The Issue of Choice..

I think store assistants who have seen us shopping with En are probably very amused..
By the rather trying experience in selecting and buying something for En.

Well, I read somewhere that it is healthy to get the kids to choose things for themselves when they are about 15 mths plus. Kinda for them to exercise their independence and like a form of training. Hence, some months back, we have increasingly asked for En's opinion from which set of pyjamas he wants to wear, to what colour socks to what toys he wants to play etc.

So recently, we progressed to letting him choose the things to buy.
And well.. we ended up with these add ons for his crocs..


Both hubby and I walked out of shop wondering why in the world we paid the cost of 2 happy meals for these rather "common" things. I dunno why he wanted that elephant in the first place (I dun even know he is so into elephant, I thought his current passion is with horses); there are many colours of elephants, but he insisted on the brown one. Then there are so many types of balls, rugby, basketball, soccerball etc etc, and our little friend only wanted "this one".

And hubby tried to psyche him with the other nicer stuff, but our En En "dunwan". There were tonnes of cute zebras, flowers, rockets, trains, mickey mouse and all the disney characters, we walked out of the shop with these 2 mis-matched, themeless and not very exciting looking add ons. I bet the store assistants must be thankful that we helped them clear stock for these non exciting items..

Well.. the only satisfaction we had was

1. Every 5 steps or so, En would bend down and touch his shoes - "phant" and " ball ball"
2. When he came home, he refused to take off his shoes and kicked up a big fuss when we tried to persuade him that he cannot go to sleep with his shoes on.

So we are pacified. He has demonstrated the he is really fond of the add ons and it is money well spent, no matter how we feel about the add ons ourselves...

cheeky babies...

Stealing the pics that hubby has taken over the weekend, when the 2 babies were well dressed to go out.. looking good and cooperatively having their pics taken..

and u can see why Xuan is soon to be the really notti one..

First you think this little one seems fairly harmless, a tad clueless sometimes..

Then you think he is such an angelic baby, with that innocent look...

Then you start to wonder if he is really as innocent as he look since he seems to be on Momo's back most of the times, mostly just irritating her..

Then he starts on his "Disturb you while you drive" tactics.. irritating his brother as well..

So here is the TRUE FACE of the cheeky little boy, who has this swirl on his head testifying it..

Regaining My Sanity

To start - many thanks for the barrage of SMS-es, and also Cheryl for her comments.
I am fine now, finally got the tears to stop at around 7 plus in the evening on Saturday, and I even managed to venture outta the house for dinner.

I know that on hindsight that I am gonna feel very silly.
It is just one of those things which emotions just overwhelmed one.
In any case, I am still extremely sore that I missed the first concert with En, cuz apparently he really enjoyed it, and was able to sit through the concert for 1.5 hrs.

Well.. NJ did not take any pics etc so I won't really know, I think he is just afraid to rub salt on wound as he knows I am so not ever going to forgive him for this.

Still, on a positive note, it is one of those lessons one inevitably gotta learn.

There are things that the man still does not know about a woman's way of thinking despite knowing each other for 10 years.
We cannot expect a man to know what we want all the time.

And I have this streak of wanting to experience as much of the 2 boys as I can.
I feel that the experience of motherhood is kinda linear.
Some things, some experiences only happen once.
Kinda like the first time the baby crawls, the first time he calls you Mummy, the first time that he walks towards you...

All these milestones are special in those moments when they happened.
And I want to be part of those milestones.
I take parenthood very seriously as an experience.

*********************************************************

Anyway, I am so going to blog this conversation that Husband and I just had half an hour ago.

In the aftermath of the emotional turmoil that wasted me away for the whole of Saturday, I continue to "torment" him with little nudges and poison.

So i asked: "When was the last time you bought me something... You bought En new add-ons for his Crocs, and even a new book fr him etc etc.. when did you last buy me anything.."

And he answered "Last week, when you ran outta coffee, I bought you the coffee (Refills). Coffee is very important to you..."

*faint* Well, goes to show how different man and woman are yeah..
Sala frequency all the way lor!

Wasted

I feel I am dead, or in mourning.

The last time I was I mourning, I did the same.

Cried from night to day.

Eyes swollen, mind empty.

And I have stopped eating.

Since this morning, I only had coffee, and some chips.

And I feel empty.

So it is so that I have wasted the whole of Saturday.

I feel wasted.

I am wasted.

Mentally, emotionally wasted.

Pain is a scary thing.

Loss...

I am sitting here, crying.

Sadness and Anger have visited me again. And both together this time, knocking on my door and making themselves guests in me.

The recent progress I made with the book “Buddhism for Mothers” taught that we ought to confront the feelings we feel every day as what t is and recognize that it is part of all the impermanence that surrounds us. It is also part of the training for being in the moment.

So here I am, pass midnight, blogging as tears continue to make their way down my face.

This is perhaps, also one of the most brutally honest entry I have made so far, in terms of confronting the emotions straight on ...

As human, sometimes we do not want to disclose the ugly and weak side of ourselves. But in this, for you to understand my sadness, it will inevitably bring out the worst side of me too.

It all started with free front row tickets to the Hi-5 concert given to me by my cousin.

I did my due diligence to check that kids under the age of 2 do not require admission tickets. So I am happy that we have a chance to bring En to his first concert, and I was hoping we can go as a family, Papa, mummy and En.

It will be like a treat for him.

He likes Hi 5 according to super nanny.

And he likes to go out with us together. Some time back, he was reading this Chinese story book to me about Papa, Mummy and baby going to the beach. Young as he is, he seems to have this notion of family togetherness. He also likes Goldilocks and the 3 bears, with Papa Bear, Mummy Bear and Baby Bear. And he has another story book which talks about night falling, and Papa sleep, mummy sleep, baby sleep.

So I was looking forward to it, especially after running 2 weeks of groups, i.e. late nights when I do not get to see him at nights, and I am faced with another weekful of groups next week, and thereafter we will be off to the UK when I will not see him for a while. So I was really looking forward to spending time with him, as a family unit.

I dun really care for Hi 5 myself, but it is the experience that is important.

After all, it is En’s first concert.

If he remembers it, I want to be part of that memory.

Even if he does not remember, but is happy and enjoys that, I want to be part of that experience.

It is not my experience, but it is this desire to share his experience. It is part of growing up – first day at school, his first school uniform, the first time he fell down, first time he sees an airplane, first time to the concert..

All these are important to me.

Just like the things we remember about our relationship – the first date, the first kiss, the first year anniversary, the different experiences a couple goes through..

These things, for some strange reason, are important to me.

They are like little memories that one stores in a bottle and put them in a shelf in our heart and mind.

But then, my husband has to go offer a ticket to his nephew without consulting me.

And he happily asks me to bring the boys while he waits outside.

I am not going to bring 2 rowdy boys on my own to a high energy concert.

And he does not seem to understand that I am upset not because I want to be with En (since he offered me the chance to bring the boys), but I am extremely upset that we will then not be able to experience with En his first concert as a family.

I think men are stupid. They so do not get such things.

And then the man offered to withdraw the ticket from the nephew.

And in this case, I am selfish.

