Mindful Parenting - a solution for time starved parents

I have been busy.. kinda..
Work has been more than overwhelming, I actually lost 2 kgs in a week over a beauty report I was working on... The ultimate irony.. as I was typing all those things which contribute to beauty - such as adequate rest, having a relaxed mind, no eye bags, watch your diet etc etc.. I was physically so NOT doing all those things lor..

So the long and short of it was, I am rather ugly right now.. haha!

Then there is the huge lure of the entertainment aspect of it.
1. Barbie's Boyfriend lent me his PSP game 'Lord of the Rings Tactic' - and i was like - where am I gonna borrow a PSP console to play! and usually ppl borrow games, not consoles.. And so, well, Hubby has been hankering after a mobile console of his own since he got me the DS Lite, as he realise what fun it could be to be continually entertained (think it certainly shut me up when he is driving, no more nosy, pointed remarks abt the route taken or the long time it takes to drive from A to B). So he got a PSP instead, and that got me hooked. I was so torn wanting to play the game, versus reading Harry Potter versus working on my report..

2. Finishing Harry Potter.. For the whole of last week, my highlight of the week was to await the release of the book.. well no spoilers here in case some are still poring over theirs, well I finished, and had most of my guesses confirmed, and my deepest sympathy lies with the most unlikely person.. some time later.. I will write about that and how I think this last book shed the most about family and human nature...

Then, in between times, I was trying to finish my 'Buddhism for Mothers'. I have always propagated the idea of mindful parenting - how i think it is important that when you spend time with your kids, you are REALLY spending time with them, not half heartedly with oyur mind elsewhere. My verdict always been - 1 hr of mindful soulful parenting, beats 18 hours of being around the kids exhaustively. It all boils down to quality, not quantity. and I have been tasting the fruit of my scant but solid time with En..

But here is a passage extract of wonder and importance of Mindfulness in Parenting: (for those who are not familiar with Buddhism, mindfulness is one of the propagated practices in Buddhism allowing one to be disciplined mentally.)

"Susan Murphy is a Zen teacher and mother of two who speaks of mindfulness as 'the gateway out of the steel teeth of time':

The child offers a constant invitation into presence and into play. And you can't play with a child unless you're prepared to be completely present. A creative energy of playfulness grows in us as we grow into our practice. Think of going for a walk with a young child, how incredibly long it takes to cover a block-so many things you have to look at, to comment on and ask questions about. Looking down into a puddle, you discover it's actually a mirror. Is it a mirror or is it a window? Is that us we see in that puddle or is it another world? It looks different to this world. I remember when my daughter was five or six we had to stop every time we moss and we had to walk our fingers through the fairy world like fairies - this little tiny clumps of moss were like fair trees. So walks were very long, and time was very long. It's like the child elongates time till it starts to dissolve. They don't live in our tick-tock time. They force you to put aside for a while your usual goal-oriented behavior. And that's an extraordinary gift and teaching.' "

I find great resonance with the last 3 lines, especially. Without really realising it, I have been trying to practise mindful parenting..

Every morning, I try to go for a walk with En around the estate, before I go to work. The route is routine, the milestones we stop at are routine, but the things we talk about and feel about are different everyday.

Sometimes, I feel tense because I have an important presentation or meeting later in the day. But these walks never feel to calm me, or uplift me, because when I step out of the house with him, I try to put the work out of my mind, because these are our special time together.

It is a small investment of my time, no more than half an our every day, but I am already tasting the rewards.

For those who do not know, En is "Papa-crazy". He shares the strongest affinity from babyhood with My husband. I always attribute it to the fact that they are soulmates (and my aquarian traits generally dun go well with En's Scorpion traits). Of course, hubby spent loads of quality time with Baby En when he was barely months old, and En stuck to him like a glue.

En used to be able to go anywhere so long as Papa is around. I am secondary and I am peripheral - so long as Papa is there.

But eversince moving to College Green, a subtle change seems to be taking place.. and I really attribute it to our daily morning walks. En started insisting I am around, he will not go anyway with Papa without me. And he starts giving me equal share of his attention between me and Papa. and He does not like to go anywhere without both Papa and Mummy.

And even more amazingly, on days when I go on walks with him, he will come back, take off is shoes and bid me goodbye very sweetly. No tears, no tantrum. But on days when I have early morning meetings and have to rush to work without going with him for walks, he wails and cried non stop. So he is not clingy to me, so long as we do our morning routine of walk, he will in fact, very matter of factly, bid me to go work - telling me "mummy go work. Bye bye" and wave me off.

For the past week, on 2 occasions I skip out on our morning walks, and I have to hard-heartedly bear his cries, as he keeps wailing "Mummy go walk, mummyyy" as he sought to put on his shoes and come after me. On those days, i feel really bad.

But day by day, with every half an our walk of pure and total attention on him and his interests, he is contented to spend other times with other people or doing his own things and leaving us alone. That is the power of mindful parenting.

I figured every kid needs some form of attention. Once fulfilled, they need other forms of stimulation which may not require us to be constantly around and engaged with him.

this seems just like a great solution for time starved mums like us. Over weekends, of course, we ought to spend even more mindful times with the kids... to strengthen the bonds and feelings.

So, try it. It does not need to be lengthy period of time - cuz it takes immense skill to be mindful, to notice every little bit of what the id is saying or feeling, and to respond to each of those feelings, and thoughts.. i can't do it for more than half an hour at a time.. try it, and see if that dun make both your kid and you feel better!

lastly, quick updates:

Baby Xuan is getting talkative and screamy - he babbles lots of mumbo jumbo, and screams a lot when he does not gets what he wants. A mighty voice he really have.

En En been expanding his vocab through food. We make it a point to have dinner with him, me and Hubby. We go to different place and try out different dishes, and through that, he learnt prawn (his fav), beef, soup, egg, chicken, "cai" for veg, fries etc.. and he managed to piece together a 4 word sentence yesterday as I was poring over my Harry Potter. He told our maid that "mummy read big book". So my conclusion is he is rather observant for his tender age.. as opposed to Xuan who seems more brawny at present.. :)