric Yap Bao Rui
Thanks to all the well wishes for baby and our family. Appreciate all of it.
While the delivery has not been exactly a bundle of joy, but baby is a joy to be around for sure.. !!
Today just went to the Doc to check on the wound again and to tie up the loose ends by snipping off the knots.. and Doc prescribed this over 100 bucks cream meant to prevent the scar from becoming "nobbly" (i.e. not have skin folding across/ leaving a deep imprint) - in short, to make the scar looks nicer lah.
Think Doc Yeoh really feels very bad about the C-sect, and was really concerned with how I was coping with the C Sect.
You know I believe in signs, and while it was written in the horoscope that this delivery will be a difficult one (I am supposed to avoid the hospital this month according to the Fengshui book or I will have health related issues..).
When I delivered En and Xuan, everything was the same, from the inducement, to even the same midwife who helped. Even the delivery suite faced the same direction. And of course we had the same confinement auntie for En and Xuan then.
This time, we were ushered to a delivery suite that faced the opposite way, a different midwife, a different confinement auntie, a different cot, etc.. oh well.. it sounds a bit silly but we kinda know this baby is gonna be different.
Of course the costs incurred for him is extraordinarily different as well.. the emerg C Sect, the last minute decision to be in a single ward which amounts close to a 5 figure sum (while it was a good move ultimately since I needed help to do every little thing and needed NJ to be around round the clock), and CNY period which made confinement nanny's fees close to 5 figure for 3 mths of wk..
Well, but looking at Baby Bao Rui, one will smile at his cuteness.
He seems a relaxed baby, sleeping without a care in the world with hands stretched above his head or beside his head (very adult like), and even when awake, will be quietly observing the surroundings with his dark eyes.
He makes lots of little sounds when sleeping, but we learnt that he is usually not awake, just sounds accompanying his movements as he turns or moved his arms. And i love his little smiles when you speak to him, his assessing look when he tries to locate the sound of voices, and how he will purse his lips like a gal!
Weighing 3040g when delivered, he was down to 2915 when discharged. But a wek later he was weighting 3205g when he went to the PD to be cleared for his jaundice!! With his huge appetite, drinking a mightly 90ML at barely 2 weeks old, it is no wonder!!
And here I am with a hard time trying to catch up on his consumption.
My only regret is really the time he spent in NICU, and me in my bed due to the severe C sect pain. That delayed the latching for a good 3 days. That is my greatest regret. As Bao Rui is a patient baby, unlike En, and he suckled very well, much like Xuan, so it will have been really easy to feed him. however, with his jaundice that was so high, he was given formula to help flush out the bilirubins. And that made latching him challenging, especially with his huge appetite.
However, I have not given up, i am slowly building on the volume through pumping, and as of today I manage to pump half of his feed each time. If he is not such a big eater, it might have been quite adequate.. however with time, i am sure I will catch up.
I just regret not being able to latch.. with him, I miss that closeness when I am not latching him..
Maybe cuz he is so sweet.. yeah, I am partial to sweet guys!!
As for how the brothers are coping, many have asked..
Well, En is really affectionate with baby, stroking his head, patting and holding Bao Rui's hand, and telling visitors about Bao Rui who is his brother. He is well aware he has 2 brothers now and enjoys calling baby Bao Rui.
As for Xuan, he calls Bao Rui "bb" and will say "cry" even when Bao Rui is not crying. think he associate Baby with crying since he first heard the baby through the baby monitor. And in his usual rowdy rambuctiousness, sometimes we are worried that he will accidentally hurt baby, so we will usually restrain Xuan or keep an extra close eye when he is nearby.
So far so good.. it is a bit tiring with the regualr pumping and the middle of night alarms to wake and pump, but the post birth this time has been much better, if not for some other issues I had to grapple with.. sigh.
While the delivery has not been exactly a bundle of joy, but baby is a joy to be around for sure.. !!
Today just went to the Doc to check on the wound again and to tie up the loose ends by snipping off the knots.. and Doc prescribed this over 100 bucks cream meant to prevent the scar from becoming "nobbly" (i.e. not have skin folding across/ leaving a deep imprint) - in short, to make the scar looks nicer lah.Think Doc Yeoh really feels very bad about the C-sect, and was really concerned with how I was coping with the C Sect.
You know I believe in signs, and while it was written in the horoscope that this delivery will be a difficult one (I am supposed to avoid the hospital this month according to the Fengshui book or I will have health related issues..).
When I delivered En and Xuan, everything was the same, from the inducement, to even the same midwife who helped. Even the delivery suite faced the same direction. And of course we had the same confinement auntie for En and Xuan then.
This time, we were ushered to a delivery suite that faced the opposite way, a different midwife, a different confinement auntie, a different cot, etc.. oh well.. it sounds a bit silly but we kinda know this baby is gonna be different.
Of course the costs incurred for him is extraordinarily different as well.. the emerg C Sect, the last minute decision to be in a single ward which amounts close to a 5 figure sum (while it was a good move ultimately since I needed help to do every little thing and needed NJ to be around round the clock), and CNY period which made confinement nanny's fees close to 5 figure for 3 mths of wk..
Well, but looking at Baby Bao Rui, one will smile at his cuteness.He seems a relaxed baby, sleeping without a care in the world with hands stretched above his head or beside his head (very adult like), and even when awake, will be quietly observing the surroundings with his dark eyes.
He makes lots of little sounds when sleeping, but we learnt that he is usually not awake, just sounds accompanying his movements as he turns or moved his arms. And i love his little smiles when you speak to him, his assessing look when he tries to locate the sound of voices, and how he will purse his lips like a gal!
Weighing 3040g when delivered, he was down to 2915 when discharged. But a wek later he was weighting 3205g when he went to the PD to be cleared for his jaundice!! With his huge appetite, drinking a mightly 90ML at barely 2 weeks old, it is no wonder!!
And here I am with a hard time trying to catch up on his consumption.
My only regret is really the time he spent in NICU, and me in my bed due to the severe C sect pain. That delayed the latching for a good 3 days. That is my greatest regret. As Bao Rui is a patient baby, unlike En, and he suckled very well, much like Xuan, so it will have been really easy to feed him. however, with his jaundice that was so high, he was given formula to help flush out the bilirubins. And that made latching him challenging, especially with his huge appetite.
However, I have not given up, i am slowly building on the volume through pumping, and as of today I manage to pump half of his feed each time. If he is not such a big eater, it might have been quite adequate.. however with time, i am sure I will catch up.
I just regret not being able to latch.. with him, I miss that closeness when I am not latching him..
Maybe cuz he is so sweet.. yeah, I am partial to sweet guys!!
As for how the brothers are coping, many have asked..Well, En is really affectionate with baby, stroking his head, patting and holding Bao Rui's hand, and telling visitors about Bao Rui who is his brother. He is well aware he has 2 brothers now and enjoys calling baby Bao Rui.
As for Xuan, he calls Bao Rui "bb" and will say "cry" even when Bao Rui is not crying. think he associate Baby with crying since he first heard the baby through the baby monitor. And in his usual rowdy rambuctiousness, sometimes we are worried that he will accidentally hurt baby, so we will usually restrain Xuan or keep an extra close eye when he is nearby.
So far so good.. it is a bit tiring with the regualr pumping and the middle of night alarms to wake and pump, but the post birth this time has been much better, if not for some other issues I had to grapple with.. sigh.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Changed?
"Females are made of water" - it was said. For the past week, I have to agree.
For the past week, it seems that tears flow easily like a loose tap.
It has only been a short week, but it has been a week of much self realisation and discovery.
Delivering Bao Rui has been life changing to some extent to me. Of course a series of post birth incidents and events also heightened the awareness.
I have always thought I am a female of strength, and with fortitude in matters of the heart, and unbearably weak in matters of the flesh, being totally non pain tolerant at all.
I never thought of myself as weak. And especially not dependent on others.
I also thought I am the kind who can cut the strings and just walk away when I put my mind to it. I thought I can be selfish and self centered when I want to.
But perhaps, motherhood has softened me. Or maybe my priorities have changed...
Things that I thought I will not be able to tolerate, I swallowed.
Pain that thought I could not withstand, I bear with it (not that I am given much choice to begin with).
And when it comes to the kids, I am unbearably weak. I can't bring myself to be selfish, or think for myself more..
Before I even saw Bao Rui, i was already attached to him. Of course, him being diagnosed with G6PD deficiency only make me feel more protective of him.
When faced with a choice of taking good care of myself by consuming all the confinement food/ herbs or to breastfeed Bao Rui, whom with his G6PD meant that I can't take the herbal stuff that are better for me, I wish i can be more selfish to care for myself. Especially the toll that the Cesarean that had taken on me.
When I should have just walked away from certain issues, which I would have in the past, I find myself wanting to give excuses and rationalising myself into accepting those issues which were unacceptable before.
It was a bitter pill to swallow. As that means I am no longer a free agent, free to act as per what my will dictates.
It means I am compromising myself. And I hate that feeling of compromising my beliefs.
Sometimes I feel very "wei 3 Qu 1".
If one is no longer happy, or faith is no longer there, can one still continue the journey for the sake of others?
For the past week, it seems that tears flow easily like a loose tap.
It has only been a short week, but it has been a week of much self realisation and discovery.
Delivering Bao Rui has been life changing to some extent to me. Of course a series of post birth incidents and events also heightened the awareness.
I have always thought I am a female of strength, and with fortitude in matters of the heart, and unbearably weak in matters of the flesh, being totally non pain tolerant at all.
I never thought of myself as weak. And especially not dependent on others.
I also thought I am the kind who can cut the strings and just walk away when I put my mind to it. I thought I can be selfish and self centered when I want to.
But perhaps, motherhood has softened me. Or maybe my priorities have changed...
Things that I thought I will not be able to tolerate, I swallowed.
Pain that thought I could not withstand, I bear with it (not that I am given much choice to begin with).
And when it comes to the kids, I am unbearably weak. I can't bring myself to be selfish, or think for myself more..
Before I even saw Bao Rui, i was already attached to him. Of course, him being diagnosed with G6PD deficiency only make me feel more protective of him.
When faced with a choice of taking good care of myself by consuming all the confinement food/ herbs or to breastfeed Bao Rui, whom with his G6PD meant that I can't take the herbal stuff that are better for me, I wish i can be more selfish to care for myself. Especially the toll that the Cesarean that had taken on me.
When I should have just walked away from certain issues, which I would have in the past, I find myself wanting to give excuses and rationalising myself into accepting those issues which were unacceptable before.
It was a bitter pill to swallow. As that means I am no longer a free agent, free to act as per what my will dictates.
It means I am compromising myself. And I hate that feeling of compromising my beliefs.
Sometimes I feel very "wei 3 Qu 1".
If one is no longer happy, or faith is no longer there, can one still continue the journey for the sake of others?
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Friday, January 16, 2009
Yap Bao Rui
Finally.. Bao Rui arrived.Unexpected and in a totally different manner from his brothers.
I gave birth to Bao Rui on 10 Jan, when my water bag burst around noon. Bao Rui was not delivered till 17:25 pm eventually via an emergency Cesarean.The day before, I just had a doc's appt and did the ECG which indicated some labor contractions, and Doc said that while baby may decide to come any time, we still have an appointment for the subsequent Thursday when we decide on the day in inducing baby on the 38 week.
But Bao Rui took matters into his own hands.
My water bag burst, and thinking it will be a speedy delivery, i was much dismayed and distressed to learn that baby was in distress, with rapid heartbeats.
Hence I could not be induced nor let labor take its own course; a C section was the safest option.
Not wanting to be further distressed by an epidural C sect, I opted for GA, which turned out to be what caused me the greatest pain in my life.
When i woke up, it was only to find Baby in ICU and it was another 2 days before I saw him, before that all my impression of him was through a video clip and photos that NJ took.
And i was in such pain that it was impossible to get out of bed.
Despite the painkillers, turned out I was allergic to the ones they usually prescribed for C section patients, so the mix of the rest did not do much pain relief for me.
It was a 3 days later that Bao Rui was discharged from the ICU, but instead of rooming with us as anticipated, he continued his brothers' tradition of super high jaundice level (at 290) and had to be in nursery all the time for phototherapy.
HE could only be discharged on the 5th day, so we spent another day in hospital with him so that I can try to catch up on feeding him..
We even had to rent the photo therapy home , as his jaundice only came down slightly and in order to come home, he has to complete his light therapy. By the time i was writing this entry, his level has come down significantly and can be off his phototherapy for the first time!!
It was an immensely tramatising event for me to go through C section and the level of pain I was subjected to.
I was in physical pain all the time for the 1st 3 days, and always crying because of the pain.
By the time I wrote this entry, I just visited the doctor to discover i had various inflammation - both of the wound as well as the area surrounding the wound because of my sensitivity towards the dressing.
And this is probably because I was taken off antibiotic while I was in hospital as that gave me diarrhea for the first 2 days, in addition to the pain. So today i was prescribed antibiotic cream as well as some more antibiotics.
In any case, here are the pics..
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Watching the End of Little Nonya and thinking about True Love
This morning I was reading Blinkymummy's blog entry about True Love - how scientists have discovered what true love is - "couples who demonstrated the same mental 'love maps' to animals who mate for life, the likes of swans and grey foxes" (? - that is new to me).
The only question I have after going through the article is what leads to these "mental maps"? Are some people more capable than others or does it depend on meeting the right person? Like if we meet the right person, then we will have true love..???
Then tonight i spent 2 hours watching a disappointing ending to the Little Nonya .. and what struck me most of the entire 2 hour episode is the following advise Yueniang gave to her grand daughter on love and choice..
"The one whom you love may not treat you well.
The one who treats you right may not be the one you love.
However, happiness lies in your own hands ( or choices)..."
(the above is translated cuz my Chinese software [dunno why] dun wk, have to correct that when I go back to wk, that is if i remember the words by then still..)
So the message seems to be - you can choose to love or be loved. Either way, happiness is in your own hands, so there is no such thing as an "objective" true love?
