Hospital Entry..

Yes, I am blogging from the KK hospital.. thanks to the nation-wide wireless network initiative from my ex-company..

Remember how we spent X'mas eve of 2006 in KK hospital McDonald's room?
Well, now we are in Xuan Xuan's ward - yeh.. his own ward.. well - i must say i am very impressed with KK's premium ward, it is really thoughtfully designed with all amenities in..
Well.. i think for those who can afford it, the individual ward is a haven for the parents as well.. I can't imagine how the parents can doze or nap with 5 other ill and cranky babies and worried stricken parents.. hence, i feel that realistically, the choice of the individual ward is driven more to meet the parents' needs for peace of mind than babies..

And in times like this, i am grateful that i pay for the kids' H&S insurance premiums. that also gave me peace of mind. In times like this, the last thing I want to be worried abt is the bills. To me, insurance is like buying toto for the bad thing to happen.. when things are going well, we keep thinking the cost of insurance is an opportunity cost.. but in a single incident when the bad thing happen, the relief one feels more than compensate the amount paid. The best advise I was given when I was delivering my baby was from luke, who asked me to sign up for a H&S for babies asap. I think that is one of the most invaluable advise given from a parent to another..

And now to the real story..
Xuan gave me the fright of my life today..
I was in the midst of a workshop with clients, respondents and even clients all the way from Korea..
and I received a call from Hubby who gave a weird description of what happened to Xuan..
I can't remember what he said but I got the message, he is sending Xuan to A & E now cuz just now his eyes were rolling upwards and foaming at the mouth..

I put down the phone and tried to think what I am going to do..
And I called home.. the fact that my maid was crying and can't seem to say what happen to Xuan made me more worried..

I calmly rounded up what I was doing, mentally thinking what options I have and what choices I am going to make, and then announced to my colleague and my boss that I am going to the hospital.. you may think it is a really logical choice, but I was in the middle of a client facing workshop.. the timing could not be badder..

I was freaking up inside, but exteriorly I was calm.. if you know what I mean, it is like a layer of ice or something insulated me - the inner core of me, that turmoil and that pain - from the outer facade of me.. the seemingly untouched and unshaken side of me..

I called for a cab.. I called the usual ultra cool Pediatrician to make sure she is in and check out which hospitals she can visit and work in, to gather the consideration set of hospitals for alternative admissions.. and the i got on the cab in the pouring rain..

And i was still calm, till the jam at orchard road en route made that little insidious chip into that layer of insulation. I started tearing in the cab.. fear? pain? loss? i dunno what the tears are for..

But before we reached KK, I was calm again.. i remembered to ask for a cab receipt, i remembered the red door reserved for emergency cases.. and I went in..

Xuan was not having any fit when I saw him.. and i picked him up and asked him why he has to give mummy such a bad scare.. it was an immense relief. to see his lethargically meddling self.
However, he still needs to be admitted as he needs to be monitored, after the fit, and also the fact that the high fever had not gone away..

and so that is how I ended up here, in KK, with Xuan Xuan sound asleep and me typing away..
and hubby in a chair some space away doodling on his Dopod..

What Xuan had was Febrile Fit.. a new term that i just learnt today.. in addition to all the other discoveries i made about myself, and my relationships..

En and Xuan has been sick recently.. with En taking the lead - must be some viral at school again.. and xuan was just coughing and with slight fever.. Xuan has always been the tougher baby when it comes to combating illnesses thus far .. shorter period of illness and recovering fast..

Well. i suppose this is what it means when they say, When the Great falls, They fall Greatly..
It is really a wake up call..
We always kinda associate Xuan with robust-ness, toughness, joy, cheekiness.. but his vulnerable side totally incapacitated me..

Not that I won't feel the same with En.. but the surprise element that Xuan fell so sick so suddenly just knocked the guts outta me.

I was tearing as I was changing the cold towels on his neck to him to bring his fever down.. I had wiped down En the countless times he had fever, and even during the first time En had really high fever, I do not remember feeling so fearful..

So fearful that a little fever will do my little baby in..

你灼热的小手 滚汤着我的手
我湿皱的手掌 抚摸着你脸夹
你体受的不适
我都明了
我心中的寒惜
你懂吗?

My fearless little fighter-meddler-monster is now quietly sleeping in bed..
The latest temperature check reveals that his temperature has come down to 37.5...
i am keeping fingers crossed..

My little precious one.. get well soon!
I like to see the huge appetite and the hearty giggles and laughs...