En's First Concert - Another Milestone

25 oct is an eventful day for En.
It started with his concert, which gave him his stage fright, then his birthday party in the afternoon which he kinda enjoyed and ended with a Halloween party which gave him a ghostly fright..

MGS concert Hall
So all in all, he cried quite a bit that day, poor boy.
For now, I just want to share his concert experience.

Some time back, we got an invite from school about the K2 graduation concert.
And that all kids are encouraged to participate.
I thought it will be a learning experience for the kids.

So gamely, we signed En En up.. even though we know he will be a scary cat.
But we thought it will be a fun process.

And it seems fun to him, as he will come home singing the little frog song in Chinese, accompanied with actions and lots of jumping.

Must get that video off my mum's handphone that had him jumping around as a frog.
So all along i thought he was a frog.

And he seemed to enjoyed the rehearsals - very serious stuff, we will get memos on how to dress the kid ofr rehearsals, the time, the things to prep and bring..

Then, on the day of the concert, we realised he was actually a tree!
One crying tree who was valiantly trying to wipe his tears away while still swaying the leaf.
It was hilarious. And both hubby and I thought he did very well.

Knowing En, when the curtains opened, he must had a bad fright seeing all the audience.
But he did not run off the stage, or stone.
He sat there (as the tree was supposed to) and sway his leaf vigorously, while using one hand to wipe his face of tears.
His favourite friend Gwen Gwen was seated next to him on stage as a flower, and she would also mimic his face of wiping off the tears, as if comforting him. It was indeed hilarious!

At the grand finale, he was still crying and we got a good quick video of how it went. Classic.

The concert made me recalled my K2 graduation ceremony at the old Cathay cinema.
And I had to go stage to collect the prize as I was top in class.

Fast forward to now, where the principal started the concert with the K2 graduation and said that the names are in alphbetical order (so not in order of merit) and that the performance is to let the kids enjoy themselves and not meant as a showcase of what the schools can do.

I like that. I grew up trying to be number 1 to stay ahead. At least that is what the worksheets and assignments are all about even when I was in kindergarten.

My sons grow up, trying their best in different situations knowing that their efforts will be appreciated... like in this case!

The Classic - Tale of a Brave Boy!




Xuan Xuan thoroughly enjoyed himself at the concert! When we played the classic video for him, he imitated En wiping his face, and tried to say 'cry, Cry'. That was funny too! We all have a good laugh, even En.

The 72 hours rendezvous...

I am blogging while hubby has probably just boarded his plane and started snoring?
Yes, over the past 3 days, I feel I have lived a week since Hubby is back, even thought it is only for a limited 72 hours rendezvous.

It is a very short trip, but one made triggered by the following
1. very cheap SQ ticket
2. an events filled weekend - En's school concert, En's birthday party, estate Halloween Party cum water bomb session
3. Changing maid and logistics

So here he was back on Thursday night.. and everyone who knows he is back here thinks he is an amazing man (not a lot of people knows he is back, given it is a trip with a jam-packed with lots of task and things to sort out). Yes, I am married to an amazing man...

But now i am back, alone, and more lonely than ever.

Like I said, it is like an addiction.
and Short term affairs like these never have any good ending (hao-3 xia-4 chang-3)
Cuz it makes the leaving harder and the missing worst and it augments the loneliness.

It is like living an illusion. Wishing it will never end.
But the time spent together is sweet. Or even sweeter because it is so precious, cuz it is stolen, cuz it is something that did not come by easily.

So I imagine it to be similar to an affair.
One of those intense, short-lived episode.
And the end, when it comes, it is often painful.

But like I said in an earlier posit, it is an addiction.
You just get hooked to the idea of seeing each other again, that the pain that comes with the departure did not seem to matter ... at least until the point of departure...

Then the withdrawal symptoms set in.
Like now.
Each leaving makes me feel lonelier and more vacant, if it is even more possible to feel lonelier.
Each departure always seems imperfect..
because of the unspoken. which can be expressed more.
because of the deeds undone. all the things which I could have done more..

And each departure brings greater apprehension of the time alone.
and this departure brings that more than ever...

His company is addictive. After having 3 short days together, it has made me reliant on him again.