Hm.. that is why sometimes, I think SOME relationships are full of passion. Some are full of ration-ale. Unless the passion is guaranteed like for the swans, to last a lifetime, then more often than not, the rational relationship (based on assessment of compatibility, one's expectations and needs in life etc) may have more chances of succeeding.
I have observed that not all people marry the person they love most.
They marry the most suitable person whom they meet at the "stage" or period of time when they are thinking of marriage.
Maybe this is a uniquely Singaporean mentality, that by a certain age, you marry, instead of, I meet this person and it is the person I will marry, no mater what age I am at (cuz other things like studies, NS, ability to afford a flat etc etc are considerations).
So more often than not, when a person starts work, can afford a HDB or something then they think of marrying the person they are with. However, sometimes, that person may not THE love of his/ her life..
Sad is it not, if it is the case?
Maybe pragmatic Singaporeans do not value passion a lot?
In the Little Nonya, the ending seems to depict Felicia Chin choosing the guy who loves her more/ treats her right..
Maybe it is always safer to love a person who loves you more.
However, the romantic in me also feel that to not have experience grand passion will be regrettable. Yet, one must have confidence that the passion is sustainable over time to allow the relationship to withstand changes in both parties, difficulties that emerge, life stage or priority changes ..
Will Passion be more apt to sustain a relationship through that, or will Rationale be more suitable to carry the relationship through?
I believe more men choose their spouse based on rationale. More females choose their spouse based on passion. and in that, do we have a fine balance or a mis-match of expectations? Hard to tell..
If one is not greatest love in the partner's life at that point of time, if the relationship sustains over time, can one then BECOME the passion/ greatest love for that partner?
I dunno.. I am just thinking..
And still thinking..
But definitely intriguing.
Do we ever analyse our motivations when dealing with matters in love?
Should we?
hmmm...
The only question I have after going through the article is what leads to these "mental maps"? Are some people more capable than others or does it depend on meeting the right person? Like if we meet the right person, then we will have true love..???
Then tonight i spent 2 hours watching a disappointing ending to the Little Nonya .. and what struck me most of the entire 2 hour episode is the following advise Yueniang gave to her grand daughter on love and choice..
"The one whom you love may not treat you well.
The one who treats you right may not be the one you love.
However, happiness lies in your own hands ( or choices)..."
(the above is translated cuz my Chinese software [dunno why] dun wk, have to correct that when I go back to wk, that is if i remember the words by then still..)
So the message seems to be - you can choose to love or be loved. Either way, happiness is in your own hands, so there is no such thing as an "objective" true love?
Hm.. that is why sometimes, I think SOME relationships are full of passion. Some are full of ration-ale. Unless the passion is guaranteed like for the swans, to last a lifetime, then more often than not, the rational relationship (based on assessment of compatibility, one's expectations and needs in life etc) may have more chances of succeeding.
I have observed that not all people marry the person they love most.
They marry the most suitable person whom they meet at the "stage" or period of time when they are thinking of marriage.
Maybe this is a uniquely Singaporean mentality, that by a certain age, you marry, instead of, I meet this person and it is the person I will marry, no mater what age I am at (cuz other things like studies, NS, ability to afford a flat etc etc are considerations).
So more often than not, when a person starts work, can afford a HDB or something then they think of marrying the person they are with. However, sometimes, that person may not THE love of his/ her life..
Sad is it not, if it is the case?
Maybe pragmatic Singaporeans do not value passion a lot?
In the Little Nonya, the ending seems to depict Felicia Chin choosing the guy who loves her more/ treats her right..
Maybe it is always safer to love a person who loves you more.
However, the romantic in me also feel that to not have experience grand passion will be regrettable. Yet, one must have confidence that the passion is sustainable over time to allow the relationship to withstand changes in both parties, difficulties that emerge, life stage or priority changes ..
Will Passion be more apt to sustain a relationship through that, or will Rationale be more suitable to carry the relationship through?
I believe more men choose their spouse based on rationale. More females choose their spouse based on passion. and in that, do we have a fine balance or a mis-match of expectations? Hard to tell..
If one is not greatest love in the partner's life at that point of time, if the relationship sustains over time, can one then BECOME the passion/ greatest love for that partner?
I dunno.. I am just thinking..
And still thinking..
But definitely intriguing.
Do we ever analyse our motivations when dealing with matters in love?
Should we?
hmmm...
Sunday, January 04, 2009
Back Dated Photos and Mood Swings..
Well.. here are some back dated pics of the kids at Botanic gardens last. As promised.
Some are asking why I abandon blogging once hubby is back..
Eh..
1. too busy with the festive gatherings esp. since NJ is back 2. nothing interesting has happened except for the gathering and some simple pleasures.. 3. had been thru a cycle of mood swings in like 5 days.. too much to blog about..
All in all, it has been a hectic start to the new year.
Spent some time with hubby and kids, and its the whole cycle of sweets and fights .. i guess its a universal patterns of ups and downs..
I am a tad tired.
And now a bit panicky cuz last visit to doc revealed that we may have to deliver baby on the 12 Jan or thereabouts.. cuz my sugar levels are really bad, and instead of having insulin jabs during the 38 weeks, doc much prefer to deliver the baby if we have gotta do the insulin jabs.
Hence, I am also a very gd gal, trying to keep to small small meals and cut out the sugar so hopefully we can deliver baby a bit later?
It is like i have not done up the nursery and prep all the baby stuff yet.
So super stressed. Not to mention all the hand over for work and stuff.. I gotta clear out my desk!
Hubby is stressed too since he has 2 more papers to submit. Until then, he also can't do anything for the baby.. too busy mugging! argh!!
And we have not really decided on the baby name yet...
Likely to be Bao-Rui (4) but dunno which character to use yet! and also, the english name is not fixed yet..
So we are not prepared.. Not keen to have a nameless baby..
Argh...
Let's see.. living by the day now, but the D-Day stress is getting to me.
Coupled with problems with THE maid, life is turning more chaotic than ever.
I just want THE current maid OUTTA the house ASAP.
She is aggravating my mood swings.
I really tried to remember that some ppl cannot help being what they are.
But in my current state, I have almost zero tolerance for senseless people.
It is easier for me to do the tasks, like feeding etc. It also just means i ll be more tired.
But i figured better tired than to have to scream and bring about contractions, right?
Especially when i suspect the screaming will not help the mentally challenged much. Seriously.
sigh.
Such is the story if my pathetic life. Argh!
me hope this is not the start of something blues....
Some are asking why I abandon blogging once hubby is back..
Eh..
1. too busy with the festive gatherings esp. since NJ is back 2. nothing interesting has happened except for the gathering and some simple pleasures.. 3. had been thru a cycle of mood swings in like 5 days.. too much to blog about..
All in all, it has been a hectic start to the new year.
Spent some time with hubby and kids, and its the whole cycle of sweets and fights .. i guess its a universal patterns of ups and downs..
I am a tad tired.
And now a bit panicky cuz last visit to doc revealed that we may have to deliver baby on the 12 Jan or thereabouts.. cuz my sugar levels are really bad, and instead of having insulin jabs during the 38 weeks, doc much prefer to deliver the baby if we have gotta do the insulin jabs.
Hence, I am also a very gd gal, trying to keep to small small meals and cut out the sugar so hopefully we can deliver baby a bit later?
It is like i have not done up the nursery and prep all the baby stuff yet.
So super stressed. Not to mention all the hand over for work and stuff.. I gotta clear out my desk!
Hubby is stressed too since he has 2 more papers to submit. Until then, he also can't do anything for the baby.. too busy mugging! argh!!
And we have not really decided on the baby name yet...
Likely to be Bao-Rui (4) but dunno which character to use yet! and also, the english name is not fixed yet..
So we are not prepared.. Not keen to have a nameless baby..
Argh...
Let's see.. living by the day now, but the D-Day stress is getting to me.
Coupled with problems with THE maid, life is turning more chaotic than ever.
I just want THE current maid OUTTA the house ASAP.
She is aggravating my mood swings.
I really tried to remember that some ppl cannot help being what they are.
But in my current state, I have almost zero tolerance for senseless people.
It is easier for me to do the tasks, like feeding etc. It also just means i ll be more tired.
But i figured better tired than to have to scream and bring about contractions, right?
Especially when i suspect the screaming will not help the mentally challenged much. Seriously.
sigh.
Such is the story if my pathetic life. Argh!
me hope this is not the start of something blues....
Monday, December 29, 2008
2 more nights to go!!!
ONLY 2 more nights to go!
And 1 more day to go!!!
En is just as excited. He told me just now he likes Papa, i ask him who he likes more, he says he likes Papa more.. Sigh. Our little friend is a staunch Papa's man. That is the Zhen-1 Xin-1 Hua-4.
(pardon the english phonics, i dunno why my language script does not work anymore on this laptop - which is breaking apart anyway).
Although it is only 2 nites, did not have a gd phone conversation with hubby just now..
got a bit quarrelsome over some ba-kwa business..
Well.. but like en will say, only 2 nites, only 2 nites, ONLY 2 nites
*and WAVING the fingers in your face*
And 1 more day to go!!!
En is just as excited. He told me just now he likes Papa, i ask him who he likes more, he says he likes Papa more.. Sigh. Our little friend is a staunch Papa's man. That is the Zhen-1 Xin-1 Hua-4.
(pardon the english phonics, i dunno why my language script does not work anymore on this laptop - which is breaking apart anyway).
Although it is only 2 nites, did not have a gd phone conversation with hubby just now..
got a bit quarrelsome over some ba-kwa business..
Well.. but like en will say, only 2 nites, only 2 nites, ONLY 2 nites
*and WAVING the fingers in your face*
Saturday, December 27, 2008
A long weekend... of activities, thoughts and longings
Back dated Xmas Entry.. 
This year, without Papa, we spent a quiet but joyful Xmas at home.We ended up having Xmas lunch as my dad worked a full day on the Eve and I also had Xmas Eve invite at Ah Kim's place (where I tasted the most Heavenly Chocolate Peanut Brownie from Cicada's along with other of Ah Kim's fantastic cooking) , so end up had to do Xmas lunch with our own families instead.
Did not have as luxurious a spread as I imagined in my mind, but not too bad I thought.
We ordered a turkey, opened one of our numerous bottles of Rose that we bought from Perth earlier this year (and before I can enjoy it I am pregnant and off liquor, how can?!!!) and FIL did his magic cooking!
The kids loved the turkey, with Xuan throwing a tantrum when we told him that the Turkey was finished (was so worried he would overeat, as he had his usual healthy kiddy lunch before joining us for the adult feast, part II). He loitered by the kitchen while we were clearing up and hiding the remains of the turkey, and when we tried to force him from the kitchen, he let out a loud wail and ran from the kitchen to his usual (What I call) "sobbing place" in front of the bookshelf in the play room and cried and cried. Took a while to pacify him..
Then we opened all the presents, although the present that i most
wanted to have was not under the Xmas tree leh.. Mummy outdid herself this year, she bought me birds' nest.. woohoo.. well I been having birds' nest for like months already lah, but still her stock is high quality one mah, and it is a gift that requires her effort to prepare for me too. She is v thoughtful, as it is also a gift that Bao X can enjoy!!
Yiyi and boyfriend got the kids musical instruments (drum and guitar) for the boys to form a Superband, and the 2 little boys were indeed v happy, playing and interchaging their instruments. Xuan was most happy to dance to the tunes from the guitar - this little boy really seem to have a love for dancing..
It is a quiet but satisfying affair.. esp. since i am not up to the big parties anyway. Too taxing.
Botanic gardens Again..
Brought the boys to the Botanic Gardens again today, as yeye was around to drive the short distance. Boy it is a bit tiring but we brought along the straw mat to sit down for a while besides the usual feeding of the fishes and tortoises.
Xuan accidentally dropped one of his new engines into the pond while feeding the fishes and playing with the train along the edge, and he was really really upset. Cried for a good while before he.. forgot about it (hopefully..)?The weather is simply beautiful today, lots of sunlight and I managed to grab some really nice pics.. to be uploaded.. SMS-ed papa that when he is back next week, we will spend the next weekend picnic -ing at Botanic Gardens with the boys. It is not as crowded as usual, lots of car park lots, since I figured the expats who usually patronise the place have gone home for the long year end break.
When we passed by a cafe on the way to the car park, En kept wanting to eat there.. an option to be explored in the coming weekends. I remember the times when Papa, Momo and I always hang out at the same cafe in the weekend mornings, reading newspapers and walking Momo. How time flies!!
Of thoughts..
The numerous rounds of social activities around the festives inevitably got me thinking.. and hubby and I had a conversation last night about what he loved about me since we are so different. Hubby loves socialising and being with friends. He is genuine to all people and always extends a helping hand to those who need it. These are qualities i appreciate and admire in him .. maybe because they are so lacking in me? He is the Me Nice guy who is nice to everyone.
I will be a recluse and a hermit if I have a choice.. not that I do not enjoy socialising.. I do, but I kinda am a bit more "discerning" or selective with who I hang out and socialise with.. I can count who those ppl are with like a few fingers .. I do enjoy hearing stories of people and their experiences but more often than not, I prefer to hang out with ppl who know me as I am for which I do not need to exert too much of myself to socialise with. In summary, I am kinda the bitchy and the meanie gal who is not too much fun to be around.
So when hubby and I first got together, there were lots of opportunities for conflicts. And our differing views of level of socialities caused quite a strain around festive period. Over the years, I accomodated and he accepted (I hope).
However, I still maintain that I do not need to be "nice" or be popular amongst everyone. Why bother? To me, i can like a lot of people, and enjoy their company on and off (thanks to my talkative nature if the chemistry is right, or when the ambience is right), but it does not mean these ppl automatically become part of my life. It is my life, so i get to choose who gets to be in it right?!
I have a close narrow perception of my life. I do not want a lot of ppl in it. Maybe I also do not need a lot of ppl in it. and i especially do not need the fly by night kinda ppl in it.. you know, people who drifts in and outta your life at various points.. and make u feel disappointed with their drifting..