But yet, I am not selfish enough to deny the 3year old boy who is probably really excited and geared up for the concert and the meet the stars session (the tickets offers the opportunity to meet the performers !!)

So I am between the rock and a hard place.

To be brutally honest, I am really selfish. I wonder why do we have to offer the ticket to the 3 yr old. Yet, I can understand d his disappointment if we deny him the ticket.

Now, even if I choose to act on my selfish thought, and do not bring the nephew along, the experience will be a tainted one, as I will feel that I am building our happiness and experiencing En’s experience of the misery of the little boy. I cannot do that. But I am extremely upset, angry and unhappy about it.

So here I am crying, because I feel very sad that I am missing that experience.

It sounds very silly as I type it. But it is just this loss.

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As one walks along the beach, looking for that little precious seashell that you know you will find... and one misses it, as the beautiful shell half buried itself in the sand..

Has one miss that precious thing forever, or is there a chance that one will have another chance to find that precious little seashell again?

Even if one does find another seashell which is as beautiful, one would already and really have missed the previous one, half buried in the sand.

Is missing that seashell an important loss, or will the new ones that you find make up for it?

But the new one is after all, still not the one that you miss, so theoretically, one cannot replace another.

And it is so that I see this incident.

Term End Party at JG

Last Saturday was the term end party for En at JG.
It was our first party, (we missed the last sem for some forgotten reason).
So the instruction was to bring some snack - no beef, no pork, no nuts.

So we bought cheese cubes (En's fav) and pandan cake.
And there were tonnes of food.. and even a birthday cake from Chloe who turned 2 that day.

Well, the theme for this term was Farm and Fairy Tales, so kids were encouraged to dress up as per the theme.
Well, we could not find any appropriate clothes, so we just let En wore his zebra top (a farm animal mah) . But we should not have worried, as the teachers were well prepared with body crayons and we had a really fun session of transforming the kids' faces, arms and legs with the drawings.

Check out who En became - A mini Jack Sparrow with a Hearts and bones tattoo thanks to his Chinese Lao Shi and English teacher working on him the same time.. And I think he did not really comprehend what happened to him, but was happy to jump and dance around to the music.

There were lions, spiders , butterflies, adorable cats and many other pirates around.

Little Evans, one of En's classmate, had a spider drawn on his leg (Itsy Bitsy spider, climbed up his leg). However, it turned out that he was scared of the spider and teacher Eliza had to rub the spider off him..

It was a really fun session, En thoroughly enjoyed it. The kids could really feel the fun and festives in the air. En was jumping around so much that we had to remove his socks from his feet so he can run around without fear of him slipping.

This was our first kids party, and NJ and I really enjoyed it.
It was a mere 2 hours, but it was like a little getaway for us, we felt little like kids ourselves as we watch all the kids prancing around full of energy.

At the end of the session, certificates were given to the kids, so every kid went up to collect the cert as his/ her name was called. We were not expecting En to be able to go and collect his cert and come back to us, but he did it! It was a surprise as we thought he would be too shy or fearful.

After a full semester, we have seen some improvements. His command of language is stronger than when we first began, he is now engaging the teachers better - both the Chinese and the English teachers, to the point that he would give each of them a hug after class, and he is now more at ease with the other kids in his class.

So we will be really looking forward to Term 4!

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I want to blog about this issue, before I forget..
I saw a pamphlet advertising a workshop for parents "How to Talk to Your Kids So They will Listen". It is a 6 sessions workshop, and based on the acclaimed book of the same title. Now I dunno if it is the author herself conducing the workshop, but I found out about that at JG.

So it costs about $400 plus for 6 such sessions - every Saturday for 2 hours.
I was quite keen, but was a bit worried about travel and work interrupting the workshop.
Husband thought it was a little pricy.

There is no doubt that the workshop is pricy.
It all depends on one's affordability. Assuming affordability is not an issue, then we have to grapple with the willingness to spend issue.

I am thinking about it in terms of how we often seek to upgrade ourselves for a better job.
We read books, read papers, attend courses at work so as to up our skill set so that we become an asset to our employer, nail that promotion and move up the corporate ladder.

And I question why should being parents be ANY DIFFERENT?
If I draw on the same analogy, should we not be equally conscious of upping our skill set as parents, of upgrading ourselves to be better parents so that we become a greater asset for our kids?

Why do we bother attending boring courses etc for work, and not take more effort in improving ourselves to be parents. We studied for a good 15years plus etc to prepare ourselves for the workplace.

Have we really thought of what we have done to prepare ourselves to be better parents? Are we naturally good parents? Even if we are, just as we upgrade to stay relevant at the workplace, why should learning to be good parents be any different?

I feel that being a parent is a life long job - more so than whatever position we hold in the office now. And we need to be more conscious of being good parents for our kids as we are their parents for life, and teaching and nuturing them is our long term job. We are not born with the skills to be good parents, so it is actually quite essential that we learn through all ways to become better in our roles as parents - observing other parents, trial and error, reading about it, attending workshop/ talks with the experts etc.

I just feel that sometimes when we look at the cost of what we have invested in the kid - versus what we have invested in OURSELVES as parents - the ratio is disproportionate. We take pains to save money so as to offer them the best education etc etc, when we ourselves are their sole contact and closest kin that they have, we are our kids' first' mentor, and everything we do and say have an immense impact on them, and possibly for life.

So why should we not invest in ourselves to be better parents?
I keep thinking how we can so easily miss this - as we pursue that promotion, that next pay raise, that upgrade in our education, that savings for the kids future etc, that we forget that we need to invest in ourselves as parents, and seeking to upgrade ourselves to be better parents.

Hence, when hubby mentioned that the cost is pricy, I do agree, but when willingness to pay becomes an issue instead of affordability, i just cannot agree in lieu of all the reasons I have stated above.

I think sometimes, we just miss the bigger picture as we become so used to our role as parents.
We are not born parents, no one is.
And Parenting is a far more important job than whatever role we are now holding in office...

Finally.. 象不象?

Today the 2 boys are in good moods, laughing and making lots of noise when we got home.
And I finally see them during their active period this week (with all the previous late nights at work), cuz finally managed to come home before 7 today..

And so finally managed to take a few pics of En en together with Xuan Xuan..
En was really cooperative, and when I asked him to take pics with Xuan, he went to stand at the place I wanted him to.

When I asked him to hold Di-di's hands, he took di - di's hands in his own.
That moment for me was really sweet. But somehow did not manage to capture that in the photos - can only see part of En's hands ..

These days, I find En has become really affectionate towards his di-di.
Apparently, every morning when he sees his di-di, he will hug xuan xuan.
Today when I came home, and Xuan Xuan was crawling around un-supervised, En En ran after him calling loudly, "Di-Di Crawl" - trying to prevent him from venturing into the kitchen (albeit a tad aggressively).

When Xuan Xuan wails, he will also go and pat Xuan Xuan's head, sometimes he will pass toys to Xuan Xuan to play, or give Xuan Xuan his book (Di-Di's book).

Every evening, Xuan will sit in the car that En used to sit in, and go for his rounds around the estate with En and Mel. En en will help Mel push the car that Xuan Xuan sits in.

