Shed More Than 1 Litre of Tears..

We took some time finishing the Jap series "One Litre of Tears". Because it is too hurting to the eyes and heart.

And over the days, I think I may have shed more than 1 litre of tears.
And my conclusion is, it is heart-rending. And I felt very painful watching the suffering that the parents experienced, in addition to the torment that the gal has to put up with her illness.

Not one episode went by without me tearing over the events unfolding.
For those who do not know this film yet, do check out the link I embedded in the title.
And it being based on a true story about a gal named Aya, who contracted an incurable illness which still does not have a cure today, evoked a whole range of emotions.. as this is real - not just some soap plot meant to solicit tears.

And I think being a mum has also influenced the way I react and look at the film.

I imagined that if I had watched this when I was younger, with no kids, I will still be tremendously touched by the film, by the protagonist's determination and perseverance to live on, despite knowing that there is little hope of her recovering from her illness, despite not understanding why the strange disease had crept up on her..

I think I will feel deeply for the support that her family gave her, and how they coped with her illness and the changes it brought to them all.

However, as a mum watching it, not only did I feel much for the suffering protagonist, my heart went out to the parents, especially her mum. I found myself watching and observing how the mum coped with knowing that the daughter was diagnosed with an incurable illness. And that in real life, this really happened to a young gal, and to her mum.

I found myself marveling over the resilience that both parents displayed in face of the difficult times, how both parents staunchly supported and stood by their daughter to make her last days in life filled with warmth and meaning.. how they unconditionally love her, even as her illness transformed a lively, independent gal into a decrepit, helpless patient.

And I find myself learning a lot about parenting from the parents in the film..

The mum in the film always puts on a smiley face for her daughter, no matter how much heart ache she felt over the pain that her daughter is suffering.

The parents are ever resilient and sacrificial..

The parents trusted, respected and supported the decisions made by their daughter unconditionally, and everything that the parents wanted did, was with the sole interest of the daughter's happiness.

And it got me thinking about how, as a mum and parents, we need to really be able to let go, and trust our children.

One of the most touching and meaningful moments in the show for me, was a conversation that the mum had with the dad of the Aya's boyfriend.

"We always think that as parents, our role is to educate and teach our kids... However, I have learnt that the kids are also educating and teaching us..."

To me, that is a very powerful revelation.
We need to be able to let go enough to learn from our kids.
We need to take the first step of giving our kids the chance to teach us what they know, of their world, and of their feelings.

As parents, often think that we know the best. And we know more than our kids.

However, if we are not open to the idea that we can also learn from our kids, that we can learn valuable lessons from their thoughts, their feelings, the way they handle and deal with things, we risk losing what they can offer us.
And worst of all, we risk alienating them.

We often fall into the trap of thinking we know our kids very well. And as such, we tend to plan their life for them - sometimes forgetting that they are individuals, and individuals with thoughts and feelings.

Armed with "doing the best for them", we may be blind to the fact that we are stifling them, not giving them enough room to explore.. We forget that doing the best for them does not equate to making them happy.

I think, for a start, we need to recognise that we can learn, and are learning from our kids everyday. It is only with this, that we look out for all the things that the kids are capable of teaching us. And how, we are also learning about ourselves as we spend time with our kids. How having kids also necessitated a learning process for us so that we learn to live and grow with them.

Through the film, I was also struck by the pain that parents inevitably suffer for their kids.

We do not need the death of a child to feel the pain.
As parents, I feel we are very prone to pain and suffering.

When our kid are hurt, we ache for them.
When they are going through hardship, we experienced double the hardship.
When they are feeling down and in despair, we feel for what they are feeling.

Such is the funny relationship that parents have with their kids.

Though I have always feel that we should not be too attached to our kids, yet the attachment is something that creeps up on you.

And I am beginning to feel that it is not something that I can simply willed away just because my brain says so.

Because, I can already feel the ache in my heart and the fear when I imagine any pain befalling on my little boys...

However, I have also learnt that I need to be a source of positivity for my kids.

It is painful to hide one's pain and despair behind a mask of positivity and happiness, but it is a skill that all parents need to master skilfully. And I have seen a master of that in this show.

Aya's mum was an epitome of positivity; gentle, caring, nurturing and warmth but imbued with stealth resilience steering her from within. If nothing else, I know the qualities of a paragon mum when I see one.

Anyway, here is a snapshot of the film..