But hubby is the opposite of me. His life cannot be complete without friends, and its a very many friends.
So we have a discussion last night on the real meaning of genuinity and hypocrisy when it comes to socialising. No one is right or wrong, we are just different. VERY different. but we co-exist, and accommodate where we can. But it makes me wonder what he loves about me if we share such different views in life, about people and about how we socialise (which is a large part of being human right?!)
And his answer is always the same. And which, till now, i don't completely understand how it is possible, that he just loves me. Like hello, there must be reasons for loving someone right? Loving without reasons seems strange and implausible!! In any case, this is probably a question i need to carry to my grave, but I sure hope I am more enlightened about how this is possible when I am like...older???
Of Long-ings..
It is only a few more days before hubby is back, I can count the days using 1 hand now!
And I am excited.. It has been a long time since i last "saw" husband.. i can't believe I survived the months, days, nights, hours, minutes and seconds without him!! It is a long-ing which seems forever..
And i wonder how much time we have before baby arrives and we are caught up in the post-natal madness again.. and I do not want to think about his imminent leaving..
I sure hope we have time to "catch up" good and proper before baby arrives.. sigh. Hopefully spend some quality time doing the usual couple stuff like late night supper, movies and all..
And of course I cant wait to see what Papa got me for Christmas!! In this respect, I am forever like a little girl.. always more bubbling excited over the "thought" of opening the gift than the gift if you know what I mean.. and my wish list has been a bit long this year.. so Let's see..
All these distractions made working on 29 and 30 Dec seem like a huge chore.. Can't even properly focus on my report that is due on 29 Dec already.. sigh.
I am counting.. and counting. soon. I more night down once i sleep through tonight..
yes, tat's how precise it is! :)
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
A quiet and peaceful Xmas Eve...
The kids are asleep..
I am ready for bed but feeling wide awake.. with a tummy full of ham, turkey, yummy cake and all - thanks to Ah Kim's fabulous cooking and hospitality...
Listening to classical music and blogging..
With the snowy bear that arrived this evening to keep me company on this "silent" night..
Everything is peaceful, and I am glad that the torrential rain that has been going on for this whole day has stopped..
The after smell of rain is calming and nostalgic..
exactly like autumn...
Anxious Xuan?
This morning I drop the kids off at school for their Xmas party, and while I was chatting with teacher on Xuan's adjustment, I saw Xuan loitering behind, fingering with the buttons on his tee, as if he was feeling as bit anxious, looking at teacher and I as we conversed, as if knowing that teacher and I are discussing about him.
That is a lovely image in my mind.. this little boy looking insecure for the first time..
Teacher mentioned that he was doing fine, some days better than others but overall no issue with the concept of coming to school..
He really loves going to school. And since he started with the 3 hourly session,he has been talking alot more, much of which are still gibberish, but more single words are emerging, so that is progress I think..
Conneisseur En?
My mum related this highly interesing account for me earlier.
He said that En was watching the Little Nonya trailer on getting viewers to visit its webpage - the one which had Jeanette Aw, Joanne Peh and Qi Yi Wu.
My mum said that En told her that "She (Jeanette Aw) looked like mummy, so pretty."
:O
then my mum teased him and asked him about Joanne Peh when she appeared, whether she look like mummy, he said "No, not pretty"
Fwah.. he very discerning hor for his age. Still can say who is pretty..
Is that the Scorpio charm or what... Ho Ho Ho..
I think kids are so adorable when they are young and start to speak, they talk about the most amusing things lor! All these little anecdotes I must write down, and perhaps one day I can publish a little book of laughs!
MERRY XMAS TO ALL!! May Peace and Joy be With all!!
I am ready for bed but feeling wide awake.. with a tummy full of ham, turkey, yummy cake and all - thanks to Ah Kim's fabulous cooking and hospitality...
Listening to classical music and blogging..
With the snowy bear that arrived this evening to keep me company on this "silent" night..
Everything is peaceful, and I am glad that the torrential rain that has been going on for this whole day has stopped..
The after smell of rain is calming and nostalgic..
exactly like autumn...
Anxious Xuan?
This morning I drop the kids off at school for their Xmas party, and while I was chatting with teacher on Xuan's adjustment, I saw Xuan loitering behind, fingering with the buttons on his tee, as if he was feeling as bit anxious, looking at teacher and I as we conversed, as if knowing that teacher and I are discussing about him.
That is a lovely image in my mind.. this little boy looking insecure for the first time..
Teacher mentioned that he was doing fine, some days better than others but overall no issue with the concept of coming to school..
He really loves going to school. And since he started with the 3 hourly session,he has been talking alot more, much of which are still gibberish, but more single words are emerging, so that is progress I think..
Conneisseur En?
My mum related this highly interesing account for me earlier.
He said that En was watching the Little Nonya trailer on getting viewers to visit its webpage - the one which had Jeanette Aw, Joanne Peh and Qi Yi Wu.
My mum said that En told her that "She (Jeanette Aw) looked like mummy, so pretty."
:O
then my mum teased him and asked him about Joanne Peh when she appeared, whether she look like mummy, he said "No, not pretty"
Fwah.. he very discerning hor for his age. Still can say who is pretty..
Is that the Scorpio charm or what... Ho Ho Ho..
I think kids are so adorable when they are young and start to speak, they talk about the most amusing things lor! All these little anecdotes I must write down, and perhaps one day I can publish a little book of laughs!
MERRY XMAS TO ALL!! May Peace and Joy be With all!!
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Xuan is 2!!
It is been some time since I last blog.
Been busy as En was down with stomach flu after his flu and cough, Xuan started school and I was watching groups for like 2 weeks..
And also stressed with Xmas shopping and baby's imminent arrival.
Lots of stuff Happening!
Xuan's Birthday
And today, we did a mini celebration for Xuan for his 2 year old Birthday!
Papa joined the cake and candle blowing via Skype.
We kept it amongst our family, and invited nanny's family along as well. Well, they are like En's extended family anyway.
Xuan's gifts were mostly Thomas and Thomas and thomas ... since everyone knows his fond love for the engines.
I got him a small Thomas the train cake and he was sqealingly excited when he saw the cake. And he seems to know it was his birthday, calmly standing near the cake with his expanded collection of Thomas and gang engines.
En was a sweet boy, highly excited for his brother.. and we prep him not to fight with Xuan for the exciting toys Xuan received. Here you see hime posing sweetly for pictures while Xuan does not really care a hoot about him, with all his focus on the cake..
While Xuan did not really know how to sing the birthday song, he managed a (happy birthday) "to you" well enuf, and also already know how to blow the candles. Very adorable.
We got him a Thomas the train laptop and he was excitedly dancing to the tunes. Nanny's family got him a complicated Thomas railset, with many engines that run on the track. My sis came with a big box of another Thomas assembled toys.
Thankfully the grandparents did not emerge with anything further thomases that we need to fix or assemble.. but Xuan is immensely happy. Yeye cooked us all a yummy dinner which impressed nanny a lot.
Well, another milestone for baby Xuan, and hope this little boy learns to control his anger better. the other day in his tantrum, he actually pulled down the entire Xmas tree. Luckily he was not hurt, but that was how angry he was and his urge to vent his anger.. and it all started because he was snatching toys from En En.
Xuan at School..
Sigh.. and while his transition to school is very smooth, well, the teachers seem to be having a bit of problem getting used to him..
I sensed something was wrong when the teacher asked me on the 3rd day whether he was capable of understanding and which language we speak to him in. I said he understand both English ad Chinese, stronger in his English probably, but whether he obeys or follows what was communicated is another thing.
And sure enough, by the 5th day of school.. we have the first mini feedback.
Teacher feedback to Ye Ye that when Xuan wants something, he cannot be persuaded or distracted. He would single mindedly want it. In this case, namely the toys in school.
It is not hard for me to imagine what happened actually. sigh.
Well.. as I do not know if his anger/ tantrum is a "out of normal" problem, or if it falls into any behavioral problem, it is a bit hard for me to look for books to tackle it. Meanwhile, we will continue disciplining him with a firm hand, and monitor the situation. And perhaps to look for a way to get thru to him and teach him alternative ways of venting anger, such as drawing or something.
He is a really lovable boy since most of the times he is happily dancing, playing with his engines and eating, sleeping talking gibberish. the once in a while tantrum is his only major drawback.. and for that, i guess it takes time to manage and for him to learn as well, since our little boy just turned 2 right? :)
Been busy as En was down with stomach flu after his flu and cough, Xuan started school and I was watching groups for like 2 weeks..
And also stressed with Xmas shopping and baby's imminent arrival.
Lots of stuff Happening!
Xuan's Birthday
And today, we did a mini celebration for Xuan for his 2 year old Birthday!
Papa joined the cake and candle blowing via Skype.We kept it amongst our family, and invited nanny's family along as well. Well, they are like En's extended family anyway.
Xuan's gifts were mostly Thomas and Thomas and thomas ... since everyone knows his fond love for the engines.
I got him a small Thomas the train cake and he was sqealingly excited when he saw the cake. And he seems to know it was his birthday, calmly standing near the cake with his expanded collection of Thomas and gang engines.
En was a sweet boy, highly excited for his brother.. and we prep him not to fight with Xuan for the exciting toys Xuan received. Here you see hime posing sweetly for pictures while Xuan does not really care a hoot about him, with all his focus on the cake..While Xuan did not really know how to sing the birthday song, he managed a (happy birthday) "to you" well enuf, and also already know how to blow the candles. Very adorable.
We got him a Thomas the train laptop and he was excitedly dancing to the tunes. Nanny's family got him a complicated Thomas railset, with many engines that run on the track. My sis came with a big box of another Thomas assembled toys.
Thankfully the grandparents did not emerge with anything further thomases that we need to fix or assemble.. but Xuan is immensely happy. Yeye cooked us all a yummy dinner which impressed nanny a lot.
Well, another milestone for baby Xuan, and hope this little boy learns to control his anger better. the other day in his tantrum, he actually pulled down the entire Xmas tree. Luckily he was not hurt, but that was how angry he was and his urge to vent his anger.. and it all started because he was snatching toys from En En.
Xuan at School..
Sigh.. and while his transition to school is very smooth, well, the teachers seem to be having a bit of problem getting used to him..
I sensed something was wrong when the teacher asked me on the 3rd day whether he was capable of understanding and which language we speak to him in. I said he understand both English ad Chinese, stronger in his English probably, but whether he obeys or follows what was communicated is another thing.
And sure enough, by the 5th day of school.. we have the first mini feedback.
Teacher feedback to Ye Ye that when Xuan wants something, he cannot be persuaded or distracted. He would single mindedly want it. In this case, namely the toys in school.
It is not hard for me to imagine what happened actually. sigh.
Well.. as I do not know if his anger/ tantrum is a "out of normal" problem, or if it falls into any behavioral problem, it is a bit hard for me to look for books to tackle it. Meanwhile, we will continue disciplining him with a firm hand, and monitor the situation. And perhaps to look for a way to get thru to him and teach him alternative ways of venting anger, such as drawing or something.
He is a really lovable boy since most of the times he is happily dancing, playing with his engines and eating, sleeping talking gibberish. the once in a while tantrum is his only major drawback.. and for that, i guess it takes time to manage and for him to learn as well, since our little boy just turned 2 right? :)
Friday, December 12, 2008
All back.. & Xuan's First 3 Days in School
First of all, BIG thanks to all advise, help, words of concerns, text messages ... the full works. Have not necessarily been responding as I have been busy all round, work, home, kids.. so forgive me, but I am really very appreciative of the help and support! :)
Xuan in the end did not have HFMD, but he did have a major outbreak of eczema that made his whole back look hideous. He had all the dots.. and so Doc had recommended to quarantine him for a week, much like HFMD.
So En went to Nanny's place for a week, and when I was thinking it was finally over, he came back with cold and cough which continued the medical saga.
In any case, the kids are quite good now, with mild sniffs and all, and I am glad it is the weekend.
Xuan started his first day of school the past tuesday. I went with him and it was a really different experience. Our little friend was happily wandering around the classroom or engrossed in play or tasks, so much so that he does not notice me most of the time.
And it helped that the theme for these 2 weeks in school is cooking, and he had a lot of fun making moulds out of buttered bread sprinkled with colourful candy rice or chocolate flaks.. lots of fun doing it and eating as well.
Predictably, he loves the snack time, and happily finished his own snack and had 2 more waffer biscuits for good measure. He was the last kid at the table, again, predictably.
Instead, En was the one who was crying for me to stay with him and be near him all the while. He also went around telling all the teachers and his friends that Xuan is his brother, introducing him all around, that is very sweet and cute.
While the little one did not even seem to need me around. So i decided to let him go to school on his own subsequently.
And true enuf, Xuan was eager to head off to school the next day, and my mum said he went in alone by himself to the classroom. He already knew where the classroom was upon alighting from the car. While En was still bidding goodbye to grandpa and my mum, Xuan was already somewhere in the classroom.
And on Day 3 of school, he actually cried when he was fetched to come home. And by the 3rd day, he alreay knew the routine of sitting on the little stools outside the classroom to remove his shoes, I am really impressed at his adapatability - all the while i tot he can be a bit clueles about what is hapening and I was worried he would be lost and clueless in school. but no, he surprised me much.. i think the little boy really loves school. He likes looking at other kids, and was happy to wander around the classroom exploring or playing with the toys. I am quite confident he will have fun with the montessori tools once actual term starts next year and I hope he has time to pick up sufficient skills of independence before we head off to china.
And the feedback on the 3rd day was he was trying to feed soup to himself and refused help from the auntie, even though more than half the time, he was spilling the soup on himself and the floor.
I am relieved he is so easily settled into school. That means he may be the stablising force next year when both of them go to the new school in China, and he can be there to reassure the older brother....
Xuan in the end did not have HFMD, but he did have a major outbreak of eczema that made his whole back look hideous. He had all the dots.. and so Doc had recommended to quarantine him for a week, much like HFMD.