I have never seen him chase Xuan out of the car; Enwould push Xuan round and round the estate, and when Xuan came out of the car, only then would En say "En En sit car" and tried to climb into the car. To me, this is really sweet of him. Maybe it is not exactly taking turns, but at least I have never seen him wrestle Xuan out of the his car before.

And these sweet gestures really endear En to my heart.

And recently, with them laughing together more often, I find that finally, the 2 boys seem to be engaging with each other.

Maybe their close age plays a part. Also maybe my mum, mel and us have always tried to create opportunities to bond them together.

I am realistic enuf to know that the fights will come.
Hence, I am blogging these really sugary moments, so remind all of us that beneath the fights, there is an affectionate loving side to their relationship...

Anyway, looking at the pics, I think the 2 look quite alike.. except one is obviously male and the other is more androgynous looking.. still can't figure out what are the "things" that differentiate them that way.. maybe we should play "Spot the Difference"..

Angel Choir

This weekend, we managed to bring both babies out together... 2 Times!

[Usually, we will bring Xuan out for our late lunch when En is having his post lunch nap. And when En wakes, and Xuan naps, we will bring En out with us.. ]

And in the back of the car, the 2 babies respectively strapped into their car seats, shared a laughing and giggling session.. Xuan Xuan started laughing loudly, and then En En joined in, the 2 smiling faces facing each other.

Seated in front of the seats, and hearing the shrill laughs of the 2 babies, laughing along with each other, it was as if I am hearing the angels sing. It was one of the most beautiful sounds I have ever heard.

That was the first time i hear both of them laugh together .. And then they did it again the second time we went out with both babies seated in the back of the car.

I am now thinking of getting a digital recorder to record these lovely musical moments...

Being Touched and Being In Touch

I am compulsively blogging now cuz I anticipate that I will be totally bogged down by work for the next 2 weeks - HST (High Stress Time) coming back next 2 weeks.

However, I happened to read the "Tears Over Scrambled Egg" entry from akkueh's blog over the weekend, which got me thinking..

How life de-sensitised us.
How easy it is to lapse into numbness.
How amnesia strike us, such that we forgot why we love in the first place.

Still, I also think we are both the perpetrators as well as the victims of the act - the act of NEGLECT.

We have either willingly chosen, or passively be led, to stop being active in Loving.
We let the "pleasant, non conflicting" state continue, naively thinking, or believing that such a state will perpetuate itself.

However, the reality is that what is pleasant at that moment then lapsed into a state of habit and norm.
The state of habit and norm then lapsed to a state of boredom.
The state of boredom become glasses through which we view the world and the activities around us.

Struck by boredom, we begin to take interest or are attracted by people who are capable of lifting us out of this boredom.

And then we began to think that the other people are more interesting, more attractive.

But if we look at it backwards - we have chosen to let boredom strike us we have chosen not to actively LOVE our partner.

And if we look forwards - if we do not recognise this cycle - boredom will have a chance to strike us again some time down the road, and again we will start thinking our loved one is not adequate to meet our needs in love.

However, in the case of Tears over scrambled eggs, despite active loving, one still becomes the victims of neglect.

Sometimes, I think males are more capable of acts of neglect than females.
One glaring instance is when men stopped noticing the females that they are with.
Why are they capable of noticing other females, and yet stopped noticing the partner that they claim they love?

Just like we do not stop in our rapid strides everyday, chasing other things, to take time to smell the roses, some men do not take time to look at their partners.

It is the classic case of "look but not see".

I remember vaguely reading an article where some couples shared their secrets of relationship longevity, and one very old lady said that her husband never let her forget that she is beautiful in his eyes, because she wakes up everyday to him telling her so.

The there is the "hear but not listen". Just like a careless gardener who does not hear the cries of help from the flowers choked by weeds, men do not hear the distress signals put out by their partners.

Reading the entry, I feel that "被爱的女人最美" - and so a song went.
And if males want their females to be beautiful, they ought to spend more time tending to the females - just like the gardener tends to his garden of flowers.

Neglect withers a female.

Reading the entry Tears Over Scrambled Egg, I was reminded of this song.

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"人鱼的眼泪" by南拳妈妈



透过窗舷你望着翦影一夜
爱上他在天与海的交界
你忍痛用声音交换了双腿
只为走近爱的人身边

你赌上毁灭相信真爱会永远
不懂专情不适合人类
而你连道别都没有人听见
黎明后随浪花凋谢

你的泪一抹无邪
不属於这个冷漠的世界
舍弃了一切只为一个能够
付出你真爱的机会

你的泪一抹无邪
原来感情那麽难以学会
他身边是谁消失前后不后悔
你的悲伤是否像海一样深邃

你赌上毁灭相信真爱会永远
不懂专情不适合人类
你最美的梦像泡沫般碎裂
剩童话里忧伤一页

你的泪(你的泪)
一抹无邪(一抹无邪)
原来感情那麽难以学会
他身边是谁消失前后不后悔
人鱼最后的泪像海一样深邃

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And I do not want to be a victim of neglect.
I do not want others to jolt me out of the numbness.

I do not want to be touched by others' appreciation of me.
And I need to be in touch with Active Loving.

Shed More Than 1 Litre of Tears..

We took some time finishing the Jap series "One Litre of Tears". Because it is too hurting to the eyes and heart.

And over the days, I think I may have shed more than 1 litre of tears.
And my conclusion is, it is heart-rending. And I felt very painful watching the suffering that the parents experienced, in addition to the torment that the gal has to put up with her illness.

Not one episode went by without me tearing over the events unfolding.
For those who do not know this film yet, do check out the link I embedded in the title.
And it being based on a true story about a gal named Aya, who contracted an incurable illness which still does not have a cure today, evoked a whole range of emotions.. as this is real - not just some soap plot meant to solicit tears.

And I think being a mum has also influenced the way I react and look at the film.

I imagined that if I had watched this when I was younger, with no kids, I will still be tremendously touched by the film, by the protagonist's determination and perseverance to live on, despite knowing that there is little hope of her recovering from her illness, despite not understanding why the strange disease had crept up on her..

I think I will feel deeply for the support that her family gave her, and how they coped with her illness and the changes it brought to them all.

However, as a mum watching it, not only did I feel much for the suffering protagonist, my heart went out to the parents, especially her mum. I found myself watching and observing how the mum coped with knowing that the daughter was diagnosed with an incurable illness. And that in real life, this really happened to a young gal, and to her mum.

I found myself marveling over the resilience that both parents displayed in face of the difficult times, how both parents staunchly supported and stood by their daughter to make her last days in life filled with warmth and meaning.. how they unconditionally love her, even as her illness transformed a lively, independent gal into a decrepit, helpless patient.

And I find myself learning a lot about parenting from the parents in the film..

The mum in the film always puts on a smiley face for her daughter, no matter how much heart ache she felt over the pain that her daughter is suffering.

The parents are ever resilient and sacrificial..

The parents trusted, respected and supported the decisions made by their daughter unconditionally, and everything that the parents wanted did, was with the sole interest of the daughter's happiness.