When hubby is around, I feel shielded and sheltered from all the negative tasks and vibes. At least i do not need to take the direct hit.
When hubby is around, I have luxury of efficiently running tasks, without worrying about timing and transport and hassle.
When hubby is around, I get to enjoy local, delightful food - the Tiong Bahru baos, which I never knew I so missed, the particular Bryani, the Pork Organ Soup.. all the local delights across the island, he made me remember how I miss them, there are so many others that I miss...simply cuz it is not so easy to get them if we are not driving..

So now, the apprehension is even greater.
Cuz i am thrust into being alone again.
this is a vicious cycle, this longing, reunion, departing, and longing.
And this time, really, this time, it will be along time before we are together again.

Sometimes i think it hurts.
To be together and apart like that.
It upsets the balance, the sanity..
At least for me..
It is like I insulated myself in order to cope, and then the insulation is made redundant when Hubby is around, and then when he is gone, I have to go back to building the layer of insulation again.

And the process hurts.
But still, I crave for it despite the pain.
After all reunion is sweet..

The night before the first time I left you.. I told you this childhood story I read which made a deep impression on me:

About a fairy who met and fell in love with a mortal prince; the fairy will visit the prince each night, and has to depart each day before the first lights of dawn (can't remember why but probably cuz she has to return to the heavens).

As time passes, the prince wishes that the fairy will always stay with him and not have to depart.
So one day, the prince decides to keep the fairy from leaving by covering every wall, every window, every tiny creak of his tent (think he is an Indian prince - one of those folk fable thinggi..) with thick thick fabric, so that sunlight will not be able to penetrate. and with this, the prince thinks that he will be able to keep his fairy with him forever and they do not need to be separated again.

So when the fairy visited the next night, the prince was exceptionally happy.
And when dawn strikes, the prince looked on with apprehension, but thinking that it has pulled off... until one tiny seam of line broke through a tiny seam in the tent.

The fairy was horrified at what the prince had done. And she vanished along with the light and never returned again. The prince lived with regret for the rest of his life (or something like that..)

Must try to find that story, though I can't even recall the name. But a beautifully water-coloured illustrated book I remembered cuz i recall the vivid splashes of blues and orange.

So I am like the prince who wishes to stop time with every means possible, yet knowing that I can never outwit time..

So here I wait, impatiently, endless for your next return. Just don't vanish for too long..
And when dawn breaks tomorrow, I have to face the loneliness and the challenges that the daylight brings.
AND wishing every minute that you are still with me...

可不可以不勇敢

It has been a hectic week at work, and an even more hectic weekend with social commitments.
These days, finding a breather time for myself seems impossible!

The number of tasks to complete seems endless, add in the frustration of dealing with people, it augments the problems and the issues. It generates a lot of negative energy, and sometimes, the going seems tougher than what I can bear. If I list all the episodes, I think Mediacorp probably can use it as a drama script.. That is the amount of drama I have to deal with. Though I doubt throwing in the towel is an option.

In times like this, it reminds me of the following song "可不可以不勇敢"



我们可不可以不勇敢?
当伤太重心太酸无力承担
就算现在女人很流行释然
好像什么困境都知道该怎么办

Bad patch...

While I am back slightly more than 24 hours, endless bout of bad luck seemed to have followed me.

First I fell in the bathroom last night, it is like been eons since I last ht the floor like that - literally. Now my back aches and feel bad. Thankfully doc says baby is fine, from the scan, bb seems fine, but he seems tiny to me small still.. While I am relieved that my weight gain this time round has been rather mild and steady, I wonder if that means BB is not growing as big. And while Doc think bb will be insulated from the smoke I inhaled in the Beijing restaurants, she also cautioned that the effects on smoke on babies is that it leads to smaller babies.. *shudder*

By the time I was this 6 mths in the last 2 preg, I was already like over 60 kgs and counting. This time round, i barely reach it yet.. which probably means I am healthier.. No? Dunno.
But I am just glad that baby is fine and I fervently hope I did not do any damage to baby.

And I crashed a glass panel which holds all my toiletries while in the bathroom this morning. Thankfully the glass held up or I would have cut myself badly.

Then i have to grapple with the logistics of looking for a new maid.. as Mel will like to go home. She decided not to renew her contract after all. So now it is back to square one again.. sigh.

And the events seem endless on the Oct weekends.

