First I fell in the bathroom last night, it is like been eons since I last ht the floor like that - literally. Now my back aches and feel bad. Thankfully doc says baby is fine, from the scan, bb seems fine, but he seems tiny to me small still.. While I am relieved that my weight gain this time round has been rather mild and steady, I wonder if that means BB is not growing as big. And while Doc think bb will be insulated from the smoke I inhaled in the Beijing restaurants, she also cautioned that the effects on smoke on babies is that it leads to smaller babies.. *shudder*
By the time I was this 6 mths in the last 2 preg, I was already like over 60 kgs and counting. This time round, i barely reach it yet.. which probably means I am healthier.. No? Dunno.
But I am just glad that baby is fine and I fervently hope I did not do any damage to baby.
And I crashed a glass panel which holds all my toiletries while in the bathroom this morning. Thankfully the glass held up or I would have cut myself badly.
Then i have to grapple with the logistics of looking for a new maid.. as Mel will like to go home. She decided not to renew her contract after all. So now it is back to square one again.. sigh.
And the events seem endless on the Oct weekends.
I have a wedding to attend, and then there is En's concert to attend.
Then the estate has one of its last Halloween Party with kids treat-or-tricking followed by a water bomb session on the last week of Oct, so I am determined to dress En and Xuan up so they can enjoy themselves. And the next day on Sunday itself, I have to organise En's birthday party.
Argh, so many things to do, so little time!!!
About the leaving and last days in Beijing...We had an uneventful flight back, as we had to wake up really early to catch the flight and all. Despite the tedium, I am ever impressed with En. He listens to me, and will allow me rest time. Which makes me put up with his whining and demands better, cuz I know he is really trying.
En was happy to be home as he missed all his toys. He went to play with each of his toy at least once on the afternoon he was back.
On our last days in Beijing, we actually went to the Great wall - which was fantastic for me as I want to go again. I think it is one of those places that defined photos and videos, one really has to be there on the pile of stones to appreciate its beauty and majestic proportion. There is cable car ride up the Great wall, and En is enchanted with his first cable car ride.
If not for the pregnancy, and not wanting to try En out too much (though I must say he is a very good trekker for his age), I would have wanted to walk further. As it is, we only managed like 2 blocks of towers or something...When we were coming back down to catch the cable car, another tourist commented that "you are great, and your kid too", that we actually attempt to walk the Great Wall between En and me.
En and Papa
On the last day, We went to the arty district called 798, which was transformed from what used to be industrial factories making top secret weapons. The buildings were left intact, and i love the contrasts. I just love the place. Did the most shopping all in one day and place efficiently, and had a wonderful time. Me want to go back again.
In the evening, we went to Pan Jia Yuan, which is like an antique market. As we went late (cuz we waited for En to take his nap in the restaurant - and he amazed me by suddenly wiping his hands after eating some fries - while there were still lots more, and lie down to nap!), we did not manage to see much of the stuff sold by the stores but I think the place has potential to have lots of the antique and nick nacks stuff which i love.
It was tough packing to leave again. Leaving the second time is tougher still cuz i know I won't be going back for at least 5 mths. If hubby cannot find time (or money for that matter now that we ought to save instead of spend in such times) to visit us in SG, then I won't see him till Baby is born.
The journey
It is a long journey alone.
Objectively speaking, it is a wonderful journey, as I explored and learnt of facets of myself. But it is also a lonely journey.
I think I am quite an attention needing kinda person, at least with regard to the spouse.
For 2 months now, I visited my gynae alone. As I made my way there, waited, and looked at other females with husand, i guess I must look strange.
After all, NJ never missed any of En or Xuan's gynae appts, except for once for Xuan when he is on reservist.
So even that in itself, going for check up alone, is a lonely experience. And this time round, I also like don't see much of baby as the scans were quicker..
Sometimes i feel like I am living surreally. Like in a movie..
I watched Wong Kar Wai' 花样年华 (In the mood for love) on my flight into China when En was taking his nap, and wasstruck by a few things. Of course Maggie's dazzling cheongsams got me drooling.. and wondering when I can wear back those I buy in China soon. But more importantly, I am awed at the loneliness that is experienced by both Maggie Cheung and Tony Leung, even when they are surrounded by so many others, even when they are married to their own partners. I feel so like that sometimes now.
And Maggie's following dialogue triggered something which I read earlier in an article as well - (sometimes I come across similar messages numerous times, in different context, and I see them as signs. it is like omnipotence speaking, signalling. Like trouble does not come alone, sometimes, I think signs layer on each other to form a cohesive message too... but more on that another time, on this omnipotent message and serendipity thinggi).
Maggie told Tony Leung following, which made my eyes wet..
"我以为我做得好就够了, 原来不是一个人努力就可以" or something like that, when eexpressing her resignation at her failed marriage. The helplessness in it manifested tore at me.
It echoes and contradicts something i read in a magazine a few days before I left, that
"It is not about marrying the right one, it is about behaving like the right one"
So that is kinda like my surreal existence, like my life is playing out like a movie. Then of course, I am quite a drama queen. Still, the emotions sometimes are too overwhelming.
I know, deep down, looking back, it will be a wonderful journey.
A journey which involved many acts of love and episodes of sacrifices.
One which the players grow and really know what they are made of.
it is just that.. on every such journey, there are obstacles. And there is pain.
After all, without the pain, how do we grow - where will the momentum for growth and the determination to forge forwards stem from?
It is just like the pheonix rising from the ashes, renew, reborn and reaffirmed.
Behold the acts of love inspired
Born of stength and dreams desired.
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4 comments:
don't worry, the baby will get the nutrients from you first before the nutrients get to you. so maybe it explains your slower weight gain since perhaps the nutrients absorption is better this time round? ;)
my 2nd pregnancy weight gain was steadier too, but i still gained about 18kg (though 2 kg lighter than my 1st, small consolation) during weighing at 40th week. Don't know why, the kilos just shot up during the last few weeks, was still only 10kg heavier at 7th month, duh.
But don't worry, i think you have exercised more than me, climbing the Great Wall at 6th month! *salute*
thanks for the reassurance. I really hope so too, that both of us are fine. sigh!
I really dislike the uncertainty during the pregnancy process!
Yah, don't worry too much about weight gain. My 2 pregnancies, I gained only 6kg plus each time. And the 2 fellas popped out fine, but were subjected to risk of pre-mature birth though.
Might be due to your good health condition prior to pregnancy too, so don't worry yah? =)
Enjoy your pregnancy!
So glad that your visiting NJ with En worked out so wonderfully for all of you! Thanks for sharing, and love all your pictures!
About the wt gain, yah, try not to worry, so long as the baby is gaining wt and the amniotic fluid levels' normal. I also put on less for this last pregnancy than the first two... maybe it's coz by our third, we have two kids to run after? ;p
For this third time, I also went for nearly all my gynae appointments on my own, drove myself there and back week after week (I had to go for additional checkups from around the fifth month onwards), and like you, wished my hubby could be there. But with the kids' and his schedules to work around, it just made sense that I went on my own.
You're doing really great, Baby En! Keep going now!
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