And it got me thinking about how, as a mum and parents, we need to really be able to let go, and trust our children.

One of the most touching and meaningful moments in the show for me, was a conversation that the mum had with the dad of the Aya's boyfriend.

"We always think that as parents, our role is to educate and teach our kids... However, I have learnt that the kids are also educating and teaching us..."

To me, that is a very powerful revelation.
We need to be able to let go enough to learn from our kids.
We need to take the first step of giving our kids the chance to teach us what they know, of their world, and of their feelings.

As parents, often think that we know the best. And we know more than our kids.

However, if we are not open to the idea that we can also learn from our kids, that we can learn valuable lessons from their thoughts, their feelings, the way they handle and deal with things, we risk losing what they can offer us.
And worst of all, we risk alienating them.

We often fall into the trap of thinking we know our kids very well. And as such, we tend to plan their life for them - sometimes forgetting that they are individuals, and individuals with thoughts and feelings.

Armed with "doing the best for them", we may be blind to the fact that we are stifling them, not giving them enough room to explore.. We forget that doing the best for them does not equate to making them happy.

I think, for a start, we need to recognise that we can learn, and are learning from our kids everyday. It is only with this, that we look out for all the things that the kids are capable of teaching us. And how, we are also learning about ourselves as we spend time with our kids. How having kids also necessitated a learning process for us so that we learn to live and grow with them.

Through the film, I was also struck by the pain that parents inevitably suffer for their kids.

We do not need the death of a child to feel the pain.
As parents, I feel we are very prone to pain and suffering.

When our kid are hurt, we ache for them.
When they are going through hardship, we experienced double the hardship.
When they are feeling down and in despair, we feel for what they are feeling.

Such is the funny relationship that parents have with their kids.

Though I have always feel that we should not be too attached to our kids, yet the attachment is something that creeps up on you.

And I am beginning to feel that it is not something that I can simply willed away just because my brain says so.

Because, I can already feel the ache in my heart and the fear when I imagine any pain befalling on my little boys...

However, I have also learnt that I need to be a source of positivity for my kids.

It is painful to hide one's pain and despair behind a mask of positivity and happiness, but it is a skill that all parents need to master skilfully. And I have seen a master of that in this show.

Aya's mum was an epitome of positivity; gentle, caring, nurturing and warmth but imbued with stealth resilience steering her from within. If nothing else, I know the qualities of a paragon mum when I see one.

Anyway, here is a snapshot of the film..

连环拍

Had a chance to do continuous photo shoots of the 2 boys over the weekend.
Here are the 3 faces of the 2 boys..

Different yeah?
They look different, their temperaments are so different..

I think Xuan is too active, and too cheeky for his name sometimes...

The "Ba-Boon", "Ba-Ba-na" and the "Pa-Pa-Ya"

Baby En has been very cute these few days. Because he's been learning some new words...

Sometime ago, we drove past a big balloon and I asked him to say Balloon. Our little friend called it "Ba-Boon".

Then recently he tried to say banana, but it came out as "ba-ba-na".
However, he was able to say "Papaya" correctly the first time!

Sometimes, I think that he must think that the Ba-ba-na and the papaya are similar - both are fruits and the first sound is repeated twice.

No matter how many times we articulated it for him - the balloon, the banana, and the papaya, he only got the papaya correct.

And hubby has this habit of saying "No, it is ba-Na-Na, not Ba-Ba-na", and i have to remind him that we ought to encourage him positively and not put his efforts in trying to articulate down. So try not to tell him no, otherwise, En may end up being very shy or not willing to articulate new words next time.

So patiently, and suppressing my giggles, I will say "En, say Banana", and he will say "Babana" and I will have to say, it is "Banana, try Banana"... and so it goes.. and if you ask him what does a monkey eat? He will say "Ba-Ba-na".

I am trying to figure out the Baboon versus the Balloon, cuz it is very cute when he says Baboon.. maybe we will bring him to the zoo again and let him see the Baboon versus the Balloon for himself.

Importance of Father Figure

I said I wanted t blog about how i feel the latest Harry Potter book shed a lot of light on family - more specifically the importance of father figures..

So. If you have not completed the book or intend to start the book, pls do not continue reading as this contains spoiler.

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I feel that JK Rowling has embedded the message of family, and the importance of the father figure in her story quite well. And if one looks at the context, how she was struggling with her own kid when her man left her, it was perhaps, not to hard to imagine why the theme keeps popping up again and again.

The most obvious has to be when Harry was confronting Lupin - pointing out that Lupin was shirking his responsibility as a father by leaving Tonks and the baby. Harry said something to the effect that Fathers should be with their babies, it is the right thing to do.

Also, Harry himself has always been looking for a father figure - from wanting to learn all about his father, to his strong ties with Sirius and also finding the father figure in Dumbledore.

And I can't help noticing how boys who grow up without father figures inevitably veer to the bad path - Voldermort himself lacks a father figure in his own life, but he has chosen it that way because he would rather not have a weak person as his father.

What struck me in the last book was the revealing of Snape's life story. He was also a tragic victim of someone who grew up without a father figure in his life, without someone to protect or look out for him. Hence, boys who are left to fend for themselves are often caught in a struggle, much like Harry did in his first few years in Hogwarts, before he found Sirius and then Dumbledore.

I really believe that father plays an important role in a kid's life, just as mothers do as well.
Particularly for boys, having a role model in the form of a father figure is crucial in a boy's development. As boys grow, they become more influenced by their fathers than their mothers, the mum only has stronger influence in the first 6 years of the boys' life (according to Steve Biddulph). The rest, the boys are largely influenced by male figure, who can be one's dad or an adult male who is involved in the development of the child.

Hence, it is good that males are increasingly involved in their children's lives, as I think kids can benefit a lot from the influence of the dad. The dad offers security and assurance, and forms an image that the kid can grow into.

It is heartening for me when I see many fathers accompanying their boys or girls in class at JG, the fathers sing and dance to the tunes with their kids, and nuture them as the kids learn to feed themselves, and play with the kids during their outdoor play. These men are just great... just as Hubby is too, as we do our hourly shift with En every Saturday for his JG class. Jia You!!

First Loves...

Another common theme from both Spring Waltz the Korean drama, and Jay Chou's movie "Secret" has to do with the power of first love...

You know what they say about the one(s) that got away, that it leaves an indelible print in one's heart.

Recently, we just had a funny conversation with NJ's cousins about ex-loves too. About how such stories are better off buried sometimes. And Cousin is a tad upset with someone about someone's past..

But well, in my case, or our case, Hubby's first love is well known and publicised in his blog. When his first love got married, think he was devastated. Well, you have to check out his blog to decide for yourself, but I think my assessment is rather fair.

Jay Chou says in his recent interview that he will like to have a 轰轰烈烈的爱情.. and that echoes my thought some long time ago. The thing about such relationship is, the result is often painful. Sometimes, so painful that one cannot even think about it.

I wonder if it matters whether one is the first love or one is the last love.. or if one is neither of both.. If I cannot be the first, can I be the last? If I am the last, have I won in the game of love? If you are not my first, does it matter if you are the last?