I have a wedding to attend, and then there is En's concert to attend.
Then the estate has one of its last Halloween Party with kids treat-or-tricking followed by a water bomb session on the last week of Oct, so I am determined to dress En and Xuan up so they can enjoy themselves. And the next day on Sunday itself, I have to organise En's birthday party.
Argh, so many things to do, so little time!!!

About the leaving and last days in Beijing...

We had an uneventful flight back, as we had to wake up really early to catch the flight and all. Despite the tedium, I am ever impressed with En. He listens to me, and will allow me rest time. Which makes me put up with his whining and demands better, cuz I know he is really trying.

En was happy to be home as he missed all his toys. He went to play with each of his toy at least once on the afternoon he was back.

On our last days in Beijing, we actually went to the Great wall - which was fantastic for me as I want to go again. I think it is one of those places that defined photos and videos, one really has to be there on the pile of stones to appreciate its beauty and majestic proportion. There is cable car ride up the Great wall, and En is enchanted with his first cable car ride.















If not for the pregnancy, and not wanting to try En out too much (though I must say he is a very good trekker for his age), I would have wanted to walk further. As it is, we only managed like 2 blocks of towers or something...

When we were coming back down to catch the cable car, another tourist commented that "you are great, and your kid too", that we actually attempt to walk the Great Wall between En and me.











En and Papa






































On the last day, We went to the arty district called 798, which was transformed from what used to be industrial factories making top secret weapons. The buildings were left intact, and i love the contrasts. I just love the place. Did the most shopping all in one day and place efficiently, and had a wonderful time. Me want to go back again.














































































In the evening, we went to Pan Jia Yuan, which is like an antique market. As we went late (cuz we waited for En to take his nap in the restaurant - and he amazed me by suddenly wiping his hands after eating some fries - while there were still lots more, and lie down to nap!), we did not manage to see much of the stuff sold by the stores but I think the place has potential to have lots of the antique and nick nacks stuff which i love.

It was tough packing to leave again. Leaving the second time is tougher still cuz i know I won't be going back for at least 5 mths. If hubby cannot find time (or money for that matter now that we ought to save instead of spend in such times) to visit us in SG, then I won't see him till Baby is born.

The journey
It is a long journey alone.
Objectively speaking, it is a wonderful journey, as I explored and learnt of facets of myself. But it is also a lonely journey.

I think I am quite an attention needing kinda person, at least with regard to the spouse.
For 2 months now, I visited my gynae alone. As I made my way there, waited, and looked at other females with husand, i guess I must look strange.
After all, NJ never missed any of En or Xuan's gynae appts, except for once for Xuan when he is on reservist.

So even that in itself, going for check up alone, is a lonely experience. And this time round, I also like don't see much of baby as the scans were quicker..

Sometimes i feel like I am living surreally. Like in a movie..
I watched Wong Kar Wai' 花样年华 (In the mood for love) on my flight into China when En was taking his nap, and wasstruck by a few things. Of course Maggie's dazzling cheongsams got me drooling.. and wondering when I can wear back those I buy in China soon. But more importantly, I am awed at the loneliness that is experienced by both Maggie Cheung and Tony Leung, even when they are surrounded by so many others, even when they are married to their own partners. I feel so like that sometimes now.

And Maggie's following dialogue triggered something which I read earlier in an article as well - (sometimes I come across similar messages numerous times, in different context, and I see them as signs. it is like omnipotence speaking, signalling. Like trouble does not come alone, sometimes, I think signs layer on each other to form a cohesive message too... but more on that another time, on this omnipotent message and serendipity thinggi).

Maggie told Tony Leung following, which made my eyes wet..

"我以为我做得好就够了, 原来不是一个人努力就可以" or something like that, when eexpressing her resignation at her failed marriage. The helplessness in it manifested tore at me.

It echoes and contradicts something i read in a magazine a few days before I left, that
"It is not about marrying the right one, it is about behaving like the right one"

So that is kinda like my surreal existence, like my life is playing out like a movie. Then of course, I am quite a drama queen. Still, the emotions sometimes are too overwhelming.

I know, deep down, looking back, it will be a wonderful journey.
A journey which involved many acts of love and episodes of sacrifices.
One which the players grow and really know what they are made of.

it is just that.. on every such journey, there are obstacles. And there is pain.
After all, without the pain, how do we grow - where will the momentum for growth and the determination to forge forwards stem from?

It is just like the pheonix rising from the ashes, renew, reborn and reaffirmed.

