Another year older..

Today, I am a year older, but everything still feels the same.
It had to be one of the most boring birthdays I ever had as I can't do lots of stuff, so it was spent innocuously at home most of the time, but at least I spent it with the kids, and the boys were ecstatic over the cake and the candles.

And En is becoming very good at serving the cake to others before eating it himself.
I look forward to Bao Rui joining the chorus next year.

There is something about celebrating birthday with the boys, they are quite contagious and make me smile. Was trying to recall what I did for birthday last year, took me a while and finally remembered husband and I went away for a short holiday. So this is like the first time the boys sang me a birthday song, it feels different, definitely making me feel older for sure.. sigh.

But sometimes, I think i like to keep my own life separate from the kids.
Just like I try to keep couple life separate from the kids as well.

Some people may wonder at this strange tot.
Is it like trying to delude myself? No. I don't think so.

i love the kids, and they are a permanent fixture in my life.
However, I need my own space, and I need space for husband and me.

So sometimes, events like birthdays, anniversaries etc, I prefer to celebrate them separately.

Sometimes, i think the kids are so much a part of my life, I worry about losing myself completely. And being who I am is important.

Sure, I am a mum.
But I am first myself first. It sounds really selfish I know, but in my mind, it is like I have these different spheres of life. My kids are involved in my life, even an important part of my life, but my life does not revolve around them. Rather, I hope my life does not, just as my life does not revolve around husband's, because I feel that the moment it does, then we are dependent on others for our survival and well-being.

Of course, these I hope I achieve and maintain, since it is easy to be insidiously revolving around other people, esp when it comes to love of others. Hence, sometimes, I just want a separate space for events that are just about me...