I dunno.. but I think everyone is entitled to have that special space for a special someone, so long as we know how to keep that space "separate". Because, sometimes, it take a lot of courage to remember someone. And because there is this thing called Time, we can never win against the wheel of time. Time gave someone a special space in that time frame. Time also buried that someone across timeperiod.

I think as we mature we sometimes lose the courage to truly love as we want to.. some people choose to be safe. Some made a logical choice of their partner. Some just made do.

I think youth gave us the license to explore and experiment. It gave us the courage to try the road less taken, sometimes. And with youth, one can afford to make love the biggest and most important thing in one's live. And so, with youth, one often experienced the best love of one's time.

Sometimes, I miss that license. And I miss that courage.

Now that I have 2 boys, I just hope we bring them up well enough that they know what to do about their own feelings and not breaking too many hearts or have their hearts broken too many times.. cuz 10 years plus down the road, we just dunno what the world has become and how the rules of relationship and courtship have evolved...

He is Not Heavy, He is My Brother..

Time really flies, Xuan Xuan is soon to be 8 months, and the 2 brothers has begun fighting over toys. And one is as stubborn not to share as the other is as stubborn not to let go. So when Xuan Xuan touches En's puzzle, En cries. And when En snatches his puzzle back, Xuan wails. So it went on for about half an hour one afternoon.

And Papa ended up confiscating the puzzle, as En refused to share.

We envisage many more of such fights to come. But it is not all bad. As there are times when En will volunteer his toys to Xuan on his own.. and sweetly look out for Xuan Xuan and hug him.

En made a pair of cat ears in his Saturday class last week, and he loves seeing Xuan Xuan wear it.. Quite a funny sight indeed. So here are the latest photos of Xuan and En.

Men, Piano and the Phone

We recently just completed Spring Waltz - the final part to the 4 seasons Korean drama (Winter Sonata, Autumn in my Heart and Summer Scent)..

And today, we just went to watch Jay Chou's movie, the Secret. And I recently caught the MV of its theme song 不能说的秘密, and what struck me as a common theme is : Men, the Piano and the telephone.

Catch the scenes from the following Youtube videos..



One of my favourite scenes from Spring Waltz..

And of course, Jay Chou is just simply divine..



I was also reading an interview that Jay Chou gave during his recent trip to Singapore to promote his movie, he said that love is an essential part of an artist's life, love is the muse of the artist and it is from love that artists derive their inspiration from.

Well, there is something to be said about men playing the piano.. quite captivating, to me, at least. and especially so, when the song is dedicated to a special someone, and conveyed through any of the following means:

- through the mobile phone
- through a live dedication in a restaurant, concert etc
- simply played to that special someone in private

I find a man - being serious about music, very captivating. I dunno why, maybe its the aura, maybe its the music and the talent. But in both Spring Waltz and in the movie the Secret, I find the men playing piano simply awesome. (and hubby told me something about him experiencing something similar in his younger days... well.. to get even, I also have my share of a boy calling me up and singing to me through the phone, till i fall asleep - like a luluby for me, now is that sweet or what?! Though I am sure I will be much more impressed if that someone had played the piano instead..)

But well.. I just love seeing men playing the pianos! Especially if it to to a special someone.,,

One part of me wish that my boys will grow up playing the piano. I imagine them playing duets for house parties and festives. Nice. Well, but the other part of me know that I will not force the boys to learn the piano, but I hope to give them the exposure so that it is their choice if they will like to pursue the love of music.

I think the appreciation of art forms - be it music, painting, literature, plays etc are very important. I feel that the arts nurture the soul, and the mind.. Especially music and painting. They are like a language of their own, communicating emotions and thoughts through their own means. It is another way through which one can express oneself.

Hence, I feel that taking time to learn, think and immerse oneself in any of these art forms are important. Hubby and I love to read, we rather like music, and hubby appreciates drawings.. I just hope between the 2 of us, we have sufficient genes to pass on to the 2 boys so that they too, allow the arts to form a vibrant part of their lives.

Otherwise, sometimes I feel we miss seeing the other side of the world that these art forms bring.. perhaps it is a form of escapism - allowing us to dwell into the past or imagine the future through these art forms, rather than being only in the present.. Yes, I think the arts liberate the mind and the soul, providing us a means to Be in another world.. one which sometimes, is privy only to oneself, a connection that sometimes only one can make, a door that only allows one to open and to enter.

That is to me, the power of the various art forms.. when I listen to a beautiful piece of music, or see a beautiful piece of lyrics/ text, or an amazing painting, I feel my mind wandering from the present into another space. A space which exists only between the artist/ writer/ musician and me. And what I take out from that, belongs to me and me alone. Until a fellow person appreciate it the same way as I do... and I value that space very very much. And those who share those same spaces as I do..

The Dark Mark

I want to blog about Baby Xuan's "Dark Mark" for the longest time..
Yet somehow, it just always slips my mind.

And for those Harry Potter fans like me, you will notice the various Harry Potter signs that I have used and been using, such as "Torture clients with the Cruciatus Curse or the Imperious Curse" as my MSN tagline, and now talking about the Dark Mark... well, I am trying to keep the story alive for myself.

Now about Xuan Xuan's Dark Mark, it is this thing that he has on him.
We never know he has this mark till we shave off all his hair at 4 mths.
Then this rectangular mark appears at the back of his head, right smack in the centre at the back of his head, a blackish rectangular shape thing - much like a flag.

Then the strangest thing is that, now, 3 months after the hair cut, when all the hair has grown out, and sticking out and upright on his head, that little patch, and ONLY that little patch, remains hair-less.

I am now a bit worried that that patch will not grow any hair.
And Xuan looks a bit odd with this hair-less dark mark.

And my mum has the strangest theory about it:

She recalled that when I was pregnant with Xuan, that we all went to a chalet for a birthday party. To get in and out of the chalet at Pasir Ris, we have to get stamped on the back of our hands so as to be able to return to the chalets without paying the entrance fees again.

And my mum thinks that that little stamp kinda got transferred to the back of Xuan Xuan's head, when I was pregnant with him back then.

Do not ask me how and whys..it baffles and bewilders me. And my mum says that is also the reason why, the Chinese have so many traditions/ superstitions governing the pregnant ladies, such as not sewing on the bed, not moving the bed during the pregnancy, not hammering anything within the house etc etc.

I am now wondering about this dark mark, i guess so long as Xuan Xuan's hair grows out soon to cover it, I won't be too concerned. Except that during his NS next time, Xuan will probably offer his camp mates some entertainment with his botak head that has a dark mark on the back.

Will upload photo shortly to illustrate the point...

NS and SMS + En's artwork

People complain about experiencing PMS, and I complain about experiencing S-M-S: Single Mum Syndrome.

I SMS for the whole of this week.. as NJ is away doing his due duty to the nation. And i am beginning to think all these long weeks away from home is also training for the mum and kids to adapt to life without daddy. This must be the manifestation of "Country before Famaily, and then Family before self". I feel like I am under a Cruciatus Curse the whole of this week - YES painful.. painful.. and I miss NJ for functional and of course emotional reasons la.. and once again, I pronounce, SMS is HARD!!!