Behold the acts of love inspired
Born of stength and dreams desired.

En's adventures in Beijing..

En is taking his nap.. despite his numerous attempts to defeat the Zzz monster with his "I not tired" ..

And I am reviewing the pics of sights in Beijing the

 past 3 days, and listening to Faye Wong..  How everything Beijing is that!

Hubby is back to studying, and has been out since morning till evening for the past 2 days. So I am rendered to manage En alone. I must say, I thought of it as a challenge.

Back in Singapore, with Melanie, my mum and MIL, I always have support with the kids.

Faced with an active, and possibly temperamental kid alone can be daunting, especially in my current preggie state. Yes, I see this as a challenge.

As with most challenges, I find that when thrust into the situation, I will just do what is needed. And the strength of mum/ parent can be amazing, I find.  I am usually a very impatient person, highly irritable myself. En is sometimes a mini replicate of me perhaps. He can be highly temperamental as well and requires a lot of patience in coaxing him for some stuff to be accomplished. However, I find, it takes one to deal with one effectively. 

En has always been curious and easily fascinated and stimulated by the new and novel. So the carrot of some new adventure or sights or events can motivate him into action.

He is a determined little boy too. I must say these 2 days of walking around has been tough, but since we ditched the stroller when he started walking steadily, he has been "trained" to walk and stroll with us.. So that training has kinda paid off. The most resistance he put up was to say "My legs are tired".. and I will sit down on a bench with with and distract him with some snacks.. :)

The Beijing Zoo, Aquarium and NanLuoGuXiang (南锣故乡）

On Monday, early morning, I brought En to the Aqua

rium. I only intended to visit the aquarium, but turned out that on

 Monday, combined tickets for the Aquarium and Zoo are sold, with the Zoo only going for a nominal price.

Well, i have some pics of the zoo, but let's just say that I don't find it great - in terms of animal treatment, layout and collection of animals. This is not the Singaporean superiority/ complacency ok, even the guide book in Beijing says so. Still the giant pandas are worth the incremental price, after all, even I have never seen a panda up close.  Otherwise, I can now finally understand why the Singapore Zoo is given such fantastic ratings, in comparison. 

The aquarium is another story though. While it is not big, the collection is awesome. En much enjoyed the sea lion and dolphin show. The only funny thing was he had to grapple with the Chinese commentary with the show.

With this trip to China, it has much sharpened his awareness of different languages. He will now ask, for everything, "is it English or Chinese?". He asked that for restaurants, places of interests, and even taxis - he wanted to know if they belong to English or Chinese. I find that rather amusing. He understand the Chinese quite well, but his spoken Chinese still has the English accent to it, which is appalling, but I guess with the 6 months immersion here next year, it will become better!

Outside the aquarium, I saw these absolutely hilarious kiddy rides - the automated rickshaw rides to entertain the kids. This my absolute favourite -  猪八戒抬轿子. It really made me laugh non stop. We should have these in Chinatown!

In the evening, Hubby came home, and we went to 南锣故乡。 I love it, the shops there are fascinating, just right up my alley with all sorts of what I call neo-antique stuff (antique stuff which are added with the modernist touches). However, with En around, i was not in the mood to shop or else I am sure I will have spent quite a bit of money there. A must go again I think. We had dinner there in an Italian place, and in this picture here, you see En's little panda which cost like SGD 10 bucks. Well.. papa started it by asking if he wanted one, and after that there is no turning back.

Well, our policy is, "Dun ask the kid if you have no intention of buying it for them" - it is like asking for trouble. It is a policy of honesty and integrity. No point getting the kid all ex

cited only to disappoint them. So Papa has to live up to this and buy it even though it is a darn expensive panda! But En was quite enamored of it for a day. he reads to the Panda that night and even put him to bed, his first I think at playing imaginary friend. 

The Domestic Goddess

On Tuesday, I played domestic goddess. and I finally have the true taste of a SAHM that day. 

I cooked, and went to do grocery shopping in preparation for dinner. 

And I had a taste of lugging heavy grocery bags along with a kid. In the past, with hubby around, we were lucky to have a chauffeur and a helping hand. Yesterday, thankfully En behaved himself and was amicable even though he was really sleepy. He almost fell asleep in the cab!

I cooked En's dinner, here on the left, a colourful mixture of broccoli, pumpkin and chicken. 

