Today the 2 boys are in good moods, laughing and making lots of noise when we got home. And I finally see them during their active period this week (with all the previous late nights at work), cuz finally managed to come home before 7 today..
And so finally managed to take a few pics of En en together with Xuan Xuan.. En was really cooperative, and when I asked him to take pics with Xuan, he went to stand at the place I wanted him to.
When I asked him to hold Di-di's hands, he took di - di's hands in his own. That moment for me was really sweet. But somehow did not manage to capture that in the photos - can only see part of En's hands ..
These days, I find En has become really affectionate towards his di-di. Apparently, every morning when he sees his di-di, he will hug xuan xuan. Today when I came home, and Xuan Xuan was crawling around un-supervised, En En ran after him calling loudly, "Di-Di Crawl" - trying to prevent him from venturing into the kitchen (albeit a tad aggressively).
When Xuan Xuan wails, he will also go and pat Xuan Xuan's head, sometimes he will pass toys to Xuan Xuan to play, or give Xuan Xuan his book (Di-Di's book).
Every evening, Xuan will sit in the car that En used to sit in, and go for his rounds around the estate with En and Mel. En en will help Mel push the car that Xuan Xuan sits in.
I have never seen him chase Xuan out of the car; Enwould push Xuan round and round the estate, and when Xuan came out of the car, only then would En say "En En sit car" and tried to climb into the car. To me, this is really sweet of him. Maybe it is not exactly taking turns, but at least I have never seen him wrestle Xuan out of the his car before.
And these sweet gestures really endear En to my heart.
And recently, with them laughing together more often, I find that finally, the 2 boys seem to be engaging with each other.
Maybe their close age plays a part. Also maybe my mum, mel and us have always tried to create opportunities to bond them together.
I am realistic enuf to know that the fights will come. Hence, I am blogging these really sugary moments, so remind all of us that beneath the fights, there is an affectionate loving side to their relationship...
Anyway, looking at the pics, I think the 2 look quite alike.. except one is obviously male and the other is more androgynous looking.. still can't figure out what are the "things" that differentiate them that way.. maybe we should play "Spot the Difference"..
This weekend, we managed to bring both babies out together... 2 Times!
[Usually, we will bring Xuan out for our late lunch when En is having his post lunch nap. And when En wakes, and Xuan naps, we will bring En out with us.. ]
And in the back of the car, the 2 babies respectively strapped into their car seats, shared a laughing and giggling session.. Xuan Xuan started laughing loudly, and then En En joined in, the 2 smiling faces facing each other.
Seated in front of the seats, and hearing the shrill laughs of the 2 babies, laughing along with each other, it was as if I am hearing the angels sing. It was one of the most beautiful sounds I have ever heard.
That was the first time i hear both of them laugh together .. And then they did it again the second time we went out with both babies seated in the back of the car.
I am now thinking of getting a digital recorder to record these lovely musical moments...
I am compulsively blogging now cuz I anticipate that I will be totally bogged down by work for the next 2 weeks - HST (High Stress Time) coming back next 2 weeks.
However, I happened to read the "Tears Over Scrambled Egg" entry from akkueh's blog over the weekend, which got me thinking..
How life de-sensitised us. How easy it is to lapse into numbness. How amnesia strike us, such that we forgot why we love in the first place.
Still, I also think we are both the perpetrators as well as the victims of the act - the act of NEGLECT.
We have either willingly chosen, or passively be led, to stop being active in Loving. We let the "pleasant, non conflicting" state continue, naively thinking, or believing that such a state will perpetuate itself.
However, the reality is that what is pleasant at that moment then lapsed into a state of habit and norm. The state of habit and norm then lapsed to a state of boredom. The state of boredom become glasses through which we view the world and the activities around us.
Struck by boredom, we begin to take interest or are attracted by people who are capable of lifting us out of this boredom.
And then we began to think that the other people are more interesting, more attractive.
But if we look at it backwards - we have chosen to let boredom strike us we have chosen not to actively LOVE our partner.
And if we look forwards - if we do not recognise this cycle - boredom will have a chance to strike us again some time down the road, and again we will start thinking our loved one is not adequate to meet our needs in love.
However, in the case of Tears over scrambled eggs, despite active loving, one still becomes the victims of neglect.
Sometimes, I think males are more capable of acts of neglect than females. One glaring instance is when men stopped noticing the females that they are with. Why are they capable of noticing other females, and yet stopped noticing the partner that they claim they love?
Just like we do not stop in our rapid strides everyday, chasing other things, to take time to smell the roses, some men do not take time to look at their partners.
It is the classic case of "look but not see".
I remember vaguely reading an article where some couples shared their secrets of relationship longevity, and one very old lady said that her husband never let her forget that she is beautiful in his eyes, because she wakes up everyday to him telling her so.