And of all weeks, it has to be these 2 weeks when work is really really bad, with my mega 6 country project cumulating in a 2 day workshop in which the report presentation must take place for all the MDs of the markets.. and colleagues are on leave and suddenly all the briefs came in wanting an urgent response...

BAD timing, which caused me to think that the only law in this world that rules is Murphy's Law - anything that can go wrong WILL go wrong.

I mean, how heng must a person be in order to be in a situation where I SMS, reports due, and having to ear the guilt of rushing off the work and coming home late from work not seeing either of the kids right?

This is such a long week, and I am so glad tomorrow is friday, but it is the day of dateline for report as well as a mega multi country multi everything proposal.. argh!!!

Anyway, so I have been missing a few of the morning walks in the mornings..
and I feel bad.. but I get to feed Xuan in the middle of the night, so it is not so bad..

Here is an output of En's weekend class at Julia Gabriel's. He is beginning to enjoy himself now, and of course, he most enjoys the snacks, and has learnt to Q up for his plate of snacks already..
Our little friend does not really like the art session cuz he is afraid of grime, must have gotten the cleanliness gene from his Papa along with pro TV genes.

While it is tedious sometimes to bring him there every saturday and spend 2 hours in class with him, when we just want to nap, it is still an worthwhile effort to start easing him into a school environment. And I must say I think school has done him quite a lot of good, from the initial reluctance and lack of concentration span for long time, we can see his improvement as he becomes more sociable and involved in class, and jumping and dancing when it comes to his fav singing times. Until he starts formal school, this should be adequate stimulation for him I hope!

Mindful Parenting - a solution for time starved parents

I have been busy.. kinda..
Work has been more than overwhelming, I actually lost 2 kgs in a week over a beauty report I was working on... The ultimate irony.. as I was typing all those things which contribute to beauty - such as adequate rest, having a relaxed mind, no eye bags, watch your diet etc etc.. I was physically so NOT doing all those things lor..

So the long and short of it was, I am rather ugly right now.. haha!

Then there is the huge lure of the entertainment aspect of it.
1. Barbie's Boyfriend lent me his PSP game 'Lord of the Rings Tactic' - and i was like - where am I gonna borrow a PSP console to play! and usually ppl borrow games, not consoles.. And so, well, Hubby has been hankering after a mobile console of his own since he got me the DS Lite, as he realise what fun it could be to be continually entertained (think it certainly shut me up when he is driving, no more nosy, pointed remarks abt the route taken or the long time it takes to drive from A to B). So he got a PSP instead, and that got me hooked. I was so torn wanting to play the game, versus reading Harry Potter versus working on my report..

2. Finishing Harry Potter.. For the whole of last week, my highlight of the week was to await the release of the book.. well no spoilers here in case some are still poring over theirs, well I finished, and had most of my guesses confirmed, and my deepest sympathy lies with the most unlikely person.. some time later.. I will write about that and how I think this last book shed the most about family and human nature...

Then, in between times, I was trying to finish my 'Buddhism for Mothers'. I have always propagated the idea of mindful parenting - how i think it is important that when you spend time with your kids, you are REALLY spending time with them, not half heartedly with oyur mind elsewhere. My verdict always been - 1 hr of mindful soulful parenting, beats 18 hours of being around the kids exhaustively. It all boils down to quality, not quantity. and I have been tasting the fruit of my scant but solid time with En..

But here is a passage extract of wonder and importance of Mindfulness in Parenting: (for those who are not familiar with Buddhism, mindfulness is one of the propagated practices in Buddhism allowing one to be disciplined mentally.)

"Susan Murphy is a Zen teacher and mother of two who speaks of mindfulness as 'the gateway out of the steel teeth of time':

The child offers a constant invitation into presence and into play. And you can't play with a child unless you're prepared to be completely present. A creative energy of playfulness grows in us as we grow into our practice. Think of going for a walk with a young child, how incredibly long it takes to cover a block-so many things you have to look at, to comment on and ask questions about. Looking down into a puddle, you discover it's actually a mirror. Is it a mirror or is it a window? Is that us we see in that puddle or is it another world? It looks different to this world. I remember when my daughter was five or six we had to stop every time we moss and we had to walk our fingers through the fairy world like fairies - this little tiny clumps of moss were like fair trees. So walks were very long, and time was very long. It's like the child elongates time till it starts to dissolve. They don't live in our tick-tock time. They force you to put aside for a while your usual goal-oriented behavior. And that's an extraordinary gift and teaching.' "

I find great resonance with the last 3 lines, especially. Without really realising it, I have been trying to practise mindful parenting..

Every morning, I try to go for a walk with En around the estate, before I go to work. The route is routine, the milestones we stop at are routine, but the things we talk about and feel about are different everyday.

Sometimes, I feel tense because I have an important presentation or meeting later in the day. But these walks never feel to calm me, or uplift me, because when I step out of the house with him, I try to put the work out of my mind, because these are our special time together.

It is a small investment of my time, no more than half an our every day, but I am already tasting the rewards.

For those who do not know, En is "Papa-crazy". He shares the strongest affinity from babyhood with My husband. I always attribute it to the fact that they are soulmates (and my aquarian traits generally dun go well with En's Scorpion traits). Of course, hubby spent loads of quality time with Baby En when he was barely months old, and En stuck to him like a glue.

En used to be able to go anywhere so long as Papa is around. I am secondary and I am peripheral - so long as Papa is there.

But eversince moving to College Green, a subtle change seems to be taking place.. and I really attribute it to our daily morning walks. En started insisting I am around, he will not go anyway with Papa without me. And he starts giving me equal share of his attention between me and Papa. and He does not like to go anywhere without both Papa and Mummy.

And even more amazingly, on days when I go on walks with him, he will come back, take off is shoes and bid me goodbye very sweetly. No tears, no tantrum. But on days when I have early morning meetings and have to rush to work without going with him for walks, he wails and cried non stop. So he is not clingy to me, so long as we do our morning routine of walk, he will in fact, very matter of factly, bid me to go work - telling me "mummy go work. Bye bye" and wave me off.

For the past week, on 2 occasions I skip out on our morning walks, and I have to hard-heartedly bear his cries, as he keeps wailing "Mummy go walk, mummyyy" as he sought to put on his shoes and come after me. On those days, i feel really bad.

But day by day, with every half an our walk of pure and total attention on him and his interests, he is contented to spend other times with other people or doing his own things and leaving us alone. That is the power of mindful parenting.

I figured every kid needs some form of attention. Once fulfilled, they need other forms of stimulation which may not require us to be constantly around and engaged with him.

this seems just like a great solution for time starved mums like us. Over weekends, of course, we ought to spend even more mindful times with the kids... to strengthen the bonds and feelings.

So, try it. It does not need to be lengthy period of time - cuz it takes immense skill to be mindful, to notice every little bit of what the id is saying or feeling, and to respond to each of those feelings, and thoughts.. i can't do it for more than half an hour at a time.. try it, and see if that dun make both your kid and you feel better!

lastly, quick updates:

Baby Xuan is getting talkative and screamy - he babbles lots of mumbo jumbo, and screams a lot when he does not gets what he wants. A mighty voice he really have.