For ourselves I cooked  chicken curry with baguette. Not too bad. Except I realise that stay at home mums hardly have any time to themselves at all! Hm, next year with 3 kids, I think it will be real tough and crazy for me!

But I think I can be a very good domestic house woman if I want to. And i do like to cook, except, I hate the washing and the prepping. But i like to experiment with the taste, so i quite enjoy the process of planning and doing the cooking..

Of course, En can be trying at times, but i really swear by letting him adhere to a schedule. After his nap, he is always refreshed and more amenable. And we can do things together. During his nap, I get the dinner prep and some housework done. So it all works well, I am a holy evangelist of scheduling kids on a comfortable routine. It makes the kids more manageable too and allows breathing space and time for us as well, instead of the ad hoc-ness which create some chaos.

圆明园

This morning, En and I set off to the old Summer Palace. 

En still wants to go aquarium, he keeps talking about it, so I thought I will bring him to the scenic palace to watch some fish in the ponds. Turned out not much fishes in the pond (more lotus flowers and all) but we took great pics!

 

Sometimes, I think En is really boyish looking. Over here in northern China, he has a distinctly Southern look, with his double eyelids and long lashes. A lot of salespeople always ask if he is a boy or gal, I think because even the gals have very short hair or are botak here, so they will always ask and not take the gender for granted. And over here, they always say En looks like Papa.. hm, I wonder if it is the truth or it is the male superiority thing, like males must take after Papa as a compliment to the male superiority.

But the little boy is very cute, he has started to ask me to take picture so can show Papa. That is how I manage to get him to standing properly for these lovely pics.. the weather is cold but from these sunny, bright colourful pics, you wouldn't know it!

A lovely time to bond between En and me I guess. I treasure such times, tiring and trying on my patience sometimes it may be, but I am looking forward to doing it with Xuan, which I am sure is a different game altogether. I miss Xuan Xuan sooo much!

I really think traveling helps to broaden the kids' perspective.. and En is fast becoming a savvy traveller. I am constantly impressed by his memory. The other day, we walked past the porridge place where we had our dinner the first night we were here. And En actually said, we had dinner here, right Papa?

Other places that we drive past, he will point out and said if he had gone there before. I never recalled having that kind of cognition in my tender years. Kids these days are amazing, really cannot underestimate what they can recall...

Here it is, 2 of us tracing our shadows across the gardens this morning, with En holding on to his small map and saying that he will bring me to see the boat. So I just trudge along, till his tired legs and hungry stomach dictate that we should go for spaghetti lunch and he forgot all about the boats that he wanted to see. Oh.. the price of tired-ness for such little gems. The choice is clear.. :)

Half a week in Beijing already!!!!!

So fast and it is Sunday already. NJ is out to see the doc, as he has sore throat and a flu, which he claims to be passed on by me (which I think definitely not - more likely cuz he did not wear his jacket when we were out one evening and the temperature took to a dip!)

En has been a happy boy... As you can see in his photos with Papa, the glowing smiles can't lie .  

He has been like a sticky - stuck to Papa, and wants Papa to be with him for everything, from patting him to bed to holding his hand etc. And he will utter comments like 

"I very like Papa's house, you know" or "I very like Papa you know".

Sigh.

Every day, we have 2 slots to go out, before lunch and after lunch. As En needs to take his noon nap, and so far we have managed rather well. 

We have done various rounds of grocery shopping, so I can cook for the boys when NJ is in school next week.

We have also done a fair share of sight-seeing. The weather is beautiful till Friday, not too cold and really quite 风和日丽. However, as it is the Golden week, tonnes of people everywhere. You have not seen 人山人海, believe me.. unless you are in China. 

We went to the Summer Palace, and it seems like we are looking at the people more than the sights.. I could not really see the much touted beauty, cuz there are so many ppl to see!

En enjoyed the Dragon boat rides, and that much is probably the highlight for him from the Summer Palace.

I challenged myself to climb this huge flights of stairs to get to the paranomic view from the top of the temple in the Summer Palace.. 

I think this Baby is gonna be a determined baby, cuz Mummy has done various brave and resilient attempts while carrying Baby! We actually climbed all this way up!

En is happiest when he is posing with Papa. Contrast with his reluctance to be with Mummy :(

So I feel like I am their photographer!

