Happily Married To be Better Parents!

" We often focus on (material) things and take people for granted, it should have been the other way round. We should focus on people and take (material) things for granted..."

"No one can gurantee you that a marriage can last, ... only you can provide the guarantee that your love will last..."

"(A couple) should hold hands while fighting, because they are fighting for their marriage, the issue that they are fighting about is not worth fighting for, but their marriage is what is worth fighting for.."

These words were delivered yesterday at my friend's church wedding by the Father and it stayed with me long after I walked out of the church..

I am the typical kooky Aquarius who believe in signs and serendipity. What others term co-incidences, to me, are all part of a macro-system of signs - signs left out there for us to discover and to unravel the meaning behind them..

Recently, I have been having some troubling thoughts on how do we, as parents, make a commitment to our children, that as a couple, we will be able to stay together for good and be good parents for them... Are we in a position to make such a promise to them? To do so, my hubby and I need to have the confidence and commitment that we will be together for keeps... a Daunting thought in this day and age where divorce rate is climbing, where being from single parent family is not necessarily a stigma or a secret .. and I was looking for a sign that will reassure me that things will be fine.. seriously..

With baby 2 on the way, in the worst case scenario, can I still be a good mum to the 2 boys if I end up a single mum? While I was grappling with such thoughts, what the Father said when I attended the Catholic wedding got my attention and seemed to be a sign pointing a way forwards...

What he said reminded me that we have to be a good partner to our spouse first before we can perform our role as parents to our children.. As Steve Biddulph alludes to in his book "The Secrets of Happy Parents", one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is to remain in love with our partner, we must love our spouse first before we can adequately love our kids..

Before we had En, hubby and I agree that kids would not be the only focus of our lives, that we will continue to keep our couple time sacred... however, along the way, sometimes the going can get just so TOUGH.. as I was just chatting with a friend with a 4 mth old baby, that it is so hard to just find time away from the baby and the energy to keep the romance alive in marriage..

Things get in the way...
- Work, work and more work..
- Resources (the money/ the capacity to look after the baby so you get adequate private time)
- Energy (after working & playing with the bb, the only thing you really want is to sleep or to veg out in front of the TV)
- Our role as a parent, and this insidious identity seems to take precedent over all other identities easily, which makes you forget that you are first your own person, and then your spouse's partner..

Now I am beginning to think that even the media seems to have gotten the message wrong.. with all the focus on family day, kids day and campaigns to have flex time or time off such that we can spend time with kids, well, before ALL that, we should find time to be a loving partner to our spouse FIRST!! And it is so easy to overlook or forget that...

Well... while what the Father said had not given me the complete solution to my musings, still, perhaps by remembering to keep the marriage alive, sizzling and sparkling, it will be a big step towards being better parents for Baby En and Baby 2... This I hope and seek..