So En went to Nanny's place for a week, and when I was thinking it was finally over, he came back with cold and cough which continued the medical saga.
In any case, the kids are quite good now, with mild sniffs and all, and I am glad it is the weekend.
Xuan started his first day of school the past tuesday. I went with him and it was a really different experience. Our little friend was happily wandering around the classroom or engrossed in play or tasks, so much so that he does not notice me most of the time.
And it helped that the theme for these 2 weeks in school is cooking, and he had a lot of fun making moulds out of buttered bread sprinkled with colourful candy rice or chocolate flaks.. lots of fun doing it and eating as well.
Predictably, he loves the snack time, and happily finished his own snack and had 2 more waffer biscuits for good measure. He was the last kid at the table, again, predictably.
Instead, En was the one who was crying for me to stay with him and be near him all the while. He also went around telling all the teachers and his friends that Xuan is his brother, introducing him all around, that is very sweet and cute.
While the little one did not even seem to need me around. So i decided to let him go to school on his own subsequently.
And true enuf, Xuan was eager to head off to school the next day, and my mum said he went in alone by himself to the classroom. He already knew where the classroom was upon alighting from the car. While En was still bidding goodbye to grandpa and my mum, Xuan was already somewhere in the classroom.
And on Day 3 of school, he actually cried when he was fetched to come home. And by the 3rd day, he alreay knew the routine of sitting on the little stools outside the classroom to remove his shoes, I am really impressed at his adapatability - all the while i tot he can be a bit clueles about what is hapening and I was worried he would be lost and clueless in school. but no, he surprised me much.. i think the little boy really loves school. He likes looking at other kids, and was happy to wander around the classroom exploring or playing with the toys. I am quite confident he will have fun with the montessori tools once actual term starts next year and I hope he has time to pick up sufficient skills of independence before we head off to china.
And the feedback on the 3rd day was he was trying to feed soup to himself and refused help from the auntie, even though more than half the time, he was spilling the soup on himself and the floor.
I am relieved he is so easily settled into school. That means he may be the stablising force next year when both of them go to the new school in China, and he can be there to reassure the older brother....
Monday, December 01, 2008
He has....
He stays at home..
He plays alone..
His lone companion is his Kor- kor..
.... who is healthy and happy at Nanny's resort..
He does not have many "live" playmates...
SO WHERE &HOW DID XUAN XUAN GET HFMD?!!!!!!
Why the little dots on the top of his hand?!!!!
He plays alone..
His lone companion is his Kor- kor..
.... who is healthy and happy at Nanny's resort..
He does not have many "live" playmates...
SO WHERE &HOW DID XUAN XUAN GET HFMD?!!!!!!
Why the little dots on the top of his hand?!!!!
Friday, November 28, 2008
Of newborn babies and prep for Bao X
Welcome to Baby Le Xuan
My cousin delivered her daughter yesterday! I am full of envy when I saw the baby pics on Facebook, so chubby and cute and impossibly SWEET!!! Congrats to Nancy and family with the addition of a really beautiful looking baby! And I don’t say that for all babies k, so it is a BIG compliment... (most babies need time to blossom anyway..but all babies smell so wonderful, I miss that smell… haha!)
I love my boys, and I think parenting boys may be easier, less of worries at some life stage perhaps, but I will dearly love a daughter.
However, during bouts of sour grape times like this, I will recall how En (and I am sure Xuan will be like that too) is impossibly sweet and sensitive now, and remind myself that not only baby gals are capable of that and I am contented.
Yesterday, suddenly in the middle of his Scrabble after my dinner, En went to the kitchen and told my helper he needed the step up ladder.. turned out he was trying to reach the basket of fruits on the table to help choose an apple for me. He never forgets this routine, something that I don’t even expect from him, but he seems to have observed that I have a fruit after dinner, and one day after I allowed him to choose an apple for me, he has taken it upon himself to do it for me since. Unfailingly.
My cousin delivered her daughter yesterday! I am full of envy when I saw the baby pics on Facebook, so chubby and cute and impossibly SWEET!!! Congrats to Nancy and family with the addition of a really beautiful looking baby! And I don’t say that for all babies k, so it is a BIG compliment... (most babies need time to blossom anyway..but all babies smell so wonderful, I miss that smell… haha!)
I love my boys, and I think parenting boys may be easier, less of worries at some life stage perhaps, but I will dearly love a daughter.
However, during bouts of sour grape times like this, I will recall how En (and I am sure Xuan will be like that too) is impossibly sweet and sensitive now, and remind myself that not only baby gals are capable of that and I am contented.
Yesterday, suddenly in the middle of his Scrabble after my dinner, En went to the kitchen and told my helper he needed the step up ladder.. turned out he was trying to reach the basket of fruits on the table to help choose an apple for me. He never forgets this routine, something that I don’t even expect from him, but he seems to have observed that I have a fruit after dinner, and one day after I allowed him to choose an apple for me, he has taken it upon himself to do it for me since. Unfailingly.
And I am touched. I wonder if I have ever been so sweet to my mum when I was young, must remember to ask my mum!
Second Hand Goodies
I am addicted to online shopping. I have purchased lots of things online during the past weeks from fellow mummies/ sprees in a motherhood forum, all in very good condition and with significant discounts:
- New Boys pants and tops for CNY
- Lightly used Bjorn Baby carrier (anticipating that China will not be very pram friendly) – it looks almost new and I am happy as I got a fantastic discount
- Lightly used Ameda dual pump
- Brand new valves and bellows for Ameda pump for hygiene reasons
- Almost new Avent manual pump – you can tell I am serious abt breastfeeding given that I do not need to return to stressful work! And mainly cuz I anticipate I can’t lug the dual pump around in China if I am out – dun ask me why I don’t latch cuz I find that in general, it is hard to latch boys who are more impatient.. so I practice pumping to feed
- Brand new nursing bras
- Desitin Creamy and First Teeth toothpaste
- More baby clothes as present for friends
- Tickets to great seats “The very hungry caterpillar and other stories
I am happy with my great finds, and all done in the comfort of my bed! No jostling, no long queues, no hassle!
Many of our baby items are hand me downs anyway, not because I stinge on the kids but I find we can find v good bargains and great condition stuff if we look carefully and patiently online And all these stuff are kinda premium stuff that I buy at a fraction of the original price. Way before this, hubby and I scouted for bargains and second hand items from BabyTown which used to sell second hand items but they have stopped that some time back. So I move online instead.
As Bao X is our 3rd, he already has a lot of hand me downs, and as I am pretty sure we are not gonna have another baby, I feel bad spending money on brand new stuff (and now recession right, so must save $$$ right?!). For like 3 yrs now, we wanted to pass on our brand new baby items to our friends but none of them have kids, so I end up keeping them, or passing them to NJ’s cousins or my cousins who are more prolific.
Of course, some items need to be new, like his bed set and bed sheets, mattress protector etc, and I have also bought him some new clothes, PJs and wraps, but a lot of the “hardware” items, I feel the second hand items function pretty well. After all, many baby items are very stage specific and babies outgrow them very fast, so it is really not necessary to buy new ones. E.g. the rocker, bumbo seat, even the sling as they have a limited lifespan. For items that are more essential and used longer, like sterilizer, pram, cot, baby monitor etc, then we invest in new ones to ensure durability.
For Baby En and Xuan, we have already invested in various new hardware items that last us well through the years, e.g. the pram system, the baby monitor, the exersaucer, the cot, the playpens.. and we are still using all these items till today, which will be passed on to Baby X.
Planning for Bao X’s arrival
I bought Gina Ford’s “The contented Baby book” to get acquainted with the initial months of babyhood again and to learn how to prep for baby’s arrival.
I seriously cannot recall what kind of things we prepare etc, and felt a bit insecure. Upon reading the book, it is all coming back to me, the setting up of nursery, the time table for feeds, the breast feeding etc.
And I realize without actually knowing it, when Hubby and I first have En and Xuan, we are, or I am, quite Gina Ford in our own way.
E.g. Many of the items we deemed essential, such as the Baby monitor, the nigh light for feeding etc to us are listed as essential in the book..
I also believe in spending the initial time with baby, without the stress of social obligations, i.e. limit the visits from relatives etc etc, so that we can focus on feeding the baby and knowing the baby. I believe in not being disturbed at the hospital so I can rest and also feed baby regularly.
Waking up the baby to ensure baby drinks on time and hence, not wake up erratically at night was also what we practice instinctively, and it is what GF strongly recommended to have a flexible routine that is catered to baby’s needs as well as ensuring sanity of the parents.
So now that it is all coming back to me, I feel a bit more confident.. And with cousin delivering Le Xuan, I am looking forward to arrival of Bao X! (seriously - the last trimester is very trying lor.. )
But Bao X, don't come too early OK - some weeks into Jan will be the perfect time, no sooner than that ok!
I still need time to sort out the nursery!!!
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Of Caterpillar, Fish and Sparrows
Candid Shots.. of the 2 little boys and updates of them..
The Very Hungry Caterpillar
Some of my friends without kids are appalled at En's Eric Carle books, when they realise that each copy costs like 15 bucks or more, when they saw the price tag on one of En's books during dinner one day.
Well, we do not really understand the appeal of Eric Carle as well, though we feel that the books are always beautifully illustrated. I think that is supposed to spark the imagination in little kids, with the vibrant colours and the creative painting style.
And also, the repetitive lines used in the story help to reinforce the message and kids love to say the lines again and again for each story. At least En never gets tired of repeating "Hey you, want to fight?"
So when we heard that Act 3 is presenting the puppet play, "The Very Hungry Caterpillar and other stories", I had wanted to get tickets. I thought that En would enjoy it. But when I was going thru the tickets available, all the good seats were taken. And coupled with my erratic schedule, not knowing when I will have to run groups or work late, I gave up.
However, these days i am an addict of online shopping and also reading the various online forum threads, and it so turned out that a fellow mum was letting go of 2 seats last Friday for a good price and the seats were fantastic.
So I bought the tickets from her (and I bought a whole lot of baby prep stuff online as well, but on that next time), and brought en to the play.
He was thoroughly fascinated and really engaged in the play, even though he has never read any of the presented stories. It was a play in which children were allowed to "participate" in the sense that they did not have to be quiet and were free to say and narrate the stories as they unfolded.
So whenever a puppet character came on stage, En will, along with the other kids, exclaimed the name of the object, enthusiastically.
That was not the most surprising, after all, even I, find the entire production of the play really well executed and the puppets very professionally and well made. And I have brought en to a couple of his school plays where I have observed that he tends to be quite well engaged with stage plays (provided they are not scary)..
What surprised me was the following incident during the play..
A girl in front got a tad restless and was standing up midway through the show.
En was frustrated that he can't see some of the actions, (by this time, we have already swopped seats as the adult in front of En's original seat kept moving left and right to tend to the restless girl, so i swopped seats with En so that he will be seated behind the girl who is shorter..)
So when the girl stood up and blocked him again, a frustrated En said the following in a stern, matter of fact voice:
"I cannot see! Sit down!" :-o
The girl sat down after that, but not without her grandma and her turning around to look at the source of the voice. I dunno what to say so I let it be. Did not feel compelled to apologise..
But at the same time wondering about my son.
The usual shy and afraid of strangers En does have a "bite" in him.. hm... another facet which I do not usually see..
Wats happening on weekend?
I have been trying to train my helper not to resort to tele-sit my kids. i.e. there are lot of things that they can do when at home.
And for the past week, En brought home 2 pieces of "shredded" art.. think he really enjoyed doing that and we have proudly pasted that on the "wall of art".
So yesterday, with all the glossy shopping brochures sent to our house, I got the 2 boys to do their own shredded art.. and some peace time for us all as each of them was engrossed in the shredding and pasting.
And these days, they are playing a lot with each other, albeit in a very noisy manner by running around the house and laughing loudly together. I can't figure out what they are playing, but well, it is very nice to see them bond with lots of laughter with each other.
Sometimes, they are also capable of playing together without erupting into fights and tears.
En has also been showing that he is capable of giving in to Xuan or creatively offering options whenever he wants something that Xuan Xuan has.
My problem now is that Xuan does not give in or collaborate. And I am trying hard, even though I know his age and language grasp may be hindering that for now.. Still I do need to try and work around Xuan's really stubborn nature..
Of fish and sparrows
Today, despite the little fatigue, I felt I need to bring the boys out.. so that they are not always cooped at home since Papa left, and I also can do with a bit of more nature and fresh air..
So we all went to the Botanic gardens to feed fishes..
The 2 boys as usual are really enthusiastic.. and En attracted a lot of sparrows to come and eat his bread too.. We all managed to come home before the
thunderstorm hits.. So I am feeling very "accomplished". The boys were exhausted from their outing, and Xuan started clamoring for his milk and pacifier at 730 pm. He is one real sleepyhead. And as usual, I love taking pics of them at the gardens.. i believe that is where they should be more often!!
The Very Hungry Caterpillar
Some of my friends without kids are appalled at En's Eric Carle books, when they realise that each copy costs like 15 bucks or more, when they saw the price tag on one of En's books during dinner one day.
Well, we do not really understand the appeal of Eric Carle as well, though we feel that the books are always beautifully illustrated. I think that is supposed to spark the imagination in little kids, with the vibrant colours and the creative painting style.
And also, the repetitive lines used in the story help to reinforce the message and kids love to say the lines again and again for each story. At least En never gets tired of repeating "Hey you, want to fight?"
So when we heard that Act 3 is presenting the puppet play, "The Very Hungry Caterpillar and other stories", I had wanted to get tickets. I thought that En would enjoy it. But when I was going thru the tickets available, all the good seats were taken. And coupled with my erratic schedule, not knowing when I will have to run groups or work late, I gave up.However, these days i am an addict of online shopping and also reading the various online forum threads, and it so turned out that a fellow mum was letting go of 2 seats last Friday for a good price and the seats were fantastic.
So I bought the tickets from her (and I bought a whole lot of baby prep stuff online as well, but on that next time), and brought en to the play.