En En been expanding his vocab through food. We make it a point to have dinner with him, me and Hubby. We go to different place and try out different dishes, and through that, he learnt prawn (his fav), beef, soup, egg, chicken, "cai" for veg, fries etc.. and he managed to piece together a 4 word sentence yesterday as I was poring over my Harry Potter. He told our maid that "mummy read big book". So my conclusion is he is rather observant for his tender age.. as opposed to Xuan who seems more brawny at present.. :)

Break downs?

Things seem to be breaking down in our house.
The lights are out, the fridge is breaking down..
Relationships break down, and people break down too, I think..

And I am back with Jay Chou..


不能说的秘密

冷咖啡离开了杯垫
我忍住的情绪在很后面

拼命想挽回的从前

在我脸上依旧清晰可见

最美的不是下雨天

是曾与你躲过雨的屋檐 回忆的画面

在荡着秋千 梦开始不甜



你说把爱渐渐放下会走更远

又何必去改变你走过的世界

你用你的指尖

阻止我说再见

想象你在身边

在完全失去之前



你说把爱渐渐放下会走更远

或许命运的签只让我们遇见

只让我们相恋

这一季的秋天

飘落后才发现

这幸福的碎片

要我怎么捡

1177 - THE SPECIAL DAY

MIA a while - because...

1. I been busy chasing Harry Potter - counting down to the book release, chasing the movie
2. I have been chasing Jay Chou's latest song, since Ms. Nomad sent me the file, I been listening to it non stop since Last Friday.
3. Cuz work has been a bit overwhelming...

Now, announcement first - i heard my cousin is also pregnant - WOO HOO, welcome to the club. She is expecting a lovely girl.. cool!

And now, THE BIG NEWS!!!!

BABY EN CALLED ME MUMMY!!!!!

It happened on 11 July, in the morning.
When I came down, my mum told me that En told her that I bought him the ham to eat (He knew how to say "No more ham", so I told him previously that I will buy him more ham) - that he knew how to say "Mummy".

Then when i was going to work, he said "Mummy" twice!!
Cool stuff!

These days,the little boy is babbling lots.. Just now, he was trying to put Momo's leash on himself to go walk-walk.

Then he told me "Bing Momo go Kai-kai" (presumably to show off his momo to his cousins).
When I brought him there, he kept touching momo, and saying "touch momo" to Kai Kai and Big Bing, to show them that he dared to touch momo as the 2 cousins were more hesitant to come near momo.

It is a real pleasure hearing him speak.. and conversing with him every morning as we take our morning walk is a real fun!

Now, I promised I will talk about Xuan Xuan.. well we bought him his first toy that belongs entirely to him - previously it was all hand me downs, or even new toys meant for him inevitably En will open them up and have a go at it first.

Hence, we bought him this exersaucer - something that En definitely cannot play!
As usual with toys, they were excited for a while and then they grew bored with them.. it is a heavy investment on our end, hoping that Xuan will enjoy it..

Well.. at least the exersaucer offered him entertainment as well as being upright and allowing him to turn around in his seat to see things. It only lacked the mobility that a walker offered!

(ok.. photos to be updated for this blog.. :)

Books Books Books - Buddhism for Mothers

Just the other night, hubby and I went late night shopping at Borders, and bought over 100 bucks worth of books...

You will think it is a lot right, well, we have 3 physical copies, and 1 ordered copy..
And from my book selections, you will probably find it real odd and eclectic..

I bought the following:

- "Buddhism for Mums" - which I will blog about in a while

- London Eyewitness Travel guide - to plan for the upcoming trip, still some time away but I am trying to see if London is a good place to bring En (Xuan is still too young)

- "Fun Start" book about activities to stimulate babies and toddlers from 0 -5 every day of their lives - relevant still for both En and Xuan

- "Harry Potter 7" - In all the years, this is the first time we are ordering Harry Potter, figured it will be our last chance la.. I can't wait to read this, but am feeling ambivalence too cuz this is the final book and once finished, I will probably have to go through a Cold Turkey phase like I did when I finished all the Dan Brown books... i want to Savor this book.. I am already reading Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince so that I can better connect and continue with the story when 7 is released..

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Now, on Buddhism for Mothers.. I just started and I already feel very deeply about it. I always believe Buddhism is both a philosophy as well as a way of life.

The book starts on the premise that as mothers, we often feel isolated, alienated and seek for solace and help. It is a ripe time to turn spiritual. I remembered the alienation I felt, the helplessness i experienced and at times, the immense guilt and pain I feel... and I cannot hep but agree..

"As mothers, we are particularly ripe to hear about Buddhism because we have an intimate understanding of 2 of its cornerstones: we understand there is suffering in life, and we have experienced a truer love" - Buddhism for Mothers

This is not my first contact with Buddhism. I have been with Buddhism all my life, and my Hubby even shares the Buddhist traditions and values.

I have enjoyed reading and knowing more about Buddhism because I find that its ideas help me cope with everyday life a lot, and that it is possible to practise Buddhism everyday.

In case you are wondering if this is gonna turn into one of those religion preaching blogs, no worries, I do not like to preach, nor am I in a position to preach. I believe when the time is ripe, one will find one's way.. Much like perhaps what Ms. Nomad is doing..

However, I felt this book has helped distill some of the teachings and made it relevant and applicable for motherhood.. the author is also a practising Buddhist and appreciates the thinking and approach to help her cope with her 2 boys...

Well, I am onto the 4 Noble Truths of Buddhism - the first one being "There is Suffering".

"The second reason mothers are ripe to benefit from Buddhism is that we ve' taken an enormous step towards attaining what Buddhists call 'the mind of love'. As we know, motherhood is about far more than suffering; it's also about a mind expanding experience of love"

But best of all, this is the passage from the book that I could empathise with the most, so far...

"As mothers, we discover life is no light experience. We have responsibilities; pitiable amounts of time to ourselves; desperate worries about whether our children are healthy, 'normal' and able to meet the expectations of the judgmental world around them. We suffer guilt that we are not attending to the hundred other things we could be doing. We agonise over our careers, and, in many cases, the loss thereof. In our darker moments we may struggle for self esteem as we watch the worry lines set in and our body parts begin to point down."

I am so gripped! Because as she quotes Buddha's

"I teach suffering, and the end of suffering"..

To be continued.... :)

Babble Babble - Me-Mae

En is really a joy to be with..
And I am not biased! It is just that he is not much more articulate, and he says the funniest things all the time.

Yesterday, it was really a highlight to watch him play with his cousin, reinforcing my view that we have made the right choice to move to College green, just across from his cousins.

For some weeks, he refused to play with Bing Bing and Kai Kai, but yesterday, after some warming up, he was playing with them again!

And it is really fun to see Kai Kai holding hands with En, and bringing him to his house.
And the best part, En will micmick whatever Kai was saying.

So inspiration struck, and I asked Kai to teach En to say "Mummy".
Instead of teaching En to say Mummy, Kai taught En to say 'Me-ma". And it stuck - En just keep saying "me-ma".