 

We also walked to Papa's school, both the scenic part and the functional part of the school, so that En and I have a glimpse of how Papa's life is like in China.

This scenic part of Bei-da, the 未名湖 reminds me of a mix of the Chinese gardens, the Botanic Gardens and the Haw Paw Villa in the 80s. The greens, the stone, the temple.. all very nostalgic.

It is really beautiful, and i can imagine college couples hanging out here, dating..

Food has been great so far, easy to find healthy balanced meal for En to eat. 

This is my favourite restaurant, except for the fact that while it has lots of non-smoking signs, the non-smoking part is not enforced.

We have had lunch there, and also dinner with NJ's friends there one night.

It serves great Cantonese soup that is nourishing and flavorful. 

The dishes are all quite fine and palatable. 

If only it is truly non smoking, I will eat there more often!

Of course, I have never been more domesticated..

I washed countless dishes in these 4 days, cleaned up the table, cooked the morning eggs for En.

Made En his fruits.. 

And of course.. as the weather turned cooler, we also bought En his new Winter wear ..

I think kids look utterly adorable in winter clothing.. all bundled up save for the face. 

Here are snapshots of En.. Happy as always in Papa's house!

En in his new army green jacket, which really goes well with the Khaki pants.

Papa also bought En his play dough set which kept En satisfied and occupied.

One more week to go.. where Papa will have to go school while I tend to En alone..

Let's see how it goes.. 

But I am ever conscious of the time ticking away...

Standing up For Baby...

One of the things that drives me mad in Beijing is the lack of a non-smoking area in restaurants. Of course, Singapore has spoilt us, but then in my current pregnancy state, I am really conscious and particular about this.

Makes me wonder how pregnant mums in China cope when they eat out or go out, especially in winter.

In restaurants, there are signs that say Non smoking, However, the area is not demarcated from the smoking area most of the time. Hence, technically, still a lot of smoke going around.

But today, I really could not take it anymore.

We stopped for lunch in a nice Cantonese restaurant that serves rather good boiled soup and familiar cantonese dishes. Cuz En says he wanted to have duck with rice, so we opted to go for  this Chinese place.

We requested for a non smoking table and were advised to go up to the second floor. 

After we were seated for a while, a man started to smoke at the non smoking area, 2 tables away. 

I spoke to the waitress and asked her "Is this not a non smoking area?"

Her reply was so long as the rest of the customers do not mind, patrons are allowed to smoke in non smoking area.

So I put my foot down and said that I mind, as I am pregnant.

So the waitress nicely went to remind the gentleman that it is a non smoking area.

Then a father and son pair were seated behind us.

They asked if they are allowed to smoke, and the waiters told them no, that the entire restaurant is non smoking.

Then I saw them nonchalently took out their ciggies and lighter and the son started lighting up, but keeping the cigarette hidden beneath the table.

I asked Hubby to go ask the waitress for a non smoking table, seriously, as the gentleman who was smoking earlier on also started smoking again (probably seeing this guy behind us light up) 

Hubby came back and said something like there is nothing much they can do.

I stood up and was determined to leave, heck the food that we ordered if they cannot find me a table away from the smoke that is poisoning En and the Baby. 

Thankfully, we were able to get a corner seat at the opposite end of the restaurant, free from any tangible proof of smoke.

And I feel that in this respect, some things in China are still very unsophisticated.

With the huge restaurant, the servers ought to be able to seat the patrons based on their smoking preferences to avoid such instance, especially if the restaurant has non smoking signs pasted all over it. 

Then again, it is perhaps just the Chinese system of apparent lawlessness in some situations, especially those when the culture is so deeply embedded in the system. I have nothing against smoking, being a social smoker long time ago and all. 

However, I put my foot down when it comes to the health of the baby.

pregnancy is a heavy responsibility. 

While we go on our daily lives as usual, a life is forming in the womb, every single minute. 

The formation of skin cells and organs, the becoming of a live form, and the babies in the womb are absorbing all that we are taking in to morph into a human being. 

It is a huge responsibility. I feel bad if I do not eat well, if I do not rest well.

And I absolutely will not subject my kids to an unsafe environment, especially the toxic smoke, which is known to be damaging for formation of organs and brain cells.

it is one thing for me to smoke if I want to. After all it is my life.

But when it comes to baby, I want to make sure from inception, the baby has a fair starting point, and not to deliberately subject baby to an unfair start by compromising his development for him when he is inside me.