He was thoroughly fascinated and really engaged in the play, even though he has never read any of the presented stories. It was a play in which children were allowed to "participate" in the sense that they did not have to be quiet and were free to say and narrate the stories as they unfolded.
So whenever a puppet character came on stage, En will, along with the other kids, exclaimed the name of the object, enthusiastically.
That was not the most surprising, after all, even I, find the entire production of the play really well executed and the puppets very professionally and well made. And I have brought en to a couple of his school plays where I have observed that he tends to be quite well engaged with stage plays (provided they are not scary)..
What surprised me was the following incident during the play..
A girl in front got a tad restless and was standing up midway through the show.
En was frustrated that he can't see some of the actions, (by this time, we have already swopped seats as the adult in front of En's original seat kept moving left and right to tend to the restless girl, so i swopped seats with En so that he will be seated behind the girl who is shorter..)
So when the girl stood up and blocked him again, a frustrated En said the following in a stern, matter of fact voice:
"I cannot see! Sit down!" :-o
The girl sat down after that, but not without her grandma and her turning around to look at the source of the voice. I dunno what to say so I let it be. Did not feel compelled to apologise..
But at the same time wondering about my son.
The usual shy and afraid of strangers En does have a "bite" in him.. hm... another facet which I do not usually see..
Wats happening on weekend?
I have been trying to train my helper not to resort to tele-sit my kids. i.e. there are lot of things that they can do when at home.
And for the past week, En brought home 2 pieces of "shredded" art.. think he really enjoyed doing that and we have proudly pasted that on the "wall of art".So yesterday, with all the glossy shopping brochures sent to our house, I got the 2 boys to do their own shredded art.. and some peace time for us all as each of them was engrossed in the shredding and pasting.
And these days, they are playing a lot with each other, albeit in a very noisy manner by running around the house and laughing loudly together. I can't figure out what they are playing, but well, it is very nice to see them bond with lots of laughter with each other.
Sometimes, they are also capable of playing together without erupting into fights and tears.En has also been showing that he is capable of giving in to Xuan or creatively offering options whenever he wants something that Xuan Xuan has.
My problem now is that Xuan does not give in or collaborate. And I am trying hard, even though I know his age and language grasp may be hindering that for now.. Still I do need to try and work around Xuan's really stubborn nature..
Of fish and sparrows
Today, despite the little fatigue, I felt I need to bring the boys out.. so that they are not always cooped at home since Papa left, and I also can do with a bit of more nature and fresh air..
So we all went to the Botanic gardens to feed fishes..The 2 boys as usual are really enthusiastic.. and En attracted a lot of sparrows to come and eat his bread too.. We all managed to come home before the
thunderstorm hits.. So I am feeling very "accomplished". The boys were exhausted from their outing, and Xuan started clamoring for his milk and pacifier at 730 pm. He is one real sleepyhead. And as usual, I love taking pics of them at the gardens.. i believe that is where they should be more often!!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Birthday and Halloween - Back dated
Almost a month has passed, and En is still waking up in the middle of the night, wailing sometimes. The aftermath of Halloween is apparently still "haunting" him.
It was probably one of the most scary night for him. Poor thing.
The Birthday
It started off rather well, with him enjoying himself with his "friends" - Godma, Nanny and family, his cousins, aunt and generally a family affair.
As usual, we never have a proper family shot during such occasion. It has been 3 years, but we never managed to "pose" for a proper family pic. I am immensely frustrated sometimes and I wonder why.
Maybe it is because it is always such a mayhem, with kids excited about the candles and the cake, and can't wait to dig into the cake. Maybe we are also not the "posey" type, a bit shy to pose for pics in front of so many ppl.. and a tad rude for others to wait just for the pic..Sigh, still some great shots from the various sources, at least we have one proper shot of the cake - En's favourite Bob the builder cake.
En and his happy frens - cousin and brother
The 3 strippy boys in my life - not planned for sure!
Xuan clearly enjoyed the party the most. Most eagerly awaiting for the cake, taking multiple stabs at the cake with his fork. It was really hard to keep him away from the cake as we served the guests first!Check out his eager expression!
And his state of intoxication. i do not know who passed him this first drink.
The Halloween
This is our last Halloween in College Green, with what few of the tenants left. However we are determined to make it memorable for the kids nonetheless. And old tenants also came back to set up make shift scary stations, finishing with a wild water bomb session typical of the estate..True to the birthday theme, we dressed En up as Bob the builder and Xuan as the adorable pumpkin. We wanted a knight costume for Xuan but the remaning ones at Toy R Us are not very hygenic with some rusted parts.. So pumpkin he is, and a very adprable on at that.
En got really scared with the Tick-or- Treating, and was crying non stop .. Xuan however was cool as a cucumber, and even went up the various wandering spirits and monsters, curiously looking them over. maybe the idea of fear has not seethed itself in his cognition yet, but En was clearly aware of that!Check out the pics..
Bob and the Pumpkin
The monster mum..
Our scary guest to dispense the treats!
The water ammunition for adults and kids Mayhem all around..
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Sweetness and Toughness
The rain is mood dampening...
But at home, the 2 kids are sunny as ever, chasing each other screaming around the house.. The 2 boys started to play with each other more now, while that is a good sign, it also meant that we have to put up with a lot more noise and screams. They like to chase each other around the house, not sure who is chasing or running away, but the 2 of them are running about the house quite a lot.
Xuan has been having some bouts of tantrums recently, aggravated probably with his molar teething, but I really think he needs to speak soon. But this little boy really has one strong will, compared to En who will quiet down generally when we put him on the "naughty seat", Xuan has the tenacity to keep screaming and the stubbornness to keep crying and wailing for an hour or so. Even when he is clearly exhausted, or when he probably have forgotten what got him walking in the first place, he will stop for breathe, then continue his banshee act.
Lucky, Mummy is equally stubborn, and I refuse to give in. It is a way of disciplining and he has to learn to quiet down. My greatest nightmare is about managing a wailing kid in the mall, and I think Xuan has that potential if he is not curbed from young.
Most of the times, he is the most easy and amicable and cheerful baby. But in those tantrum times, they are quite explosive. I am still learning how to manage.. he does not really listen during these meltdowns, I wonder if there are any other ways besides letting him scream it out.. Hmm.. Even if I acknowledge his anger and frustration, he does not seem to feel better.. sigh.
Well, I think Xuan currently is developing all his physical skills rather well, I do hope he starts to speak soon, that will perhaps make it easier for him to communicate and express. He recently learnt to drink from a straw, another little milestone for the little boy.
But at home, the 2 kids are sunny as ever, chasing each other screaming around the house.. The 2 boys started to play with each other more now, while that is a good sign, it also meant that we have to put up with a lot more noise and screams. They like to chase each other around the house, not sure who is chasing or running away, but the 2 of them are running about the house quite a lot.
Xuan has been having some bouts of tantrums recently, aggravated probably with his molar teething, but I really think he needs to speak soon. But this little boy really has one strong will, compared to En who will quiet down generally when we put him on the "naughty seat", Xuan has the tenacity to keep screaming and the stubbornness to keep crying and wailing for an hour or so. Even when he is clearly exhausted, or when he probably have forgotten what got him walking in the first place, he will stop for breathe, then continue his banshee act.Lucky, Mummy is equally stubborn, and I refuse to give in. It is a way of disciplining and he has to learn to quiet down. My greatest nightmare is about managing a wailing kid in the mall, and I think Xuan has that potential if he is not curbed from young.
Most of the times, he is the most easy and amicable and cheerful baby. But in those tantrum times, they are quite explosive. I am still learning how to manage.. he does not really listen during these meltdowns, I wonder if there are any other ways besides letting him scream it out.. Hmm.. Even if I acknowledge his anger and frustration, he does not seem to feel better.. sigh.Well, I think Xuan currently is developing all his physical skills rather well, I do hope he starts to speak soon, that will perhaps make it easier for him to communicate and express. He recently learnt to drink from a straw, another little milestone for the little boy.
On the other hand, En has been a real sweetie pie these days.
These days, when I go to the toilets, he will want to come along.
When I asked him why, he said “Later you fall down, so I help you ok?”
He still remembers that I fell in the toilet some weeks back, he never fails to amaze me sometimes.
And after dinner everyday, he will choose a fruit for me . The other evening, when we were sharing the apple he picked, he suddenly touched my tummy and asked “Baby like apple too?” I wonder how he will feel about the baby brother when he sees the baby finally
En is also into quiet play when Xuan is asleep (Xuan sleeps 1 hr earlier than him) and 2 of us will do either of the following for about an hour:
- Use the Magnetic shapes to make up the shape of different animals
- Toddler Scrabble where he will sing his phonic songs as he identify the alphabets and learn the spelling of simple words lile CAT/ PIG etc.
- Piece the wooden jigsaw of the alphabet numbers, from A-Z or 1- 10.
I feel bad sometimes that I do not seem to spend as much time developing Xuan, mainly cuz Xuan loves to sleep and eat and hence, his bedtime is much earlier. And also when we try to engage him with books, or other toys such a bricks, cooking set etc, he is always more interested in cars, so we have been indulging him and his Thomas-es, trains, railway lines which leave less room for any “education” play.
Each to his own, I believe, eventually Xuan will catch on, and I do need to figure out how to make his night time reading more regular and engaging for Xuan.
Then again, not all babies like to read, so well let’s see..
Mummies with kids who are as car obsessed like Xuan, let me know if you have tips on how to engage him more in quiet play/ other toys!
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
The First Time En Stood Up for Me
I want to note this down today - The day history was made with Obama elected as the President in the US (Woohooo!!) , and the day En stood up for me.
For the First time.
I was reminded of the book 'For One More Day" by Mitch Albom and how I was touched by the protagonist's regrets over the times that he did not stand up for his mum, versus the number of times his mother stood up for him.
And knowingly or not, today, little En En stood up for me.
My mum related this short incident to me, which took place over today's dinner, which so melted my heart.
En apparently has been feeding himself since the new helper Pui Pui came. Today over dinner, as Pui Pui sat down for her dinner and started scooping the green vegtables onto her plate, En said the following to her:
"Do not take so much vegetables. Must keep for mummy. Cuz mummy has baby."
Everyone was taken aback - Nai Nai, Po Po and Pui Pui.
And i am very touched.
By this first time my son "stood up" for me.
It is a little gesture.
But it shows us the depth of his big heart.
Not only for mummy, but for baby brother - something that I am still not sure whether he has strong cognition of yet.
And today I also know that I have a place in his heart.
A space signnificant enough for him to think of my interests and speak up for me.
Especially from this little boy whom I always thought adores Papa more than me.
It is a small gesture.
It is even a rather impolite gesture.
But it made my day.
Making me smile while wanting to weep.
And in such times when I sometimes feel alone, and in need of pampering.
Thank you En En. Not only because you stood up for me, but because with all these little episodes, you have made me enjoy these little precious moments of motherhood.
You have made my experience of motherhood a journey full of little surprises and grand amazements; it is a wonderful journey because you are with me.
For this, I Thank you.
For the First time.
I was reminded of the book 'For One More Day" by Mitch Albom and how I was touched by the protagonist's regrets over the times that he did not stand up for his mum, versus the number of times his mother stood up for him.
And knowingly or not, today, little En En stood up for me.My mum related this short incident to me, which took place over today's dinner, which so melted my heart.
En apparently has been feeding himself since the new helper Pui Pui came. Today over dinner, as Pui Pui sat down for her dinner and started scooping the green vegtables onto her plate, En said the following to her:
"Do not take so much vegetables. Must keep for mummy. Cuz mummy has baby."
Everyone was taken aback - Nai Nai, Po Po and Pui Pui.
And i am very touched.
By this first time my son "stood up" for me.
It is a little gesture.
But it shows us the depth of his big heart.
Not only for mummy, but for baby brother - something that I am still not sure whether he has strong cognition of yet.
And today I also know that I have a place in his heart.
A space signnificant enough for him to think of my interests and speak up for me.
Especially from this little boy whom I always thought adores Papa more than me.
It is a small gesture.
It is even a rather impolite gesture.
But it made my day.
Making me smile while wanting to weep.
And in such times when I sometimes feel alone, and in need of pampering.
Thank you En En. Not only because you stood up for me, but because with all these little episodes, you have made me enjoy these little precious moments of motherhood.
You have made my experience of motherhood a journey full of little surprises and grand amazements; it is a wonderful journey because you are with me.
For this, I Thank you.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
En's First Concert - Another Milestone
25 oct is an eventful day for En.
It started with his concert, which gave him his stage fright, then his birthday party in the afternoon which he kinda enjoyed and ended with a Halloween party which gave him a ghostly fright..
MGS concert Hall
So all in all, he cried quite a bit that day, poor boy.
For now, I just want to share his concert experience.
Some time back, we got an invite from school about the K2 graduation concert.
And that all kids are encouraged to participate.
I thought it will be a learning experience for the kids.
So gamely, we signed En En up.. even though we know he will be a scary cat.
But we thought it will be a fun process.
And it seems fun to him, as he will come home singing the little frog song in Chinese, accompanied with actions and lots of jumping.
Must get that video off my mum's handphone that had him jumping around as a frog.
So all along i thought he was a frog.
And he seemed to enjoyed the rehearsals - very serious stuff, we will get memos on how to dress the kid ofr rehearsals, the time, the things to prep and bring..
Then, on the day of the concert, we realised he was actually a tree!
One crying tree who was valiantly trying to wipe his tears away while still swaying the leaf.
It was hilarious. And both hubby and I thought he did very well.
Knowing En, when the curtains opened, he must had a bad fright seeing all the audience.
But he did not run off the stage, or stone.
He sat there (as the tree was supposed to) and sway his leaf vigorously, while using one hand to wipe his face of tears.
His favourite friend Gwen Gwen was seated next to him on stage as a flower, and she would also mimic his face of wiping off the tears, as if comforting him. It was indeed hilarious!
At the grand finale, he was still crying and we got a good quick video of how it went. Classic.
