Parenting - What does it really mean?

To quote my fav satirical playwright, Oscar Wilde,

"Children begin by loving their parents. After a time they judge them. Rarely, if ever, do they forgive them." It is a scary thought...

Recently I have been embroiled in several heated "debates" on what being a parent really means, and what it means to nurture and look after a child.. and what it means to be the primary care-giver of Baby En...

No doubt, the opinions out there are as varied as you can get.. but long before En came along, as I watch some of others' kids, and observed how some parents at work, I have already formed my own opinions of how I envisage my kids will be nurtured and taken care of.. but if I am wrong, will my kids love me less, will i sufffer their judgement, worst, can they forgive me?

Well, in my view, there are some marked differences in parenting style and beliefs.. and could be led by the generational difference or divide..

- The functional care -giver: those who look after the kids' physical growth needs, quite the basic care to ensure kids eat and grow well.. but less of the developmental and emotional bonding as they feel that schools and teachers and time will teach these "knowledge" to the kids..

Classic lines: "You better listen to what the teacher say in school huh, or I will cane you" or. ." Aiya, why your kid so skinny, mine is well taken care of, see so chubby"

- The Go by Book Nurturer - these new age parents lap up all the parenting books, internalise them and spit them out wholesale for the kids. They drive themselves nuts bending in every way to make sure all aspects of the kids are well taken care of (fr. the physical diet to the emotional and psychological aspects). As they are such gurus, they tend to insist child are brough up in their way...

Classic lines: "The book recommends no caning of my kid..." or "i practise XXXX's diet plan"

The thing is whichever style we are, there may not be right or wrong way about it.. every generational has the "in" parenting way..

The drill and cane were very much part and parcel of my generation when i was growing up.. comparing kids' size were a norm.. Today, no cane policy and an abundance of reasoning are the flavors of the day.. and comparing kids' emotional EQ is the competition amongst mums..

Assuming that is the case, then what happens when you have funtional primary care givers from the by-gone era? Can they be good primary care-givers for my kids and to equip them with values and skills for the world which my kids will grow up in?

I was told that the by gone era care givers do not mean any harm to the kid, that their motivation is also to love and develop the kids, albeit their manifestations are different from the modern parents..

Am I the child in Wilde's quote - i grow up loving my parents, when I have kids, I judge my parents.. and if they do not adopt my parenting style, I find it hard to forgive them.. Does it have to come to that? Is this not one of the many problems modern parents face..

How do we deal with the anchronistic manifestation of parenting from care-givers of the by-gone era? If we do not grant them the care-giver status, are we denying their rights to their grand children? If i give in and let them do the anachronistic form of parenting to my kids, am I compromising the well-being of the kids?

These mind-boggling questions continue to be mind boggling .. and the steamy debates seem destine to continue for quite some time .. after all.. there may not be an easy right or wrong answer to this, that i strongly suspect..