The consolation is that En does not call me Me-ma (phew). He calls me "me" sometimes and I can see that he is trying. So that is good enough for me.

He can be a very funny boy, as he was running across the court, in his fervour, he ran into the dustbin. And I cannot help laughing, as he fell, it was hilarious. and he bravely did not cry, which was really sweet.

And he mastered the art of climbing the slide and coming down the slide on his own..
Finally.

Oh, and he likes to play with the broom, mainly to terrorise momo around the deck!
However, he loves to show off to his cousins why he is not afraid of Momo!

I really enjoy playing with him now.. as for xuan xuan, that is another story.

Thinking about Men - Again

I am super tired.. Only 1 night 2 days trip to Bangkok and I am tired.
In the past, I will relish the chance to extend the weekend stay in "City of shopping" instead of rushing back home.. Yes, the rushing bit is making me tired. And also, the fact that knowing when I am home, I play the Mummy role, so I don't feel guilty for being away from them.

Anyways.. on this short trip, I made various observations and and have various thoughts; I think when I am alone, my mind wanders more and I am able to think more without distraction..

*******************************************
Travelling with kids:

Much as I gripe about SIA often, how I think it is an attas airline and how suay I am whenever I travel on it (such as my Krisworld not working, or headset not working or not being able to order the meal I want), I must say on my recent trip, I observe that it is true that SIA is probably the airline you want to be on when travelling with kids.

Maybe the flight I took was a flight coming in from Osaka, so the crew on board are especially attentive - the Japanese way of attentive.

So this Japanese stewardess and this steward took turns entertaining this kid who cries when he is bored/ scared/ angry/ whatever. Whenever he started wailing, one of them will be there, either distracting the kid, calming the kid, at one point the steward even took the little boy (no more than 2years old) up and down the aisle and showing him the techy things they use to communicate etc (you know all those flat panels).

Cool stuff.. some seats behind me, a foreign family had to battle with 2 kids not agreeing to sit near each other. The crew immediately helped them change seats with other wiling passengers.

All in all i am impressed. After all, I am the one who has this impression that these stewardess all dunno how to handle kids kind, or are superficial or not v sincere. But the crew I was travelling with struck me as sincere and genuine in attending to the comfort of the passengers and I appreciate that.

So for our coming trip to London, I am considering still, if I am bringing En. For sure, I will be on SQ, but well, let me get my Eyewitness and I can check out if London is kid friendly..

***************************************
Appreciative of Singapore- in providing an environment of OPPORTUNITIES for our kids

Thailand has been plagued with instability recently, and now, I started seeing those rectangular sensor things in all shopping malls. In the past, I only need to be screened to enter shopping malls in Manila or Jakarta. So in my mind, Thailand is now in that league of "unsafe" states.

I hope it is temporary, but it is a fact that they have heightened the security measures in lieu of the stuff happening in the cities.

In any case, 2 incidents made me think very hard about how we Singaporeans should be more appreciative of our nation, no matter whether we are pro-PAP or not, because the fact is our country leaders have done some good stuff along the way to reach where we are.

Incident 1: Talking to my Thai friend, who is 29 and single, recently broke up with her boyfriend, and she was lamenting to me over dinner about the struggle she felt in looking for a partner. It seems like Thai men (at least the more successful ones) are a tad "promiscuous". And according to her, they seem to lack that "integrity" or strong backbone that she appreciate in men. They seem less responsible and less willing to think about settling down and having a family.

So the search for the responsible family man continues for her.
And I think back to quite the number of Singapore men I know, who though are not really rich and all, but all make good family men material. Maybe that is why a lot of women like Singaporean men, they have that drive to excel at work, are learning or have learnt to be sensitive, and for many, are quite good father material. Our nation probably did something right about the NS i am thinking.. But we also provided an opportunity for men in general here, I feel, which leads me to Incident 2.

Incident 2: I met this non jaded, young and full of enthusiasm taxi driver on my way to airport. It is one of his few trips to the new airport, and he belongs to one of those "newbies" in my mind, not the usual jaded, cynical taxi drivers.. he came across as genuine and sincere, and enjoying what he does, chatting with me along the way about numerous things, struggling with English but determine to learn more about us - the foreigners.

And as we reach the airport, after bidding me good bye, I saw him, standing by his cab, looking in awe and pride at the new Thailand airport (which I personally quite like as well). What struck me was his shoes. He had on this pair of white scuffy canvas shoes (remind of Jack Neo's movie 跑吧, 孩子), with his feet wearing them as if they are slippers.

And the look on his face, as he stood there long after I was almost to the doors of the airport. I cannot stop looking back at him, as he stood next to his taxi, looking around, admiringly. And then he waved goodbye to me as I near the airport doors, almost disappearing into the airport.

On my last look, him and his cab, in the midst of many other can drivers like him, who are either helping the passengers with luggage or stepping into their cabs to drive off - all functional or caught in their tasks, too caught in their tasks to take time to admire what this new airport means to them, my heart felt for this young driver filled with hope and enthusiasm for what he is doing. To him, the new airport probably represent something positive and hopes for his future (maybe its my imagination in overdrive).

Yet, another part of me, the greater part of my heart, ached as I am so scared that some years down the road, his wonder, awe and enthusiasm may be jaded or plagued by his life experiences, when he struggled to fight life's many battles/ one of them the fight against moving upwards or getting more for oneself.

Now that I have kids, I always wonder about the world my kids will grow up in.
As middle class singaporeans, we never really think about poverty. Hardly, to be brutally honest.

And we always know we can excel and make it in our society if we try hard enough - i.e. if accordingly Maslow's hierarchy of needs, we are in a stage where we are past caring for our basic physical functional needs.

We are all looking at more at fulfilling our esteem needs, and for many of us, looking at our self actualization needs (the highest rung of the hierarchy).

And we never really think about how lucky that we can just focus on these. That we do not need to fight against living/ lifehood/ survival itself.

We are just looking for the next better job to fulfill our dreams, to look at the better school for our kids etc. We are confident that our kids will not need to fight poverty - as our society continues to offer opportunities for them so long as we as parents do not screw up (like living beyond our means and not planning ahead for them) and they are willing to put in equal share of hard work.

In a nutshell, as parents, we have laid the foundation for their success, and our society also ensured that our future generation will not need to battle hardships of survival/ daily functional needs.

And many of us took it for granted - this macro evironment which was created to ensure there are always opportunities for everyone to excel if they try hard enough. When I look at these men in Thailand, particularly this young man full of enthusiasm and hopes for the future, I cherish those traits so much - because to me, they seem so fragile, likely to be overridden by the challenges that they have to face in life.

I am SO FEARFUL that this young man will lose them one day, or he will lose them eventually one day, in face of his battle against social upward mobility, in face of the limitations or parameters he faces daily.

I think we have so much to be thankful for. I will feel really sad if my sons have big dreams , but even en route to realising them is a barrier because the society does not really allow for it, because the economic social classes are actual barriers to what you can achieve.

In times like this, I appreciate Singapore, and all the hardwork that had been put into it...
And again, I count my blessings, for my kids.