SMS again - Single Mum Syndrome

I SMS again.. because hubby is away in reservist.
Somehow I started seeing this as a "practise" / trial period for when he will really be away for long..

The things I do, the feelings I have, should be the same bah. Maybe they will be more acute by then cuz knowing I will not see him till when the baby is due.. at least now I know i will see him this Friday when he books out from the army.

I think I am a lazy, parasite-ish kinda person.
When alone, I can be rather independent and strong, and take care of myself. After all, way before I met hubby, I have been taking care of myself fine, and rather enjoy my independence..

But once I have someone to rely on.. I become a parasite. Maybe it is the backlash from being too independent, when I have someone to rely on like hubby, I become really needy. The ultimate damsel in distress sometimes.

With hubby around, I am very lazy, because I know he will take care of things, and me. And I know he will play his part as co-parent, so I am relaxed, and sometimes to the extent of abusing that sometimes.. (Yes! I know my weakness)

So hubby has this impression that I really cannot make it without him around.. Perhaps. But I am always surprised with the strength or determination I have when I am placed in a particular situation.

Like last Saturday, hubby was still in camp, and I have to work out arrangements for accompanying En to art class in the morning and bringing Xuan Xuan to his JG class. Usually hubby will ferry us and we take turns with Xuan in JG so it is less taxing. So hubby was telling me that if I was too tired, I could give Xuan's JG class a skip, esp when transport was a problem since I cannot drive.

Turned out I was resourceful enough to get a ride from Celeste for En's art class, and FIL fetched Xuan and me to the JG in the afternoon. And I am amazed that I have the energy to be with the 2 boys for the whole day - alone.

So it was not too bad, I admit I am mentally weak. That innately, perhaps I am stronger than I think I am.. and I like having someone care and take care of me. And luckily hubby gives in to me quite a bit in that aspect, allowing me to be totally 'nua' sometimes..

Before leaving for camp, he stocked our fridge with dairy supplies, cake, and our pantry with fruits and noodles for my late night snacks. He probably fear that I will starve or kick up a big fuss for having no snacks to munch on at night..

This I will miss when he is off to China. I will miss having someone care for my needs, someones who knows my likes and dislikes, someone who gives in to my whims.

Then again, maybe I will revert to be the Amazon-ish female, totally independent and in control. If so, by the time we meet together again, will we have to storm and norm to be at ease again?

This is the not the first time we spent mths apart. When we were dating back in school, he was on an exchange program that took him to the States for 6 mths. Those days were surreal, cuz we were newly in love and the distance augmented every nuance. And I remember when he returned, he said to me that we should never stay apart cuz it is so difficult. I wonder if he still remember this?

I wonder how it will be this time, but I am sure it will be an experience.
As with experience, people either come out stronger, or they become defeated. One can only hope.. but I am sure for me personally, it will be a real test of strength and determination. If i can conquer this, I am quite sure it will make me a stronger person to face other hardships.

In any case, I have the two 保 to keep my company. Between them and their 耍宝 my mind probably can't wander too much.

here's pics of xuan xuan trying to leash himself with Momo's leash and En posing for the camera!

oh, BTW, if you think leashing himself is funny, you need to see how Xuan Xuan sleeps on the floor like momo.. Sometimes I think Xuan thinks he is like Momo .. :)