I am responsible for him the moment he is detected, from the embryo to the development of his foetus and eventually to a full grown baby to be delivered.

hence, I will stand up for baby (literally).. 

and we will struggle to find a smoke free environment for meals from now on.

The surprise...

It has been agonising for the past weeks not being able to blog about the surprise.

I am now in Beijing with En..

The Surprise

Yes, 

the decision was tough. And yes, we decided not to bring the kids.

But 2 thing

s made me change my mind when I eventually click the 'Payment' button on the SQ website..

1. The removal of the Visa requirement, that means I can bring En as a surprise for Papa who misses him a lot

2. En's unflagging enthusiasm and strong insistence that he wants to "Go china visit Papa and see Papa's new house"

The combination of both made me change my mind.. 

More importantly, En promised me that he will behave himself on flight, that he

 will not cry, make loud noise, run about, will eat his lunch and listen to me.

A lot of things to promise me for a soon to be 3 year old. But he did it today, and more.

Before I get to what happened today.. I must share En's sentiments about the trip. Once I told him he is going, he has been going on and on about the trip.

• He started putting away his "stamping drawing" for Papa.
  
• 3 days before the trip, he woke up in the middle of the night, or early in the morning thinking it is D-Day for the trip. One night, he asked me at 4 am "why the sun not come out faster?". Partly my fault since I told him casually that he needs to wake up early at 6am to catch the very early morning flight. So the backlash was him waking up in the night 2 days before D-Day.
  
• He started fearing that I will disappear on him, when we chatted on the phone, he would ask me if I am coming home.. 
  
• He talked about pilot, airplanes and airport to anyone who is willing to listen

All in all, I felt that if I have really not brought him along, I will feel immensely guilty as he probably will feel that I betrayed him. And I am glad I brought him along. I know it is the right choice, the moment he jumped into NJ's arms and kissed him numerous times. 

Hence, all the planning, last minute shopping for stuff and making sure we are self sufficient (since Papa does not know he is coming) is worth it. I feel that it seems more important for him to see Papa, than for Papa in the end, despite the surprise being planned for Papa. 

D-Day

En has been a great travel companion today. He outdid himself and really impressed me.

Many friends had rightly cautioned the toll it 

will be on me, a preggie, to being a young tod travelling alone. And aggravated by the 35 kg of baggage... 

I think prepping En really worked. From young, En needs to know what to expect, so that he is not overwhelmed by the situation. So I took pains to prep him weeks before, with a little more details as we get closer to the date. 

And I made him promise me that he will behave, in all the little things that will help.I bought him his own Bob the Builder lugguage bag, so he started packing that with his 'in-flight entertainment stuff" - books, crayon, surprise new books for him, cookies, diaper, wipes etc.

And I made him promise that he will pull that with him all the way, that I am not going to be responsible as I have this huge bag to look after. He solemnly promised that he will, and I added a threat for good measure, that if he does not handle it on his own, we will leave his bag of favourite things at the airport. *evil mum I am*

Today.. En has been cooperative from the morning.

He drank his milk, ate his breakfast and really took care of his trolley bag from Changi to Beijing airport. On the flight, he watched movies, coloured a little, read a little, and ate most of his lunch. Then he even took his noon nap as usual - I was really stretching it with the nap, but guessed the excitement tired him out somewhat. Hence, I even had some quiet time watching movies and catching up on rest on the flight. 

En is really impressive today, and he really made the trip wonderful just by being cooperative and sensitive. 

The only thing that made him cry a little was the toilet in flight, where the sounds made by the flush scared him quite a bit. 

And when we landed, he was eagerly waiting to see Papa. When we walked out of the gates, we did not see Papa. I had to call Papa, only to realise he was standing just in front of me. And Papa is pleasantly surprised to see En. 

For all his enthusiasm, En was very mild when he greeted Papa. The only give-away to his real feelings was in his initiative to kiss Papa several times. 

All in all, it is a well executed surprise. And both En and Papa seem happy to catch up on bonding for the rest of the day. I am now blogging as papa is patting En to sleep, with Papa around, again I am displaced to the second place. 

Lets just hope En will not put up too much resistance to going home.. I ve to start prepping him for that some time next week.

For now, I will let him enjoy his Papa, and the "very nice house" with Papa :)