Musing on Motherhood part 1

We celebrated mothers' day early this sunday, having high tea with both sets of parents and the 2 babies at Marriott today..

And we witnessed another milestone of En's. with the kids' utensils provided by marriott, he was eagerly eating on his own in his high chair, spearing quite accurately his little bites of food using the fork, and putting them in his mouth. of course, the floor beneath his high chair was such an ugly mess, i regretted not taking a pic of that now. I was so worried that the staff of Marriott would start demanding that we pay for the cleaning of the carpet!


But bravo for En, his attempt at independence is coming along nicely..


Then he gave me the Mother's day present in his own little way. He was clinging on to me like a koala, even when his fav papa tried to reach for him, he insisted that i carry him and would shake his head at Papa when Papa tried to get him.

It made me think that the rewards for motherhood seems surer than career rewards.. you know how you could have worked your A off and that promotion still passes you by sometimes. Well, at least for babies, the returns seem more sure and immediate - I see this as a return from the quality time I invested in en each mroning before I head off to work. Eh, not so sure the return will be the same for tenneagers, maybe by then, it would be what we call in Econs the "diminishing rate of return" hahah!

Still, it was a sweet feeling to be preferred over the all time fav papa. Not playing the one upmanship - but the rewards for spending time with kids are there. we just have to do it.

Then I came home, made the cottage Pie even though tired as I was, watched the fund raising program, and read Bak chew's blog on the death of the HP employee from the stress of work (http://pinkmayflower.multiply.com/journal/item/140). And I felt all the signs seem to be telling me the same thing..


I decided to make cottage pie over working.. Not too bad as a first attempt. At least En En was a staunch supporter, asking more many many seconds (bites) haha!

And while wacthing the fund raising, i heard Cai Qing sang the song which I love the first time I heard it in the 无间道 movie - 被遗忘的时光. And when i heard her sang the oldie 读你 I enjoyed it so much..

Reminding me that I seem to have age. Or rather, age, coupled with motherhood, has synergistically matured me, much like a wine maturing.. fermenting...

And when i read the blog of Bak Chew on the employee who died of work stress... i felt so angry.. and again the song by Cai Qing refuse to leave my head. In a sense, it seems very appropriate for funerals too. If you have not heard it, I share this here with you. In her rustic quality of voice, the song reminded me how time is wasted if we"spend" life freely. that in the end, what we have are just forgottem times.

And in a strange way, as the ways signs seem to work to tell me something, I was just readint his quote of Maggie Cheung in the Saturday papers ;

"I have given away too many 6 hours (to work) in the past, now 6 hours are very important to me"

Maggie C had always been my idol - an icon on how a woman should age gracefully. Now she is my inspiration for how a woman's thoughts can mature beautifully too.

When I read that quote of hers, i empathise completely. How easily we lose track of ourselves and time. I was like that in the past - when I was so career obsessed with climbing the career laddder.

Now, as i had felt tonight when I was making that cottage pie, that 2-3 hours of doing something for my family is so precious. In the past, I would have used those hours to catch up on work. Now, instead of giving that time away to work, they are important to me and my family.

I always remember the line vividly from "tuesdays with morrie" -

"When you know how to die, you will learn how to live"

Reading the last words of the deceased,

"I've got myself sick these few days. Had diarrhea last Thu, hurt my knee and was limping badly since last Sunday, had breathlessness since Wed & fainted after work on that day at my office lift lobby, knocked my head against the wall when I fainted, collapsed again last night at home. Now my chest feels really tight & breathing is really tough. Getting up & walk, I just feel like I'm carrying a heavy baggage of few hundred kilos & I'll start to feel really weak & dizzy. Doc just said I'm really stressed out. sigh..... what should I do? Quit? or continue this ultra-super stressful job? I've got a contract of 6 mths to fulfill... 3 months to commit. If I quit now, I've got to pay back 1 mth's salary. Not worth it."

and the choice she had made, and the outcome of that choice, I felt anguished.
at the same time I also felt imbued with power - the power of choice.

As a mum, we are faced with choices everyday, some tougher than others.
We have to choose between time for our husband and for our kids.
We have to choose between our role as mum and our career.
We choose between being there for them, and being here for myself.

None of those choices are easy to make. There is no such thing as an universal right choice - there exists only the right choice for ourselves. we face the consequences of our choices.

But as a mum, we leave an indelible print on our young, something which like it or not, they will carry with them through adulthood. For that, we have to be responsible choosers.

But i am beginning to enjoy the rewards of motherhood.
As a lazy bum - and sleepyhead, i have chosen to wake up early for walks with En, and to cook for the guys. It is nothing great, but it is my little contribution as mum. ..

No matter what choices a mum chooses, they are worthy of celebration on Mother's day, because behind every choice is an opportunity cost - big or small. And for that, we celebrate mother's day, not only for being mothers, but what mums go through day in and out battling with the tough choices...