Envy and Regret

i just read Diana's Ser's interview about motherhood in Simply Her this month.
i just read blinkmummy's entry on "One's constrains and One's Context".
i recently finished Grey's Anatomy where Addison found she had trouble conceiving a child when she thought she had all the time in the world to do so...

Such is life..
Sometimes I think mums have a lot of regrets.
Well, i dun think mums regret hvaing the kids, but we probably have all goe through phases where we have doubts..
about ourselves, about our choices, about the kids...
that kinda unstablises us..

Then we will look to our kids, and think we are really lucky, blessed etc etc..

Well, from Diana's article, I agree that woman will always have doubts, but we are actually stronger than what we think we are.. and our kids give us that strength, to push us to the limits and still survive and come out stronger..

From blinkymummy's entry, i feel that we are all susceptible to envy, some of us look at our peers and envy the for what they have achieved and wonder if our choices are right..

However, unless we are like Addison in Grey's Antomy where she realises too late that she has not been clear on what she wants in her life (choosing career over having kids) and ends up full of regrets, we will never really be, IN OUR PRESENT MOMENT, truly confident and contented and sure that what we have done and chosen are what we want and right for us..

Of course, there are some people who are - but then we always wonder if those people are right when they seem sure of themselves and what they are doing, that they may be blinded to other stuff...

Doubts are a large part of our life.. because there is no certainty in this world.
Envy is our song sometimes because we are greedy and always on the lookout for more self gratification..
But what i cannot live with is regrets..

And because of my fear for regrets, there are times when i have made choices which are measures against regret, even though they may not be what I am SURE I want..

Choosing En and Xuan over career is one of those things..

I fear that i will regret it if I don't have kids early- that i may not have them or that i may not enjoy them as much when i have them older...

so even though i have much doubts sometimes, about whether I will be happier, better etc etc if I don't have kids.. I have made a choice that leaves no chance for the regret that i fear.

And to be that is a safe choice.
i always don't know what I want..
But I am sure of what I don't want...
And I think that is a good start...