The concert made me recalled my K2 graduation ceremony at the old Cathay cinema.
And I had to go stage to collect the prize as I was top in class.
Fast forward to now, where the principal started the concert with the K2 graduation and said that the names are in alphbetical order (so not in order of merit) and that the performance is to let the kids enjoy themselves and not meant as a showcase of what the schools can do.
I like that. I grew up trying to be number 1 to stay ahead. At least that is what the worksheets and assignments are all about even when I was in kindergarten.
My sons grow up, trying their best in different situations knowing that their efforts will be appreciated... like in this case!
The Classic - Tale of a Brave Boy!
Xuan Xuan thoroughly enjoyed himself at the concert! When we played the classic video for him, he imitated En wiping his face, and tried to say 'cry, Cry'. That was funny too! We all have a good laugh, even En.
It started with his concert, which gave him his stage fright, then his birthday party in the afternoon which he kinda enjoyed and ended with a Halloween party which gave him a ghostly fright..
MGS concert Hall
So all in all, he cried quite a bit that day, poor boy.For now, I just want to share his concert experience.
Some time back, we got an invite from school about the K2 graduation concert.
And that all kids are encouraged to participate.
I thought it will be a learning experience for the kids.
So gamely, we signed En En up.. even though we know he will be a scary cat.
But we thought it will be a fun process.
And it seems fun to him, as he will come home singing the little frog song in Chinese, accompanied with actions and lots of jumping.
Must get that video off my mum's handphone that had him jumping around as a frog.
So all along i thought he was a frog.
And he seemed to enjoyed the rehearsals - very serious stuff, we will get memos on how to dress the kid ofr rehearsals, the time, the things to prep and bring..
Then, on the day of the concert, we realised he was actually a tree!
One crying tree who was valiantly trying to wipe his tears away while still swaying the leaf.
It was hilarious. And both hubby and I thought he did very well.
Knowing En, when the curtains opened, he must had a bad fright seeing all the audience.But he did not run off the stage, or stone.
He sat there (as the tree was supposed to) and sway his leaf vigorously, while using one hand to wipe his face of tears.
His favourite friend Gwen Gwen was seated next to him on stage as a flower, and she would also mimic his face of wiping off the tears, as if comforting him. It was indeed hilarious!
At the grand finale, he was still crying and we got a good quick video of how it went. Classic.
The concert made me recalled my K2 graduation ceremony at the old Cathay cinema.
And I had to go stage to collect the prize as I was top in class.
Fast forward to now, where the principal started the concert with the K2 graduation and said that the names are in alphbetical order (so not in order of merit) and that the performance is to let the kids enjoy themselves and not meant as a showcase of what the schools can do.
I like that. I grew up trying to be number 1 to stay ahead. At least that is what the worksheets and assignments are all about even when I was in kindergarten.
My sons grow up, trying their best in different situations knowing that their efforts will be appreciated... like in this case!
The Classic - Tale of a Brave Boy!
Xuan Xuan thoroughly enjoyed himself at the concert! When we played the classic video for him, he imitated En wiping his face, and tried to say 'cry, Cry'. That was funny too! We all have a good laugh, even En.
Monday, October 27, 2008
The 72 hours rendezvous...
I am blogging while hubby has probably just boarded his plane and started snoring?
Yes, over the past 3 days, I feel I have lived a week since Hubby is back, even thought it is only for a limited 72 hours rendezvous.
It is a very short trip, but one made triggered by the following
1. very cheap SQ ticket
2. an events filled weekend - En's school concert, En's birthday party, estate Halloween Party cum water bomb session
3. Changing maid and logistics
So here he was back on Thursday night.. and everyone who knows he is back here thinks he is an amazing man (not a lot of people knows he is back, given it is a trip with a jam-packed with lots of task and things to sort out). Yes, I am married to an amazing man...
But now i am back, alone, and more lonely than ever.
Like I said, it is like an addiction.
and Short term affairs like these never have any good ending (hao-3 xia-4 chang-3)
Cuz it makes the leaving harder and the missing worst and it augments the loneliness.
It is like living an illusion. Wishing it will never end.
But the time spent together is sweet. Or even sweeter because it is so precious, cuz it is stolen, cuz it is something that did not come by easily.
So I imagine it to be similar to an affair.
One of those intense, short-lived episode.
And the end, when it comes, it is often painful.
But like I said in an earlier posit, it is an addiction.
You just get hooked to the idea of seeing each other again, that the pain that comes with the departure did not seem to matter ... at least until the point of departure...
Then the withdrawal symptoms set in.
Like now.
Each leaving makes me feel lonelier and more vacant, if it is even more possible to feel lonelier.
Each departure always seems imperfect..
because of the unspoken. which can be expressed more.
because of the deeds undone. all the things which I could have done more..
And each departure brings greater apprehension of the time alone.
and this departure brings that more than ever...
His company is addictive. After having 3 short days together, it has made me reliant on him again.
When hubby is around, I feel shielded and sheltered from all the negative tasks and vibes. At least i do not need to take the direct hit.
When hubby is around, I have luxury of efficiently running tasks, without worrying about timing and transport and hassle.
When hubby is around, I get to enjoy local, delightful food - the Tiong Bahru baos, which I never knew I so missed, the particular Bryani, the Pork Organ Soup.. all the local delights across the island, he made me remember how I miss them, there are so many others that I miss...simply cuz it is not so easy to get them if we are not driving..
So now, the apprehension is even greater.
Cuz i am thrust into being alone again.
this is a vicious cycle, this longing, reunion, departing, and longing.
And this time, really, this time, it will be along time before we are together again.
Sometimes i think it hurts.
To be together and apart like that.
It upsets the balance, the sanity..
At least for me..
It is like I insulated myself in order to cope, and then the insulation is made redundant when Hubby is around, and then when he is gone, I have to go back to building the layer of insulation again.
And the process hurts.
But still, I crave for it despite the pain.
After all reunion is sweet..
The night before the first time I left you.. I told you this childhood story I read which made a deep impression on me:
About a fairy who met and fell in love with a mortal prince; the fairy will visit the prince each night, and has to depart each day before the first lights of dawn (can't remember why but probably cuz she has to return to the heavens).
As time passes, the prince wishes that the fairy will always stay with him and not have to depart.
So one day, the prince decides to keep the fairy from leaving by covering every wall, every window, every tiny creak of his tent (think he is an Indian prince - one of those folk fable thinggi..) with thick thick fabric, so that sunlight will not be able to penetrate. and with this, the prince thinks that he will be able to keep his fairy with him forever and they do not need to be separated again.
So when the fairy visited the next night, the prince was exceptionally happy.
And when dawn strikes, the prince looked on with apprehension, but thinking that it has pulled off... until one tiny seam of line broke through a tiny seam in the tent.
The fairy was horrified at what the prince had done. And she vanished along with the light and never returned again. The prince lived with regret for the rest of his life (or something like that..)
Must try to find that story, though I can't even recall the name. But a beautifully water-coloured illustrated book I remembered cuz i recall the vivid splashes of blues and orange.
So I am like the prince who wishes to stop time with every means possible, yet knowing that I can never outwit time..
So here I wait, impatiently, endless for your next return. Just don't vanish for too long..
And when dawn breaks tomorrow, I have to face the loneliness and the challenges that the daylight brings.
AND wishing every minute that you are still with me...
Yes, over the past 3 days, I feel I have lived a week since Hubby is back, even thought it is only for a limited 72 hours rendezvous.
It is a very short trip, but one made triggered by the following
1. very cheap SQ ticket
2. an events filled weekend - En's school concert, En's birthday party, estate Halloween Party cum water bomb session
3. Changing maid and logistics
So here he was back on Thursday night.. and everyone who knows he is back here thinks he is an amazing man (not a lot of people knows he is back, given it is a trip with a jam-packed with lots of task and things to sort out). Yes, I am married to an amazing man...
But now i am back, alone, and more lonely than ever.
Like I said, it is like an addiction.
and Short term affairs like these never have any good ending (hao-3 xia-4 chang-3)
Cuz it makes the leaving harder and the missing worst and it augments the loneliness.
It is like living an illusion. Wishing it will never end.
But the time spent together is sweet. Or even sweeter because it is so precious, cuz it is stolen, cuz it is something that did not come by easily.
So I imagine it to be similar to an affair.
One of those intense, short-lived episode.
And the end, when it comes, it is often painful.
But like I said in an earlier posit, it is an addiction.
You just get hooked to the idea of seeing each other again, that the pain that comes with the departure did not seem to matter ... at least until the point of departure...
Then the withdrawal symptoms set in.
Like now.
Each leaving makes me feel lonelier and more vacant, if it is even more possible to feel lonelier.
Each departure always seems imperfect..
because of the unspoken. which can be expressed more.
because of the deeds undone. all the things which I could have done more..
And each departure brings greater apprehension of the time alone.
and this departure brings that more than ever...
His company is addictive. After having 3 short days together, it has made me reliant on him again.
When hubby is around, I feel shielded and sheltered from all the negative tasks and vibes. At least i do not need to take the direct hit.
When hubby is around, I have luxury of efficiently running tasks, without worrying about timing and transport and hassle.
When hubby is around, I get to enjoy local, delightful food - the Tiong Bahru baos, which I never knew I so missed, the particular Bryani, the Pork Organ Soup.. all the local delights across the island, he made me remember how I miss them, there are so many others that I miss...simply cuz it is not so easy to get them if we are not driving..
So now, the apprehension is even greater.
Cuz i am thrust into being alone again.
this is a vicious cycle, this longing, reunion, departing, and longing.
And this time, really, this time, it will be along time before we are together again.
Sometimes i think it hurts.
To be together and apart like that.
It upsets the balance, the sanity..
At least for me..
It is like I insulated myself in order to cope, and then the insulation is made redundant when Hubby is around, and then when he is gone, I have to go back to building the layer of insulation again.
And the process hurts.
But still, I crave for it despite the pain.
After all reunion is sweet..
The night before the first time I left you.. I told you this childhood story I read which made a deep impression on me:
About a fairy who met and fell in love with a mortal prince; the fairy will visit the prince each night, and has to depart each day before the first lights of dawn (can't remember why but probably cuz she has to return to the heavens).
As time passes, the prince wishes that the fairy will always stay with him and not have to depart.
So one day, the prince decides to keep the fairy from leaving by covering every wall, every window, every tiny creak of his tent (think he is an Indian prince - one of those folk fable thinggi..) with thick thick fabric, so that sunlight will not be able to penetrate. and with this, the prince thinks that he will be able to keep his fairy with him forever and they do not need to be separated again.
So when the fairy visited the next night, the prince was exceptionally happy.
And when dawn strikes, the prince looked on with apprehension, but thinking that it has pulled off... until one tiny seam of line broke through a tiny seam in the tent.
The fairy was horrified at what the prince had done. And she vanished along with the light and never returned again. The prince lived with regret for the rest of his life (or something like that..)
Must try to find that story, though I can't even recall the name. But a beautifully water-coloured illustrated book I remembered cuz i recall the vivid splashes of blues and orange.
So I am like the prince who wishes to stop time with every means possible, yet knowing that I can never outwit time..
So here I wait, impatiently, endless for your next return. Just don't vanish for too long..
And when dawn breaks tomorrow, I have to face the loneliness and the challenges that the daylight brings.
AND wishing every minute that you are still with me...
Sunday, October 19, 2008
可不可以不勇敢
It has been a hectic week at work, and an even more hectic weekend with social commitments.
These days, finding a breather time for myself seems impossible!
The number of tasks to complete seems endless, add in the frustration of dealing with people, it augments the problems and the issues. It generates a lot of negative energy, and sometimes, the going seems tougher than what I can bear. If I list all the episodes, I think Mediacorp probably can use it as a drama script.. That is the amount of drama I have to deal with. Though I doubt throwing in the towel is an option.
In times like this, it reminds me of the following song "可不可以不勇敢"
我们可不可以不勇敢?
当伤太重心太酸无力承担
就算现在女人很流行释然
好像什么困境都知道该怎么办
These days, finding a breather time for myself seems impossible!
The number of tasks to complete seems endless, add in the frustration of dealing with people, it augments the problems and the issues. It generates a lot of negative energy, and sometimes, the going seems tougher than what I can bear. If I list all the episodes, I think Mediacorp probably can use it as a drama script.. That is the amount of drama I have to deal with. Though I doubt throwing in the towel is an option.
In times like this, it reminds me of the following song "可不可以不勇敢"
我们可不可以不勇敢?
当伤太重心太酸无力承担
就算现在女人很流行释然
好像什么困境都知道该怎么办
Monday, October 13, 2008
Bad patch...
While I am back slightly more than 24 hours, endless bout of bad luck seemed to have followed me.
First I fell in the bathroom last night, it is like been eons since I last ht the floor like that - literally. Now my back aches and feel bad. Thankfully doc says baby is fine, from the scan, bb seems fine, but he seems tiny to me small still.. While I am relieved that my weight gain this time round has been rather mild and steady, I wonder if that means BB is not growing as big. And while Doc think bb will be insulated from the smoke I inhaled in the Beijing restaurants, she also cautioned that the effects on smoke on babies is that it leads to smaller babies.. *shudder*
By the time I was this 6 mths in the last 2 preg, I was already like over 60 kgs and counting. This time round, i barely reach it yet.. which probably means I am healthier.. No? Dunno.
But I am just glad that baby is fine and I fervently hope I did not do any damage to baby.
And I crashed a glass panel which holds all my toiletries while in the bathroom this morning. Thankfully the glass held up or I would have cut myself badly.
Then i have to grapple with the logistics of looking for a new maid.. as Mel will like to go home. She decided not to renew her contract after all. So now it is back to square one again.. sigh.
And the events seem endless on the Oct weekends.
I have a wedding to attend, and then there is En's concert to attend.
Then the estate has one of its last Halloween Party with kids treat-or-tricking followed by a water bomb session on the last week of Oct, so I am determined to dress En and Xuan up so they can enjoy themselves. And the next day on Sunday itself, I have to organise En's birthday party.