The there is the "hear but not listen". Just like a careless gardener who does not hear the cries of help from the flowers choked by weeds, men do not hear the distress signals put out by their partners.
Reading the entry, I feel that "被爱的女人最美" - and so a song went. And if males want their females to be beautiful, they ought to spend more time tending to the females - just like the gardener tends to his garden of flowers.
Neglect withers a female.
Reading the entry Tears Over Scrambled Egg, I was reminded of this song.
*********************************************************** And I do not want to be a victim of neglect. I do not want others to jolt me out of the numbness.
I do not want to be touched by others' appreciation of me. And I need to be in touch with Active Loving.
We took some time finishing the Jap series "One Litre of Tears". Because it is too hurting to the eyes and heart.
And over the days, I think I may have shed more than 1 litre of tears. And my conclusion is, it is heart-rending. And I felt very painful watching the suffering that the parents experienced, in addition to the torment that the gal has to put up with her illness.
Not one episode went by without me tearing over the events unfolding. For those who do not know this film yet, do check out the link I embedded in the title. And it being based on a true story about a gal named Aya, who contracted an incurable illness which still does not have a cure today, evoked a whole range of emotions.. as this is real - not just some soap plot meant to solicit tears.
And I think being a mum has also influenced the way I react and look at the film.
I imagined that if I had watched this when I was younger, with no kids, I will still be tremendously touched by the film, by the protagonist's determination and perseverance to live on, despite knowing that there is little hope of her recovering from her illness, despite not understanding why the strange disease had crept up on her..
I think I will feel deeply for the support that her family gave her, and how they coped with her illness and the changes it brought to them all.
However, as a mum watching it, not only did I feel much for the suffering protagonist, my heart went out to the parents, especially her mum. I found myself watching and observing how the mum coped with knowing that the daughter was diagnosed with an incurable illness. And that in real life, this really happened to a young gal, and to her mum.
I found myself marveling over the resilience that both parents displayed in face of the difficult times, how both parents staunchly supported and stood by their daughter to make her last days in life filled with warmth and meaning.. how they unconditionally love her, even as her illness transformed a lively, independent gal into a decrepit, helpless patient.
And I find myself learning a lot about parenting from the parents in the film..
The mum in the film always puts on a smiley face for her daughter, no matter how much heart ache she felt over the pain that her daughter is suffering.
The parents are ever resilient and sacrificial..
The parents trusted, respected and supported the decisions made by their daughter unconditionally, and everything that the parents wanted did, was with the sole interest of the daughter's happiness.
And it got me thinking about how, as a mum and parents, we need to really be able to let go, and trust our children.
One of the most touching and meaningful moments in the show for me, was a conversation that the mum had with the dad of the Aya's boyfriend.
"We always think that as parents, our role is to educate and teach our kids... However, I have learnt that the kids are also educating and teaching us..."
To me, that is a very powerful revelation. We need to be able to let go enough to learn from our kids. We need to take the first step of giving our kids the chance to teach us what they know, of their world, and of their feelings.
As parents, often think that we know the best. And we know more than our kids.
However, if we are not open to the idea that we can also learn from our kids, that we can learn valuable lessons from their thoughts, their feelings, the way they handle and deal with things, we risk losing what they can offer us. And worst of all, we risk alienating them.
We often fall into the trap of thinking we know our kids very well. And as such, we tend to plan their life for them - sometimes forgetting that they are individuals, and individuals with thoughts and feelings.
Armed with "doing the best for them", we may be blind to the fact that we are stifling them, not giving them enough room to explore.. We forget that doing the best for them does not equate to making them happy.
I think, for a start, we need to recognise that we can learn, and are learning from our kids everyday. It is only with this, that we look out for all the things that the kids are capable of teaching us. And how, we are also learning about ourselves as we spend time with our kids. How having kids also necessitated a learning process for us so that we learn to live and grow with them.
Through the film, I was also struck by the pain that parents inevitably suffer for their kids.
We do not need the death of a child to feel the pain. As parents, I feel we are very prone to pain and suffering.
When our kid are hurt, we ache for them. When they are going through hardship, we experienced double the hardship. When they are feeling down and in despair, we feel for what they are feeling.
Such is the funny relationship that parents have with their kids.
Though I have always feel that we should not be too attached to our kids, yet the attachment is something that creeps up on you.
And I am beginning to feel that it is not something that I can simply willed away just because my brain says so.
Because, I can already feel the ache in my heart and the fear when I imagine any pain befalling on my little boys...
However, I have also learnt that I need to be a source of positivity for my kids.
It is painful to hide one's pain and despair behind a mask of positivity and happiness, but it is a skill that all parents need to master skilfully. And I have seen a master of that in this show.
