My Baby Xuan Xuan..

Sometimes I feel I am immune to my kids..
After being with them day in day out, I kinda "see" them and yet sometimes don't "see" them.. If you get what I mean..

So recently, with all the CNY visitings, I am quite pleasantly surprised when various people mentioned how cute looking En and Xuan are, how alike they are, how long their lashes are, and how adorable Xuan is with his beautific smile..

Everyday when I see En and Xuan, I do not see their big eyes, nor long lashes, nor Xuan's dimples..
I see them fighting, eyes briming with tears, or laughing hilariously climbing on one an other's backs/ other body parts, I see them fighting over the same toy, yelling at each other.. Or sometimes, quietly.. talking about various things that happened in the day..

I have just kinda.. Stopped Seeing them.. their day to day experiences and behaviors have overshadowed their physical looks.

So for the past 3 days, I really looked at them.. still the same behaviors, same conversations, and also their faces..  their little fingers, their little bodies dancing, running, or lying next to me...

And I must say, it is all coming back to me now..
Once kids grow out of their 1 plus age, and become more independent, we kinda see their personality, their behaviors.. and sometimes we just forget to see all the little things about them,especially physically I guess.. Kinda always trying toi read their minds and expressions but forgetting the actual faces, the eyes, the eyebrows and all that make up their exquisite little frames..

And I realise, I am seeing Xuan Xuan in quite some new light..
He has a really beautiful smile, wide and carefree, with slight dimples making him very boyish looking..
His legs are filled with cuts/ bruises, evidence of his carelessness as he still stumbles or runs into things..
He laughs so easily, at every little thing or event that tickles him..
And he makes everyone laugh and smile with his singing or his dance moves..

And he is growing up everyday...
He is always such a little carefree boy in my eyes, but he surprises me with his moments of "logic"..

Always thinking that he is very easy going and not too fussy a boy, albeit with clear preferences such as his beloved Thomas or his white bear named "Bao Bear", he told me 2 days ago that..

"I do not like this sheep (on his bedsheet).. I like blue bedsheet.I do not like this one. (And we have had the bedsheet for like.. a long time...)"
As I lie next to him at night before he dozes off to sleep for the past week, he makes sure I have a bolster, like he has, and he will offer to bring me a red bear to cuddle, as he has his Bao Bear to hold and to hug.. But he refuses to let me have one of his 2 pacifiers! Still!

And one afternoon, I heard him say to our helper..
" I am coughing, I have to drink water you know, or I cannot go AckDonalds."

Ah.. my baby is growing up, but in my mind, I still see his big wide smile, easy going shakes or nodding of his head, and stumbling and struggling to do little tasks such as feeding himself and wearing his shoes...

Bao Xuan, you are always Mummy's little baby bear..
I love you... muak muak.