Argh, so many things to do, so little time!!!
About the leaving and last days in Beijing...
We had an uneventful flight back, as we had to wake up really early to catch the flight and all. Despite the tedium, I am ever impressed with En. He listens to me, and will allow me rest time. Which makes me put up with his whining and demands better, cuz I know he is really trying.
En was happy to be home as he missed all his toys. He went to play with each of his toy at least once on the afternoon he was back.
On our last days in Beijing, we actually went to the Great wall - which was fantastic for me as I want to go again. I think it is one of those places that defined photos and videos, one really has to be there on the pile of stones to appreciate its beauty and majestic proportion. There is cable car ride up the Great wall, and En is enchanted with his first cable car ride.
If not for the pregnancy, and not wanting to try En out too much (though I must say he is a very good trekker for his age), I would have wanted to walk further. As it is, we only managed like 2 blocks of towers or something...
When we were coming back down to catch the cable car, another tourist commented that "you are great, and your kid too", that we actually attempt to walk the Great Wall between En and me.
En and Papa
On the last day, We went to the arty district called 798, which was transformed from what used to be industrial factories making top secret weapons. The buildings were left intact, and i love the contrasts. I just love the place. Did the most shopping all in one day and place efficiently, and had a wonderful time. Me want to go back again.
In the evening, we went to Pan Jia Yuan, which is like an antique market. As we went late (cuz we waited for En to take his nap in the restaurant - and he amazed me by suddenly wiping his hands after eating some fries - while there were still lots more, and lie down to nap!), we did not manage to see much of the stuff sold by the stores but I think the place has potential to have lots of the antique and nick nacks stuff which i love.
It was tough packing to leave again. Leaving the second time is tougher still cuz i know I won't be going back for at least 5 mths. If hubby cannot find time (or money for that matter now that we ought to save instead of spend in such times) to visit us in SG, then I won't see him till Baby is born.
The journey
It is a long journey alone.
Objectively speaking, it is a wonderful journey, as I explored and learnt of facets of myself. But it is also a lonely journey.
I think I am quite an attention needing kinda person, at least with regard to the spouse.
For 2 months now, I visited my gynae alone. As I made my way there, waited, and looked at other females with husand, i guess I must look strange.
After all, NJ never missed any of En or Xuan's gynae appts, except for once for Xuan when he is on reservist.
So even that in itself, going for check up alone, is a lonely experience. And this time round, I also like don't see much of baby as the scans were quicker..
Sometimes i feel like I am living surreally. Like in a movie..
I watched Wong Kar Wai' 花样年华 (In the mood for love) on my flight into China when En was taking his nap, and wasstruck by a few things. Of course Maggie's dazzling cheongsams got me drooling.. and wondering when I can wear back those I buy in China soon. But more importantly, I am awed at the loneliness that is experienced by both Maggie Cheung and Tony Leung, even when they are surrounded by so many others, even when they are married to their own partners. I feel so like that sometimes now.
And Maggie's following dialogue triggered something which I read earlier in an article as well - (sometimes I come across similar messages numerous times, in different context, and I see them as signs. it is like omnipotence speaking, signalling. Like trouble does not come alone, sometimes, I think signs layer on each other to form a cohesive message too... but more on that another time, on this omnipotent message and serendipity thinggi).
Maggie told Tony Leung following, which made my eyes wet..
"我以为我做得好就够了, 原来不是一个人努力就可以" or something like that, when eexpressing her resignation at her failed marriage. The helplessness in it manifested tore at me.
It echoes and contradicts something i read in a magazine a few days before I left, that
"It is not about marrying the right one, it is about behaving like the right one"
So that is kinda like my surreal existence, like my life is playing out like a movie. Then of course, I am quite a drama queen. Still, the emotions sometimes are too overwhelming.
I know, deep down, looking back, it will be a wonderful journey.
A journey which involved many acts of love and episodes of sacrifices.
One which the players grow and really know what they are made of.
it is just that.. on every such journey, there are obstacles. And there is pain.
After all, without the pain, how do we grow - where will the momentum for growth and the determination to forge forwards stem from?
It is just like the pheonix rising from the ashes, renew, reborn and reaffirmed.
Behold the acts of love inspired
Born of stength and dreams desired.
First I fell in the bathroom last night, it is like been eons since I last ht the floor like that - literally. Now my back aches and feel bad. Thankfully doc says baby is fine, from the scan, bb seems fine, but he seems tiny to me small still.. While I am relieved that my weight gain this time round has been rather mild and steady, I wonder if that means BB is not growing as big. And while Doc think bb will be insulated from the smoke I inhaled in the Beijing restaurants, she also cautioned that the effects on smoke on babies is that it leads to smaller babies.. *shudder*
By the time I was this 6 mths in the last 2 preg, I was already like over 60 kgs and counting. This time round, i barely reach it yet.. which probably means I am healthier.. No? Dunno.
But I am just glad that baby is fine and I fervently hope I did not do any damage to baby.
And I crashed a glass panel which holds all my toiletries while in the bathroom this morning. Thankfully the glass held up or I would have cut myself badly.
Then i have to grapple with the logistics of looking for a new maid.. as Mel will like to go home. She decided not to renew her contract after all. So now it is back to square one again.. sigh.
And the events seem endless on the Oct weekends.
I have a wedding to attend, and then there is En's concert to attend.
Then the estate has one of its last Halloween Party with kids treat-or-tricking followed by a water bomb session on the last week of Oct, so I am determined to dress En and Xuan up so they can enjoy themselves. And the next day on Sunday itself, I have to organise En's birthday party.
Argh, so many things to do, so little time!!!
About the leaving and last days in Beijing...We had an uneventful flight back, as we had to wake up really early to catch the flight and all. Despite the tedium, I am ever impressed with En. He listens to me, and will allow me rest time. Which makes me put up with his whining and demands better, cuz I know he is really trying.
En was happy to be home as he missed all his toys. He went to play with each of his toy at least once on the afternoon he was back.
On our last days in Beijing, we actually went to the Great wall - which was fantastic for me as I want to go again. I think it is one of those places that defined photos and videos, one really has to be there on the pile of stones to appreciate its beauty and majestic proportion. There is cable car ride up the Great wall, and En is enchanted with his first cable car ride.
If not for the pregnancy, and not wanting to try En out too much (though I must say he is a very good trekker for his age), I would have wanted to walk further. As it is, we only managed like 2 blocks of towers or something...When we were coming back down to catch the cable car, another tourist commented that "you are great, and your kid too", that we actually attempt to walk the Great Wall between En and me.
En and Papa
On the last day, We went to the arty district called 798, which was transformed from what used to be industrial factories making top secret weapons. The buildings were left intact, and i love the contrasts. I just love the place. Did the most shopping all in one day and place efficiently, and had a wonderful time. Me want to go back again.
In the evening, we went to Pan Jia Yuan, which is like an antique market. As we went late (cuz we waited for En to take his nap in the restaurant - and he amazed me by suddenly wiping his hands after eating some fries - while there were still lots more, and lie down to nap!), we did not manage to see much of the stuff sold by the stores but I think the place has potential to have lots of the antique and nick nacks stuff which i love.
It was tough packing to leave again. Leaving the second time is tougher still cuz i know I won't be going back for at least 5 mths. If hubby cannot find time (or money for that matter now that we ought to save instead of spend in such times) to visit us in SG, then I won't see him till Baby is born.
The journey
It is a long journey alone.
Objectively speaking, it is a wonderful journey, as I explored and learnt of facets of myself. But it is also a lonely journey.
I think I am quite an attention needing kinda person, at least with regard to the spouse.
For 2 months now, I visited my gynae alone. As I made my way there, waited, and looked at other females with husand, i guess I must look strange.
After all, NJ never missed any of En or Xuan's gynae appts, except for once for Xuan when he is on reservist.
So even that in itself, going for check up alone, is a lonely experience. And this time round, I also like don't see much of baby as the scans were quicker..
Sometimes i feel like I am living surreally. Like in a movie..
I watched Wong Kar Wai' 花样年华 (In the mood for love) on my flight into China when En was taking his nap, and wasstruck by a few things. Of course Maggie's dazzling cheongsams got me drooling.. and wondering when I can wear back those I buy in China soon. But more importantly, I am awed at the loneliness that is experienced by both Maggie Cheung and Tony Leung, even when they are surrounded by so many others, even when they are married to their own partners. I feel so like that sometimes now.
And Maggie's following dialogue triggered something which I read earlier in an article as well - (sometimes I come across similar messages numerous times, in different context, and I see them as signs. it is like omnipotence speaking, signalling. Like trouble does not come alone, sometimes, I think signs layer on each other to form a cohesive message too... but more on that another time, on this omnipotent message and serendipity thinggi).
Maggie told Tony Leung following, which made my eyes wet..
"我以为我做得好就够了, 原来不是一个人努力就可以" or something like that, when eexpressing her resignation at her failed marriage. The helplessness in it manifested tore at me.
It echoes and contradicts something i read in a magazine a few days before I left, that
"It is not about marrying the right one, it is about behaving like the right one"
So that is kinda like my surreal existence, like my life is playing out like a movie. Then of course, I am quite a drama queen. Still, the emotions sometimes are too overwhelming.
I know, deep down, looking back, it will be a wonderful journey.
A journey which involved many acts of love and episodes of sacrifices.
One which the players grow and really know what they are made of.
it is just that.. on every such journey, there are obstacles. And there is pain.
After all, without the pain, how do we grow - where will the momentum for growth and the determination to forge forwards stem from?
It is just like the pheonix rising from the ashes, renew, reborn and reaffirmed.
Behold the acts of love inspired
Born of stength and dreams desired.
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
En's adventures in Beijing..
En is taking his nap.. despite his numerous attempts to defeat the Zzz monster with his "I not tired" ..
And I am reviewing the pics of sights in Beijing the
past 3 days, and listening to Faye Wong.. How everything Beijing is that!
Hubby is back to studying, and has been out since morning till evening for the past 2 days. So I am rendered to manage En alone. I must say, I thought of it as a challenge.
Back in Singapore, with Melanie, my mum and MIL, I always have support with the kids.
Faced with an active, and possibly temperamental kid alone can be daunting, especially in my current preggie state. Yes, I see this as a challenge.
As with most challenges, I find that when thrust into the situation, I will just do what is needed. And the strength of mum/ parent can be amazing, I find. I am usually a very impatient person, highly irritable myself. En is sometimes a mini replicate of me perhaps. He can be highly temperamental as well and requires a lot of patience in coaxing him for some stuff to be accomplished. However, I find, it takes one to deal with one effectively.
En has always been curious and easily fascinated and stimulated by the new and novel. So the carrot of some new adventure or sights or events can motivate him into action.
He is a determined little boy too. I must say these 2 days of walking around has been tough, but since we ditched the stroller when he started walking steadily, he has been "trained" to walk and stroll with us.. So that training has kinda paid off. The most resistance he put up was to say "My legs are tired".. and I will sit down on a bench with with and distract him with some snacks.. :)
The Beijing Zoo, Aquarium and NanLuoGuXiang (南锣故乡）
On Monday, early morning, I brought En to the Aqua
rium. I only intended to visit the aquarium, but turned out that on
Monday, combined tickets for the Aquarium and Zoo are sold, with the Zoo only going for a nominal price.
Well, i have some pics of the zoo, but let's just say that I don't find it great - in terms of animal treatment, layout and collection of animals. This is not the Singaporean superiority/ complacency ok, even the guide book in Beijing says so. Still the giant pandas are worth the incremental price, after all, even I have never seen a panda up close. Otherwise, I can now finally understand why the Singapore Zoo is given such fantastic ratings, in comparison.
The aquarium is another story though. While it is not big, the collection is awesome. En much enjoyed the sea lion and dolphin show. The only funny thing was he had to grapple with the Chinese commentary with the show.
With this trip to China, it has much sharpened his awareness of different languages. He will now ask, for everything, "is it English or Chinese?". He asked that for restaurants, places of interests, and even taxis - he wanted to know if they belong to English or Chinese. I find that rather amusing. He understand the Chinese quite well, but his spoken Chinese still has the English accent to it, which is appalling, but I guess with the 6 months immersion here next year, it will become better!
Outside the aquarium, I saw these absolutely hilarious kiddy rides - the automated rickshaw rides to entertain the kids. This my absolute favourite - 猪八戒抬轿子. It really made me laugh non stop. We should have these in Chinatown!
In the evening, Hubby came home, and we went to 南锣故乡。 I love it, the shops there are fascinating, just right up my alley with all sorts of what I call neo-antique stuff (antique stuff which are added with the modernist touches). However, with En around, i was not in the mood to shop or else I am sure I will have spent quite a bit of money there. A must go again I think. We had dinner there in an Italian place, and in this picture here, you see En's little panda which cost like SGD 10 bucks. Well.. papa started it by asking if he wanted one, and after that there is no turning back.
Well, our policy is, "Dun ask the kid if you have no intention of buying it for them" - it is like asking for trouble. It is a policy of honesty and integrity. No point getting the kid all ex
cited only to disappoint them. So Papa has to live up to this and buy it even though it is a darn expensive panda! But En was quite enamored of it for a day. he reads to the Panda that night and even put him to bed, his first I think at playing imaginary friend.
The Domestic Goddess
On Tuesday, I played domestic goddess. and I finally have the true taste of a SAHM that day.
I cooked, and went to do grocery shopping in preparation for dinner.
And I had a taste of lugging heavy grocery bags along with a kid. In the past, with hubby around, we were lucky to have a chauffeur and a helping hand. Yesterday, thankfully En behaved himself and was amicable even though he was really sleepy. He almost fell asleep in the cab!
I cooked En's dinner, here on the left, a colourful mixture of broccoli, pumpkin and chicken.
For ourselves I cooked chicken curry with baguette. Not too bad. Except I realise that stay at home mums hardly have any time to themselves at all! Hm, next year with 3 kids, I think it will be real tough and crazy for me!