Aya's mum was an epitome of positivity; gentle, caring, nurturing and warmth but imbued with stealth resilience steering her from within. If nothing else, I know the qualities of a paragon mum when I see one.
Baby En has been very cute these few days. Because he's been learning some new words...
Sometime ago, we drove past a big balloon and I asked him to say Balloon. Our little friend called it "Ba-Boon".
Then recently he tried to say banana, but it came out as "ba-ba-na". However, he was able to say "Papaya" correctly the first time!
Sometimes, I think that he must think that the Ba-ba-na and the papaya are similar - both are fruits and the first sound is repeated twice.
No matter how many times we articulated it for him - the balloon, the banana, and the papaya, he only got the papaya correct.
And hubby has this habit of saying "No, it is ba-Na-Na, not Ba-Ba-na", and i have to remind him that we ought to encourage him positively and not put his efforts in trying to articulate down. So try not to tell him no, otherwise, En may end up being very shy or not willing to articulate new words next time.
So patiently, and suppressing my giggles, I will say "En, say Banana", and he will say "Babana" and I will have to say, it is "Banana, try Banana"... and so it goes.. and if you ask him what does a monkey eat? He will say "Ba-Ba-na".
I am trying to figure out the Baboon versus the Balloon, cuz it is very cute when he says Baboon.. maybe we will bring him to the zoo again and let him see the Baboon versus the Balloon for himself.
I said I wanted t blog about how i feel the latest Harry Potter book shed a lot of light on family - more specifically the importance of father figures..
So. If you have not completed the book or intend to start the book, pls do not continue reading as this contains spoiler.
I feel that JK Rowling has embedded the message of family, and the importance of the father figure in her story quite well. And if one looks at the context, how she was struggling with her own kid when her man left her, it was perhaps, not to hard to imagine why the theme keeps popping up again and again.
The most obvious has to be when Harry was confronting Lupin - pointing out that Lupin was shirking his responsibility as a father by leaving Tonks and the baby. Harry said something to the effect that Fathers should be with their babies, it is the right thing to do.
Also, Harry himself has always been looking for a father figure - from wanting to learn all about his father, to his strong ties with Sirius and also finding the father figure in Dumbledore.
And I can't help noticing how boys who grow up without father figures inevitably veer to the bad path - Voldermort himself lacks a father figure in his own life, but he has chosen it that way because he would rather not have a weak person as his father.
What struck me in the last book was the revealing of Snape's life story. He was also a tragic victim of someone who grew up without a father figure in his life, without someone to protect or look out for him. Hence, boys who are left to fend for themselves are often caught in a struggle, much like Harry did in his first few years in Hogwarts, before he found Sirius and then Dumbledore.
I really believe that father plays an important role in a kid's life, just as mothers do as well. Particularly for boys, having a role model in the form of a father figure is crucial in a boy's development. As boys grow, they become more influenced by their fathers than their mothers, the mum only has stronger influence in the first 6 years of the boys' life (according to Steve Biddulph). The rest, the boys are largely influenced by male figure, who can be one's dad or an adult male who is involved in the development of the child.
Hence, it is good that males are increasingly involved in their children's lives, as I think kids can benefit a lot from the influence of the dad. The dad offers security and assurance, and forms an image that the kid can grow into.
It is heartening for me when I see many fathers accompanying their boys or girls in class at JG, the fathers sing and dance to the tunes with their kids, and nuture them as the kids learn to feed themselves, and play with the kids during their outdoor play. These men are just great... just as Hubby is too, as we do our hourly shift with En every Saturday for his JG class. Jia You!!
Another common theme from both Spring Waltz the Korean drama, and Jay Chou's movie "Secret" has to do with the power of first love...
You know what they say about the one(s) that got away, that it leaves an indelible print in one's heart.
Recently, we just had a funny conversation with NJ's cousins about ex-loves too. About how such stories are better off buried sometimes. And Cousin is a tad upset with someone about someone's past..
But well, in my case, or our case, Hubby's first love is well known and publicised in his blog. When his first love got married, think he was devastated. Well, you have to check out his blog to decide for yourself, but I think my assessment is rather fair.
Jay Chou says in his recent interview that he will like to have a 轰轰烈烈的爱情.. and that echoes my thought some long time ago. The thing about such relationship is, the result is often painful. Sometimes, so painful that one cannot even think about it.
I wonder if it matters whether one is the first love or one is the last love.. or if one is neither of both.. If I cannot be the first, can I be the last? If I am the last, have I won in the game of love? If you are not my first, does it matter if you are the last?
I dunno.. but I think everyone is entitled to have that special space for a special someone, so long as we know how to keep that space "separate". Because, sometimes, it take a lot of courage to remember someone. And because there is this thing called Time, we can never win against the wheel of time. Time gave someone a special space in that time frame. Time also buried that someone across timeperiod.
