Being Touched and Being In Touch

I am compulsively blogging now cuz I anticipate that I will be totally bogged down by work for the next 2 weeks - HST (High Stress Time) coming back next 2 weeks.

However, I happened to read the "Tears Over Scrambled Egg" entry from akkueh's blog over the weekend, which got me thinking..

How life de-sensitised us.
How easy it is to lapse into numbness.
How amnesia strike us, such that we forgot why we love in the first place.

Still, I also think we are both the perpetrators as well as the victims of the act - the act of NEGLECT.

We have either willingly chosen, or passively be led, to stop being active in Loving.
We let the "pleasant, non conflicting" state continue, naively thinking, or believing that such a state will perpetuate itself.

However, the reality is that what is pleasant at that moment then lapsed into a state of habit and norm.
The state of habit and norm then lapsed to a state of boredom.
The state of boredom become glasses through which we view the world and the activities around us.

Struck by boredom, we begin to take interest or are attracted by people who are capable of lifting us out of this boredom.

And then we began to think that the other people are more interesting, more attractive.

But if we look at it backwards - we have chosen to let boredom strike us we have chosen not to actively LOVE our partner.

And if we look forwards - if we do not recognise this cycle - boredom will have a chance to strike us again some time down the road, and again we will start thinking our loved one is not adequate to meet our needs in love.

However, in the case of Tears over scrambled eggs, despite active loving, one still becomes the victims of neglect.

Sometimes, I think males are more capable of acts of neglect than females.
One glaring instance is when men stopped noticing the females that they are with.
Why are they capable of noticing other females, and yet stopped noticing the partner that they claim they love?

Just like we do not stop in our rapid strides everyday, chasing other things, to take time to smell the roses, some men do not take time to look at their partners.

It is the classic case of "look but not see".

I remember vaguely reading an article where some couples shared their secrets of relationship longevity, and one very old lady said that her husband never let her forget that she is beautiful in his eyes, because she wakes up everyday to him telling her so.

The there is the "hear but not listen". Just like a careless gardener who does not hear the cries of help from the flowers choked by weeds, men do not hear the distress signals put out by their partners.

Reading the entry, I feel that "被爱的女人最美" - and so a song went.
And if males want their females to be beautiful, they ought to spend more time tending to the females - just like the gardener tends to his garden of flowers.

Neglect withers a female.

Reading the entry Tears Over Scrambled Egg, I was reminded of this song.

************************************************************
"人鱼的眼泪" by南拳妈妈



透过窗舷你望着翦影一夜
爱上他在天与海的交界
你忍痛用声音交换了双腿
只为走近爱的人身边

你赌上毁灭相信真爱会永远
不懂专情不适合人类
而你连道别都没有人听见
黎明后随浪花凋谢

你的泪一抹无邪
不属於这个冷漠的世界
舍弃了一切只为一个能够
付出你真爱的机会

你的泪一抹无邪
原来感情那麽难以学会
他身边是谁消失前后不后悔
你的悲伤是否像海一样深邃

你赌上毁灭相信真爱会永远
不懂专情不适合人类
你最美的梦像泡沫般碎裂
剩童话里忧伤一页

你的泪(你的泪)
一抹无邪(一抹无邪)
原来感情那麽难以学会
他身边是谁消失前后不后悔
人鱼最后的泪像海一样深邃

***********************************************************
And I do not want to be a victim of neglect.
I do not want others to jolt me out of the numbness.

I do not want to be touched by others' appreciation of me.
And I need to be in touch with Active Loving.