But I think I can be a very good domestic house woman if I want to. And i do like to cook, except, I hate the washing and the prepping. But i like to experiment with the taste, so i quite enjoy the process of planning and doing the cooking..
Of course, En can be trying at times, but i really swear by letting him adhere to a schedule. After his nap, he is always refreshed and more amenable. And we can do things together. During his nap, I get the dinner prep and some housework done. So it all works well, I am a holy evangelist of scheduling kids on a comfortable routine. It makes the kids more manageable too and allows breathing space and time for us as well, instead of the ad hoc-ness which create some chaos.
圆明园
This morning, En and I set off to the old Summer Palace.
En still wants to go aquarium, he keeps talking about it, so I thought I will bring him to the scenic palace to watch some fish in the ponds. Turned out not much fishes in the pond (more lotus flowers and all) but we took great pics!
Sometimes, I think En is really boyish looking. Over here in northern China, he has a distinctly Southern look, with his double eyelids and long lashes. A lot of salespeople always ask if he is a boy or gal, I think because even the gals have very short hair or are botak here, so they will always ask and not take the gender for granted. And over here, they always say En looks like Papa.. hm, I wonder if it is the truth or it is the male superiority thing, like males must take after Papa as a compliment to the male superiority.
But the little boy is very cute, he has started to ask me to take picture so can show Papa. That is how I manage to get him to standing properly for these lovely pics.. the weather is cold but from these sunny, bright colourful pics, you wouldn't know it!
A lovely time to bond between En and me I guess. I treasure such times, tiring and trying on my patience sometimes it may be, but I am looking forward to doing it with Xuan, which I am sure is a different game altogether. I miss Xuan Xuan sooo much!
I really think traveling helps to broaden the kids' perspective.. and En is fast becoming a savvy traveller. I am constantly impressed by his memory. The other day, we walked past the porridge place where we had our dinner the first night we were here. And En actually said, we had dinner here, right Papa?
Other places that we drive past, he will point out and said if he had gone there before. I never recalled having that kind of cognition in my tender years. Kids these days are amazing, really cannot underestimate what they can recall...
Here it is, 2 of us tracing our shadows across the gardens this morning, with En holding on to his small map and saying that he will bring me to see the boat. So I just trudge along, till his tired legs and hungry stomach dictate that we should go for spaghetti lunch and he forgot all about the boats that he wanted to see. Oh.. the price of tired-ness for such little gems. The choice is clear.. :)
Saturday, October 04, 2008
Half a week in Beijing already!!!!!
So fast and it is Sunday already. NJ is out to see the doc, as he has sore throat and a flu, which he claims to be passed on by me (which I think definitely not - more likely cuz he did not wear his jacket when we were out one evening and the temperature took to a dip!)En has been a happy boy... As you can see in his photos with Papa, the glowing smiles can't lie .
He has been like a sticky - stuck to Papa, and wants Papa to be with him for everything, from patting him to bed to holding his hand etc. And he will utter comments like
"I very like Papa's house, you know" or "I very like Papa you know".
Sigh.
Every day, we have 2 slots to go out, before lunch and after lunch. As En needs to take his noon nap, and so far we have managed rather well.
We have done various rounds of grocery shopping, so I can cook for the boys when NJ is in school next week.
We have also done a fair share of sight-seeing. The weather is beautiful till Friday, not too cold and really quite 风和日丽. However, as it is the Golden week, tonnes of people everywhere. You have not seen 人山人海, believe me.. unless you are in China.
We went to the Summer Palace, and it seems like we are looking at the people more than the sights.. I could not really see the much touted beauty, cuz there are so many ppl to see!
En enjoyed the Dragon boat rides, and that much is probably the highlight for him from the Summer Palace.
I challenged myself to climb this huge flights of stairs to get to the paranomic view from the top of the temple in the Summer Palace..
I think this Baby is gonna be a determined baby, cuz Mummy has done various brave and resilient attempts while carrying Baby! We actually climbed all this way up!
En is happiest when he is posing with Papa. Contrast with his reluctance to be with Mummy :(
So I feel like I am their photographer!
We also walked to Papa's school, both the scenic part and the functional part of the school, so that En and I have a glimpse of how Papa's life is like in China.
This scenic part of Bei-da, the 未名湖 reminds me of a mix of the Chinese gardens, the Botanic Gardens and the Haw Paw Villa in the 80s. The greens, the stone, the temple.. all very nostalgic.
It is really beautiful, and i can imagine college couples hanging out here, dating..
Food has been great so far, easy to find healthy balanced meal for En to eat.
This is my favourite restaurant, except for the fact that while it has lots of non-smoking signs, the non-smoking part is not enforced.
We have had lunch there, and also dinner with NJ's friends there one night.
It serves great Cantonese soup that is nourishing and flavorful.
The dishes are all quite fine and palatable.
If only it is truly non smoking, I will eat there more often!
Of course, I have never been more domesticated..
I washed countless dishes in these 4 days, cleaned up the table, cooked the morning eggs for En.
Made En his fruits..
And of course.. as the weather turned cooler, we also bought En his new Winter wear ..
I think kids look utterly adorable in winter clothing.. all bundled up save for the face.
Here are snapshots of En.. Happy as always in Papa's house!
En in his new army green jacket, which really goes well with the Khaki pants.
Papa also bought En his play dough set which kept En satisfied and occupied.
One more week to go.. where Papa will have to go school while I tend to En alone..
Let's see how it goes..
But I am ever conscious of the time ticking away...
Thursday, October 02, 2008
Standing up For Baby...
One of the things that drives me mad in Beijing is the lack of a non-smoking area in restaurants. Of course, Singapore has spoilt us, but then in my current pregnancy state, I am really conscious and particular about this.
Makes me wonder how pregnant mums in China cope when they eat out or go out, especially in winter.
In restaurants, there are signs that say Non smoking, However, the area is not demarcated from the smoking area most of the time. Hence, technically, still a lot of smoke going around.
But today, I really could not take it anymore.
We stopped for lunch in a nice Cantonese restaurant that serves rather good boiled soup and familiar cantonese dishes. Cuz En says he wanted to have duck with rice, so we opted to go for this Chinese place.
We requested for a non smoking table and were advised to go up to the second floor.
After we were seated for a while, a man started to smoke at the non smoking area, 2 tables away.
I spoke to the waitress and asked her "Is this not a non smoking area?"
Her reply was so long as the rest of the customers do not mind, patrons are allowed to smoke in non smoking area.
So I put my foot down and said that I mind, as I am pregnant.
So the waitress nicely went to remind the gentleman that it is a non smoking area.
Then a father and son pair were seated behind us.
They asked if they are allowed to smoke, and the waiters told them no, that the entire restaurant is non smoking.
Then I saw them nonchalently took out their ciggies and lighter and the son started lighting up, but keeping the cigarette hidden beneath the table.
I asked Hubby to go ask the waitress for a non smoking table, seriously, as the gentleman who was smoking earlier on also started smoking again (probably seeing this guy behind us light up)
Hubby came back and said something like there is nothing much they can do.
I stood up and was determined to leave, heck the food that we ordered if they cannot find me a table away from the smoke that is poisoning En and the Baby.
Thankfully, we were able to get a corner seat at the opposite end of the restaurant, free from any tangible proof of smoke.
And I feel that in this respect, some things in China are still very unsophisticated.
With the huge restaurant, the servers ought to be able to seat the patrons based on their smoking preferences to avoid such instance, especially if the restaurant has non smoking signs pasted all over it.
Then again, it is perhaps just the Chinese system of apparent lawlessness in some situations, especially those when the culture is so deeply embedded in the system. I have nothing against smoking, being a social smoker long time ago and all.
However, I put my foot down when it comes to the health of the baby.
pregnancy is a heavy responsibility.
While we go on our daily lives as usual, a life is forming in the womb, every single minute.
The formation of skin cells and organs, the becoming of a live form, and the babies in the womb are absorbing all that we are taking in to morph into a human being.
It is a huge responsibility. I feel bad if I do not eat well, if I do not rest well.
And I absolutely will not subject my kids to an unsafe environment, especially the toxic smoke, which is known to be damaging for formation of organs and brain cells.
it is one thing for me to smoke if I want to. After all it is my life.
But when it comes to baby, I want to make sure from inception, the baby has a fair starting point, and not to deliberately subject baby to an unfair start by compromising his development for him when he is inside me.
I am responsible for him the moment he is detected, from the embryo to the development of his foetus and eventually to a full grown baby to be delivered.
hence, I will stand up for baby (literally)..
and we will struggle to find a smoke free environment for meals from now on.
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
The surprise...
It has been agonising for the past weeks not being able to blog about the surprise.
I am now in Beijing with En..
The Surprise
Yes,
the decision was tough. And yes, we decided not to bring the kids.
But 2 thing
s made me change my mind when I eventually click the 'Payment' button on the SQ website..
1. The removal of the Visa requirement, that means I can bring En as a surprise for Papa who misses him a lot
2. En's unflagging enthusiasm and strong insistence that he wants to "Go china visit Papa and see Papa's new house"
The combination of both made me change my mind..
More importantly, En promised me that he will behave himself on flight, that he
will not cry, make loud noise, run about, will eat his lunch and listen to me.
A lot of things to promise me for a soon to be 3 year old. But he did it today, and more.
Before I get to what happened today.. I must share En's sentiments about the trip. Once I told him he is going, he has been going on and on about the trip.
- He started putting away his "stamping drawing" for Papa.
- 3 days before the trip, he woke up in the middle of the night, or early in the morning thinking it is D-Day for the trip. One night, he asked me at 4 am "why the sun not come out faster?". Partly my fault since I told him casually that he needs to wake up early at 6am to catch the very early morning flight. So the backlash was him waking up in the night 2 days before D-Day.
- He started fearing that I will disappear on him, when we chatted on the phone, he would ask me if I am coming home..
- He talked about pilot, airplanes and airport to anyone who is willing to listen
Hence, all the planning, last minute shopping for stuff and making sure we are self sufficient (since Papa does not know he is coming) is worth it. I feel that it seems more important for him to see Papa, than for Papa in the end, despite the surprise being planned for Papa.
D-Day
En has been a great travel companion today. He outdid himself and really impressed me.
Many friends had rightly cautioned the toll it
will be on me, a preggie, to being a young tod travelling alone. And aggravated by the 35 kg of baggage...
I think prepping En really worked. From young, En needs to know what to expect, so that he is not overwhelmed by the situation. So I took pains to prep him weeks before, with a little more details as we get closer to the date.
And I made him promise me that he will behave, in all the little things that will help.I bought him his own Bob the Builder lugguage bag, so he started packing that with his 'in-flight entertainment stuff" - books, crayon, surprise new books for him, cookies, diaper, wipes etc.
And I made him promise that he will pull that with him all the way, that I am not going to be responsible as I have this huge bag to look after. He solemnly promised that he will, and I added a threat for good measure, that if he does not handle it on his own, we will leave his bag of favourite things at the airport. *evil mum I am*
Today.. En has been cooperative from the morning.
He drank his milk, ate his breakfast and really took care of his trolley bag from Changi to Beijing airport. On the flight, he watched movies, coloured a little, read a little, and ate most of his lunch. Then he even took his noon nap as usual - I was really stretching it with the nap, but guessed the excitement tired him out somewhat. Hence, I even had some quiet time watching movies and catching up on rest on the flight.
En is really impressive today, and he really made the trip wonderful just by being cooperative and sensitive.
The only thing that made him cry a little was the toilet in flight, where the sounds made by the flush scared him quite a bit.
And when we landed, he was eagerly waiting to see Papa. When we walked out of the gates, we did not see Papa. I had to call Papa, only to realise he was standing just in front of me. And Papa is pleasantly surprised to see En.
For all his enthusiasm, En was very mild when he greeted Papa. The only give-away to his real feelings was in his initiative to kiss Papa several times.
All in all, it is a well executed surprise. And both En and Papa seem happy to catch up on bonding for the rest of the day. I am now blogging as papa is patting En to sleep, with Papa around, again I am displaced to the second place.
Lets just hope En will not put up too much resistance to going home.. I ve to start prepping him for that some time next week.
For now, I will let him enjoy his Papa, and the "very nice house" with Papa :)
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
The Kissing Game
I was reading to Xuan earlier before he goes to sleep, and we ended up playing the kissing game.
I used to wonder how kids know how to show affection, such as kissing, hugging etc
With En, he learnt it at the nanny's place.
So we are probably not the first people he kissed...
With Xuan, earlier, i was hugging him and then kissing him.
Then he giggled, and I kissed him in his lips again.
He started laughing gaily.
And when I say "Kiss kiss Xuan xuan" he will put his face forward and kiss me on the lips.
Sweet...
perhaps, children understand affection at a more spontaneous level than we adults do.
And are less inhibited in expressing their affection, when the are younger.
Enjoy this stage I must, before they become self conscious and learn the rules of behavior in society..
My mum told me that Xuan Xuan was calling "ma-mee" "Ma-mee" in the afternoon.
But so far, I have not heard him call me so...
I will leave tomorrow and not see Xuan for 1.5 weeks. I hope his still remembers this kissing game when I come back...
Lots of hugs and kisses Xuan!
I used to wonder how kids know how to show affection, such as kissing, hugging etc
With En, he learnt it at the nanny's place.
So we are probably not the first people he kissed...
With Xuan, earlier, i was hugging him and then kissing him.
Then he giggled, and I kissed him in his lips again.
He started laughing gaily.
And when I say "Kiss kiss Xuan xuan" he will put his face forward and kiss me on the lips.
Sweet...
perhaps, children understand affection at a more spontaneous level than we adults do.
And are less inhibited in expressing their affection, when the are younger.
Enjoy this stage I must, before they become self conscious and learn the rules of behavior in society..
My mum told me that Xuan Xuan was calling "ma-mee" "Ma-mee" in the afternoon.
But so far, I have not heard him call me so...
I will leave tomorrow and not see Xuan for 1.5 weeks. I hope his still remembers this kissing game when I come back...
Lots of hugs and kisses Xuan!
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