I think as we mature we sometimes lose the courage to truly love as we want to.. some people choose to be safe. Some made a logical choice of their partner. Some just made do.
I think youth gave us the license to explore and experiment. It gave us the courage to try the road less taken, sometimes. And with youth, one can afford to make love the biggest and most important thing in one's live. And so, with youth, one often experienced the best love of one's time.
Sometimes, I miss that license. And I miss that courage.
Now that I have 2 boys, I just hope we bring them up well enough that they know what to do about their own feelings and not breaking too many hearts or have their hearts broken too many times.. cuz 10 years plus down the road, we just dunno what the world has become and how the rules of relationship and courtship have evolved...
Time really flies, Xuan Xuan is soon to be 8 months, and the 2 brothers has begun fighting over toys. And one is as stubborn not to share as the other is as stubborn not to let go. So when Xuan Xuan touches En's puzzle, En cries. And when En snatches his puzzle back, Xuan wails. So it went on for about half an hour one afternoon.
And Papa ended up confiscating the puzzle, as En refused to share.
We envisage many more of such fights to come. But it is not all bad. As there are times when En will volunteer his toys to Xuan on his own.. and sweetly look out for Xuan Xuan and hug him.
En made a pair of cat ears in his Saturday class last week, and he loves seeing Xuan Xuan wear it.. Quite a funny sight indeed. So here are the latest photos of Xuan and En.
We recently just completed Spring Waltz - the final part to the 4 seasons Korean drama (Winter Sonata, Autumn in my Heart and Summer Scent)..
And today, we just went to watch Jay Chou's movie, the Secret. And I recently caught the MV of its theme song 不能说的秘密, and what struck me as a common theme is : Men, the Piano and the telephone.
Catch the scenes from the following Youtube videos..
One of my favourite scenes from Spring Waltz..
And of course, Jay Chou is just simply divine..
I was also reading an interview that Jay Chou gave during his recent trip to Singapore to promote his movie, he said that love is an essential part of an artist's life, love is the muse of the artist and it is from love that artists derive their inspiration from.
Well, there is something to be said about men playing the piano.. quite captivating, to me, at least. and especially so, when the song is dedicated to a special someone, and conveyed through any of the following means:
- through the mobile phone - through a live dedication in a restaurant, concert etc - simply played to that special someone in private
I find a man - being serious about music, very captivating. I dunno why, maybe its the aura, maybe its the music and the talent. But in both Spring Waltz and in the movie the Secret, I find the men playing piano simply awesome. (and hubby told me something about him experiencing something similar in his younger days... well.. to get even, I also have my share of a boy calling me up and singing to me through the phone, till i fall asleep - like a luluby for me, now is that sweet or what?! Though I am sure I will be much more impressed if that someone had played the piano instead..)
But well.. I just love seeing men playing the pianos! Especially if it to to a special someone.,,
One part of me wish that my boys will grow up playing the piano. I imagine them playing duets for house parties and festives. Nice. Well, but the other part of me know that I will not force the boys to learn the piano, but I hope to give them the exposure so that it is their choice if they will like to pursue the love of music.
I think the appreciation of art forms - be it music, painting, literature, plays etc are very important. I feel that the arts nurture the soul, and the mind.. Especially music and painting. They are like a language of their own, communicating emotions and thoughts through their own means. It is another way through which one can express oneself.
Hence, I feel that taking time to learn, think and immerse oneself in any of these art forms are important. Hubby and I love to read, we rather like music, and hubby appreciates drawings.. I just hope between the 2 of us, we have sufficient genes to pass on to the 2 boys so that they too, allow the arts to form a vibrant part of their lives.
Otherwise, sometimes I feel we miss seeing the other side of the world that these art forms bring.. perhaps it is a form of escapism - allowing us to dwell into the past or imagine the future through these art forms, rather than being only in the present.. Yes, I think the arts liberate the mind and the soul, providing us a means to Be in another world.. one which sometimes, is privy only to oneself, a connection that sometimes only one can make, a door that only allows one to open and to enter.
That is to me, the power of the various art forms.. when I listen to a beautiful piece of music, or see a beautiful piece of lyrics/ text, or an amazing painting, I feel my mind wandering from the present into another space. A space which exists only between the artist/ writer/ musician and me. And what I take out from that, belongs to me and me alone. Until a fellow person appreciate it the same way as I do... and I value that space very very much. And those who share those same spaces as I do..
Dedicated to both Baby En and Baby Xuan and Baby Rui, the babies who have managed to create havoc in the entire household before they have even begun speaking.. who have inspired love and dreams even though they are still too young to understand what these are.. who brought smiles to many even before they have learnt to smile, and of course tears, heart-ache and anxiety to their parents even before their physical presence are felt in this world!! For you all, the dynamite babies..
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